Much that to the reader may seem altogether incredible, would to a Mormon mind appear simply a matter of ordinary every-day occurrence with which every one in Utah is supposed to be perfectly1 familiar. The reader must please remember that I am not telling—as so many writers have told in newspaper correspondence and sensational2 stories—the hasty and incorrect statements and opinions gleaned3 during a short visit to Salt Lake City; but my own experience—the story of a faith, strange, wild, and terrible it may be, but which was once so intimately enwoven with all my associations that it became a part of my very existence itself; and facts, the too true reality of which there are living witnesses by hundreds, and even thousands, who could attest4 if only they would.
I was born in the year 1829, in St. Heliers, Jersey—one of the islands of the English Channel.
From my earliest recollection I was favourably7 disposed to religious influences, and when only fourteen years of age I became a member of the Baptist Church, of which my father and mother were also members. With the simplicity8 and enthusiasm of youth I was devoted9 to the religious faith of the denomination10 to which I had attached myself, and sought to live in a manner which should be acceptable to God.
My childhood passed away without the occurrence of any[2] events which would be worthy11 of mention, although, of course, my mind was even then receiving that religious bias12 which afterwards led me to adopt the faith of the Latter-day Saints. Like most girls in their teens I had a natural love of dress—a weakness, if such it be, of the sex generally. I was not extravagant13, for that I could not be; but thirty years ago members of dissenting14 churches were more staid in their dress and demeanour and were less of the world, I think, than they are to-day. In plainness of dress the Methodists and Baptists much resembled the Quakers. My girlish weakness caused me to be the subject of many a reprimand from older church-members who were rather strict in their views. I well remember one smooth-faced, pious15, corpulent brother, who was old enough to be my father, saying to me one day: “My dear young sister, were it not for your love of dress, I have seriously thought that I would some day make you my wife.” I wickedly resolved that if a few bright coloured ribbons would disgust my pious admirer, it should not be my fault if he still continued to think of me. But many of our other church-members were more lenient16. Our good minister in particular bore with my imperfections, as he said, on account of my youth and inexperience; and later still, when I was ready to leave my native island, an extra ribbon or a fashionable dress had not affected17 my standing18 in the Baptist denomination.
I mention these trifles, not because I attach any importance to them in themselves, but because similar religious tendencies and a devotional feeling were almost universally found to be the causes which induced men and women to join the Mormon Church. From among Roman Catholics, who place unquestioning confidence in their priesthood, and also from among persons predisposed to infidelity, came few, if any, converts to Mormonism. But it was from among the religiously inclined, the Evangelical Protestants of the Old World, that the greater number of proselytes came.
But to return to my story. I was one of the younger members of a large family; and when I thought of the future I readily saw that if I desired a position in life I should have to make it for myself; and this I resolved to do. I began by consulting all my friends who I thought would be able to counsel or assist me in carrying out my determination; and before long I found the opportunity which I sought. An English lady, the wife of a captain in the British army, to whom I had confided19 my aspirations20, proposed—although I[3] was not yet fifteen years of age—to take me with her to France, in the temporary capacity of governess, to her children, assuring me at the same time that she would advance my interests in every possible way after our arrival.
This lady and her husband were as kind to me as my own parents could have been; and soon after our arrival in France they procured21 for me a situation in one of the best schools in St. Brieux, called the Maison-Martin, where, young as I was, I engaged myself to teach the young ladies fancy-needlework and embroidery22, as well as to give lessons in English. Some of the elder girls, I soon found, were further advanced in fancy-needlework and some other matters than I was myself. This, of course, I did not tell them; but to supply my deficiency I spent many a midnight hour in study and in preparing myself to give the advanced instructions which would be required by my pupils on the following day. For some time after I began my work as teacher in that school, I spent the whole of my salary in paying for private lessons to keep me in advance of my pupils. It was for awhile a severe task and a strain upon my youthful energies; but I have never since regretted it, as it gave an impulse to my mind that has remained with me through life.
I had not been more than six months in my situation when the parents of one of the pupils objected to the school retaining a Protestant teacher, and I was consequently given to understand that unless I consented to be instructed, if nothing more, in the Roman Catholic faith, I could not remain in my present position. This was my first experience of that religious intolerance of which I afterwards saw so much. The principal of the establishment, however, being very kindly23 disposed towards me, advised me to submit, and it was finally agreed that I should be allowed twelve months for instruction and consideration.
During this probationary24 year I attended mass every morning from seven to eight o’clock, and was present at vespers at least three times a week. Every Saturday morning I accompanied my pupils to the confessional, where I had to remain from seven o’clock till noon; after which we returned to breakfast. On Sundays there was the usual morning mass, and after that high mass; and in the afternoon, from two to four, we listened to a sermon. In addition to all these services, at which I was expected to “assist,” a very good-looking, interesting young priest was appointed to attend to the spiritual instruction of the young Protestant, as they called me, after[4] school hours. He saw me frequently, but he was ill-qualified to instruct me in the Catholic faith or to remove my doubts, for he was not himself too happy in the sacerdotal robe. At first he aimed at convincing me that the apostolic priesthood vested in the fishermen of Galilee had descended26 in unbroken succession in the Church of Rome; but he seemed to me much more inclined for a flirtation28 than for argument; I thought I could at times discover something of regret on his own part at having taken holy orders; and in after years I heard that he had abandoned his profession.
To the numerous stories of Catholic oppression and artifice29 in undermining Protestants and seducing30 them from their faith, I cannot add my own testimony31. Those among whom I lived very naturally desired that I should be instructed in their religion, and join the church to which they belonged; but their bearing towards me was ever kind and respectful; although when the twelve months of probation25 had expired, I found myself as much attached to the religion of my childhood as ever, and had in consequence to resign my situation. I had made many warm friends in the school, and none were kinder to me than the principal, who proved her attachment32 by finding for me a lucrative33 situation in a wealthy private family.
My new position was a decided34 advance in social life. The family consisted of husband and wife, two children, the husband’s brother, and an elderly uncle. The little girls were, when I first knew them, of the ages of five and seven years respectively. The young gentleman alluded35 to—the husband’s brother—had been educated for the church, but when the proper time came had refused to take orders; the uncle was a fine old gentleman, a retired36 general in the French army, and a bachelor. Altogether they formed as happy a domestic circle as I had ever known. The position which I occupied among them was that of governess and English teacher to the two little girls.
My young charges during the first year made rapid progress, which was very gratifying to the family, and secured for me their good-will and interest. Had I been their nearest relative I could not have received more respect and consideration from them. One member of the circle alone seemed to be entirely37 indifferent to my presence; this was the brother of Monsieur D——. Though I had lived in the same house with him a whole year, and had sat at the same table every day, scarcely a word had ever passed between us beyond a formal salutation.
[5]
The young gentleman was very handsome, and when conversing38 with others his manner was extremely fascinating. I did not believe that I particularly desired his attentions, but his indifference39 annoyed me—for I had never before been treated with such coldness, and I determined40 to become as frigid41 and formal as he could possibly be himself. This formal acquaintanceship continued for two years, and I persuaded myself that I had become altogether indifferent to the presence of my icicle, while at the same time all the other members of the family increased in their manifestations42 of attachment to me.
But trifles often possess a great significance. It was the custom of the family to get up a little lottery43 once a week for the children, if my report of their deportment and progress was favourable44. In this lottery were presents of books, toys, gloves, and a variety of fancy articles, and among them there was sure to be a bouquet45 of choice flowers for “Mademoiselle-Miss,” as they familiarly called me. I knew not positively46 whom to thank, although I instinctively47 felt from whom they came, for the other members of the family always made me more useful presents. In time one little attention led to another, until at the end of three years I found myself the fiancée of the wealthy Constant D——.
Madame D—— was opposed to my marriage with her brother-in-law, as she desired that he should marry one of her own wealthy cousins of the old noblesse of France. She treated me, notwithstanding, with great kindness, and confined her opposition48 to persuading me not to listen to her brother’s suit; but finding opposition to his wishes ineffectual, she finally consented to our engagement, which took place in the following winter.
From what I observed of the relations which existed between husbands and wives in France, I did not feel perfectly happy in the thought of becoming the wife of a Frenchman, although I dearly loved the French people. Several of my young lady acquaintances, I knew, had married because it was fashionable, and especially because it was an emancipation49 from what ladies in the higher ranks of society regarded as a severe social restraint. It was considered shocking for any young lady to be seen talking to a young gentleman in the street; indeed it was hardly proper for any unmarried girl to be seen in the street at all without a bonne or some married lady to accompany her. But immediately she was married she was at liberty to flirt27 and promenade50 with all the gentlemen[6] of her acquaintance, while her husband enjoyed the same liberty among the ladies. This state of affairs did not at all coincide with my English ideas, for to me the very thought of marriage was invested with the most sacred obligations, and I knew I should never be able to bring my mind to accept less from my husband than I should feel it my duty to render to him.
