Bitter days and barren hours followed. As she no longer dared to seek the shelter of a roof in his company, they used to take a cab, and after driving for hours about the outskirts8 of the city they would alight in some gloomy avenue, wandering far down it under the bitter east wind, walking swiftly, as though chastised9 by the breath of an unseen wrath10.
Once, however, the weather was so mild that it filled them with its soft languor11. Side by side they [Pg 198] trod the deserted12 paths of the Bois de Boulogne. The buds, which were beginning to swell13 on the tips of the slender black branches, dyed the tree-tops violet under the rosy14 sky. To their left stretched the fields, dotted with clumps15 of leafless trees, and the houses of Auteuil were visible. Slowly driven coupés, with their elderly passengers, crawled along the road, and the wet-nurses pushed their perambulators. A motor-car broke the silence of the Bois with its humming.
"Do you like those machines?" asked Félicie.
"I find them convenient, that's all."
It was true that he was no chauffeur16. He had no taste for any kind of sport; he concerned himself only with women.
Pointing to a cab which had just passed them, she exclaimed:
"Robert, did you see?"
"No."
"Jeanne Perrin was in it with a woman."
And, as he displayed a calm indifference17, she added in a reproachful tone:
"You are like Dr. Socrates. Do you think that sort of thing natural?"
The lake slept, bright and serene18, within its sombre walls of pines. They took the path to their right, which skirted the bank where the white geese and swans were preening19 their feathers. At their [Pg 199] approach a flotilla of ducks, like living hulls20, their necks curving like prows21, set sail toward them.
Félicie told them, in a regretful tone, that she had nothing to give them.
"When I was little," she went on to say, "Papa used to take me out on Sundays to feed the animals. It was my reward for having learned my lessons well all the week. Papa used to delight in the country. He was fond of dog, horses, all animals in fact. He was very gentle and very clever. He used to work very hard. But life is difficult for an officer who has no money of his own. It grieved him sorely not to be able to do as the wealthy officers did, and then he didn't hit it off with Mamma. Papa's life was not a happy one. He was often wretched. He didn't talk much; but we two understood one another without speaking. He was very fond of me. Robert, dearest, later on, in the distant future, the very distant future, I shall have a tiny house in the country. And when you come there, my beloved, you will find me in a short skirt, throwing corn to my fowls22."
He asked her what gave her the idea of going on the stage.
"I knew very well that I'd never find a husband, since I had no dowry. And from what I saw of my older girl friends, working at dress-making or in a telegraph office, I was not encouraged to follow in [Pg 200] their steps. When I was quite a little girl I thought it would be nice to be an actress. I had once acted, at my boarding-school, in a little play, on St. Nicholas' Day. I thought it no end of a lark23. The schoolmistress said I didn't act well, but that was because Mamma owed her for a whole term. From the time I was fifteen I began to think seriously about going on the stage. I entered the Conservatoire, I worked, I worked very hard. It's a back-breaking trade. But success brings rest."
Opposite the chalet on the island they found the ferry-boat moored24 to the landing. Ligny jumped into it, pulling Félicie after him.
"Those tall trees are lovely, even without leaves," she said. "But I thought the chalet was closed at this time of the year."
The ferryman told them that, on fine winter days, people out for a walk liked to visit the island, because they could enjoy quiet there, and that he had only just ferried a couple of ladies across.
A waiter, who was living amid the solitude25 of the island, brought them tea, in a rustic26 sitting-room27, furnished with a couple of chairs, a table, a piano, and a sofa. The panelling was mildewed28, the planks29 of the flooring had started. Félicie looked out of the window at the lawn and the tall trees.
[Pg 201]
"What is that," she asked, "that big dark ball on the poplar?"
"That's mistletoe, my pet."
"One would think it was an animal rolled round the branch, gnawing30 at it. It isn't nice to look at."
She rested her head on her lover's shoulder, saying in a languid tone:
"I love you."
He drew her down upon the sofa. She felt him, kneeling at her feet, his hands, clumsy with impatience31, gliding32 over her, and she suffered his attempts, inert33, discouraged, foreseeing that it was useless. Her ears were ringing like a little bell. The ringing ceased, and she heard; on her right, a strange, clear, glacial voice say. "I forbid you to belong to one another." It seemed to her that the voice spoke from above, in the glow of light, but she did not dare to turn her head. It was an unfamiliar34 voice. Involuntarily and despite herself she tried to remember his voice, and she realized that she had forgotten its sound, and that she could never again remember it. The thought came to her "Perhaps this is the voice he has now." Terrified, she swiftly pushed her skirt over her knees. But she refrained from crying out, and she did not speak of what she had just heard, lest she should be taken for a madwoman, and because she realized somehow that it was not real.
[Pg 202]
Ligny drew away from her.
