Dolff was like a devil incarnate2 as he swooped3 down upon his victim and beat his head against the stones. The moment he had done it—the moment he had done it, he became a horrified4, miserable5, remorseful6 boy, miserable beyond any words to describe. As soon as he heard that dull thud on the{202} pavement, and saw the white face turn unconscious in a blank which he never doubted to be that of death, his own being came back to him. His passion ended like the blowing out of a candle. What had he done? What had he done? Instinctively7 he sprang back under the shadow of the tree and the wall; but he had no thought of escape, or of anything but the dreadful thing he had done. After a minute, when other people crowded round the prostrate8 figure, he stole among the crowd and entered with them, pushing like the rest through the narrow doorway9, as if he, too, were a spectator, to know all that happened. After the first awful sobering and coming to himself, there came over him a passion of eagerness and curiosity—a desire to know which for the moment made him feel himself a spectator, too. He even asked the other lads who crowded in along with him what it was, what had happened, and heard half-a-dozen versions of his own deed as he shouldered his way on to get a place near the door, with a strange feeling of being cut off from the house and all in it, of being but a wretched spectator and inquirer, though with that misery10 in his veins11 like molten fire. What was to hinder him pushing his way among them, going in boldly, he whom nobody could suspect, the son of the house, to see what was the matter? But Dolff could not do it. Janet had been stronger of mind than he. She had managed to disengage herself at once from the tumult12, to steal in while attention was diverted from her, to escape in the darkness and confusion. And so might he have done: but he was incapable13 of thinking of himself or his own safety, though instinct made him herd14 among the intruders, concealing15 himself in the crowd. What he wanted to see was what had happened, whether it was real, and the man killed, or if it were only, as he almost hoped, a dreadful dream. He heard it said that the gentleman was not dead, but it conveyed no impression to his mind, and he pushed forward, peering over the shoulders of the others who crowded and gazed at the unknown interior, with a horrible sense of familiarity yet distance. There was the couch wheeled out of the library, the couch on which he had himself lounged so often; there was Gussy, clasping her hands together as if to keep herself up, standing16 as pale as death by the foot of the couch; there was—heaven! was it Janet standing behind, half concealing herself in the other’s shadow? It was not Janet then, he said in his dull brain—not Janet that was the cause of it all, only some horrible delusion17 to tempt18 him to his fate. There had been nothing wrong except in him. He it was alone who had been to blame. She could not have been{203} there at all, since, she was here, horrified, full of pity, helping19, when he had killed. Oh, God! what had he done? He had killed a man in some horrible mistake. Perhaps it was not Meredith at all; if it was, it was his friend, Gussy’s betrothed20, the friend of the family. He had killed him—for what, for what? For nothing. His rage had died off like fever. He was quite calm now, like one fallen from some horrible height, shaking with the shock, and as miserable as if all the miseries21 of earth had gathered on his head. It did not seem to him unnatural22 that he should stand there among the crowd, struggling to get a glimpse of what was going on in his own home, within his mother’s open door.
He did not, however, follow the others when Janet drove them away. Though it had filled him with consternation23 to see her there, and the dull, dreadful thought that there had been no provocation24, nothing but delusion and mistake—it was yet with a kind of stupid fury and repugnance25 that he saw her taking upon her to send away the crowd, to act as if the house was hers. He hung behind in the dark, and seized her arm with a wild feeling that he would like to crush her too to make her feel, though apparently26 she had done no wrong. But these gave way to the other anxiety, the deeper interest. After all there was but one thing that it was, or would be, now or ever, of the slightest importance to know—was he dead?
Janet gave no direct answer to his question. She said quickly,
“Come in now, take your place, and nobody will ever suspect. It is all in your own hands.”
He did not understand what she meant. Suspect? What did it matter? There was only one thing of consequence—was he dead?
“No,” said Janet. “No, no, no; do you understand! Go in, and say you were in the garden. Oh, do you hear me? The men are coming round again. Come in, and look as if—as if you were yourself.”
