The Target was a dry-seasoned Fannie old enough to be his Godmother. She was a Post-Graduate who was keeping herself on Earth by running to the Drug-Store every few minutes.
The Eye-Brows were neatly2 blocked out by some Process unknown to the writer, and she had a Shape that could be revised ad lib.
Scenery and Mechanical Effects.
He had sketched5 a little synopsis6 of the Future. After waiting 8 years, until she had unpetaled into the perfect bloom of Womanhood and he was wearing a Full Beard, he would take her by the Long Glove and lead her off into Dreamland.
Just to show how one of those pinfeather Passions may be shunted onto a Siding and left among the Dog-Fennel, when the Subject of this Sketch4 was aetat 22, he was picking them out of the Air in the Left Garden at the State University. Fannie (she of the purchased Pallor) was thoroughly8 married to a Veterinary with the Drug Habit.
Amazon who wore a Blazer and walked like a Policeman.
might pinch when she essayed a full St. Andrew's Swipe with a wooden
Club. And she had one lower octave of Pipes, like a Brakeman on the
Erie.
Tommy when the only real Cutie is one who can propel a Canoe and throw
Overhand.
So Walter, such being the baptismal Handicap, often thought it would be Sweet Billiards15 to keep house with the she-Acrobat for 30 or 40 years, because when they were tired of sitting in the House they could go into the Front Yard and play Ketch.
He was just at the rickety Age when the Gams refuse to co-ordinate.
Every time he sauntered carelessly across the porch at a Summer Hotel,
He had a way of backing into Potted Plants.
Each Morning was clouded by the task of picking out a Cravat18 that would be of the same Radio-Activity as his Socks. And all through the waking hours he carried with him a faint and sickly Realization19 that his Parents did not understand him.
One day he stood before a kind-faced Registrar20 and matriculated. Branded as a regular Freshman21, he went back to his little Den7 and put a news-stand Photo of Lillian Russell between two Pennants22.
The whalebone Divinity in the Home Town passed out of his Life. He told himself that he would be true to Miss Russell and all the other Members of her sprightly23 Profession.
The emotional side of his unfolding Nature began to nourish itself on
Song Hits, and he slept each night with his Banjo folded tightly to his
He became acquainted with a Sophomore25 who once sat near Trixie Friganza in a Parlor26 Car. One night Alice Nielsen looked directly at the Box in which he was seated with the other Fraters of the Ippy Ki Yi. In fact, his Life became crowded with tingling27 Experiences.
The collection of Cigarette Pictures made him acquainted with many Celebrities28. His intimacy29 with them grew apace as he developed a bookish appetite for Sunday Newspapers.
He danced with the local Chickadees, but all the time his Heart was far away, in the Dramatic Column.
Suddenly he found that he was an Upper Classman, to whom each Neophyte30 touched the Leaf of Lettuce31 balanced on top of the Head, ostensibly as a Cap.
He became endowed with the divine Right to hit himself on the Leg with a Walking Stick and sit on a hallowed Fence.
Simultaneous-like, he became conscious of the fact that the Footlight Favorites were no longer worthy32 of him. He began to hold long and serious Conversaziones with the Sister of a Prof.
She was an aerial Performer who wore powerful Spectacles, in which any one standing33 before her could see an Image of himself, greatly reduced. She looked as if she had been sitting up all night, writing a History of Civilization.
Walter found himself uplifted every time they were left together in the
Library. Sometimes she took him up so high that he became dizzy.
He now began to prog as follows: He and the Lady Emerson would be legally welded just after Commencement and spend the Honeymoon34 at some lively Chautauqua.
with Elfreda. He was in the moulting Stage, and it seemed to him that
He never had heard tell of such a thing as a Coal-Bill or a Special
The vision of Elfreda floated out through a Transom three days after he drew a Desk in the extensive Works owned by the Governor.
He was too busy keeping his Head above the Churning Waves to bother with Speculative41 Philosophy or write Letters studded with Latin Phrases, like Currants in an English Cake.
All the cringing42 Peons in the big Stockade43 hated him because he had a Drag. It was up to him to deliver the Merchandise and demonstrate that he was a Human Being rather than a College Graduate.
He began to wear his Frat pin on his undershirt, and he had no time to frivol away on the fluffy45 Gender46, because he expected to be sitting in the Directors' Room in a couple of years, talking it over with Henry C. Frick.