"If you don't want anything more to do with me, say so honestly. I am not going to take you by force."
Sitting upright, with her knees pressed together, she told him:
"Whenever we are in a crowd, as long as there are people about us, I want you, I long for you, but as soon as we are by ourselves I am afraid."
She rose, and returned to the window. A tear was running down her cheek. She wept for some time in silence. Suddenly she called to him:
"Look there!"
She pointed38 to Jeanne Perrin, who was strolling on the lawn with a young woman. Each had an arm about the other's waist; they were giving one another violets to smell, and were smiling.
"See! That woman is happy; her mind at peace."
And Jeanne Perrin, tasting the peace of long-established habits, strolled along satisfied and serene, without even betraying any pride in her strange preference.
Félicie watched her with, an interest which she did not confess to herself, and envied her her serenity39.
[Pg 203]
"She's not afraid, that woman."
"Let her be! What harm is she doing us?"
And he caught her violently by the waist. She freed herself with a shudder40. In the end, disappointed, frustrated41, humiliated42, he lost his temper, called her a silly fool, and swore that he would not stand her ridiculous way of treating him any longer.
She made no reply, and once more she began to weep.
Angered by her tears, he told her harshly:
"Since you can no longer give me what I ask you, it is useless for us to meet any more. There is nothing more to be said between us. Besides, I see that you have ceased to love me. And you would admit, if for once you could speak the truth, that you have never loved anyone except that wretched second-rate actor."
Then her anger exploded, and she moaned in despair:
"Liar35! Liar! That's an abominable43 thing to say. You see I'm crying, and you want to make me suffer more. You take advantage of the fact that I love you to make me miserable44. It's cowardly. Well, no then, I don't love you any longer. Go away! I don't want to see you again. Go! But it's true—what are we doing like this? Are we going to spend our lives staring at each other [Pg 204] like this, wild with each other, full of despair and rage? It is not my fault—I can't, I can't. Forgive me, darling, I love you, I worship you, I want you. Only drive him away. You are a man, you know what there is to do. Drive him away. You killed him, not I. It was you. Kill him altogether then—Oh God, I am going mad. I am going mad!"
On the following day, Ligny applied45 to be sent as Third Secretary to The Hague. He was appointed a week later, and left at once, without having seen Félicie again.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
intercourse
|
|
| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
fixed
|
|
| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
dreaded
|
|
| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
lame
|
|
| adj.跛的，(辩解、论据等)无说服力的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
postponing
|
|
| v.延期，推迟( postpone的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
spoke
|
|
| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
incessantly
|
|
| ad.不停地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
outskirts
|
|
| n.郊外，郊区 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
chastised
|
|
| v.严惩（某人）（尤指责打）( chastise的过去式 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
wrath
|
|
| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
languor
|
|
| n.无精力，倦怠 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
deserted
|
|
| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
swell
|
|
| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
rosy
|
|
| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
clumps
|
|
| n.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的名词复数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声v.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的第三人称单数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
chauffeur
|
|
| n.(受雇于私人或公司的)司机；v.为…开车 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
indifference
|
|
| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
serene
|
|
| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
preening
|
|
| v.（鸟）用嘴整理（羽毛）( preen的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
hulls
|
|
| 船体( hull的名词复数 )； 船身； 外壳； 豆荚 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
prows
|
|
| n.船首( prow的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
fowls
|
|
| 鸟( fowl的名词复数 )； 禽肉； 既不是这； 非驴非马 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
lark
|
|
| n.云雀，百灵鸟；n.嬉戏，玩笑；vi.嬉戏 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
moored
|
|
| adj. 系泊的 动词moor的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
solitude
|
|
| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
rustic
|
|
| adj.乡村的，有乡村特色的；n.乡下人，乡巴佬 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
sitting-room
|
|
| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
mildewed
|
|
| adj.发了霉的，陈腐的，长了霉花的v.（使）发霉，（使）长霉( mildew的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
planks
|
|
| （厚）木板( plank的名词复数 )； 政纲条目，政策要点 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
gnawing
|
|
| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
impatience
|
|
| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
gliding
|
|
| v. 滑翔 adj. 滑动的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
inert
|
|
| adj.无活动能力的，惰性的；迟钝的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
unfamiliar
|
|
| adj.陌生的，不熟悉的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
liar
|
|
| n.说谎的人 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
sneer
|
|
| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
stimulate
|
|
| vt.刺激，使兴奋；激励，使…振奋 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
pointed
|
|
| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
serenity
|
|
| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
shudder
|
|
| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
frustrated
|
|
| adj.挫败的，失意的，泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 )；挫败；使受挫折；令人沮丧 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
humiliated
|
|
| 感到羞愧的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
abominable
|
|
| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
miserable
|
|
| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
applied
|
|
| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |