She had always displayed a kindly7 disposition8, an easy-going character, and an even temper. But never yet had she revealed in her home so happy a spirit and such gracious thoughtfulness. Kind to others, and to herself, always preserving, in the lapse9 of changeful hours, the smile that disclosed her beautiful teeth and brought the dimples into her plump cheeks, grateful to life for what it was giving her, blooming, expanding, overflowing10, she was the joy and the youth of the house.
While Madame Nanteuil conceived and gave expression to bright and cheerful ideas, Félicie was fast becoming gloomy, fretful, and sullen11. Lines began to show in her pretty face; her voice assumed a grating quality. She had at once realized the position which Monsieur Bondois occupied in the household, and, whether she would have preferred her mother to live and breathe for her alone, whether her filial piety12 suffered because she was forced to respect her less, whether she envied her happiness, or whether she merely felt the distress13 which love affairs cause us when we are brought into too close contact with them, Félicie, more especially at meal-times, and every day, bitterly [Pg 207] reproached Madame Nanteuil, in very pointed14 allusions15, and in terms which were not precisely16 veiled, in respect of this new "friend of the family"; and for Monsieur Bondois himself, whenever she met him, she exhibited an expressive17 disgust and an unconcealed aversion. Madame Nanteuil was only moderately distressed18 by this, and she excused her daughter by reflecting that the young girl had as yet no experience of life. And Monsieur Bondois, whom Félicie inspired with a superhuman terror, strove to placate19 her by signs of respect and inconsiderable presents.
She was violent because she was suffering. The letters which she received from The Hague inflamed20 her love, so that it was a pain to her. A prey21 to consuming visions, she was pining away. When she saw her absent friend too clearly her temples throbbed22, her heart beat violently, and a dense23 increasing shadow would darken her mind. All the sensibility of her nerves, all the warmth of her blood, all the forces of her being flowed through her, sinking downwards24, merging25 themselves in desire in the very depths of her flesh. At such times she had no other thought than to recover Ligny. It was Ligny that she wanted, only Ligny, and she herself was surprised at the disgust which she felt for all other men. For her instincts had not always been so exclusive. She told herself that [Pg 208] she would go at once to Bondois, ask him for money, and take the train for The Hague. And she did not do it. What deterred26 her was not so much the idea of displeasing27 her lover, who would have looked upon such a journey as bad form, as the vague fear of awakening28 the slumbering29 shadow.
That she had not seen since Ligny's departure. But perturbing30 things were happening, within her and around her. In the street she was followed by a water-spaniel, which appealed and vanished suddenly. One morning when she was in bed her mother told her "I am going to the dressmaker's," and went out. Two or three minutes later Félicie saw her come back into the room as if she had forgotten something. But the apparition31 advanced without a look at her, without a word, without a sounds and disappeared as it touched the bed.
She had even more disturbing illusions. One Sunday, she was acting32, in a matinée of Athalie, the part of young Zacharias. As she had very pretty legs she found the disguise not displeasing; she was glad also to show that she knew how verse should be spoken. But she noticed that in the orchestra stalls there was a priest wearing his cassock. It was not the first time that an ecclesiastic34 had been present at an afternoon performance [Pg 209] of this tragedy drawn35 from the Scriptures36. Nevertheless, it impressed her disagreeably. When she went on the stage she distinctly saw Louise Dalle, wearing the turban of Jehoshabeath; loading a revolver in front of the prompter's box. She had enough common sense and presence of mind to reject this absurd vision, which disappeared. But she spoke33 her first lines in an inaudible voice.
She had burning pains in the stomach. She suffered from fits of suffocation37, sometimes, without apparent cause, an unspeakable agony gripped her bowels38, her heart beat madly and she feared that she must be dying.
Dr Trublet attended her with watchful39 prudence40. She often saw him at the theatre, and occasionally went to consult him at his old house in the Rue de Seine. She did not go through the waiting-room; the servant would show her at once into the little dining-room, where Arab potteries41 glinted in the shadows, and she was always the first to be shown in. One day Socrates succeeded in making her understand the manner in which images are formed in the brain, and how these images do not always correspond with external objects, or, at my rate, do not always correspond exactly.
