Now X is a very pleasant place, consisting of a crowd of doll's-house chalets set between cool pine-woods and the sea.
The chalets are labelled variously "Villa3 des Roses," "Les Hirondelles," "Sans Souci," and so on, and in the summertimes of happier years swarmed4 with comfortable bourgeois5, bare-legged children and Breton nannas; but in these stern days a board above the gate of "Villa des Roses" announces that the Assistant-Director of Agriculture may be found within meditating7 on the mustard-and-cress crop, while "Les Hirondelles" and "Sans Souci" harbour respectively the Base Press Censor8 (whose tar-brush hovered9 over this perfectly10 priceless article) and a platoon of the D.L.O.L.R.R.V.R. (Duchess of Loamshire's Own Ladies' Rabbit Rearing Volunteer Reserve).
X, as I said before, is an exceedingly pleasant place; you may lean out of the window o' mornings and watch the D.L.O.L.R.R.V.R.'s Sergeant-Majoress putting her platoon through Swedish monkey motions, and in the afternoons you can recline on the sands and watch them sporting in the glad sea-waves (telescopes protruding11 from the upper windows of "Villa des Roses" and "Sans Souci" suggesting that the A.D.A. and the B.P.C. are similarly employed).
The between-whiles may be spent lapping up ozone12 from the sea, resin13 from the pine-woods, and champagne14 cocktails15 which Marie-Louise mixes so cunningly in the little café round the corner; and what with one thing and another the invalid officer goes pig-jumping back to the line fit to mince16 whole brigades of Huns with his bare teeth.
X, you will understand, is a very admirable institution, and when we heard about this Rest Home we were all for it and tried to cultivate fur on the tongue, capped hocks and cerebral17 meningitis; but the Skipper hardened his heart against us and there was nothing doing.
Then one morning MacTavish came over all dithery-like in the lines, fell up against a post, smashed his wrist-watch and would have brained himself had that been possible.
He picked himself up, apologised for making a fool of himself before the horses, patched his scalp with plaster from his respirator, borrowed my reserve watch "Pretty Polly," and carried on.
"Pretty Polly" can do two laps to any other watch's one without turning a hair-spring. Externally she looks very much like any other mechanical pup the Ordnance18 sells you for eleven francs net; her secret lies in her spring, which, I imagine, must have been intended for "Big Ben," but sprang into the wrong chassis19 by mistake.
At all events as soon as it is wound up it lashes20 out left and right with such violence that the whole machine leaps with the shock of its internal strife21 and hops22 about on the table after the manner of a Mexican dancing bean, clucking like an ostrich23 that has laid twins.
It will be gathered that my "Pretty Polly" is not the ultimate syllable24 in the way of accuracy, but as MacTavish seemed to want her and had been kind to me in the way of polo-sticks, I handed her over without a murmur25.
The same afternoon MacTavish came over dithery again, dived into a heap of bricks and knocked himself out for the full count.
We put him to bed and signalled the Vet26. The Vet reported that MacTavish's temperature was well above par1 and booming. He went on to state that MacTavish was suffering from P.U.O. (which is Spanish for "flu") and that he probably wouldn't weather the night.
The Skipper promptly27 'phoned O.C. Burials, inviting28 him to dine next evening, and Albert Edward wired his tailor, asking what was being worn in headstones.
William, our Mess President, took up a position by the sick man's side in hopes he would regain29 consciousness for long enough to settle his mess-bill, and the rest of us spent the evening recalling memories of poor old Mac, his many sterling30 qualities, etc.
However, next morning a batman poked31 his head into the Mess and said could Mr. MacTavish have a little whisky, please, he was fancying it, and anyway you couldn't force none of that there grool down him not if you was to use a drenching32 bit.
At noon the batman was back to say that Mr. MacTavish was fancying a cigarette now, also a loan of the gramophone and a few cheerful records.
The Skipper promptly 'phoned postponing33 O.C. Burials, and Albert Edward wired his tailor, changing his order to that of a canary waistcoat.
That evening MacTavish tottered34 into the Mess and managed to surround a little soup, a brace35 of cutlets and a bottle of white wine without coming over dithery again.
But for all that he was not looking his best; he weaved in his walk, his eye was dull, his nose hot, his ear cold and drooping36, and the Skipper, gazing upon him, remembered the passage in Part II Orders and straightway sat down and applied37 that MacTavish be sent to X at once, adding such a graphic38 pen-picture of the invalid (most of it copied from a testimonial to somebody's backache pills) as to reduce us to tears and send MacTavish back to his bed badly shaken to hear how ill he'd been.
The Skipper despatched his pen-picture to H.Q. and forgot all about it, and so did H.Q. apparently39, for we heard nothing further, and in due course forgot all about it ourselves, and in the meanwhile MacTavish got back into form, and MacTavish in form is no shrinking lily be it said.