So he waved aside the Square Envelopes and allowed himself to be billed all over the Macaroon Circuit as a Woman-Hater.
Of course he girled in a conservative way, but he merely trailed. He did not buzz, or throw himself at the fallen Handkerchief, or run to get the Wraps, or do any of the Stuff that marks the true and bounden Captive.
When he found himself in the cushioned Lair47 of a Feline48, he would lean back in perfect Security, knowing that even if she exercised her entire repertoire49 of Wiles50, she could not warm the Dead Heart nor stir into life the fallen Rose Leaves of Romance.
All the time she was spilling her familiar line of Chatter51, he would look at her with an arid52 and patronizing Smile, such as the Harvard Man produces when he finds himself in immediate53 juxtaposition54 to some human Caterpillar55 from west of Pittsburgh.
Very often, when the registered Dolly Grays got together for a Bon-Bon
Orgy, some one would say, "Oh, Crickey, ain't he the regular Cynic?"
Another might suggest that he was hiding a great Sorrow, his whole
Existence having been embittered56 by the faithlessness of some Creature.
Then they would take a Vote and decide that he was a plain Mutt.
The Chauncey who refuses to reciprocate57 will excite more Conversation than a regular union Lover, but it is Lucky for him that he does not hear all the Conversation.
Walter at the age of twenty-five thought he was too old and sedate58 to be a Diner-Out and Dancing Devil.
When he was 28, however, he had become Hep to the large and luminous59 Truth that the man who sits in his Lodgings60 reading Dumas may overlook many a Bet.
He noted61 on every Hand the nice-looking Boys who turned in about 10.40 and avoided the Pitfalls62 of Society, and most of them were pulling down as much as $14 a week.
"Early to Bed and Early to Rise and you will meet very few of our Best
People."
He looked over the Lay-Out and decided64 that it was just as easy to mingle65 with the Face Cards as to sleep in the Discards.
He saw many a Light Weight with a gilt66 sign exposed on Main Street and no Assets except a Suit with a Velvet67 Collar, a pair of indestructible dancing Legs, and just enough intellectual Acumen68 to stir Tea without spilling it.
So he decided to have a try at the Gay Life and worm his way into the
A worthy Resolve and one often taken.
If a Friend of the People can capitalize his Vocal70 Cords, why should not the little Brother of the Rich put his undying Nerve into the Market and get what he can on it?
The Captain of Finance is usually owned, Body and Soul, by the other Half of the Sketch. She may be a head bell-ringer in the D. A. R. or the blue-pencil Queen of the Golden Pheasants, but in a vast majority of cases she has not the Looks to back up the Title.
Even the Buckingham Palace manner and the Arctic Front cannot buffalo71 the idle Spectator into overlooking the fact that she belongs to the genus Quince.
She may not be a Beaut, but it is She who stands at the main entrance to the Big Tent and tears off seat coupons72.
Walter knew that if he wished to be mentioned all over town as a Sure- Enough, his passport to the Inner Circle of Hot Potatoes would have to be vised by Patroness No. 1.
He began to work in the Secret Service of the Chosen Few and was First
Aid to the Chaperons.
A Hard Life, say you? Not a tall—not a tall.
When the first Crash of Music came through the hothouse Palms, Walter would be out on the Waxen Floor with his hair in a Braid.
Through the long watches of the night he played Blonde against Brunette and then went home with his Time-Card bearing the official O. K..
He swam among the floating Hooks and side-stepped the Maternal76 Traps, until the compilers of Marital77 Statistics had his name in the list marked "Nothing Doing."
The Dope on him seemed to be that he was Immune and Jinx-Proof.
After he led one of them back to a Divan78 and fed her an Ice it was a case of "Good Night, Miss Mitchell."
Truly, a Bachelor flown with Insolence79 and Pride is the favorite Mark for the Bow-and-Arrow Kid. For every weather-beaten Beau and Ballroom80 Veteran there is waiting somewhere in Ambuscade a keen little Diana with the right kind of Ammunition81.
One night he went to a Small Dance in his regular Henry Miller82 suit and wearing a tired look around the Eyes. He counted these minor83 Functions a dreadful Bore.
Over in a corner sat a half-portion Damosel who had come to town on a
Visit. Her name was Violet, and she looked the Part.
She didn't know who was running for President or what Miss Pankhurst said about Suffrage84, but she had large belladonna Orbs85, with Danger lurking86 in their limpid87 depths.
