Tormented1 by her anxieties, the slow progress of the street-car racked her nerves. She would never get there! And now it was stopping again! She looked angrily at the woman who dawdled2 cumbersomely3 in getting on or off. Didn't they care how long they took? Why were they so fat? Two or three men near her attempted to flirt4, but Nacha's contemptuous eyes discouraged them. At the end of the first half hour she bought a newspaper, but when she tried to read it, she found that she did not understand a word. She made repeated efforts to fix her attention on the police news. At the end of two or three phrases, a line perhaps, her mind jumped to other things. Then she realized that she was not reading and began again, with the same result. At last she tossed the newspaper away.
The car had now reached streets where there was little traffic, and went more rapidly. At the end of an hour, it had arrived at Belgrano. Nacha got out and walked along silent avenues that were well shaded by fine trees. In her nervous haste she almost ran past pretty villas5, with their flower-filled gardens, that spoke6 of peace and comfort. Over some of the streets the trees formed an arch and the air was sweet with perfume. Only the footsteps of an occasional passer-by broke the silence of this suburb, apparently7 the home of calm and contentment. But Nacha could not yield to this atmosphere. Grief and terror drove her relentlessly8 on.
Julieta was working in Belgrano in a shop on Cabildo Street. Like Nacha, she earned very little; but her expenses were slight, for she was living with friends who accepted only a small sum in payment for her room and board. Before concluding arrangements with the husband and wife, people from her home town who had known her family, she told them the kind of life she had led up to that time. The wife hesitated a moment; but the husband, who was a militant9 Socialist10, declared in a loud voice, with sweeping11 gestures and oratorical12 phrases, that there were no prejudices in his home, that he considered it a duty to contribute to the moral regeneration of anyone who needed it!
While Nacha waited for Julieta to come home, the Socialist and his wife chatted with her while their brood of children flocked around with staring eyes. The man's countless13 questions distracted her a little from her worries. But it required a great effort to attend to what he was saying. Every once in a while her expression grew blank, and her eyes opened wide as though she were in a paroxysm? of fear.
When Julieta finally appeared, she took Nacha to her room.
"What is the trouble?" she exclaimed. "Something has happened! Come, tell me about it," and they sat down on the edge of the bed.
"I am running away!" Nacha said in a quivering voice.
"Running away! From whom?"
"I don't know. From Monsalvat, from Arnedo, from that awful man in the house there—from myself! I am afraid of myself, Julieta! If you knew what presentiments15 I have! Everything is black, and full of horror—and crimes—and ... oh, I don't know what!"
"Presentiments?"
"Yes, something horrible is going to happen to me. Julieta listen! I have a presentiment14 that...."
She could not go on, for her teeth chattered16; her throat worked convulsively, and her eyes were starting from her head with terror. Julieta looked at her with gentle, sad eyes, and murmured affectionately to her, as to a child.
"No, no! I must tell you. You must know about it—this feeling I have almost drives me crazy! It makes me desperate!"
"But," said Julieta, "what is the matter?"
Nacha told her about Arnedo's renewed pursuit of her. He wanted to carry her off! And he was obstinate17, and wild, and bad! And he always got what he wanted! And what could she do to stop him? He had such will power! And then ... why did she feel this strange attraction towards him? She didn't love him. She hated him rather—he was so brutal18 with her! And yet, she never would have left him of her own accord; and now she was sure she would go away with him if he insisted very much. That was what terrified her. To go away with Arnedo, after all her struggles to be decent! To make Monsalvat suffer so, when he was so good to her, and had given up everything for her sake! To go down again into that evil world from which he had rescued her!
"But Nacha, you must not lose courage! I thought you were quite safe. It was you who saved me! Why must you go back again, if you don't want to?"
"I have to! It's Fate! I always said I was destined19 to be a bad woman! Every time I tried to be good something happened to break up all my plans. Now it seems impossible for me to be decent. Everything is against me! Look at what happened to me in the store! Why should everything be so hard for me?"
"But why don't you tell him about it—Fernando, I mean? He worships you, and he'll make everything right. I am sure that he is more than a match for Arnedo. Why doesn't he have the man arrested? Or you can both leave the house!"
"But Julieta, you don't know what has happened! That awful man, Mauli, knows about me; and he told everyone in the building—that's why they're all after me, laughing at me and insulting me! The superintendent20 called me a name—that I deserved perhaps, once.... Oh, if you only knew! And they say Mauli is a police agent, a spy—Today, when I left the store, I saw him talking to Pampa! I couldn't move I was so scared—just stood there frozen on the sidewalk. They tried to get out of sight, but I could see they were on friendly terms. Who knows but that they are planning something, Julieta! I have imagined so many awful things. I couldn't go home, that's why I came here. I want to get away from those men, from Monsalvat, from myself, from all the things I am afraid of! For something is sure to happen—today or tomorrow, or ... sometime."