As if he were himself! He did not understand. He was not himself. He did not know who he was. He had nothing to do in that house. He stood and stared blankly at her, not knowing what she meant. But Janet was as keen as he was dull. A passion of energy, of life, and purpose was in her. His hand had dropped from her arm, but she seized him with both hers, and dragged him into the house. She flew at him as if she meant to assault him, putting down the collar of his coat, pulling off his cap, thrusting a hat into his hand—a few hours since how those touches, this familiarity, would have{204} moved them both. She did it all now like a nurse dressing27 a child, while he stood stupid, not resisting.
“Say you have just come in, and ask what has happened. For God’s sake don’t mix them all up in it, and kill your mother. Nobody will ever suspect—ah!” Janet saw through the open door the advancing gleam of the policeman’s lantern. She left him with a little shake to rouse him to energy, and ran forward to meet the constable28. “Have you found the man? Have you found anyone? Oh, here is Mr. Harwood, just come in; you can speak to him. He doesn’t know what’s happened. I was trying to tell him. Come in,” she said, “policeman; but don’t let all those people come in. Come in and talk to Mr. Harwood; but shut the door.”
The policeman came in heavily, putting down his lantern on the floor.
“We’ve found nothing, miss, and I didn’t expect as we should. It was my mate’s business to see as no one escaped while I saw after the gentleman; but he’s got clear off, as they always do, along of men not minding their own business. Evening, sir. It’s a dreadful business, this is, to happen just at a gentleman’s door, and a friend of the family, as they tell me.”
“I have just come in,” said Dolff, saying his lesson stupidly. And then he added the only question that had any interest for him: “He’s not dead?”
“Not at present,” said the policeman; “but the doctors say as they can’t tell what an hour or two may bring forth29.” He spoke30 hopefully, as of a favorable turn the case might take. “It’s a deal of trouble for you, sir, and the ladies, to have such a thing as this happen, as I was a-saying, at your very door.”
“It’s very well, though,” said Janet, “for the poor gentleman to be so near a friend’s house.”
Janet felt that the safety of this house, which she had perhaps betrayed otherwise, but in which her own safety now lay, demanded all her exertions31. Despair had given her force. She was beginning to recover her color in the stimulation32 of this dreadful emergency.
“That’s one way of looking at it, miss,” said the policeman. “My mates they are busy a-hearing all the nonsense that them fellows can tell them. I don’t believe they knows anything about it, for my part. I’ll just wait here, sir, if I may, with leave, till I hears the doctor’s last report.”
“Mr. Harwood is just going in, and he’ll bring it to you,” said Janet.
She dared not say any more, but she pointed33 towards the dining-room door with an imperative34 movement. It was for{205}tunate for Dolff that, at this moment, his sister appeared. She came quickly into the hall, with an exclamation35 of satisfaction.
“Oh, Dolff, you are here! I am thankful you are here. Have they got the man? I have told them there will be a reward——”
Dolff could say nothing to his sister. His tongue clave to the roof of his mouth. He repeated as he had done before, with a dull reiteration36.
“Is he dead? He is not dead?”
“Oh, no, no, no, God be praised! That’s the chief thing, isn’t it?”
Gussy went up to her brother and twined her arm within his and, leaning upon his shoulder, cried a little, with faint sobs37. She was not a demonstrative person, and the movement took him entirely38 by surprise. He stood with his hands in his pockets, dully supporting her, saying nothing, his mouth open and jaw39 dropped. There was no power of tragic40 expression in Dolff’s commonplace countenance41; but there was a dumb sort of quiescent42 misery in it. He was capable of nothing, not even of a word to shield himself. But then there was no one there who suspected him—only Janet, who knew, and whose interest it was to protect him—to silence all possibility of suspicion. She stood looking on, conscious of the respectful sympathy of the policeman with the brother and sister, and feeling a new and fierce impulse of hatred43 rising in her heart towards the young man whom she was exerting herself so strenuously44 to save.
