“Who is that Mr Dudley?” she asked, and when I told her all I knew, she smiled and dropped her eyes in the slow, self-confident fashion which other people think so fascinating but which always make me long to shake her.
“Really, quite an acquisition!” she drawled. “A vast improvement on the native one generally meets in these wilds. We must cultivate him, Babs! He makes our number even, so we can afford to spoil him a little bit, as it is a convenience to ourselves at the same time. It will be a godsend for him to meet some decent people.”
“As a matter of fact, he came to live in the country because he was sick of society and society people. He is not a country bumpkin, Vere, and won’t be a bit grateful for your patronage5. In fact, I don’t believe he will come oftener than once or twice. When a man is engaged it’s a bore to him to have to—”
“Engaged!” she cried. “Mr Dudley! Who told you he was engaged? I don’t believe a word of it. Some stupid local gossip! Who told you that nonsense?”
“He told me himself!”
“He did? My dear Babs, he was having a joke! No man would confide4 such a thing to a child like you!”
“You are mistaken there. He has told me heaps of things besides this, and I know the girl, and have spoken to her about it. You know her, too. Rachel Greaves, who lives at ‘The Clift’.”
“Rach–el Greaves! Oh! oh!” cried Vere, and put her hands to her sides in peals6 of derisive7 laughter. “Oh, this is too killing8! And you believed it? You dear, sweet innocent! That man and—Rachel Greaves! My dear, have you seen her hair? Have you seen her hat? Could you really imagine for one moment that any man could be engaged to a creature like that?”
“I don’t imagine—I know! They have been engaged for years. It will be years more before they are married, for old Mr Greaves won’t give his consent. And Rachel won’t leave home without it; but Mr Dudley is quite willing to wait. He says she is the best woman in the world.”
“Oh, I daresay! She is frumpy enough for anything; and you call that an engagement? My dear, he will no more marry her than he’ll marry the moon. It’s just a stupid platonic9 friendship, and as he has not known anything else he thinks it is love. Imagine being in love with that solemn creature! Imagine making pretty speeches and listening to her correct copy-book replies! Wait! I should think she may wait! She’ll have a surprise one of these days when he meets the right girl, and bids Rachel Greaves a fond farewell!”
“He’ll do nothing of the sort,” I said hotly. “I do hate you, Vere, when you sneer10 like that, and make out that everyone is worldly and horrible, like yourself! Will Dudley is a good man, and he wants a good woman for his wife—not a doll. He’d rather have Rachel’s little finger than a dozen empty-headed fashion-plates like the girls you admire. But you don’t understand. Your friends are all so different that you cannot understand an honest man when you meet him.”
“Can’t I? What a pity! Don’t get into a rage, dear, it’s so unnecessary. I’m sorry I’m so obtuse11; but at least I can learn. I’ll make it my business to understand Mr Dudley thoroughly12 during the autumn. It will be quite an occupation,” replied Vere, with her head in the air and her eyes glittering at me in a nasty, horrid13, cold, calculating “You-wait-and-see” kind of way which made me ill! It was just like Tennyson’s Lady Clara Vere de Vere, who “sought to break a country heart for pastime ere she went to town,” for Vere would never be content to marry Will Dudley, even if she succeeded in winning him from Rachel. Poor Rachel! I felt so sorry for her; she has so little, and she’s so sweet and content, and so innocent that a serpent has entered into her Eden. It sounds rather horrid to call your own sister a serpent, but circumstances alter cases, and it really is appropriate. I think Vere expected me to fly into another rage, but I didn’t feel angry at all, only sorry and ashamed, and anxious to know what I could do to baulk her dark designs.
“I’m thankful I’m not a beauty!” I said at last, and she stared for a moment, and then laughed and said—
“Because of the terrible temptations which you escape? Dear little innocent! Don’t be too modest, however; you really have improved marvellously these past few months. If you could hear what the men said about you last night—”
“I don’t want to hear, thank you,” I returned icily; and that was one temptation overcome, anyhow, for I just died to know every single remark! It’s awful to care so much about what people think about you, as I do. After she went away I sat down and reviewed the situation, as they say in books, and mapped out a plan of action. I wanted to feel that I was doing some good to someone, so I decided then and there to be a guardian14 angel to Will and Rachel. It’s wonderful what you can do, even if you are only nineteen and a girl, if you set your mind to it, and determine to succeed. They have both been kind to me, and I am their friend, and mean to help them. I’d rather be flayed15 alive than say so to a living soul, but I can now confess to these pages that I was jealous of Rachel myself when I first heard of the engagement, and I wondered, if Will had never seen her, if perhaps he—oh, a lot of silly, idiotic16 things; for he is so different from the other men you meet that you simply can’t help liking17 him. So now it will be a discipline for me to have to forget myself, and try to keep them together. Perhaps when they are married they will know all, and bless my memory, and call one of their children after me, and I shall be content to witness their happiness from afar. I’ve read of things like that, but I always thought I’d be the married one, not the other. You do when you are young, but it’s awful what sorrows there are in the world. I am not twenty yet, and already my life is blighted18, and my fondest hopes laid in the dust...