Julieta insisted that Nacha should tell Monsalvat everything.
"But how can I tell him that I am likely to go away with Pampa!"
"Don't you love Monsalvat, Nacha? I don't understand you! You used to adore him! Why, you talked of nothing else! And now...."
"Now I love him more than I ever did. I know how fine he is, how good—whatever you want to call it! He wanted to marry me...."
"And why didn't you let him, Nacha?"
"Just because I love him so much. He has lost everything on my account, position, money, friends—even his health! I can't let him go on like that. He ought to go back to his place in life, and leave me to my fate. A girl like me has no right to marry a man as good as he is and ruin him. He was generous towards me, and I want to be generous too. If he has sacrificed everything for me, and the sacrifice turns out to be of no avail, I ought to pay him back, make him give up leading a life that is so useless!"
"Useless, Nacha? Haven't we both a chance to be decent? Didn't he make you become the girl you are? What more could any one do?"
Nacha was silent. Then she came closer to Julieta and said, speaking very low:
"I'll be good, yes! But I shall never, never be happy. I am more unhappy now than I ever was. Bad luck follows me everywhere. I can't be meant for this kind of life! If I was, I ought not to be so uneasy all the time, I ought to feel contented21 at least! But I don't, I don't! And it grows worse every day!"
Julieta, however, was determined22 to convince her friend that she must talk things over with Monsalvat. Nacha consented finally to go back with her after supper, and discuss her fears with him.
Monsalvat meanwhile was anxiously awaiting Nacha's return. When, after reaching home from his visit to Police Headquarters, he discovered that she was not in, he became alarmed. A woman who lived next door told him that Nacha had probably gone out to find new quarters, as the superintendent had "ordered her out." Monsalvat at once went down to the patio23 in search of an explanation of this report.
It was already dark. The air in the courtyard was heavy with the smell of cooking. Mothers were crooning to their babies, and children were whimpering. From one of the windows came the strumming of a guitar; and in a corner of the courtyard two old men were gossiping in Genoese.
The superintendent had, until that moment, been quite servile in his attitude toward Monsalvat. But he knew now that this tenant24 of his had been called to account by the police, and he intended to use this bit of information. He began, however, by attracting an audience. He intensified25 his attitude of humility26. As he bent27 his head before Monsalvat's energetic accusations28, he had all the appearance of being bullied29 by his lodger30.
"Yes, sir. You can shout if you like, and insult me, and even strike me. I'm only a poor man, so what does it matter? But I have to carry out my orders. And the landlady31, who is a fine woman, and highly respectable, doesn't want anyone in this house with dangerous ideas in their heads, nor any woman like that!"
Monsalvat lost all the serenity32 that still remained to him after the events of the day. He clenched33 his fists, ready to attack this man, at the first word of allusion34 to Nacha.
"So that's why, sir, I'm asking you to let us have your room. We are very sorry, of course; but it can't be helped! As to the young lady you're so friendly with, let me tell you—if my respectable tenants35 here present will excuse the word—we don't want any street-girls in this house!"
His hearers, now fairly numerous, burst into a loud guffaw36. Monsalvat, exasperated37 beyond endurance, seized the man by the shoulder and said to him in a voice that shook with anger:
"You'll get what's coming to you, you hypocrite!"
But something made him glance around. Mauli was standing38 close to him, smiling his crooked39 smile. He stopped short. This evil-looking individual represented law and order, force and reason, organized society, of which he was one of the props40! He was the enemy, hidden until that moment, but now revealed, his enemy, indeed, for Monsalvat felt himself to be the only champion there of the justice and goodness in human nature!
The superintendent made no move to defend himself from Monsalvat's threatened attack, but appeared to shrink, become more humble41 still. He smiled however, a treacherous42 and evil smile, and with lowered eyes, he murmured meekly43:
"You ain't fair to me—but I don't need to defend myself! I'll trust to getting my reward in Heaven! No, I'm not going to fight this here gentleman, but I am going to ask the landlady to get him a pretty suit of striped clothes, and have his head shaved, and put him where he can have plenty of cold showers...."
His audience greeted this allusion with explosions of mirth; and encouraged by his success, the superintendent continued:
"As to the young lady—excuse me, sir, the princess, I mean—as to the fair princess in room No. 22, I'll present her with...."
Monsalvat had turned his back on the man, and was trying to force his way out of the crowd. But people, eager to prolong the scene as much as possible, got in his way.