She was just at the Age when any girl who is not actually Deformed88 looks fair to middling, while the real Dinger, with the Tresses and the Complexion89 and the gleaming white Shoulders and the Parisian figure, is right there with a full equipment for breaking up Families.
Old Dare-Devil Dick, the Hero of 1000 Flirtations, was sitting out one of the Dances recently condemned90 by Press and Pulpit.
He became aware of the presence of something Feminine at his immediate right. He took a cautious Look and beheld91 a timid Debutante92, sparkling with the Dew and waiting to be plucked.
She gave him a frightened Smile and lamped him very slowly.
She had put the Sign on him without lifting a Finger.
His friends tried to save him. They demonstrated, with a Pencil and a Piece of Paper, that she was just an ordinary, everyday Baby Doll with a Second Reader intelligence and the Spiritual Caliber94 of a Humming Bird. They proved that exactly the same kind were scattered95 through every Department Store, working for $6 a week.
When they got thorough knocking, he hurried over and told her everything and promised her that if she would marry him, not one of these Snakes would ever be permitted to enter the House.
He writhed96 on the Rug and said that if she didn't whisper that One Little Word, it would be a case of Satin Lining97 and Silver Handles for little Wallie.
She looked out the Window and yawned slightly and then said, "Oh, very well."
He rode home standing up in a Taxicab, while she was showing the Maids a lozenge-shaped Ring that set him back 450 Bucks98.
MORAL: The higher they fly the harder they fall.
点击收听单词发音
1 pangs | |
突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 ); 悲痛 | |
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2 neatly | |
adv.整洁地,干净地,灵巧地,熟练地 | |
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3 cub | |
n.幼兽,年轻无经验的人 | |
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4 sketch | |
n.草图;梗概;素描;v.素描;概述 | |
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5 sketched | |
v.草拟(sketch的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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6 synopsis | |
n.提要,梗概 | |
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7 den | |
n.兽穴;秘密地方;安静的小房间,私室 | |
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8 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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9 parlance | |
n.说法;语调 | |
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10 incipient | |
adj.起初的,发端的,初期的 | |
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11 hamper | |
vt.妨碍,束缚,限制;n.(有盖的)大篮子 | |
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12 veal | |
n.小牛肉 | |
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13 epoch | |
n.(新)时代;历元 | |
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14 sentimental | |
adj.多愁善感的,感伤的 | |
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15 billiards | |
n.台球 | |
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16 cavalry | |
n.骑兵;轻装甲部队 | |
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17 gallop | |
v./n.(马或骑马等)飞奔;飞速发展 | |
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18 cravat | |
n.领巾,领结;v.使穿有领结的服装,使结领结 | |
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19 realization | |
n.实现;认识到,深刻了解 | |
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20 registrar | |
n.记录员,登记员;(大学的)注册主任 | |
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21 freshman | |
n.大学一年级学生(可兼指男女) | |
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22 pennants | |
n.校旗( pennant的名词复数 );锦标旗;长三角旗;信号旗 | |
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23 sprightly | |
adj.愉快的,活泼的 | |
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24 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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25 sophomore | |
n.大学二年级生;adj.第二年的 | |
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26 parlor | |
n.店铺,营业室;会客室,客厅 | |
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27 tingling | |
v.有刺痛感( tingle的现在分词 ) | |
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28 celebrities | |
n.(尤指娱乐界的)名人( celebrity的名词复数 );名流;名声;名誉 | |
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29 intimacy | |
n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行 | |
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30 neophyte | |
n.新信徒;开始者 | |
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31 lettuce | |
n.莴苣;生菜 | |
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32 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
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33 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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34 honeymoon | |
n.蜜月(假期);vi.度蜜月 | |
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35 raucous | |
adj.(声音)沙哑的,粗糙的 | |
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36 cloisters | |
n.(学院、修道院、教堂等建筑的)走廊( cloister的名词复数 );回廊;修道院的生活;隐居v.隐退,使与世隔绝( cloister的第三人称单数 ) | |
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37 reeking | |
v.发出浓烈的臭气( reek的现在分词 );散发臭气;发出难闻的气味 (of sth);明显带有(令人不快或生疑的跡象) | |
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38 dividend | |
n.红利,股息;回报,效益 | |
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39 assessment | |
n.评价;评估;对财产的估价,被估定的金额 | |
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40 sewer | |
n.排水沟,下水道 | |
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41 speculative | |
adj.思索性的,暝想性的,推理的 | |
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42 cringing | |
adj.谄媚,奉承 | |
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43 stockade | |
n.栅栏,围栏;v.用栅栏防护 | |
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44 skid | |
v.打滑 n.滑向一侧;滑道 ,滑轨 | |
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45 fluffy | |
adj.有绒毛的,空洞的 | |
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46 gender | |
n.(生理上的)性,(名词、代词等的)性 | |
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47 lair | |
n.野兽的巢穴;躲藏处 | |
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48 feline | |
adj.猫科的 | |
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49 repertoire | |
n.(准备好演出的)节目,保留剧目;(计算机的)指令表,指令系统, <美>(某个人的)全部技能;清单,指令表 | |
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50 wiles | |
n.(旨在欺骗或吸引人的)诡计,花招;欺骗,欺诈( wile的名词复数 ) | |
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51 chatter | |
vi./n.喋喋不休;短促尖叫;(牙齿)打战 | |
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52 arid | |
adj.干旱的;(土地)贫瘠的 | |
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53 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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54 juxtaposition | |
n.毗邻,并置,并列 | |
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55 caterpillar | |
n.毛虫,蝴蝶的幼虫 | |
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56 embittered | |
v.使怨恨,激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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57 reciprocate | |
v.往复运动;互换;回报,酬答 | |
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58 sedate | |
adj.沉着的,镇静的,安静的 | |
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59 luminous | |
adj.发光的,发亮的;光明的;明白易懂的;有启发的 | |
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60 lodgings | |
n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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61 noted | |
adj.著名的,知名的 | |
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62 pitfalls | |
(捕猎野兽用的)陷阱( pitfall的名词复数 ); 意想不到的困难,易犯的错误 | |
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63 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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64 decided | |
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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65 mingle | |
vt.使混合,使相混;vi.混合起来;相交往 | |
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66 gilt | |
adj.镀金的;n.金边证券 | |
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67 velvet | |
n.丝绒,天鹅绒;adj.丝绒制的,柔软的 | |
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68 acumen | |
n.敏锐,聪明 | |
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69 vaults | |
n.拱顶( vault的名词复数 );地下室;撑物跳高;墓穴 | |
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70 vocal | |
adj.直言不讳的;嗓音的;n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
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71 buffalo | |
n.(北美)野牛;(亚洲)水牛 | |
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72 coupons | |
n.礼券( coupon的名词复数 );优惠券;订货单;参赛表 | |
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73 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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74 kaleidoscopic | |
adj.千变万化的 | |
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75 aurora | |
n.极光 | |
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76 maternal | |
adj.母亲的,母亲般的,母系的,母方的 | |
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77 marital | |
adj.婚姻的,夫妻的 | |
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78 divan | |
n.长沙发;(波斯或其他东方诗人的)诗集 | |
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79 insolence | |
n.傲慢;无礼;厚颜;傲慢的态度 | |
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80 ballroom | |
n.舞厅 | |
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81 ammunition | |
n.军火,弹药 | |
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82 miller | |
n.磨坊主 | |
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83 minor | |
adj.较小(少)的,较次要的;n.辅修学科;vi.辅修 | |
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84 suffrage | |
n.投票,选举权,参政权 | |
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85 orbs | |
abbr.off-reservation boarding school 在校寄宿学校n.球,天体,圆形物( orb的名词复数 ) | |
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86 lurking | |
潜在 | |
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87 limpid | |
adj.清澈的,透明的 | |
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88 deformed | |
adj.畸形的;变形的;丑的,破相了的 | |
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89 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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90 condemned | |
adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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91 beheld | |
v.看,注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 );瞧;看呀;(叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现)哎哟 | |
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92 debutante | |
n.初入社交界的少女 | |
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93 wafted | |
v.吹送,飘送,(使)浮动( waft的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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94 caliber | |
n.能力;水准 | |
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95 scattered | |
adj.分散的,稀疏的;散步的;疏疏落落的 | |
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96 writhed | |
(因极度痛苦而)扭动或翻滚( writhe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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97 lining | |
n.衬里,衬料 | |
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98 bucks | |
n.雄鹿( buck的名词复数 );钱;(英国十九世纪初的)花花公子;(用于某些表达方式)责任v.(马等)猛然弓背跃起( buck的第三人称单数 );抵制;猛然震荡;马等尥起后蹄跳跃 | |
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