Such ripping fun! We are all going for a moonlight party up the river, with hampers19 full of good things to eat at supper on the bank above the lock. We are taking rugs to spread on the grass, and Japanese lanterns to make it look festive20, and not a single servant, so that we shall do everything ourselves. We girls are all delighted, but I think the men—Captain Grantly especially—think it’s rather mad to go to so much trouble when you might have your dinner comfortably at home. Male creatures are like that, so practical and commonplace, not a bit enthusiastic and sensible like school-girls. We used to keep awake until one o’clock in the morning, and sit shivering in dressing-gowns, eating custard, tarts21 and sardines22, and thought it was splendid fun. I think a picnic where servants make the fire and pack away the dishes is too contemptible23 for words.
Vere wanted Will Dudley to come with us, so I went round to the “The Clift” that very afternoon and invited Rachel to come too. I am as much at liberty to invite my friends as she is to ask hers, and this was meant to be a checkmate to her plans; but Rachel was too stupid for words, and wouldn’t be induced to accept.
“I always play a game with father in the evening,” she said. “He would miss it if I went out.”
“But he can’t expect you never to go out! He would appreciate you all the more if you did leave him alone sometimes,” I said, talking to myself as much as to her, for it was four days since I had been a walk with my father, and my horrid old conscience was beginning to prick24. “Do come, Rachel. I want you particularly,” but she went on refusing, so then I thought I would try what jealousy25 would do. “We shall be such a merry party; Vere is prettier and livelier than ever, and her friends are very amusing. Lady Mary is very handsome, and she sings and plays on the mandoline. She is going to take it with her to-night. It will be so pretty, the sound of singing on the water, and she will look so picturesque26 under the Japanese lamps.”
She looked wistful and longing27, but not a bit perturbed28.
“I wish I could come! It sounds charming. I’ve hardly ever been on the river, never in the evening; but I should be worrying about father all the time. He is old, you see, Una, and he has such bad pain, and his days seem so long. It must be so sad to be ill and know that you will never get any better, and to have nothing to look forward to.” Her face lit up suddenly, and I knew she was thinking of the time, years ahead, when what she was looking forward to would come true. “I really could not neglect father for my own amusement.”
“But you have someone else to think of!” I reminded her cunningly. “I told you who was coming. You ought to think of his pleasure.”
“Oh, he will enjoy it in any case! He loves being on the water; I am so glad you asked him!” she cried, quite flushed with delight, if you please, at the thought that Will was coming without her. I did feel a worm! Never, no, never could I be like that. If I were engaged to a man and couldn’t go anywhere, I should like him to stay at home too, and think of me, and not dare to enjoy himself with other girls; but Rachel is not like that. Sometimes I wish she were just a wee, tiny bit less sensible and composed. I could love her better if she were.
We all went down to the boat-house at eight o’clock, we girls with long coats over our light dresses, because it’s silly to catch cold, and so unbecoming, and on the way I told Will about Rachel. He came at once and walked beside me, and gave me such a nice look as he thanked me for thinking of it.
“That was kind of you! She would be pleased to be remembered, but this sort of thing is out of her line. She will be happier at home!”
Poor Rachel! That’s the worst of being chronically29 unselfish; in the end people cease to give you any credit for it, and virtue30 has to be its own reward, for you don’t get any other. I did think it was hard that even Will should misjudge her so, and be so complacent31 about it into the bargain, but it was hardly my place to defend her to him, of all people in the world.
