CRONIAMANTAL
Ladies and Gentlemen of THE THEATRE, I have come to read you my play entitled Ieximal Jelimite.
THE THEATRE
Good gracious, wait a minute, young man, until you have been informed about our methods of procedure. You are here in the midst of our actors, our authors, our critics and our spectators. Listen attentively2 and don't even speak.
CRONIAMANTAL
Gentlemen, I thank you for the cordial reception that you give me and I shall profit, I am sure, of all that I hear.
THE ACTOR
But mother, I love my metempsychoses
O seats of proteus and their metamorphoses
AN OLD STAGE MANAGER
Do you remember, Madame! One snowy night of 1832, a lost stranger knocked at the door of a villa4 situated5 on the road leading from Chanteboun to Sorrento...
THE CRITIC
Nowadays, for a play to be successful it is important that it should not be signed by its author.
THE TRAINER TO HIS BEAR
Roll about in the sweet peas
Play dead... suckle...
Dance the polka... now the mazurka...
CHORUS OF DRINKERS
Juice o' the grape
Ruddy liquor
Let us drink drink
If we may
CHORUS OF EATERS
There's no more
In the plate
DRINKERS
Bloated heads
Drink o drink
The juice o' the grape
R.D.RD K.PL.NG, THE ACTOR, THE ACTRESS,
THE AUTHORS
(To the spectators)
Pay! Pay! Pay! Pay! Pay! Pay! Pay!
THE PROMPTER
The theatre, my dear brothers, is a school for scandal, it is a place of perdition for the soul and the body. According to the testimony9 of the stage carpenters everything is faked in the theatre. Witches older than Morgane come there to pose as little girls of fifteen years.
How much blood is spilt in a melodrama10! I say truthfully, though it be false, this blood will be upon the heads of the children of the authors, the actors, the directors, and the spectators, unto the seventh generation. Ne mater suam, the little girls used to say to their mothers. Nowadays they ask: "Are we going to the theatre tonight?"
I tell you frankly11 my friends. There are few shows which do not endanger the soul. Outside of the spectacle of nature I know of nothing that one may witness without fear. This last spectacle is Gallic and healthy, my dear friends. The sound dilates12 the glands13, chases Satan from the stinking14 shades where he lies and thus the Fathers come in from the desert to exorcise themselves.
THE MOTHER OF AN ACTRESS
Are you p..., Charlotte?
THE ACTRESS
No, mama, I am roasting.
M. MAURICE BOISSARD
We have with us today the entrails of a mother!
AN AUTHOR WHO HAS A PLAY ACCEPTED BY THE COMEDIE-FRAN?AISE
My friend, you do not look very confident today. I am going to explain the meaning of several words from the theatrical15 vocabulary. Listen attentively and remember them if you can.
Acheron (ch hard)—A river of Hades, not of hell.
Brother—Avoid using this substantive17 together with "little." The adjective "young" is more proper.
NOTA BENE—This phrase does not apply to operettas.
"High Life"—This very French expression is translated in English as "fashionable people."
Liaisons—They are always dangerous in the theatre.
Papa—Two negatives are equal to an affirmative.
Tut-tut—This worn expression...
Would you like to have some titles for plays also? They are very important in order to succeed. Here are some sure ones:
THE CONTOUR; The Circumference19; THE CONDOR20; Hurry up Harry21; THE TOWER; Louise, your shirt is coming out; STEP ALONG; The Mysterious Bar; HUNDREDTH TO THE RIGHT; The Magician; THE GUELF; I am going to kill you; MY PRINCE; The Artichoke; THE SCHOOL FOR LAWYERS; The Torch-bearer!
Good-bye, sir, don't thank me.
A GREAT CRITIC
Gentlemen, I have come to give you a report of the triumph, last night. Are you ready? I begin:
A play in three acts by Messrs. Julien Tandis, Jean de la Fente, Prosper23 Mordus and Mmes Nathalie de l'Angoumois, Jane Fontaine and the countess M. Des Etangs, etc. Sets by Messrs. Alfred Mone, Leon Minie, Al. de Lemere. Costumes by Jeanette, hats by Wilhelmine, properties by the MacTead Company, phonographs by Hernstein and Company, sanitary24 napkins by Van Feuler Brothers.
I recall the captive who dared to p... before Sesostris. I never saw a more poignant25 scene than this from the play of Messrs, and Mmes etc. I must speak of the scene which made such a great hit at the opening night and in which the financier Prominoff bursts into a fit of rage against the coroner.
The play, which was very good, otherwise, did not accomplish all that was expected of it. The courtesan wife who feathers her nest out of the green old age of a vulgar brewer26, remains27, however, an unforgettable and touching28 figure which leaves in the shadow that of Cleopatra and Mme de Pompadour. M. Layol is an excellent comedian. He acted the father of a family in every sense of the expression. Mlle Jeannine Letrou, a young star of tomorrow, has very pretty legs. But the real revelation was Mme Perdreau whose sensitive nature we know so well. She acted the scene of the reconciliation29 with the most perfect naturalism. In short a great evening and prospects30 for a hundred night run.[9]
THE THEATRE
Young man we are going to give some subjects for plays. If they were signed by famous names we would play them, but they are masterpieces by unknowns which were given to us and which we are generously turning over to you because of your nice face.
PLAY WITH A THESIS—The prince of San Meco finds a louse on his wife's head and makes a scene. The princess has not slept with the viscount of Dendelope for the past six months. The couple make a scene before the viscount, who, not having slept with anyone but the princess and Mme Lafoulue, wife of a Secretary of State, causes the ministry31 to fall and overwhelms Mme Lafoulue with his scorn.
Mme Lafoulue makes a scene with her husband. Everything becomes clear, however, when Monsieur Bibier, the Deputy, arrives. He scratches his head. He is stripped. He accuses his electors of being lousy. Finally everything is in order once more. Title: Parliamentarism.
COMEDY OF MANNERS—Isabelle Lefaucheux promises her husband that she will be faithful to him. Then she remembers that she has promised the same thing to Jules, the boy who works in their store. She suffers from not being able to grant her faith and her love.
However, Lefaucheux fires Jules. This event precipitates32 a dramatic triumph of love, and we soon find Isabelle cashier in a department store where Jules is salesman. Title: Isabelle Lefaucheux.
HISTORICAL PLAY—The famous novelist Stendhal is the ringleader of a Bonapartist plot which ends in the heroic death of a young singer during a presentation of Don Juan at the Scala Theatre in Milan. Since Stendhal had hidden his identity under a pseudonym33, he withdraws from the affair admirably. Grand marches, procession of historical personages.
OPERA—Buridan's ass34 hesitates to satisfy his hunger and his thirst. The she-ass of Balaam prophesies35 that the ass will die. The golden ass comes, eats and drinks. The Wild-Ass's-Skin comes and displays his nudity to this asinine36 herd37. Passing by, Sancho's ass thinks that he can prove his robustness38 by carrying off the child, but the traitor39, Melo, warns the Genius of la Fontaine. He proclaims his jealousy40 and beats the golden ass. Metamorphoses. The Prince and the Infant make their entrance on horseback. The King abdicates41 in their favor.
PATRIOTIC42 PLAY—The Swedish government lays suit against the French Government for manufacturing an imitation of "Swedish matches." In the last act they exhume43 the remains of an alchemist of the XIVth Century who invented these matches, at La Ferté-Gaucher, a village in France, not far from Paris.
COMEDY——
Cried to his neighbor
Here is enough to nourish a whole career of playwriting, sir.
M. LACOUFF, SCHOLAR
Young man, it is also important to know theatrical anecdotes47; they help to fill out the conversation of a young dramatic author; here are a few:
Frederick the Great was accustomed to having his court actresses whipped before each presentation. He believed that flagellation communicated a rosy48 tint49 to their skin which was not without its charm.
At the court of the Grand Turk, the Bourgeois50 Gentilhomme was being played, but in order to adapt it to the taste of the environment the mamamouchi became a Knight51 of the Garter.[10]
Cecile Vestris, while returning to Mayence, one day, had her carriage held up by the famous Rhenish bandit Schinderhans. She rallied her spirits against this ill-fortune and danced for Schinderhans in the hall of a roadside tavern52.
Ibsen was sleeping one time with a young Spanish lady who cried out at the proper moment:
"Now!... now!... Mr. Dramatist!"
An erudite actor admitted to me that he had liked only one statue in all his life: The Squatting53 Scribe, sculptured by an Egyptian, long before Jesus-Christ, and which he saw in the Louvre. But they are beginning to talk much less of Scribe, and yet he still reigns54 over the theatre.
THE THEATRE
Do not forget the final scene, nor the words at the end, nor the fact that the more crust you have the more you shine, nor that a number that is cited must end in 7 or 3 in order to seem accurate; nor not to lend money to anybody who says: "I have five acts at the Odéon," or "I have three acts at the Comédie-Fran?aise," nor to say carelessly: "If you want some free passes, I have so many of them, that I am obliged to give them to my concierge55;" that doesn't lead to anything.
A young man at this point made good the occasion to come and sing with equivocal gestures and a lascivious56 air, some childish and entrancing songs.
M. PINGU
What juice, sir!
M. LACOUFF
Juice of the hat?
M. PINGU
No-no! I am mistaken. What a fluid!
He trembles like the paunch of an archbishop.
M. LACOUFF
Use the proper word, not your paunch.
M. PINGU
What a joy, sir, what a joy! It would soften57 a crocodile to tears and would please a scholar as well as a financier.
CRONIAMANTAL
Good-bye, gentlemen, I am your devoted58 servant. With your permission I will return in a few days. I feel that my play is not in proper shape yet.
