“Hey!”
Only one person of Psmith’s acquaintance was in the habit of opening his remarks in this manner. It was consequently no surprise to him to find Mr. Edward Cootes standing11 at his elbow.
“Hey!”
“All right, Comrade Cootes,” said Psmith with a touch of austerity, “I heard you the first time. And may I remind you that this habit of yours of popping out from unexpected places and saying ‘Hey!’ is one which should be overcome. Valets are supposed to wait till rung for. At least, I think so. I must confess that until this moment I have never had a valet.”
“And you wouldn’t have one now if I could help it,” responded Mr. Cootes.
“Why,” he inquired, surprised, “this peevishness13? Don’t you like being a valet?”
“No, I don’t.”
“You astonish me. I should have thought you would have gone singing about the house. Have you considered that the tenancy of such a position throws you into the constant society of Comrade Beach, than whom it would be difficult to imagine a more delightful14 companion?”
“Old stiff!” said Mr. Cootes sourly. “If there’s one thing that makes me tired, it’s a guy that talks about his darned stomach all the time.”
“I beg your pardon?”
[p. 199]“The Beach gook,” explained Mr. Cootes, “has got something wrong with the lining15 of his stomach, and if I hadn’t made my getaway he’d be talking about it yet.”
“If you fail to find entertainment and uplift in first-hand information about Comrade Beach’s stomach, you must indeed be hard to please. I am to take it, then, that you came snorting out here, interrupting my daydreams16, merely in order to seek my sympathy?”
Mr. Cootes gazed upon him with a smouldering eye.
“I came to tell you I suppose you think you’re darned smart.”
“And very nice of you, too,” said Psmith, touched. “A pretty compliment, for which I am not ungrateful.”
“Since you mention it, yes.”
“And now I suppose you think you’re going to slip in ahead of me and get away with that necklace? Well, say, listen, lemme tell you it’ll take someone better than a half-baked string-bean like you to put one over on me.”
“I seem,” said Psmith, pained, “to detect a certain animus19 creeping into your tone. Surely we can be trade rivals without this spirit of hostility20. My attitude towards you is one of kindly21 tolerance22.”
“Even if you get it, where do you think you’re going to hide it? And, believe me, it’ll take some hiding. Say, lemme tell you something. I’m your valet, ain’t I? Well, then, I can come into your room and be tidying up whenever I darn please, can’t I? Sure I can. I’ll tell the world I can do just that little thing. And you take it from me, Bill . . .”
[p. 200]“You take it from me, Bill, that if ever that necklace disappears and it isn’t me that’s done the disappearing, you’ll find me tidying up in a way that’ll make you dizzy. I’ll go through that room of yours with a fine-tooth comb. So chew on that, will you?”
And Edward Cootes, moving sombrely across the hall, made a sinister24 exit. The mood of cool reflection was still to come, when he would realise that, in his desire to administer what he would have described as a hot one, he had acted a little rashly in putting his enemy on his guard. All he was thinking now was that his brief sketch25 of the position of affairs would have the effect of diminishing Psmith’s complacency a trifle. He had, he flattered himself, slipped over something that could be classed as a jolt26.
Nor was he unjustified in this view. The aspect of the matter on which he had touched was one that had not previously27 presented itself to Psmith: and, musing28 on it as he resettled himself in his chair, he could see that it afforded food for thought. As regarded the disposal of the necklace, should it ever come into his possession, he had formed no definite plan. He had assumed that he would conceal29 it somewhere until the first excitement of the chase slackened, and it was only now that he realised the difficulty of finding a suitable hiding-place outside his bedroom. Yes, it was certainly a matter on which, as Mr. Cootes had suggested, he would do well to chew. For ten minutes, accordingly, he did so. And—it being practically impossible to keep a good man down—at the end of that period he was rewarded with an idea. He rose from his chair and pressed the bell.
“Ah, Beach,” he said affably, as the green baize door swung open, “I must apologise once more for troubling you. I keep ringing, don’t I?”
[p. 201]“No trouble at all, sir,” responded the butler paternally30. “But if you were ringing to summon your personal attendant, I fear he is not immediately available. He left me somewhat abruptly31 a few moments ago. I was not aware that you would be requiring his services until the dressing-gong sounded, or I would have detained him.”
“Never mind. It was you I wished to see. Beach,” said Psmith, “I am concerned about you. I learn from my man that the lining of your stomach is not all it should be.”
“That is true, sir,” replied Beach, an excited gleam coming into his dull eyes. He shivered slightly, as might a war-horse at the sound of the bugle32. “I do have trouble with the lining of my stomach.”
“Every stomach has a silver lining.”
“Sir?”
“I said, tell me all about it.”
“Well, really, sir . . .” said Beach wistfully.
“To please me,” urged Psmith.
“Well, sir, it is extremely kind of you to take an interest. It generally starts with a dull shooting pain on the right side of the abdomen33 from twenty minutes to half an hour after the conclusion of a meal. The symptoms . . .”
There was nothing but courteous34 sympathy in Psmith’s gaze as he listened to what sounded like an eyewitness’s account of the San Francisco earthquake, but inwardly he was wishing that his companion could see his way to making it a bit briefer and snappier. However, all things come to an end. Even the weariest river winds somewhere to the sea. With a moving period, the butler finally concluded his narrative35.
“Sir?”
[p. 202]“That’s what you want. Parks’ Pepsinine. It would set you right in no time.”
“I will make a note of the name, sir. The specific has not come to my notice until now. And, if I may say so,” added Beach, with a glassy but adoring look at his benefactor37, “I should like to express my gratitude38 for your kindness.”
“Not at all, Beach, not at all. Oh, Beach,” he said, as the other started to man?uvre towards the door, “I’ve just remembered. There was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Yes, sir?”
“I thought it might be as well to speak to you about it before approaching Lady Constance. The fact is, Beach, I am feeling cramped40.”
“Too bad. But let us, if you do not mind, shelve for the moment the subject of your interior organism and its ailments41. When I say I am feeling cramped, I mean spiritually. Have you ever written poetry, Beach?”
“No, sir.”
“Ah! Then it may be a little difficult for you to understand my feelings. My trouble is this. Out in Canada, Beach, I grew accustomed to doing my work in the most solitary42 surroundings. You remember that passage in my Songs of Squalor which begins ‘Across the pale parabola of Joy . . .’?”
“I fear, sir . . .”
“You missed it? Tough luck. Try to get hold of it some time. It’s a bird. Well, that passage was written in a lonely hut on the banks of the Saskatchewan, miles away from human habitation. I am like that, Beach. I need the stimulus43 of the great open[p. 203] spaces. When I am surrounded by my fellows, inspiration slackens and dies. You know how it is when there are people about. Just as you are starting in to write a nifty, someone comes and sits down on the desk and begins talking about himself. Every time you get going nicely, in barges44 some alien influence and the Muse45 goes blooey. You see what I mean?”
“Well, that is why for a man like me existence in Blandings Castle has its drawbacks. I have got to get a place where I can be alone, Beach—alone with my dreams and visions. Some little eyrie perched on the cliffs of Time. . . . In other words, do you know of an empty cottage somewhere on the estate where I could betake myself when in the mood and swing a nib47 without any possibility of being interrupted?”
“A little cottage, sir?”
“A little cottage. With honeysuckle over the door, and Old Mister Moon climbing up above the trees. A cottage, Beach, where I can meditate48, where I can turn the key in the door and bid the world go by. Now that the castle is going to be full of all these people who are coming for the County Ball, it is imperative that I wangle such a haven49. Otherwise, a considerable slab50 of priceless poetry will be lost to humanity for ever.”
“You desire,” said Beach, feeling his way cautiously, “a small cottage where you can write poetry, sir?”
“There is an unoccupied gamekeeper’s cottage in the west wood, sir, but it is an extremely humble52 place.”
“Be it never so humble, it will do for me. Do you think Lady Constance would be offended if I were to ask for the loan of it for a few days?”
“I fancy that her ladyship would receive the request[p. 204] with equanimity53, sir. She is used to . . . She is not unaccustomed . . . Well, I can only say, sir, that there was a literary gentleman visiting the castle last summer who expressed a desire to take sun-baths in the garden each morning before breakfast. In the nood, sir. And, beyond instructing me to warn the maids, her ladyship placed no obstacle in the way of the fulfilment of his wishes. So . . .”
“So a modest request like mine isn’t likely to cause a heart-attack? Admirable! You don’t know what it means to me to feel that I shall soon have a little refuge of my own, to which I can retreat and be in solitude54.”
“I can imagine that it must be extremely gratifying, sir.”
“Then I will put the motion before the Board directly Lady Constance returns.”
“Very good, sir.”
“I should like to splash it on the record once more, Beach, that I am much obliged to you for your sympathy and advice in this matter. I knew you would not fail me.”
“Not at all, sir. I am only too glad to have been able to be of assistance.”
“Oh, and, Beach . . .”
“Sir?”
“Just one other thing. Will you be seeing Cootes, my valet, again shortly?”
“Quite shortly, sir, I should imagine.”
“Sir?” cried Beach, startled out of his butlerian calm. He swallowed a little convulsively. For eighteen months and more, ever since Lady Constance Keeble had first begun to cast her fly and hook over[p. 205] the murky57 water of the artistic58 world and jerk its denizens59 on to the pile carpets of Blandings Castle, Beach had had his fill of eccentricity60. But until this moment he had hoped that Psmith was going to prove an agreeable change from the stream of literary lunatics which had been coming and going all that weary time. And lo! Psmith’s name led all the rest. Even the man who had come for a week in April and had wanted to eat jam with his fish paled in comparison.
“Prod him in the ribs, sir?” he quavered.
“Prod him in the ribs,” said Psmith firmly. “And at the same time whisper in his ear the word ‘Aha!’” Beach licked his dry lips.
“Aha, sir?”
“Aha! And say it came from me.”
“Very good, sir. The matter shall be attended to,” said Beach. And with a muffled61 sound that was half a sigh, half a death-rattle, he tottered62 through the green-baize door.
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收听单词发音
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1
withdrawn
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| vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出 | |
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repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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sanguine
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| adj.充满希望的，乐观的，血红色的 | |
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adversary
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| adj.敌手，对手 | |
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strenuousness
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engendered
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| v.产生（某形势或状况），造成，引起( engender的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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7
cosy
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| adj.温暖而舒适的，安逸的 | |
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impulsiveness
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| n.冲动 | |
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meditations
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| 默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想 | |
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imperative
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| n.命令，需要；规则；祈使语气；adj.强制的；紧急的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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peevishness
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| 脾气不好；爱发牢骚 | |
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14
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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15
lining
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| n.衬里，衬料 | |
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daydreams
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| n.白日梦( daydream的名词复数 )v.想入非非，空想( daydream的第三人称单数 ) | |
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17
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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smoothly
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| adv.平滑地，顺利地，流利地，流畅地 | |
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19
animus
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| n.恶意；意图 | |
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hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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21
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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tolerance
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| n.宽容；容忍，忍受；耐药力；公差 | |
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23
delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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sinister
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| adj.不吉利的，凶恶的，左边的 | |
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sketch
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| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
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jolt
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| v.（使）摇动，（使）震动，（使）颠簸 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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musing
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| n. 沉思，冥想 adj. 沉思的, 冥想的 动词muse的现在分词形式 | |
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29
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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paternally
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| adv.父亲似地；父亲一般地 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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32
bugle
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| n.军号，号角，喇叭；v.吹号，吹号召集 | |
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abdomen
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| n.腹，下腹(胸部到腿部的部分) | |
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courteous
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| adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的 | |
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narrative
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| n.叙述，故事；adj.叙事的，故事体的 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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benefactor
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| n. 恩人，行善的人，捐助人 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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cramp
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| n.痉挛；[pl.](腹)绞痛；vt.限制，束缚 | |
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cramped
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| a.狭窄的 | |
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ailments
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| 疾病（尤指慢性病），不适( ailment的名词复数 ) | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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43
stimulus
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| n.刺激，刺激物，促进因素，引起兴奋的事物 | |
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barges
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| 驳船( barge的名词复数 ) | |
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muse
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| n.缪斯（希腊神话中的女神），创作灵感 | |
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46
gaping
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| adj.口的；张口的；敞口的；多洞穴的v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的现在分词 )；张开，张大 | |
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47
nib
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| n.钢笔尖；尖头 | |
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48
meditate
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| v.想，考虑，（尤指宗教上的）沉思，冥想 | |
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49
haven
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| n.安全的地方，避难所，庇护所 | |
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50
slab
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| n.平板，厚的切片；v.切成厚板，以平板盖上 | |
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51
leopard
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| n.豹 | |
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52
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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53
equanimity
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| n.沉着，镇定 | |
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54
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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55
prodding
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| v.刺，戳( prod的现在分词 )；刺激；促使；（用手指或尖物）戳 | |
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56
ribs
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| n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹 | |
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57
murky
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| adj.黑暗的，朦胧的；adv.阴暗地，混浊地；n.阴暗；昏暗 | |
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58
artistic
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| adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的 | |
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59
denizens
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| n.居民，住户( denizen的名词复数 ) | |
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60
eccentricity
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| n.古怪，反常，怪癖 | |
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61
muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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62
tottered
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| v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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