At every Tea Battle and Cookie Carnival2 he was hailed as the Big Hero. A good many pulsating3 Dulcineas who didn't know what "Iconoclast4" meant, regarded him as an awful Iconoclast.
When he stood up in a Front Room and Unfolded his MS., and swallowed the Peppermint6 Wafer and began to Bleat7, no one in the World of Letters was safe.
He would wallop Dickens and jounce Kipling and even take a side-swipe at Luella Prentiss Budd, who was the Poetess Laureate for the Ward8 in which he lived.
Ever since his Stuff had been shot back by a Boston Editor with a Complimentary9 Note, he had billed himself as an Author and had been pointed10 out as such at more than one Chautauqua.
Consequently his Views on Recent Fiction carried much weight with the
Carries.
He loved to pile the Fagots around a Best Seller and burn it to a
As for the Drama, he could spread a New York Success on the marble-top
America flat on its back.
And if you mentioned Georgie Cohan to him, the Foam16 would begin to fleck17 his Lips and he would go plumb18 Locoed.
After he had been sitting on the Fence for many years, booing those who tried to saw Wood, his Satellites began coaxing19 him to write something that would show up Charley Klein and Gus Thomas and all the other Four-Flushers who were raking in Royalties20 under False Pretences21.
They knew he was a Genius, because nothing pleased him.
Dialogue was unrelated to Real Literature and the Verses lacked
Metrical Symmetry.
B. Smith.
So he had a Vase of Fresh Flowers put on his Desk every Day, and he would sit there, waiting for the Muse26 to keep her Date.
At the end of a Month he had it all planned to lay the First Scene in front of a Palace with a Forest on the Back drop so as to get a lot of Atmosphere.
There was to be a Princess in the Thing, and a Picture of the long-lost
Mother in the Locket and other New Stuff.
He put in Hours and Hours hand-embroidering the Verses.
When he made "Society" rhyme with "Propriety," he thought he was getting Gilbertian.
While these Lyrics27 were still quivering, he would take them out and read them to his wife and the Hired Girl and the man who attended to the Furnace, and get their Impartial28 Judgement.
Encouraged by these heart-felt Encomiums, he would hike back to the Study, shoot himself in the Arm with a hypothetical Needle, and once more begin picking Grapes in Arcady.
When People came to the House, not knowing that he had been taken down with anything, he would own up that he was working on a Mere30 Trifle, and then, after being sufficiently31 urged, he would give a Reading.
These Readings could have been headed off only by an Order of Court or calling out the State Guard.
Inasmuch as the large-size Carnegie Medal for Heroism32 is waiting for the Caller who has the immortal33 Rind to tell a poetical34 Pest that his output is Punk, the Author found himself smeared35 with Compliments after each of these parlor36 Try-Outs.
They kidded him into thinking that he had incubated a Whale.
When he had chewed up a Gross of Pencils and taken enough Tea to float the Imperator, the great Work was complete and ready to be launched with a loud Splash.
He began to inquire the Name of some prominent Theatre Blokie who was a keen Student of the Classics and a Person of super-refined Taste. The man he sought had moved into the Poor House, so he compromised by expressing his typewritten Masterpiece to a Ringmaster whose name he had seen on the Three Sheets. It was marked, "Valuable Package." In a few months the hirelings of the Company and the Driver of the Wagon37 became well acquainted with the Large Envelope containing the only Hope of the present decadent38 Period.
Every time the Work came back to him, with a brief printed Suggestion that any Male Adult not physically39 disabled could make $1.75 a day with a Shovel40, the Author would appear at the Afternoon Club with another scathing41 arraignment42 of certain Commercial Aspects of the Modern Stage. He saw that it was over their Heads.
It was too darned Dainty for a Flat-Head who spelt Art with a lower- case "a."
Yet it was so drenched43 and saturated44 and surcharged with Merit that he resolved to have it done by Local Amateurs rather than see it lost to the World.
The Music was written by Genius No. 2, working in a Piano Store. He had been writing Great Music for years.
He was very Temperamental. That is, he got soused on about three, and, while snooted, would deride46 Victor Herbert, thus proving that he was Brilliant, though Erratic47.
When the two got together to run over the Book and Score, they were sure enthusiastic.
The Author said the Lines were the best he had ever heard, and the
When the Home Talent bunch pulled the whole Affair before a mob of
Personal Friends and a subsidized City Editor, it was a Night of
Triumph for all concerned.