In the midst of these efforts there came into her mind so strong an impulse to denounce him that Janet was afraid of herself. Even while she was scheming how best to divert all suspicion the voice seemed to struggle up in her almost audibly—“Take him! take him. That is the man!” How could she be sure that she would not yield to it at some moment when the sight of him had driven her frantic45 with indignation and impatience46? That Gussy should seek his sympathy; that everybody should look to Dolff to direct the search; that the very constable—and all the time he was the man—he was the man!
A spasmodic shiver ran through Janet; she could hardly keep silent, and yet her mind was busy inventing devices to protect him. She stood there longing48 to fly from them all—to be alone, and able to relax her self-bondage. But Janet felt that she dared not go away. He might betray himself—or worse, and more likely still—he might betray her. He might tell Gussy what share she had in the matter. It was what{206} men did—to punish a woman, regardless what trouble might fall upon themselves. She stood with her hands firmly clasped, like a sentinel on guard.
This dreadful evening, however, came to an end, as all evenings do. The crowd was made to pass on, to leave the house in quiet, though there were still an unusual number of passengers and people loitering about till far on in the night, notwithstanding the policeman who was on duty near to keep them unmolested. And within all became quiet, except in so far as dangerous illness in a house disturbs its habitual49 repose50. A nurse had been installed in the room in which Meredith lay, and Gussy came and went throughout the night, holding occasional whispered conferences in the hall with the doctor, who remained too.
The patient still lay insensible, entirely unconscious of what had happened to him, with that utterly51 mournful and pathetic look which a face that is unconscious takes. He had concussion52 of the brain, as well as external injuries of a serious description, but it was as yet impossible to pronounce whether he would die, or if he might yet recover. Two of the servants were up in case anything might be wanted during the night, a quite unnecessary precaution—one of the results of the great and unusual excitement which had convulsed the house—but except these women, who appeared now and then at the end of the passage which led to the kitchen, very sleepy and with an air of conscious self-sacrifice on their faces, no one else was suffered to be about. Janet had asked to stay to be of use, but had been dismissed by Miss Harwood—not unkindly.
“It’s not that I am not grateful, Janet. You stood by me this evening in a way which I shall not forget; but you’re too young,” said Gussy, with a sigh, “to sit up, unless it was a case in which your heart was concerned.”
This speech of his sister’s for the first time roused Dolff a little. He had been sitting all the evening with a stupefied air, saying nothing, calling forth much sympathy and admiration53 from his mother, who whispered to Janet how tender-hearted he was, how much he felt it. But Gussy’s words roused him. He glanced at Janet, as Janet had glanced at him with the same impulse, to say, “She’s the cause of it all,” as she had felt to say, “That is the man.”
Their eyes met, and they both read what was in the other’s looks; a certain fear, yet defiance54, awoke between them. They were in each other’s power. Janet had Dolff’s life in her hands, and he had her reputation in his. They were both liable to all the risks of a sudden impulse, to let the truth slip in a moment of provocation.{207}
Janet watched the hardening and darkening of the face which had once expressed only devotion and admiration, with a sinking of her heart. He was more dangerous to her than she was to him. It was evident that to see his sister’s trust in her was more than he could bear. After this, however, they withdrew into their rooms with their different burdens. Dolff sat smoking and dozing55 in his, not knowing what he was to do, or how to meet the morrow. He was still stupid with misery, unable to use his faculties56, or to think for himself, as, poor fellow, he was but little used to do at any time. He could not think, but only sit miserable, feeling the night to be a century long, yet without any desire for the morning. As for sleep, it was impossible, and yet, though it was so impossible, he slept the greater part of the night.
As for Janet, there was no rest at all for her; the shock of the terrible events which she had witnessed, which she knew she was the cause of, had affected57 her nerves, and more than she was aware of: but she had been obliged to thrust it aside from her, to control herself with a hand of iron, to act with an independence and energy which she did not know she possessed58, which she had never had occasion to employ before. How could she have had occasion to display them? could such a horrible emergency ever occur twice? could it be possible that ever again she should be placed in such a situation? Even now, when alone and free from all immediate59 alarm, it was a continual struggle to keep from giving vent47 to hysterical60 sounds, crying, or screaming aloud; or convulsive sobbing61, which runs into horrible pretence62 of laughter.
She was not a girl who had ever been humiliated63 by any such mastery of her nerves over her will and mind. But a hundred frantic impulses seized her during this terrible night. Sometimes she felt as if she must precipitate64 herself from the window and escape for ever and ever into the darkness; sometimes she felt disposed to tear everything about her, even herself, in wild rage and excitement. Sometimes she walked about—walked, run, flew, from one end of her room to another—unable to calm herself down. And in calmer intervals65 she stole out of her room and stood looking over the banisters, seeing Gussy come out of the room where she was keeping watch, holding whispered conferences with the doctor at the door, passing in for a moment to the other room where the patient lay, from which the white-capped nurse, with her large apron66 creating a high light in the partial darkness we aid out to get something that was wanted.
All these noiseless movements of the watchers Janet looked{208} upon from above as if they were the incidents of a dream. It was all going on before her in dumb show—an awful little dream, significant in its silence. And the strange thing was that she felt no interest in the patient round whose unseen bed these watchers were coming and going. All the facts stood out before her. The horrors of the attempt, the touch as she thought of sudden death, the panic of all that might follow, the dreadful fear of being mixed up in it and exposed in her r?le of traitor67 to all the world, to the people at Clover who were fond of her—but any other sentiment was wholly wanting.
She had brought all this upon herself and Meredith and Dolff, through something which she had supposed to be love. It was all love, jealousy68, double dealing69, the stratagems70 and deceits which are supposed to be legitimate71 in love as in war. And yet it did not occur to Janet to care whether Meredith lived or died. The others thought that the chief thing, but she did not. What she would have liked most would have been that he should disappear out of her consciousness altogether, and never be more seen or heard of. She was almost impatient of the watchers and of all the anxiety there was about him, as if it mattered what became of him! She had felt as if she could almost strike at Dolff in her impatience when, instead of attending to the precautions she prescribed to him to save his owe life, he asked, “Is he dead?” For herself, if an earthquake could have taken him away, buried him in the earth, so that his very name should be extinguished, that was what Janet would have liked: but——
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1
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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incarnate
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| adj.化身的，人体化的，肉色的 | |
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swooped
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| 俯冲，猛冲( swoop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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remorseful
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| adj.悔恨的 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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prostrate
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| v.拜倒，平卧，衰竭；adj.拜倒的，平卧的，衰竭的 | |
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9
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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veins
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| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
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tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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herd
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| n.兽群，牧群；vt.使集中，把…赶在一起 | |
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concealing
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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miseries
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| n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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consternation
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| n.大为吃惊，惊骇 | |
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provocation
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| n.激怒，刺激，挑拨，挑衅的事物，激怒的原因 | |
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repugnance
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| n.嫌恶 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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constable
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| n.(英国)警察，警官 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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stimulation
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| n.刺激，激励，鼓舞 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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imperative
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| n.命令，需要；规则；祈使语气；adj.强制的；紧急的 | |
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exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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reiteration
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| n. 重覆, 反覆, 重说 | |
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sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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quiescent
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| adj.静止的，不活动的，寂静的 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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strenuously
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| adv.奋发地，费力地 | |
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frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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concussion
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| n.脑震荡；震动 | |
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53
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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dozing
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| v.打瞌睡,假寐 n.瞌睡 | |
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56
faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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pretence
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| n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰 | |
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humiliated
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| 感到羞愧的 | |
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precipitate
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| adj.突如其来的；vt.使突然发生；n.沉淀物 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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traitor
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| n.叛徒，卖国贼 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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stratagems
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| n.诡计，计谋( stratagem的名词复数 )；花招 | |
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legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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