Kilter. He felt like a list of Symptoms on the outside of a Dollar
Bottle. He looked like the Picture you see in the Almanac entitled,
"Before Taking."
When his Liver was at Perihelion, he had a Complexion1 suggesting an Alligator-Pear, and his Eye-Balls should have been taken out and burnished2.
He could see little dirigible Balloons drifting about in all parts of the deep-blue Ether. His Tummy told him that some one had moved in and was giving a Chafing-Dish Party. Furthermore, a red-hot Awl3 had been inserted under each Shoulder Blade.
that disinherited all Relatives and Friends.
This poor, stricken Gloomer had time-tabled himself all over the
Universe, trying to close in on a Climate that would put him on his
He had de-luxed himself to remote Spots that were supplied with Steam Heat and French Cooking, together with Wines, Liquors, and Cigars, but no matter what the Altitude or the Relative Humidity, he felt discouraged every Morning when he awoke and remembered that presently he would have to rally his Vital Forces and walk all the way to the Tub.
It was too bad that a Clubman, so eminent10 Socially, should be thus shot to Rags and Fragments. Could aught be more Piteous than to Witness a proud and haughty11 Income tottering12 along the Street, searching in vain for a Workingman's Appetite? When one with a spending possibility of $2 a Minute is told by a Specialist to drink plenty of Hot Water, the Words seem almost Ironic13.
His Operating Expenses kept running up, and yet it looked like sheer
To show you how he worked at recouping his Health, once he spent a whole Summer in Merrie England. He had been told by a Globe-Trotter that One lodging16 within a mile of Trafalgar Square could hoist17 unlimited18 Scotch19 and yet sidestep the Day After.
The Explanation offered by members of the Royal Alcoholic20 Society is that the Moisture in the Atmosphere counterbalances or nullifies, so to speak, the interior Wetness.
Also, the normal state of Melancholy21 is such that even a case of
Katzenjammer merely blends in with the surrounding Drabness.
He experimented sincerely with the Caledonian Cure, acquiring a rich sunset Glow, much affected22 by half-pay Majors and the elderly Toffs who ride in the Row. He began to wear his Arteries23 on the outside, just like a true son of Albion. This cherry-ripe Facial Tint24 proves that the Britisher is the most rugged25 Chap in the World—except when he is in Stockholm.
In fact, if the New York Duds worn by the Yank had been less of a Fit, and he could have schooled himself to look at a Herring without shuddering26, he might have rung in as a Resident of the tight little Isle27, for he was often Tight.
He learned to like the Smoky Taste and could even take it warm, but still he felt Rocky, and up to 3 P. M. was only about 30 per cent. Human.
One evening in a polite Pub he heard about the wonderful Vin Ordinaire of Sunny France. He was told that the Peasants who irrigated28 themselves with a brunette Fluid resembling diluted29 Ink were husky as Beeves and simply staggering with Health.
So he went motoring in the Grape and Chateau30 District and played Claret both ways from the Middle. Every time the Petrol chariot pulled up in front of a Brasserie, he would call for a Flagon of some rare old Vintage squeezed out the day before.
Then he would go riding at the rate of 82 Kilos an Hour, scooping31 up the Climate as he scooted along.
Notwithstanding all these brave Efforts to overtake Health, he would feel like a frost-nipped Rutabaga when the matutinal Chanticleer told him that another blue Dawn was sneaking32 over the Hills.
He began to figure himself a Candidate for a plain white Cot in the Nerve Garage, when he heard of the wonderful Air and Dietary Advantages of Germany. It seemed that the Fatherland was becoming Commercially Supreme34 and of the greatest Military Importance because every Fritz kept himself saturated35 with the Essence of Munich.
He could see on the Post-Cards that each loyal subject of Wilhelm was plump and rosy36, with Apple Cheeks and a well-defined Awning37 just below the Floating Ribs38, and a Krug of dark Suds clutched in the right Mitt39.
All the way from Duesseldorf to Wohlgebaum he played the Circuit of Gardens with nice clean Gravel40 on the Ground and Dill Pickles41 festooned among the Caraway Trees. Every time the Military Band began to breathe a new Waltz he would have Otto bring a Tub of the Dark Brew42 and a Frankfurter about the size of a Sash Weight.
Between pulls he would suspire deeply, so as to get the full assistance of the Climate.
Sometimes he would feel that he was being benefitted.
Often at 9 P. M., before taking his final Schnitzel and passing gently into a state of Coma43, he would get ready to renounce44 allegiance to all three of the Political Parties in the U. S. A. and grow one of those U-Shaped Mustaches.