"Hallucinations," he added, "are more often than not merely false perceptions. One sees a thing, but one sees it badly, so that a feather-broom [Pg 210] becomes a head of bristling42 locks, a red carnation43 is a beast's open mouth, and a chemise is a ghost in its winding-sheet. Insignificant44 errors."
From these arguments she derived45 sufficient strength to despise and dispel46 her visions of cats and dogs, or of persons who were living, and well known to her. Yet she dreaded48 seeing the dead man again; and the mystic terrors nestling in the obscure crannies of her brain were more powerful than the demonstrations49 of science. It was useless to tell her that the dead never returned; she knew very well that they did.
On this occasion Socrates once more advised her to find some distraction50, to visit her friends, and by preference the more pleasant of her friends, and to avoid darkness and solitude51, as her two most treacherous52 enemies.
And he added this prescription53:
"Especially must you avoid persons and things which may be connected with the object of your visions."
He did not see that this was impossible. Nor did Nanteuil.
"Then you will cure me, dear old Socrates," she said, turning upon him her pretty grey eyes, full of entreaty54.
"You will cure yourself my child. You will cure yourself, because you are hard-working, [Pg 211] sensible, and courageous55. Yes, yes, you are timid and brave at the same time. You dread47 danger, but you have the courage to live. You will be cured, because you are not in sympathy with evil and suffering. You will be cured because you want to be cured."
"You think then that one can be cured if one wills it?"
"When one wills it in a certain profound, intimate fashion, when it is our cells that will it within us, when it is our unconscious self that wills it; when one wills it with the secret, abounding56, absolute will of the sturdy tree that wills itself to grow green again in the spring."
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1
liaison
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| n.联系，（未婚男女间的）暖昧关系，私通 | |
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rue
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| n.懊悔，芸香，后悔；v.后悔，悲伤，懊悔 | |
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apparatus
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| n.装置，器械；器具，设备 | |
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amorous
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| adj.多情的；有关爱情的 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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ardently
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| adv.热心地，热烈地 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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8
disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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9
lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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10
overflowing
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| n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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11
sullen
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| adj.愠怒的，闷闷不乐的，(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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14
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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allusions
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| 暗指，间接提到( allusion的名词复数 ) | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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19
placate
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| v.抚慰，平息(愤怒) | |
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20
inflamed
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| adj.发炎的，红肿的v.（使）变红，发怒，过热( inflame的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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21
prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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22
throbbed
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| 抽痛( throb的过去式和过去分词 )； （心脏、脉搏等）跳动 | |
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23
dense
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| a.密集的，稠密的，浓密的；密度大的 | |
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downwards
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| adj./adv.向下的（地），下行的（地） | |
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merging
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| 合并（分类） | |
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deterred
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| v.阻止，制止( deter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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displeasing
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| 不愉快的，令人发火的 | |
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28
awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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29
slumbering
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| 微睡，睡眠（slumber的现在分词形式） | |
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30
perturbing
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| v.使（某人）烦恼，不安( perturb的现在分词 ) | |
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apparition
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| n.幽灵，神奇的现象 | |
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32
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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33
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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34
ecclesiastic
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| n.教士，基督教会；adj.神职者的，牧师的，教会的 | |
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35
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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scriptures
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| 经文，圣典( scripture的名词复数 )； 经典 | |
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suffocation
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| n.窒息 | |
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38
bowels
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| n.肠，内脏，内部；肠( bowel的名词复数 )；内部，最深处 | |
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39
watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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40
prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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41
potteries
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| n.陶器( pottery的名词复数 )；陶器厂；陶土；陶器制造（术） | |
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42
bristling
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| a.竖立的 | |
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43
carnation
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| n.康乃馨（一种花） | |
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44
insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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45
derived
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| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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46
dispel
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| vt.驱走，驱散，消除 | |
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47
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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48
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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49
demonstrations
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| 证明( demonstration的名词复数 )； 表明； 表达； 游行示威 | |
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50
distraction
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| n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐 | |
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51
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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52
treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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53
prescription
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| n.处方，开药；指示，规定 | |
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54
entreaty
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| n.恳求，哀求 | |
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55
courageous
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| adj.勇敢的，有胆量的 | |
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56
abounding
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| adj.丰富的，大量的v.大量存在，充满，富于( abound的现在分词 ) | |
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