André Dérain
![](../../../skin/default/image/4.jpg)
点击
收听单词发音
![收听单词发音](/template/default/tingnovel/images/play.gif)
1
bribing
![]() |
|
贿赂 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
2
attentively
![]() |
|
adv.聚精会神地;周到地;谛;凝神 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
3
withered
![]() |
|
adj. 枯萎的,干瘪的,(人身体的部分器官)因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
4
villa
![]() |
|
n.别墅,城郊小屋 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
5
situated
![]() |
|
adj.坐落在...的,处于某种境地的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
6
horde
![]() |
|
n.群众,一大群 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
7
gluttons
![]() |
|
贪食者( glutton的名词复数 ); 贪图者; 酷爱…的人; 狼獾 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
8
crumb
![]() |
|
n.饼屑,面包屑,小量 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
9
testimony
![]() |
|
n.证词;见证,证明 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
10
melodrama
![]() |
|
n.音乐剧;情节剧 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
11
frankly
![]() |
|
adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
12
dilates
![]() |
|
v.(使某物)扩大,膨胀,张大( dilate的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
13
glands
![]() |
|
n.腺( gland的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
14
stinking
![]() |
|
adj.臭的,烂醉的,讨厌的v.散发出恶臭( stink的现在分词 );发臭味;名声臭;糟透 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
15
theatrical
![]() |
|
adj.剧场的,演戏的;做戏似的,做作的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
16
comedian
![]() |
|
n.喜剧演员;滑稽演员 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
17
substantive
![]() |
|
adj.表示实在的;本质的、实质性的;独立的;n.实词,实名词;独立存在的实体 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
18
crudity
![]() |
|
n.粗糙,生硬;adj.粗略的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
19
circumference
![]() |
|
n.圆周,周长,圆周线 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
20
condor
![]() |
|
n.秃鹰;秃鹰金币 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
21
harry
![]() |
|
vt.掠夺,蹂躏,使苦恼 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
22
grit
![]() |
|
n.沙粒,决心,勇气;v.下定决心,咬紧牙关 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
23
prosper
![]() |
|
v.成功,兴隆,昌盛;使成功,使昌隆,繁荣 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
24
sanitary
![]() |
|
adj.卫生方面的,卫生的,清洁的,卫生的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
25
poignant
![]() |
|
adj.令人痛苦的,辛酸的,惨痛的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
26
brewer
![]() |
|
n. 啤酒制造者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
27
remains
![]() |
|
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
28
touching
![]() |
|
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
29
reconciliation
![]() |
|
n.和解,和谐,一致 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
30
prospects
![]() |
|
n.希望,前途(恒为复数) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
31
ministry
![]() |
|
n.(政府的)部;牧师 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
32
precipitates
![]() |
|
v.(突如其来地)使发生( precipitate的第三人称单数 );促成;猛然摔下;使沉淀 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
33
pseudonym
![]() |
|
n.假名,笔名 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
34
ass
![]() |
|
n.驴;傻瓜,蠢笨的人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
35
prophesies
![]() |
|
v.预告,预言( prophesy的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
36
asinine
![]() |
|
adj.愚蠢的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
37
herd
![]() |
|
n.兽群,牧群;vt.使集中,把…赶在一起 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
38
robustness
![]() |
|
坚固性,健壮性;鲁棒性 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
39
traitor
![]() |
|
n.叛徒,卖国贼 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
40
jealousy
![]() |
|
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
41
abdicates
![]() |
|
放弃(职责、权力等)( abdicate的第三人称单数 ); 退位,逊位 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
42
patriotic
![]() |
|
adj.爱国的,有爱国心的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
43
exhume
![]() |
|
v.掘出,挖掘 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
44
chauffeur
![]() |
|
n.(受雇于私人或公司的)司机;v.为…开车 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
45
salon
![]() |
|
n.[法]沙龙;客厅;营业性的高级服务室 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
46
wilt
![]() |
|
v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎;(指人)疲倦,衰弱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
47
anecdotes
![]() |
|
n.掌故,趣闻,轶事( anecdote的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
48
rosy
![]() |
|
adj.美好的,乐观的,玫瑰色的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
49
tint
![]() |
|
n.淡色,浅色;染发剂;vt.着以淡淡的颜色 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
50
bourgeois
![]() |
|
adj./n.追求物质享受的(人);中产阶级分子 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
51
knight
![]() |
|
n.骑士,武士;爵士 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
52
tavern
![]() |
|
n.小旅馆,客栈;小酒店 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
53
squatting
![]() |
|
v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的现在分词 );非法擅自占用(土地或房屋);为获得其所有权;而占用某片公共用地。 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
54
reigns
![]() |
|
n.君主的统治( reign的名词复数 );君主统治时期;任期;当政期 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
55
concierge
![]() |
|
n.管理员;门房 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
56
lascivious
![]() |
|
adj.淫荡的,好色的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
57
soften
![]() |
|
v.(使)变柔软;(使)变柔和 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
58
devoted
![]() |
|
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
欢迎访问英文小说网 |