Next Morning, like as not, he would emerge from beneath the Feather Tick and lean against the Porcelain45 Stove, wondering vaguely46 if he could live through the Day.
The very Treatment which developed large and coarse-grained Soldiers all through Schleswig-Holstein seemed to make this Son of Connecticut just about as gimpy as a wet Towel.
Undismayed by repeated Failures, he took some Advice, given in a Rathskeller, and went to a Mountain Resort famous for a certain brand of White Vinegar with a colored Landscape on the Label.
It was said that anyone becoming thoroughly47 acidulated with this noble
Yodel.
He sat among the snowy Peaks, entirely49 surrounded by the rarefied Atmosphere so highly boosted in the Hotel Circulars, sampling a tall bottle of every kind ending with "heimer," and yet he didn't seem to get the Results.
At last he headed for the barbaric Region which an unkindly Fate had designated as Home, almost convinced that there was no Climate on the Map which would really adapt itself to all the intricate Peculiarities50 of his complicated Case.
After reading a few pages in a popular Magazine dated two Years back, he would be admitted to the little inside Room, faintly perfumed with something other than New Mown Hay. Here he would cower52 before the dollar-a-minute Specialist, who would apply a Dictograph to the Heart Region and then say "You are all Run Down."
Next day the Sufferer would collect his folding Trunks and Head-Ache
Tablets and Hot-Water Bags and start for Florida or California or the
Piney Woods.
Sometimes he would seem to perk53 up for a Day or two. Enlivened by Hope and a few Dry Martinis, he would move up to a little Table in the shade of the sheltering Candelabrum and tackle the Carte du Jour from Caviar to Cafe Noir.
Florida seemed to enervate56 him. California was too unsettled. Even in the Mountains, his Heart always bothered him after a Hearty57 Meal. And the Piney Woods only made him Pine more than ever.
Time and again he would curl up in the palatial58 Drawing-Room at one end of the Sleeper59 and dream that six Life-Long Friends in deep Black were whispering among the Floral Tributes and putting on Cotton Gloves.
While searching for the Fountain of Youth he would bump into Sympathetic Souls of the kind who infest60 Observation Cars and hold down Rocking-Chairs in front of Wooden Hotels. These Fellow Voyagers in the realm of Hypochondria would give him various Capsules and Tablets, supposed to be good for whatever Ailed61 one at the Time. So eager was he to regain62 his full vigor63 and be able to eat and drink everything forbidden by the Doctors, he would fall for every kind of Dope made from Coal Tar33.
Even if he had worn Blinders he could not have walked past an
Apothecary64 Shop.
As he moved about the produced a muffled65 Castanet Effect, for he had a little box of Medicated Bullets in every Pocket.
Yet he was not in Condition.
Superintendent67 of a prosperous Morgue.
One Summer Day, when he was only about three jumps ahead of a
Cataleptic Convulsion, he had to get on the Cars and take a long ride
Commonwealth72 regulated by Mr. La Follette.
The Chronic73 Invalid74 was in the Buffet75, trying to work up a Desire for Luncheon76, when suddenly the Car turned a complete Somersault, because a heavy Freight Train had met Number Six head on.
When the Subject of this Treatise77 came to, he was propped78 up on the front porch of a Farm House with one Leg in Splits and a kind-faced Lady pressing Cold Applications to the fevered Brow.
He was O. K. except that he would have to lie still for a few Weeks while the Bones did their Knitting.
The good Country Folk would not permit him to be moved. He was dead willing to sink back among the White Pillows and figure the Accident Insurance.
Through the Honeysuckles and Morning-Glories he could see the long slope of the Clover Pasture, with here and there a deliberate Cow, and the Steeple of the Reformed Church showing above a distant clump79 of Soft Maples80.
About two hours after emerging from the trance, he made his customary Diagnosis81 and discovered that he was nervously82 shattered and in urgent need of a most heroic Bracer. He beckoned83 to the president of the local W. C. T. U. and said if they were all out of Scotch, he could do with a full-sized Hooker of any standard Bourbon that had matured in the Wood and was not blended.
Nurse readjusted his Pillow and told him that as soon as he came out of the Delirium84 he could dally85 with a mug of Buttermilk.
By and by, as he gathered Strength, she would slip him some Weak Tea.
He had heard that in some of these outlying Regions, the Family Sideboard stood for nothing stronger than Mustard, but this was the first time he had met Human Beings who were not on visiting Terms with the Demon86 Rum.
At the Cocktail87 Hour he ventured a second Request for any one of the standard Necessities of Life, but Mrs. Peabody read him a Passage from the Family Medicine Book to the effect that Liquor was never to be used except for Snake Bites.
When he ordered the Hired Hand to bring him a large Snake, they gave him a Sleeping Powder and told inquiring Neighbors that he was still out of his Head.
Next day he found himself alive, thanks to a wonderful Constitution. The Samaritans came and stood around his Couch and jollied him and offered him everything except what he needed.
When he offered to compromise on Drug-Store Sherry, the Daughter of the
Household, Luella by name, brought out a colored Chart showing the
Interior of a Moderate Drinker's Stomach. After that he was afraid to
Even the Cigarette was Taboo89 among these Good People, although Father could Fletcherize about 10 cents' worth of Licorice Plug each working Day.
Far removed from the Lad with the White Apron90, and with nothing to inhale91 except Ozone92, the unhappy Bon Vivant was compelled to put up with these most unnatural93 Conditions.
Milk and read a few more pages of Robinson Crusoe.
Then ensued the Miracle.
His Nerves began to unspiral themselves and lie down. He began to sit up and listen for the Toot of the Dinner Horn.
As soon as he could hobble on Crutches95 they put him on the Hay Scales, and he thought the Thing was out of Whack96, for he had taken on 4 Pounds.
The Fresh Garden truck seemed superior to any that he had been able to obtain in the Best Restaurants.
What was more amazing, he now evinced a critical Interest in Clydesdale Colts and Leghorn Roosters, although nothing of the sort had ever come into his Life while he had an Apartment in Forty-seventh Street.
When he took his game Leg back to the Metropolis97, he hurried to the Club and made a startling Report to all the broken-down Sports assembled in the Card-Room.
He said he had discovered the only Climate in the World. It had Switzerland skinned and was not enervating98, like Florida, for he had been sleeping like a Baby and felt like a 2-year-old every A. M., in spite of the fact that he could not get his regular Rations99.
He wanted to organize a Company and build a Million Dollar Hotel at
Once.
With a New York Steward100 to supply the Table and a well-stocked Cellar, the Resort ought to get all the classy Trade, for he hoped to die if the Air out there hadn't done more for him in One Month than Europe had done in the whole Year.
MORAL: Nature will sometimes help the Unfortunate who finds it impossible to reach out and help Himself.
点击收听单词发音
1 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
2 burnished | |
adj.抛光的,光亮的v.擦亮(金属等),磨光( burnish的过去式和过去分词 );被擦亮,磨光 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
3 awl | |
n.尖钻 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
4 willow | |
n.柳树 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
5 yearn | |
v.想念;怀念;渴望 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
6 fungus | |
n.真菌,真菌类植物 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
7 shuffle | |
n.拖著脚走,洗纸牌;v.拖曳,慢吞吞地走 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
8 sarcastic | |
adj.讥讽的,讽刺的,嘲弄的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
9 fiddle | |
n.小提琴;vi.拉提琴;不停拨弄,乱动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
10 eminent | |
adj.显赫的,杰出的,有名的,优良的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
11 haughty | |
adj.傲慢的,高傲的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
12 tottering | |
adj.蹒跚的,动摇的v.走得或动得不稳( totter的现在分词 );踉跄;蹒跚;摇摇欲坠 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
13 ironic | |
adj.讽刺的,有讽刺意味的,出乎意料的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
14 lavish | |
adj.无节制的;浪费的;vt.慷慨地给予,挥霍 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
15 collateral | |
adj.平行的;旁系的;n.担保品 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
16 lodging | |
n.寄宿,住所;(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
17 hoist | |
n.升高,起重机,推动;v.升起,升高,举起 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
18 unlimited | |
adj.无限的,不受控制的,无条件的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
19 scotch | |
n.伤口,刻痕;苏格兰威士忌酒;v.粉碎,消灭,阻止;adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
20 alcoholic | |
adj.(含)酒精的,由酒精引起的;n.酗酒者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
21 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
22 affected | |
adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
23 arteries | |
n.动脉( artery的名词复数 );干线,要道 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
24 tint | |
n.淡色,浅色;染发剂;vt.着以淡淡的颜色 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
25 rugged | |
adj.高低不平的,粗糙的,粗壮的,强健的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
26 shuddering | |
v.战栗( shudder的现在分词 );发抖;(机器、车辆等)突然震动;颤动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
27 isle | |
n.小岛,岛 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
28 irrigated | |
[医]冲洗的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
29 diluted | |
无力的,冲淡的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
30 chateau | |
n.城堡,别墅 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
31 scooping | |
n.捞球v.抢先报道( scoop的现在分词 );(敏捷地)抱起;抢先获得;用铲[勺]等挖(洞等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
32 sneaking | |
a.秘密的,不公开的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
33 tar | |
n.柏油,焦油;vt.涂或浇柏油/焦油于 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
34 supreme | |
adj.极度的,最重要的;至高的,最高的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
35 saturated | |
a.饱和的,充满的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
36 rosy | |
adj.美好的,乐观的,玫瑰色的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