“You will come into my boat, of course,” he said in his masterful way when we drew near the ferry; but I had seen Vere divide parties before now, and I knew very well I should not be allowed to go where I chose. It was as good as a play to see how she did it, seeming to ponder and consider, and change her mind half a dozen times, and to be so spontaneous and natural, when all the time her plans had been made from the very beginning. Finally, she and Will took possession of the first boat, with Lady Mary and Captain Grantly, who were always together, and were too much taken up with their own society to have eyes for anyone else. Miss Talbot, Mr Nash, Mr Carstairs and I went into the second boat—Miss Talbot furious because she felt it a slight to be put with a child like me—Mr Carstairs depressed32 as he generally was, poor man!—I with a heavy weight inside me, feeling all of a sudden as if I hated parties and everything about them, and dear little Mr Nash, happy and complacent, cracking jokes to which no one deigned33 to listen. Isn’t it funny to think how miserable34 you can be when you are supposed to be enjoying yourself? I dare say if you only knew it, lots of people have aching hearts when you envy them for being so happy. The people on the banks looked longingly35 at us, but three out of the four in our boat were as cross and dissatisfied as they could be; and it made it worse to hear them enjoying themselves in the other boat; Vere’s trills of laughter, and Lady Mary’s gentlemanly “Ha, ha!” ringing out in response to the murmur36 of the men’s voices. When you are on land with the wrong people there is always the chance of a change, but you do feel so “fixed” in a boat! I simply longed to reach the lock, and felt as cross as two sticks, until suddenly I met Mr Carstairs’ eyes, looking, oh, so sad and hopeless, and I felt so sorry that I simply had to rouse up to cheer him. He must know perfectly37 well that Vere doesn’t care for him, but he seems as if he could not help caring for her, and staying on and on, though he is miserable all the time, I like him! He has a good look in his face, and talks sensibly about interesting things, instead of everlastingly38 chaffing or paying compliments, which seems to be the fashion nowadays. I think I shall favour his suit, and try to help him.
I talked, and he looked first bored, and then amused, and in the end quite interested and happy, so that we drew up by the bank to join the others in quite a cheerful mood, much to my relief. It is humiliating to look left out in the cold, however much you may feel it.
Vere was flushed, and unlike herself somehow. She fussed over the laying out of the supper, and it wasn’t like Vere to fuss, and whenever she wanted anything done she always turned first of all to Will Dudley, and half the time he was looking the other way and never noticed what she ask, when poor Mr Carstairs did it at once and got snubbed for his pains.
I was the youngest, and had to do all the uninteresting things, such as unpacking39 the spoons and forks, and taking the paper wrappings off the tumblers, while the others laid out the provisions and quarrelled over the best arrangement. But it was fun when we all sat down and began to eat. The Japanese lanterns were tied to the trees overhead, and made everything look bright and cheery, for the moon had hidden itself behind the clouds, and it had been just a wee bit cheerless the last half-hour. We heated the soup over a little spirit-lamp, and had lobster40 salad on dainty little paper plates, and cold chicken and cutlets, and all sorts of delicious sweets and fruit, and we all ate a lot, and groaned41 and said how ill we should be in the morning, and then ate some more and didn’t care a bit. It was almost as good as a feast in the dormitory. Then we told funny stories, and asked riddles42, and Lady Mary sang coon songs to her mandoline, and I was enjoying myself simply awfully43 when someone said—it was Mr Nash, and I shall never forgive him for it—
“Now it’s your turn, Miss Una! Your father is always talking of your singing, yet we never seem to hear you. Too bad, you know! You can’t refuse to-night, when we are all doing our best to amuse each other. Now, then, what is it to be?”
I was horrified44! I love singing, but it seemed so formidable with no accompaniment, and no piano behind which to hide my blushes, but the more I protested, the more they implored45, until Vere said quite sharply—
“For goodness’ sake, child, do your best, and don’t make a fuss! Nobody expects you to be a professional!”
“Start ahead, and I’ll vamp an accompaniment. It will be better than nothing,” said Lady Mary kindly47, and Will whispered low in my ear: “Don’t be nervous. Do your best. Astonish them, Babs!” And I did. That whisper inspired me somehow, and I sang “The Vale of Avoca,” father’s favourite ballad48, pronouncing the words distinctly, as the singing mistress always made us do at school. I love the words, and the air is so sweet, and just suits my voice. I always feel quite worked up and choky when I come to the last verse, but I try not to show it, for it looks so silly to cry at yourself.
There was quite a burst of applause when I finished. The men clapped and called out “Bravo! Bravo!” Lady Mary said, “You little wretch49! You do take the wind out of my sails. Fancy having to be bothered to sing with a voice like that! Gracious! I should never leave off!” and Vere laughed, and said in her sweetest tones, “But, for pity’s sake, don’t turn sentimental50, Babs! It’s so absurdly out of keeping! Stick to something lively and stirring—something from the comic operas! That would be far more in your line, don’t you think so, Mr Dudley?”
Will was leaning back on his elbow, resting his head on his hand.
“It’s a question of taste,” he said lazily. “Some people are fond of comic operas. Personally, I detest51 them; but I don’t profess46 to be a judge. I only know what I like.”
“A sentimental ballad, for example?”
“Occasionally. Not always, by any means.” He seemed determined52 not to give a straight-forward answer, and Vere turned aside with a shrug53 and began to talk to Mr Carstairs. She always takes refuge with him when other people fail her. I felt all hot and churned up with the excitement of singing, and then with rage at being snubbed in that public fashion. It spoiled all the pleasure and made me wonder if I had really made an exhibition of myself, and they were only pretending to be pleased.
The others were chattering54 like magpies55; only Will Dudley and I were silent. I felt his eyes watching me, but I wouldn’t look at him for quite a long time, till at last I simply had to turn round, when he smiled, such a kind nice smile, and said—
“Well, better now? Got the better of the little temper?”
“I don’t know; partly, I suppose, but I do hate to be snubbed. I didn’t want to sing. I did it to be polite; and it’s horrid to think I made an idiot of myself.”
Silence. It was no use. I had to ask him—
“Did I make an idiot of myself?”
“You know you didn’t.”
“Did you—did you think it was nice?”
“Yes.”
That was all. Not another word could I get out of him, but I felt better, for it sounded as if he really meant it, and I cared for his opinion most of all.
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收听单词发音
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1
frivolous
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| adj.轻薄的；轻率的 | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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3
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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patronage
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| n.赞助，支援，援助；光顾，捧场 | |
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peals
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| n.（声音大而持续或重复的）洪亮的响声( peal的名词复数 )；隆隆声；洪亮的钟声；钟乐v.（使）（钟等）鸣响，（雷等）发出隆隆声( peal的第三人称单数 ) | |
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7
derisive
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| adj.嘲弄的 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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platonic
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| adj.精神的；柏拉图（哲学）的 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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obtuse
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| adj.钝的；愚钝的 | |
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12
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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13
horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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14
guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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15
flayed
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| v.痛打( flay的过去式和过去分词 )；把…打得皮开肉绽；剥（通常指动物）的皮；严厉批评 | |
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16
idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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blighted
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| adj.枯萎的，摧毁的 | |
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hampers
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| 妨碍，束缚，限制( hamper的第三人称单数 ) | |
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festive
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| adj.欢宴的，节日的 | |
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tarts
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| n.果馅饼( tart的名词复数 )；轻佻的女人；妓女；小妞 | |
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sardines
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| n. 沙丁鱼 | |
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contemptible
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| adj.可鄙的，可轻视的，卑劣的 | |
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prick
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| v.刺伤，刺痛，刺孔；n.刺伤，刺痛 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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26
picturesque
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| adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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perturbed
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| adj.烦燥不安的v.使（某人）烦恼，不安( perturb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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29
chronically
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| ad.长期地 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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complacent
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| adj.自满的；自鸣得意的 | |
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32
depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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33
deigned
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| v.屈尊，俯就( deign的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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longingly
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| adv. 渴望地 热望地 | |
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36
murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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everlastingly
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| 永久地，持久地 | |
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39
unpacking
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| n.取出货物，拆包[箱]v.从（包裹等）中取出（所装的东西），打开行李取出( unpack的现在分词 )；拆包；解除…的负担；吐露（心事等） | |
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40
lobster
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| n.龙虾，龙虾肉 | |
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41
groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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42
riddles
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| n.谜（语）( riddle的名词复数 )；猜不透的难题，难解之谜 | |
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43
awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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44
horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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45
implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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46
profess
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| v.声称，冒称，以...为业，正式接受入教，表明信仰 | |
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47
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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48
ballad
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| n.歌谣，民谣，流行爱情歌曲 | |
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49
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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50
sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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51
detest
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| vt.痛恨，憎恶 | |
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52
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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53
shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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54
chattering
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| n. （机器振动发出的）咔嗒声，(鸟等)鸣，啁啾 adj. 喋喋不休的，啾啾声的 动词chatter的现在分词形式 | |
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55
magpies
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| 喜鹊（magpie的复数形式） | |
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