"I'll present her with—excuse the expression, ladies!—with a yellow ticket!"
Coarse, brutal laughter greeted this witticism45 and people gathered round the superintendent to make him repeat his part of the dialogue. As Monsalvat went slowly up the stairs it seemed to him that these people were all flaunting46 their heartless mirth in his face. He was incapable47 of seeing or hearing anything. His feeling for Nacha had, for a moment, carried him away, spurred him to violence! But instantly, he had realized that if he did not curb48 it, it would be ruinous to himself, as well as to her. No, he could not risk leaving her alone, abandoned to herself, and to the cruelties she would be sure to experience.
After reaching his room, he began thinking of that humanity, whose foul49 words and coarse laughter were even then following him up the stairs. Now at last he saw how useless his ideals and his work were. What could he accomplish while men continued to be so full of evil? Yet whose fault was it? Whose but that of the men and women who allow the poor to wallow in poverty, ignorance, and the grossness which is perhaps but a protection necessary for self-preservation? No, the evil in these people was not inborn50! It was acquired; it came from hunger, from disease, from the sense of being shut out from the banquet of life at which so many feast! And little by little he began to think of those who were still laughing at him under his window as no more than unconscious victims; and he pitied them, he even forgave them!
There was a knock at the door, and Nacha appeared, accompanied by Julieta. Mauli, lounging about the front door, was the only person in the house who had seen them come in. As they passed, he turned aside, but no sooner were they on their way up the stairs than he ran to get the superintendent; and together they tiptoed to Monsalvat's door, where they stood with an ear to the panel, listening, and kneeling to look through the keyhole. What they saw was a girl sobbing51, and a man looking very wretched; but this of course failed to arouse any compassion52 in them. Finally when they saw that the girls were taking leave of their host, they scuttled53 away.
No sooner had Nacha and Julieta left him than Monsalvat went to the police station. He had no fears on Mauli's account; for, unpleasant as the man was, he was nevertheless in the employ of the department, and not likely therefore, Monsalvat thought, to take direct part in any plot of Arnedo's. So he had assured Nacha, quieting her fears a little. At the station they promised him to assign a special watchman to the house; and the latter returned with him, went up to Nacha's door, and told Monsalvat he would keep watch all night.
Monsalvat could not bring himself to believe that he had correctly heard the unbelievable things that Nacha was saying. How was it possible that Nacha should no longer love him, that she should be able to go away with Arnedo when, if what she declared was true, she hated the fellow! At certain moments he thought he must have dreamed the cruel words that rang in his ears: and that night as he lay in bed, Despair blew with icy breath upon his hands, and lips, creeping through his blood to his heart, and to his brain, threatening to wither54 forever the warm hope that was his life.
The next morning Nacha went to the store, and returned in an almost happy frame of mind. It had made her feel freer to tell Monsalvat how she felt towards him. Up to that moment it had seemed to her that she was deceiving him, and not treating him fairly. Now an enormous weight had been lifted from her conscience. Also she knew that Monsalvat had understood. Her words had caused him keen suffering, but now he would return to his old world and forget her!
Monsalvat did not see her when she returned from work. He had gone directly from his office to see Torres. The doctor had just come in from his calls.
"I told you so," Torres asserted, after Monsalvat had related his conversation with Nacha. "No good can come of dealing55 with such women. You have got nothing out of it but disillusionment and bitterness: you've lost almost a year of your life—and that isn't all! Your reputation is quite done for, my boy. You'll have a job of it, to rehabilitate56 yourself socially!"
Monsalvat listened, wondering how this friend, the only one now left him, could know him so little. He had come to confide57 his trouble to the only human being of his own class who would consent to listen to him: and he had been misunderstood! It seemed useless to explain. Abruptly58, without shaking hands with Torres, he went away, downcast and ill. Why hope for anything from anyone? Life weighed too heavy on him; he had no illusions, no hopes; and then it was that he knew what the frigid59 abysses of solitude60 are really like! Abysses into which everything falls away, and vanishes, and nothing, not even feeling remains61....
Not caring to go home he wandered about the streets. At dinner time he went into a coffee house and drank a little coffee. Then he continued his aimless walk for several hours, scarcely conscious of what he was doing, or of the passing of time. At last he went back to his room and tried to read, but with no success. Finally he wrote Nacha a long letter, in which he tried to convince her that she loved him; strove to communicate his own feeling to her, painted the serene62 and happy days awaiting them if only Nacha would accept the love stretching out its imploring63 hands towards her!