37 awning | |
n.遮阳篷;雨篷 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
38 ribs | |
n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 );(船或屋顶等的)肋拱;肋骨状的东西;(织物的)凸条花纹 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
39 mitt | |
n.棒球手套,拳击手套,无指手套;vt.铐住,握手 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
40 gravel | |
n.砂跞;砂砾层;结石 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
41 pickles | |
n.腌菜( pickle的名词复数 );处于困境;遇到麻烦;菜酱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
42 brew | |
v.酿造,调制 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
43 coma | |
n.昏迷,昏迷状态 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
44 renounce | |
v.放弃;拒绝承认,宣布与…断绝关系 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
45 porcelain | |
n.瓷;adj.瓷的,瓷制的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
46 vaguely | |
adv.含糊地,暖昧地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
47 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
48 beverage | |
n.(水,酒等之外的)饮料 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
49 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
50 peculiarities | |
n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
51 parlor | |
n.店铺,营业室;会客室,客厅 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
52 cower | |
v.畏缩,退缩,抖缩 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
53 perk | |
n.额外津贴;赏钱;小费; | |
参考例句: |
|
|
54 helping | |
n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
55 craving | |
n.渴望,热望 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
56 enervate | |
v.使虚弱,使无力 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
57 hearty | |
adj.热情友好的;衷心的;尽情的,纵情的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
58 palatial | |
adj.宫殿般的,宏伟的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
59 sleeper | |
n.睡眠者,卧车,卧铺 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
60 infest | |
v.大批出没于;侵扰;寄生于 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
61 ailed | |
v.生病( ail的过去式和过去分词 );感到不舒服;处境困难;境况不佳 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
62 regain | |
vt.重新获得,收复,恢复 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
63 vigor | |
n.活力,精力,元气 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
64 apothecary | |
n.药剂师 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
65 muffled | |
adj.(声音)被隔的;听不太清的;(衣服)裹严的;蒙住的v.压抑,捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 );用厚厚的衣帽包着(自己) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
66 maple | |
n.槭树,枫树,槭木 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
67 superintendent | |
n.监督人,主管,总监;(英国)警务长 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
68 copper | |
n.铜;铜币;铜器;adj.铜(制)的;(紫)铜色的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
69 fatten | |
v.使肥,变肥 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
70 bowling | |
n.保龄球运动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
71 placid | |
adj.安静的,平和的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
72 commonwealth | |
n.共和国,联邦,共同体 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
73 chronic | |
adj.(疾病)长期未愈的,慢性的;极坏的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
74 invalid | |
n.病人,伤残人;adj.有病的,伤残的;无效的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
75 buffet | |
n.自助餐;饮食柜台;餐台 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
76 luncheon | |
n.午宴,午餐,便宴 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
77 treatise | |
n.专著;(专题)论文 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
78 propped | |
支撑,支持,维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
79 clump | |
n.树丛,草丛;vi.用沉重的脚步行走 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
80 maples | |
槭树,枫树( maple的名词复数 ); 槭木 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
81 diagnosis | |
n.诊断,诊断结果,调查分析,判断 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
82 nervously | |
adv.神情激动地,不安地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
83 beckoned | |
v.(用头或手的动作)示意,召唤( beckon的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
84 delirium | |
n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
85 dally | |
v.荒废(时日),调情 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
86 demon | |
n.魔鬼,恶魔 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
87 cocktail | |
n.鸡尾酒;餐前开胃小吃;混合物 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
88 chirp | |
v.(尤指鸟)唧唧喳喳的叫 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
89 taboo | |
n.禁忌,禁止接近,禁止使用;adj.禁忌的;v.禁忌,禁制,禁止 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
90 apron | |
n.围裙;工作裙 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
91 inhale | |
v.吸入(气体等),吸(烟) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
92 ozone | |
n.臭氧,新鲜空气 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
93 unnatural | |
adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
94 dozing | |
v.打瞌睡,假寐 n.瞌睡 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
95 crutches | |
n.拐杖, 支柱 v.支撑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
96 whack | |
v.敲击,重打,瓜分;n.重击,重打,尝试,一份 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
97 metropolis | |
n.首府;大城市 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
98 enervating | |
v.使衰弱,使失去活力( enervate的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
99 rations | |
定量( ration的名词复数 ); 配给量; 正常量; 合理的量 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
100 steward | |
n.乘务员,服务员;看管人;膳食管理员 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
欢迎访问英文小说网 |