Clothes and stand around at Receptions, all crowded up to the Author
He didn't know that all of them Knocked after they got around the Dutch
Lunch.
He went home, sobbing53 with Joy. That night he nominated himself for the Hall of Fame and put it to a Vote, and there was not one Dissenting54 Voice.
Every deluded55 Boob who can bat up Fungoes in his own Back Yard thinks he is qualified56 to break into a Major League and line out Two-Baggers.
There was no holding the inspired Librettist57 and the talented young
Composer.
They knew that the eager Public in 48 States was waiting for the Best
The Author went up to the City and found a Manager who had a Desk and a lot of Courage and a varied60 experience in risking other people's Coin. After the two Geniuses had mortgaged their Homes, the Impresario61 was enabled to get some Scenery built and rally a large Drove of Artists— most of them carrying Hand Bags.
During Rehearsals62 the brutal63 Stage Manager wanted to cut the Gizzard out of the Book and omit most of the sentimental64 Arias65, but Mr. Words and Mr. Music emitted such shrieks66 of protest against the threatened Sacrilege that he allowed all the select home-made Guff to remain in the Script.
He thought it would serve them right.
When they gave the first Real Performance in a Dog Town on a drizzly67 evening in November, there was not Social Eclat68 to fill the sails.
The House was mostly Paper and therefore very Missouri.
Also a full delegation69 from the Coffin-Trimmers' union with Cracked Ice in their Laps.
They did not owe any Money to the Author or have any Kinfolk in the Cast, so they sat back with their Hands under them and allowed the pretty little Opera to die like an Outcast.
The only Laugh in the Piece was when the drop Curtain refused to work.
After the Show the Manager met them at an Oyster70 House and told them they had eased a Persimmon to him.
He said the whole Trick was a Bloomer. It was just as funny as a
Wooden Leg. It needed much Pep and about two tons of Bokum.
Both Words and Music refused to countenance71 any radical72 Changes. They said it would be another "Cavalleria" as soon as they could do it before an intelligent Audience of True-Lovers.
The Ex-Minstrel Man said there wasn't no such Animal as an intelligent
Play-goer.
The Simp that pushed his Metal into the Box Office wanted Something
House and a Card in the Clipper.
The Call on the Board read "Everybody at Ten," but the brainy Writer and the versatile74 Composer were not included.
When they appeared at the Stage Door they were met by Props75, who told them to get to a certain Place out of there.
Standing76 in the Alley77, they could hear Wails78 of Anguish79, and they knew that their Child was having the Vital Organs removed.
He was in charge of the Clinic—taking out the Grammar and putting in
Gags.
The Duos and Ensembles82 were being dropped through the Trap Door to make way for recent Song Hits from the alcoholic83 Cabarets.
The Ax fell right on the powdered Neck of the beautiful Prima Donna, who had studied for Grand Opera, but never had been able to find an Orchestra that would fit her Voice.
Her Part was changed from a Princess to a Shop-Lifter and was assigned to Cissy St. Vitus, late of a Burlesque84 Bunch known as the Lady Bugs85. The Tenor86 was given the Hook, and his sentimental Role was entrusted87 to a Head-Spinner who had acquired his Dramatic Schooling88 with the Ringling Circus.
All of which comes under the head of whipping a Performance into Shape.
When the two Geniuses sat out in front they recognized nothing except the Scenery and Costumes.
Their idyllic89 Creation had been mangled90 into a roughhouse Riot, in which Disorderly Conduct alternated with the shameless Gyrations taught in San Francisco.
The last Act had been omitted altogether without affecting the coherency of the Story.
The Plot died just four minutes after the Ring-Up.
Although the Report showed 27 Encores and the Gate began to jump $80 a
Night, both the intellectual Troubadour and the Student of Counter-
Harmonies went to the Manager and cried on his Shoulder and said that
their Beautiful work had been ruined.
If they would beat it and stay hid and leave the Artists fatten93 up their Scenes, probably the Bloomer could be converted into a Knock-Out.
While they were in the Sanitarium, the former Minstrel King and young
Original Stuff and put in two Turns that had landed strong over the
whole Orpheum Circuit.
The romantic Operetta now became known as Another One of Those Things.
It was eagerly discussed by Club Women and College Students.
Good seats down in the Observation Rows were not to be had except at the Hotel News Stand.
The Litry Guy and the Music-Maker came out of the Rest Cure to learn that they had registered a Hit and could get their names in "Who's Who."
With the Royalty95 Checks coming in from the eastern Centers of Culture they were enabled to buy four-cylinder Cars with which to go riding in lonesome Country Lanes, far from the sight of a Bill-Board.
When the Number Two Company came along presenting the Metropolitan96 Success in the One-Nighters, the reincarnated97 Gilbert and Sullivan packed up their Families and escaped to French Lick.
It was a Sell-Out, because all the Members of the Research Club wanted to see that new Dido called the Chicken Flop98.
There was no knocking at the Dutch Lunches that night.
Every one said the Show was a Bint, but they thought it was up to the
Author to resign from the Baptist Church.
MORAL: In elevating the Drama be sure to get it High enough, even if you have to make it a trifle Gamey.
点击收听单词发音
1 puff | |
n.一口(气);一阵(风);v.喷气,喘气 | |
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2 carnival | |
n.嘉年华会,狂欢,狂欢节,巡回表演 | |
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3 pulsating | |
adj.搏动的,脉冲的v.有节奏地舒张及收缩( pulsate的现在分词 );跳动;脉动;受(激情)震动 | |
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4 iconoclast | |
n.反对崇拜偶像者 | |
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5 cynical | |
adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的,不信世道向善的 | |
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6 peppermint | |
n.薄荷,薄荷油,薄荷糖 | |
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7 bleat | |
v.咩咩叫,(讲)废话,哭诉;n.咩咩叫,废话,哭诉 | |
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8 ward | |
n.守卫,监护,病房,行政区,由监护人或法院保护的人(尤指儿童);vt.守护,躲开 | |
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9 complimentary | |
adj.赠送的,免费的,赞美的,恭维的 | |
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10 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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11 cinder | |
n.余烬,矿渣 | |
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12 shuddered | |
v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 );发抖;(机器、车辆等)突然震动;颤动 | |
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13 dissect | |
v.分割;解剖 | |
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14 motif | |
n.(图案的)基本花纹,(衣服的)花边;主题 | |
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15 thereby | |
adv.因此,从而 | |
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16 foam | |
v./n.泡沫,起泡沫 | |
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17 fleck | |
n.斑点,微粒 vt.使有斑点,使成斑驳 | |
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18 plumb | |
adv.精确地,完全地;v.了解意义,测水深 | |
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19 coaxing | |
v.哄,用好话劝说( coax的现在分词 );巧言骗取;哄劝,劝诱;“锻炼”效应 | |
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20 royalties | |
特许权使用费 | |
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21 pretences | |
n.假装( pretence的名词复数 );作假;自命;自称 | |
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22 decided | |
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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23 noted | |
adj.著名的,知名的 | |
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24 bard | |
n.吟游诗人 | |
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25 harry | |
vt.掠夺,蹂躏,使苦恼 | |
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26 muse | |
n.缪斯(希腊神话中的女神),创作灵感 | |
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27 lyrics | |
n.歌词 | |
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28 impartial | |
adj.(in,to)公正的,无偏见的 | |
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29 gravy | |
n.肉汁;轻易得来的钱,外快 | |
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30 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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31 sufficiently | |
adv.足够地,充分地 | |
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32 heroism | |
n.大无畏精神,英勇 | |
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33 immortal | |
adj.不朽的;永生的,不死的;神的 | |
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34 poetical | |
adj.似诗人的;诗一般的;韵文的;富有诗意的 | |
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35 smeared | |
弄脏; 玷污; 涂抹; 擦上 | |
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36 parlor | |
n.店铺,营业室;会客室,客厅 | |
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37 wagon | |
n.四轮马车,手推车,面包车;无盖运货列车 | |
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38 decadent | |
adj.颓废的,衰落的,堕落的 | |
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39 physically | |
adj.物质上,体格上,身体上,按自然规律 | |
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40 shovel | |
n.铁锨,铲子,一铲之量;v.铲,铲出 | |
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41 scathing | |
adj.(言词、文章)严厉的,尖刻的;不留情的adv.严厉地,尖刻地v.伤害,损害(尤指使之枯萎)( scathe的现在分词) | |
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42 arraignment | |
n.提问,传讯,责难 | |
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43 drenched | |
adj.湿透的;充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 );在某人(某物)上大量使用(某液体) | |
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44 saturated | |
a.饱和的,充满的 | |
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45 catchy | |
adj.易记住的,诡诈的,易使人上当的 | |