He has a figure which tests every stitch in his Sam Browne, a bright blue eye and a complexion40 which an external application of mixed weather and an internal application of tawny41 port has painted the hue42 of the beetroot.
Then suddenly, like a bomb from the blue, an ambulance panted up to the door and presented a H.Q. chit to the effect that the body of MacTavish be delivered to it at once to bear off to X.
The Skipper at the time was out hacking43 and Albert Edward was in charge; he sent an orderly flying to MacTavish, who rolled in from his tent singing "My Friend John" at the top of his voice and looking more like an over-fed beetroot than ever.
"Dash it all, I don't want to go to their confounded mortuary," he shouted; "never felt fitter in my life. I can't go; I won't go!"
"You'll have to," said Albert Edward; "can't let the Skipper down after that pen-picture he wrote; the Staff would never believe another word he said. No, MacTavish, my son, you'll have to play the game and go."
"But, you ass6, look at him," wailed44 the Babe; "look at his ruddy, ruby45, tomato-ketchup, plum-and-apple complexion. What are you going to do about that?"
"I'll settle his complexion," replied Albert Edward grimly; "tell his man to toss his tooth-brush into the meat-waggon; and you, Mac, come with me."
He led the violently protesting MacTavish into the kitchen. The cook tells me Albert Edward pounded two handfuls of flour into MacTavish's complexion and filled his eye-sockets up with coal-dust, and I quite believe the cook, for in five minutes' time I came on Albert Edward dragging what I at first took to be the body of a dead Pierrot down the passage towards the waiting ambulance, at the same time exhorting46 it to play the game and wobble for the Skipper's sake.
The wretched MacTavish, choking with flour and blinded with coal-dust, wobbled like a Clydesdale with the staggers.
I saw a scared R.A.M.C. orderly bound out of the car and assist Albert Edward to hoist47 MacTavish aboard, trip him up and pin him down on a stretcher. Then the ambulance coughed swiftly out of sight.
The allotted48 week passed but no MacTavish came bounding back to us like a giant refreshed with great draughts49 of resin, and we grew anxious; which anxiety did not abate50 when, in reply to the Skipper's inquiries51, the Rest Home authorities wired denying all knowledge of him.
Goodness knows what we should have done if a letter from MacTavish himself had not arrived next morning, to say that he had lain on his back in the ambulance digging coal-dust out of his eyes and coughing up flour till the car stopped, not, to his surprise, at the Rest Home, but at a Casualty Clearing Station.
Some snuffling R.A.M.C. orderlies bore him tenderly to a tent and a doctor entered, also snuffling. MacTavish is of the opinion that the whole of the medical staff had P.U.O., and the doctor was the sickest of the lot and far from reliable.
At all events, on seeing MacTavish's face, he ejaculated a bronchial "Good Lord!" and tearing MacTavish's tunic52 open, stuck a trumpet53 against his tummy and listened for the ticks.
Apparently he heard something sensational54, for he wheezed55 another "Good Lord!" and decorated MacTavish with a scarlet56 label.
Within an hour our hero found himself on board a Red Cross train en route for the coast.
There were a lot of cheerful wounded on the bus, getting all the soup and jelly they wanted; but MacTavish got only lukewarm milk and precious little of that. From scraps57 of hushed conversation he caught here and there he gathered that his life hung by a thread.
He was feeling very bewildered and depressed58, he said, but, remembering his duty to the Skipper, played the game and kept body and soul together on drips of jelly surreptitiously begged from the cheerful wounded.
Next morning he found himself in hospital in England, where he still remains59. He says he has been promoted from warm milk to cold slops, but is still liable to die at any moment, he understands.
He has discovered that he was sent home with "galloping60 heart disease," but nobody in the hospital can get even a trot61 out of it, and boards of learned physicians sit on him all day long, their trumpets62 planted on his tummy listening for the ticks.
MacTavish says he thinks it improbable that they ever will hear any ticks now, for the excellent reason that he threw the cause thereof—my "Pretty Polly," to wit—out of the window the day he arrived.
In a postscript63 he adds that he considers he has played the game far enough, and that if the Skipper doesn't come and bail64 him out soon he'll bite the learned physicians, kiss the nurses, sing "My Friend John" and disgrace the Regiment65 for ever.