An hour passed, two hours, three hours. Monsalvat wrote for a time, then broke off, then resumed writing. He would get up, pace to and fro, sit down again. It was now two o'clock. Everything was silent; the house, and the street outside.
But suddenly the silence was broken. He heard a noise like that of an automobile64 stopping near by. Then a door opened, and there was a subdued65 sound of footsteps in the courtyard. Monsalvat leaned out of his window, which opened on the street; but he could distinguish nothing. Then he went out to the narrow hallway which led to his room. From there he could not see the lower hall; so he went downstairs. There was no one to be seen in the patio, and everything was silent once more. Only in Mauli's room, almost directly facing Nacha's, was there a light. It must have been he coming home, Monsalvat concluded; and he returned to his room. Then he lay down, and quite exhausted66, fell into a heavy sleep.
A few minutes later, however, a strange noise aroused him. He thought it must have been a scream; not a sharp cry, but muffled67, stifled68, as though coming from a distance. Then, as his brain cleared a little, he decided69 it had been from close at hand—from the street, from the front door, perhaps. He heard men's voices, the noise of footsteps, and an automobile approaching. Jumping up from his bed, he leaned out from the window.
He must have uttered a frantic70 cry; for what he saw was as distinct and horrible and swift as the visions in a dream.... Four men came out from under the archway of the front door. They were carrying something, a dark huddled71 form that moved; and now they were thrusting it into the automobile drawn72 up at the curb. A woman!
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1
tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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dawdled
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| v.混（时间）( dawdle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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cumbersomely
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| 笨重的； 累赘的，难以携带的； 缓慢复杂的，冗长的； 麻烦的 | |
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flirt
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| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
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villas
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| 别墅，公馆( villa的名词复数 )； （城郊）住宅 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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7
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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relentlessly
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| adv.不屈不挠地；残酷地；不间断 | |
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militant
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| adj.激进的，好斗的；n.激进分子，斗士 | |
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socialist
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| n.社会主义者；adj.社会主义的 | |
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sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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oratorical
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| adj.演说的，雄辩的 | |
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countless
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| adj.无数的，多得不计其数的 | |
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presentiment
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| n.预感，预觉 | |
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presentiments
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| n.（对不祥事物的）预感( presentiment的名词复数 ) | |
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16
chattered
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| （人）喋喋不休( chatter的过去式 )； 唠叨； （牙齿）打战； （机器）震颤 | |
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obstinate
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| adj.顽固的，倔强的，不易屈服的，较难治愈的 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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destined
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| adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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superintendent
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| n.监督人，主管，总监；(英国)警务长 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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patio
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| n.庭院，平台 | |
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tenant
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| n.承租人；房客；佃户；v.租借，租用 | |
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intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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accusations
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| n.指责( accusation的名词复数 )；指控；控告；（被告发、控告的）罪名 | |
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bullied
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| adj.被欺负了v.恐吓，威逼( bully的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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lodger
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| n.寄宿人，房客 | |
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landlady
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| n.女房东，女地主 | |
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serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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tenants
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| n.房客( tenant的名词复数 )；佃户；占用者；占有者 | |
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guffaw
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| n.哄笑；突然的大笑 | |
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exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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crooked
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| adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的 | |
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props
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| 小道具； 支柱( prop的名词复数 )； 支持者； 道具； （橄榄球中的）支柱前锋 | |
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41
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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42
treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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43
meekly
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| adv.温顺地，逆来顺受地 | |
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44
shrilled
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| （声音）尖锐的，刺耳的，高频率的( shrill的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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45
witticism
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| n.谐语，妙语 | |
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46
flaunting
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| adj.招摇的，扬扬得意的，夸耀的v.炫耀，夸耀( flaunt的现在分词 )；有什么能耐就施展出来 | |
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47
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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48
curb
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| n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制 | |
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49
foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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50
inborn
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| adj.天生的，生来的，先天的 | |
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51
sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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52
compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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53
scuttled
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| v.使船沉没( scuttle的过去式和过去分词 )；快跑，急走 | |
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54
wither
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| vt.使凋谢，使衰退，(用眼神气势等)使畏缩；vi.枯萎，衰退，消亡 | |
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55
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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56
rehabilitate
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| vt.改造(罪犯)，修复；vi.复兴，(罪犯)经受改造 | |
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57
confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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frigid
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| adj.寒冷的，凛冽的；冷淡的；拘禁的 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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serene
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| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
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imploring
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| 恳求的，哀求的 | |
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automobile
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| n.汽车，机动车 | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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67
muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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68
stifled
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| （使）窒息， （使）窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 )； 镇压，遏制； 堵 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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71
huddled
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| 挤在一起（huddle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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