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46 deride | |
v.嘲弄,愚弄 | |
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47 erratic | |
adj.古怪的,反复无常的,不稳定的 | |
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48 tunes | |
n.曲调,曲子( tune的名词复数 )v.调音( tune的第三人称单数 );调整;(给收音机、电视等)调谐;使协调 | |
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49 libretto | |
n.歌剧剧本,歌曲歌词 | |
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50 gems | |
growth; economy; management; and customer satisfaction 增长 | |
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51 liars | |
说谎者( liar的名词复数 ) | |
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52 mitt | |
n.棒球手套,拳击手套,无指手套;vt.铐住,握手 | |
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53 sobbing | |
<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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54 dissenting | |
adj.不同意的 | |
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55 deluded | |
v.欺骗,哄骗( delude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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56 qualified | |
adj.合格的,有资格的,胜任的,有限制的 | |
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57 librettist | |
n.(歌剧、音乐剧等的)歌词作者 | |
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58 robin | |
n.知更鸟,红襟鸟 | |
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59 hood | |
n.头巾,兜帽,覆盖;v.罩上,以头巾覆盖 | |
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60 varied | |
adj.多样的,多变化的 | |
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61 impresario | |
n.歌剧团的经理人;乐团指挥 | |
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62 rehearsals | |
n.练习( rehearsal的名词复数 );排练;复述;重复 | |
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63 brutal | |
adj.残忍的,野蛮的,不讲理的 | |
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64 sentimental | |
adj.多愁善感的,感伤的 | |
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65 arias | |
n.咏叹调( aria的名词复数 ) | |
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66 shrieks | |
n.尖叫声( shriek的名词复数 )v.尖叫( shriek的第三人称单数 ) | |
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67 drizzly | |
a.毛毛雨的(a drizzly day) | |
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68 eclat | |
n.显赫之成功,荣誉 | |
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69 delegation | |
n.代表团;派遣 | |
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70 oyster | |
n.牡蛎;沉默寡言的人 | |
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71 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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72 radical | |
n.激进份子,原子团,根号;adj.根本的,激进的,彻底的 | |
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73 gals | |
abbr.gallons (复数)加仑(液量单位)n.女孩,少女( gal的名词复数 ) | |
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74 versatile | |
adj.通用的,万用的;多才多艺的,多方面的 | |
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75 props | |
小道具; 支柱( prop的名词复数 ); 支持者; 道具; (橄榄球中的)支柱前锋 | |
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76 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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77 alley | |
n.小巷,胡同;小径,小路 | |
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78 wails | |
痛哭,哭声( wail的名词复数 ) | |
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79 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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80 celebrated | |
adj.有名的,声誉卓著的 | |
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81 graveyard | |
n.坟场 | |
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82 ensembles | |
整体( ensemble的名词复数 ); 合奏; 乐团; 全套服装(尤指女装) | |
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83 alcoholic | |
adj.(含)酒精的,由酒精引起的;n.酗酒者 | |
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84 burlesque | |
v.嘲弄,戏仿;n.嘲弄,取笑,滑稽模仿 | |
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85 bugs | |
adj.疯狂的,发疯的n.窃听器( bug的名词复数 );病菌;虫子;[计算机](制作软件程序所产生的意料不到的)错误 | |
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86 tenor | |
n.男高音(歌手),次中音(乐器),要旨,大意 | |
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87 entrusted | |
v.委托,托付( entrust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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88 schooling | |
n.教育;正规学校教育 | |
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89 idyllic | |
adj.质朴宜人的,田园风光的 | |
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90 mangled | |
vt.乱砍(mangle的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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91 chunk | |
n.厚片,大块,相当大的部分(数量) | |
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92 dough | |
n.生面团;钱,现款 | |
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93 fatten | |
v.使肥,变肥 | |
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94 vestiges | |
残余部分( vestige的名词复数 ); 遗迹; 痕迹; 毫不 | |
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95 royalty | |
n.皇家,皇族 | |
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96 metropolitan | |
adj.大城市的,大都会的 | |
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97 reincarnated | |
v.赋予新形体,使转世化身( reincarnate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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98 flop | |
n.失败(者),扑通一声;vi.笨重地行动,沉重地落下 | |
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