点击收听单词发音
1 par | |
n.标准,票面价值,平均数量;adj.票面的,平常的,标准的 | |
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2 invalid | |
n.病人,伤残人;adj.有病的,伤残的;无效的 | |
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3 villa | |
n.别墅,城郊小屋 | |
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4 swarmed | |
密集( swarm的过去式和过去分词 ); 云集; 成群地移动; 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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5 bourgeois | |
adj./n.追求物质享受的(人);中产阶级分子 | |
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6 ass | |
n.驴;傻瓜,蠢笨的人 | |
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7 meditating | |
a.沉思的,冥想的 | |
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8 censor | |
n./vt.审查,审查员;删改 | |
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9 hovered | |
鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 ); 靠近(某事物); (人)徘徊; 犹豫 | |
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10 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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11 protruding | |
v.(使某物)伸出,(使某物)突出( protrude的现在分词 );凸 | |
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12 ozone | |
n.臭氧,新鲜空气 | |
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13 resin | |
n.树脂,松香,树脂制品;vt.涂树脂 | |
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14 champagne | |
n.香槟酒;微黄色 | |
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15 cocktails | |
n.鸡尾酒( cocktail的名词复数 );餐前开胃菜;混合物 | |
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16 mince | |
n.切碎物;v.切碎,矫揉做作地说 | |
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17 cerebral | |
adj.脑的,大脑的;有智力的,理智型的 | |
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18 ordnance | |
n.大炮,军械 | |
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19 chassis | |
n.汽车等之底盘;(飞机的)起落架;炮底架 | |
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20 lashes | |
n.鞭挞( lash的名词复数 );鞭子;突然猛烈的一击;急速挥动v.鞭打( lash的第三人称单数 );煽动;紧系;怒斥 | |
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21 strife | |
n.争吵,冲突,倾轧,竞争 | |
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22 hops | |
跳上[下]( hop的第三人称单数 ); 单足蹦跳; 齐足(或双足)跳行; 摘葎草花 | |
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23 ostrich | |
n.鸵鸟 | |
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24 syllable | |
n.音节;vt.分音节 | |
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25 murmur | |
n.低语,低声的怨言;v.低语,低声而言 | |
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26 vet | |
n.兽医,退役军人;vt.检查 | |
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27 promptly | |
adv.及时地,敏捷地 | |
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28 inviting | |
adj.诱人的,引人注目的 | |
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29 regain | |
vt.重新获得,收复,恢复 | |
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30 sterling | |
adj.英币的(纯粹的,货真价实的);n.英国货币(英镑) | |
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31 poked | |
v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 );戳出;拨弄;与(某人)性交 | |
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32 drenching | |
n.湿透v.使湿透( drench的现在分词 );在某人(某物)上大量使用(某液体) | |
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33 postponing | |
v.延期,推迟( postpone的现在分词 ) | |
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34 tottered | |
v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 );踉跄;蹒跚;摇摇欲坠 | |
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35 brace | |
n. 支柱,曲柄,大括号; v. 绷紧,顶住,(为困难或坏事)做准备 | |
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36 drooping | |
adj. 下垂的,无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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37 applied | |
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用 | |
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38 graphic | |
adj.生动的,形象的,绘画的,文字的,图表的 | |
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39 apparently | |
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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40 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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41 tawny | |
adj.茶色的,黄褐色的;n.黄褐色 | |
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42 hue | |
n.色度;色调;样子 | |
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43 hacking | |
n.非法访问计算机系统和数据库的活动 | |
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44 wailed | |
v.哭叫,哀号( wail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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45 ruby | |
n.红宝石,红宝石色 | |
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46 exhorting | |
v.劝告,劝说( exhort的现在分词 ) | |
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47 hoist | |
n.升高,起重机,推动;v.升起,升高,举起 | |
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48 allotted | |
分配,拨给,摊派( allot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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49 draughts | |
n. <英>国际跳棋 | |
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50 abate | |
vi.(风势,疼痛等)减弱,减轻,减退 | |
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51 inquiries | |
n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 );疑问;探究;打听 | |
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52 tunic | |
n.束腰外衣 | |
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53 trumpet | |
n.喇叭,喇叭声;v.吹喇叭,吹嘘 | |
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54 sensational | |
adj.使人感动的,非常好的,轰动的,耸人听闻的 | |
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55 wheezed | |
v.喘息,发出呼哧呼哧的喘息声( wheeze的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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56 scarlet | |
n.深红色,绯红色,红衣;adj.绯红色的 | |
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57 scraps | |
油渣 | |
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58 depressed | |
adj.沮丧的,抑郁的,不景气的,萧条的 | |
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59 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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60 galloping | |
adj. 飞驰的, 急性的 动词gallop的现在分词形式 | |
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61 trot | |
n.疾走,慢跑;n.老太婆;现成译本;(复数)trots:腹泻(与the 连用);v.小跑,快步走,赶紧 | |
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62 trumpets | |
喇叭( trumpet的名词复数 ); 小号; 喇叭形物; (尤指)绽开的水仙花 | |
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63 postscript | |
n.附言,又及;(正文后的)补充说明 | |
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64 bail | |
v.舀(水),保释;n.保证金,保释,保释人 | |
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65 regiment | |
n.团,多数,管理;v.组织,编成团,统制 | |
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