I loved the French people, and was pleased with their polite mannerism51, but I was not French in character; and though the prospect52 before me of an alliance with a wealthy and noble family was certainly pleasant, and I was greatly attached to my fiancé, my mind was considerably53 agitated54 upon the subject of marriage, as it had before been occupied with religion.
During my sojourn55 in France I had frequently questioned myself whether I had not done wrong in remaining absent for so many years from my home and from communion with the church of my childhood, and I had always looked forward to the time when I should return to them again. To this occasional self-examination was now added another cause of anxiety, produced by the thought of marriage with a person of a different faith. Marriage, to me, was the all-important event in a woman’s life, and some mysterious presentiment56 seemed to forewarn me that marriage in my life was to be more than an ordinary episode—though little did I then dream that it would have a polygamic shaping.
My young ambition alone had led me to France. I had aspired57 to an honourable58 social position, and had found both it and also devoted friends. Sometimes I felt that I could not relinquish59 what I had gained; at other times I yearned60 for the associations of my childhood and the guiding hand of earlier friends. The conflict in my mind was often painful. My early prejudices and the teachings of those around me induced me to believe that the Roman Catholic religion was entirely wrong; yet, notwithstanding, while living among Catholics I saw nothing to condemn61 in their personal lives, but much to the contrary. In fact, Romanism fascinated me, while it failed to convince my judgment62.
While labouring under these conflicting sentiments, I resolved to visit my native land, to consult with my parents about my contemplated63 marriage; and for that purpose I asked and obtained two months’ vacation. Surely some mysterious destiny must have been drawing me to England at that particular crisis, and before the fulfilling of my engagement, which would have changed so entirely the whole current of my existence.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
perfectly
|
|
| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
sensational
|
|
| adj.使人感动的，非常好的，轰动的，耸人听闻的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
gleaned
|
|
| v.一点点地收集（资料、事实）( glean的过去式和过去分词 )；（收割后）拾穗 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
attest
|
|
| vt.证明，证实；表明 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
briefly
|
|
| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
sketch
|
|
| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
favourably
|
|
| adv. 善意地，赞成地 =favorably | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
simplicity
|
|
| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
devoted
|
|
| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
denomination
|
|
| n.命名，取名，(度量衡、货币等的)单位 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
worthy
|
|
| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
bias
|
|
| n.偏见，偏心，偏袒；vt.使有偏见 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
extravagant
|
|
| adj.奢侈的；过分的；(言行等)放肆的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
dissenting
|
|
| adj.不同意的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
pious
|
|
| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
lenient
|
|
| adj.宽大的，仁慈的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
affected
|
|
| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
standing
|
|
| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
confided
|
|
| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
aspirations
|
|
| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
procured
|
|
| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
embroidery
|
|
| n.绣花，刺绣；绣制品 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
kindly
|
|
| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
probationary
|
|
| 试用的，缓刑的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
probation
|
|
| n.缓刑(期)，(以观后效的)察看；试用(期) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
descended
|
|
| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
flirt
|
|
| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
flirtation
|
|
| n.调情，调戏，挑逗 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
artifice
|
|
| n.妙计，高明的手段；狡诈，诡计 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
seducing
|
|
| 诱奸( seduce的现在分词 )； 勾引； 诱使堕落； 使入迷 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
testimony
|
|
| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
attachment
|
|
| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
lucrative
|
|
| adj.赚钱的，可获利的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
decided
|
|
| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
alluded
|
|
| 提及，暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
retired
|
|
| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
entirely
|
|
| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
conversing
|
|
| v.交谈，谈话( converse的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
indifference
|
|
| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
determined
|
|
| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
frigid
|
|
| adj.寒冷的，凛冽的；冷淡的；拘禁的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
manifestations
|
|
| n.表示，显示（manifestation的复数形式） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
lottery
|
|
| n.抽彩；碰运气的事，难于算计的事 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
favourable
|
|
| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
bouquet
|
|
| n.花束，酒香 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
positively
|
|
| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
instinctively
|
|
| adv.本能地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
opposition
|
|
| n.反对，敌对 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
emancipation
|
|
| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
promenade
|
|
| n./v.散步 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
mannerism
|
|
| n.特殊习惯，怪癖 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
prospect
|
|
| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
considerably
|
|
| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
agitated
|
|
| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
sojourn
|
|
| v./n.旅居，寄居；逗留 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
presentiment
|
|
| n.预感，预觉 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
57
aspired
|
|
| v.渴望，追求( aspire的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
58
honourable
|
|
| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
59
relinquish
|
|
| v.放弃，撤回，让与，放手 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
60
yearned
|
|
| 渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
61
condemn
|
|
| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
62
judgment
|
|
| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
63
contemplated
|
|
| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |