For the most complicated examples of plural marriage, as for all the varieties of sexual complications, we must turn to Greece of the classical period. Demosthenes wrote somewhere: "We have prostitutes to give us pleasure, concubines to minister to our daily needs and wives to bear us children and to watch over our homes."
When we remember that besides the three types of women with whom they had sexual relations, many and among them some of the greatest men of those times, indulged in homosexual unions with young men of feminine appearance, we must draw[Pg 84] two conclusions: first, that those men must have been sexual supermen, as they were at times mental supermen, second, that love as we understand it at the present day, can only have had very little to do with their sexual life.
Modern love as we shall see in Chapter XXXI means mutual4 love, the equal gratification of the mates thru the rites5 of sex communion.
Plural Love, be it of the ancient Greek type, of the Oriental or mormon type, means varietism for the male, scanty6 gratification for the female. At best a mild form of sexual slavery, most humiliating to the woman and possible only under a social system debarring woman from financial independence.
Only a man suffering from priapism could gratify the eroticism of a large number of wives and the latest or youngest wife would naturally receive a larger share of physical attention than the earlier and older mates. The jealousy8 and hatred9 thus engendered10 are in no way minimised by the fact that the custom of certain lands countenances11 such arrangements.
Polyandry as it existed in ancient times and still exsists in Tibet, where a woman marries several men (generally brothers) may be more satisfactory for the primitive12 female. Owing to her physiological[Pg 85] make up, and also to her passive r?le in love, woman can gratify several men and receive gratification from them. The neurotic13 disturbances14 which may arise as a result of a woman's lack of sexual gratification are avoided by the polyandric scheme of union. But this is the only superiority which polyandry has over polygamy.
Both polygamous and polyandric nations and civilisations have gradually receded15 as far as numerical importance and world prestige go and both institutions are bound to disappear.
The development of the human ego16, both in men and women, will not permit much longer of the enslavement of one sex to gratify the pleasures of the other. Nor can any group, male or female, enforce its domination over individuals of the opposite sex and make them accept the dogma of an inferior sex by embodying17 that dogma in any religious creed18 of the mormon or mohammedan type.
Infidelity. Plural love is passing but infidelity has taken its place in every possible respect as a sexual and an egotistical form of gratification.
When dealing19 with infidelity we must establish a careful distinction between forms of infidelity due to "normal" causes and other forms due to un[Pg 86]conscious complexes. On the other hand we should beware of admitting, as many unscientific writers do, that there is a distinct difference of attitude to infidelity in the two sexes.
That shortsighted viewpoint has been unfortunately voiced in hundreds of popular sayings which represent man as the great examplary of infidelity and woman as faithfulness incarnate20.
Economic conditions, not sexual differences, are at the bottom of the levity21 with which men treat their heart affairs and of the gravity with which women, officially at least, consider the marriage relationship.
Financial dependence7 and the fear of motherhood compel the domesticated22, parasitic23 type of woman to secure the services of a breadwinner, and after achieving that object, to avoid hurting his susceptibilities.
Independent and professional women, especially the sterile24 or sterilised ones, are frankly25 "masculine" in their love habits.
But I insist on considering certain forms of infidelity as normal and others as abnormal, independently from the question as to whether they are socially desirable or undesirable26.
The human type which is so perfectly27 normal that[Pg 87] it has no fixation and no definite fetishes, except species fetishes, and which weaklings and puritans designate as "animal," is not likely to be faithful to any mate. Like every strong and healthy animal at rutting time, he or she is sexually aroused by every individual of the opposite sex. No safety complex restrains him as far as sexuality is concerned. The only fears which restrain his search for gratification are fear of exposure and ostracism28 within his herd29, fear of pregnancy30 or infection and fear of final complications, not to mention of course the fear of inflicting31 suffering upon a lifemate of whom he may be extremely fond.
For we must never forget the fact, unpleasant as it may appear to unscientific hypocrites, that lasting32 love is a matter of fixation and fetishism, hence, always slightly tainted33 with neurosis.
When Love Dies. "Normal" infidelity may also be merely the only hope of sexual gratification for the normal man or woman whose mate has ceased to present the fetishes needed to awaken34 his or her eroticism. Healthy individuals are neither willing nor capable to forego sexual gratification. Now and then complications arise, a man being very fond, for sexual reasons, of a woman who would prove undesirable as his mate and, for sentimental35 reasons,[Pg 88] of a woman who is infinitely36 congenial but no longer arouses his desire. Likewise, a woman may be deeply attached to both her lover and her husband. Ivan Bloch writes: "It is quite possible to love more than one person at the same time with nearly equal tenderness and be honestly able to assure each of the passion felt for him or her. The vast psychic37 differentiation38 involved by modern civilization increases the possibility of this double love for it is difficult to find one's complement39 in a single person and this applies to women as well as to men."
George Hirth, in his "Wege zur Heimat" also points out that women, as well as men, can love two persons at the same time. Men flatter themselves with the prejudice that the female heart, or rather brain, can only hold one man at a time and that if there is a second man, it is by a kind of prostitution. Nearly all the erotic writers, poets and novelists, even physicians and psychologists, belong to this class. They look upon a woman as property and of course two men cannot "possess" one woman.
"Regarding novelists, however," remarks Havelock Ellis, "the remark may be interpolated that there are many exceptions. Thomas Hardy40, for instance, frequently represents a woman as more or less in love with two men at the same time."
[Pg 89]
Hirth maintains that a woman is not necessarily obliged to be untrue to one man because she has conceived a passion for another man. "Today," Hirth writes, "truly love and justice can count as honorable motives41 in marriage. The modern man accords to the beloved wife and life companion the same freedom he himself took before marriage, and perhaps still, takes in marriage. If she makes no use of it, as is to be hoped, so much the better. But let there be no lies, no deception42, the indispensable foundation of modern marriage is boundless43 sincerity44 and friendship, the deepest trust, affectionate devotion and consideration. That is the best safeguard against adultery. Let him, however, who is, nevertheless, overtaken by the outbreak of it, console himself with the undoubted fact that of two real lovers, the most noble minded and deep seeing friend will always have the preference."
Even under an economic system countenancing45 free love and birth control, such complications would surely arise and cause much suffering.
Bored Wives. Infidelity is often also a refuge from boredom46 for the middle class woman who has no definite training or ability in any direction and is thereby47 condemned48 to idleness. Left alone all day and a few evenings every month by a busy[Pg 90] husband, she yearns49 for companionship. Unless she is slightly homosexual, she soon tires of stupid teas, bridge and gossip parties and she accepts the attentions of some man who brings into her life a little romance and a different aspect of the world's activities. The French cynic Willy had that type in mind when he wrote: "adultery has become the key stone of society. By making married life tolerable it prevents the breaking up of the home."
Besides normal sexual cravings, there are many unconscious or only partly conscious causes which drive human beings into being faithless to their life mates.
Many women take lovers, many men take mistresses for purely50 egotistical reasons. Justly or unjustly they feel a certain lack of appreciation51 in their mates and make up their minds to get even with them.
"Getting Even" is one of the great neurotic cravings, one which has led to numberless offences, including crime and suicide.
To some neurotics52 with a sense of inferiority, an extramatrimonial affair seems to be the sole means of restoring one's self confidence. "I am of no account at home but to some one else I mean the world."
[Pg 91]
Many neurotics use "romance" and "inspiration" as convenient scapegoats53.
"But for the inspiration I derive54 from my affair with So and So, I could not do my work properly," and this is true in a good many cases, but in many more cases, any one else would do just as well as a lover or mistress. Some neurotics, who remind one of Madame Bovary, the heroine of Flaubert's great novel, feel that accomplishment55 and the fullness of life are naturally associated with sexual irregularities.
Too inferior to accomplish anything by dint56 of hard work, Emma Bovary childishly expected love to accomplish everything for her. Other neurotics, incapable57 of any creative work, consider romance as an achievement in itself and proceed to call every carnal dissipation romance. Just as inferior boys at the gang age steal or destroy in an absurd attempt at "doing something out of the ordinary."
Some neurotics never feel safe very long with any sexual mate; they grow afraid or suspicious and seek safety in the arms of some other human being in whom they unconsciously hope to find the father or mother image to which they were over-attached. Their search for the safe mate, that is, for the parent image, is, of course, always unsuccessful.
[Pg 92]
Varietists. I have observed a number of men and women who liked to designate themselves as varietists and who were simply unconscious or partly conscious homosexuals struggling against perverse58 tendencies to which they did not wish to yield.
I have seen in my office several Don Juans who were unconsciously attracted to men and refused for a long while to admit that such a craving3 was a part of their personality. Every woman they met only meant one thing to them: "If I could capture her, I would feel sure that I was a real man." A few days after catching59 their prey60 they were once more obsessed61 by doubts and had to seek new evidence.
Many partly conscious homosexuals seek women who in their appearance, manner of dress and behavior are the best substitutes for men, that is, mannish girls, flat chested, with narrow hips62, bobbed hair, wearing tailor-made garments, engaged in masculine pursuits, etc.
They often meet with disappointment for such women are frequently homosexual and hence unlikely to yield to a man. When the woman is sexually normal, however, the neurotic's happiness is far from assured. As soon as sentimentalism or tenderness allows the feminine component63 of those[Pg 93] masculine women to break thru their masculinity, the unconscious homosexual loses his love for them. One patient of mine did his hunting among equestriennes in Central Park. On two occasions his attentions were accepted. His disappointment was terrible; calling upon the women who had attracted him when wearing a mannish derby and riding breeches, he was greeted by very womanly persons attired64 in the most feminine finery.
Several times in his life my patient has been in love with rather masculine women. The first flash of femininity in them had always cured him entirely65 of his infatuation.
The Ultrafeminine. Other homosexuals struggling savagely66 against the appeal of the masculine, seek safety in the arms of extremely feminine creatures who could not in any way awaken the slightest suggestion of a perversion67.
Their obsessive68 fear, however, does not allow them to enjoy the affair very long. Small physical details which a normal man would not notice suddenly fill them with fear or disgust. A masculine gesture, a raucous69 intonation70, a slight growth of hair on the upper lip or the limbs may suggest unavoidably the sex from which they are fleeing in panic. Their love cools off and safety has to be[Pg 94] sought, altho it is never found, in the arms of some other woman of very feminine appearance, who is in turn discarded for the same absurd reasons.
As fixations and fetishism have infinitely more importance for men than for women (see Chapter III) the male neurotic is naturally more "promiscuous71" and faithless than the female neurotic.
Messalina. Every psychoanalyst, however, has met the Messalina type, who is constantly seeking the "love that will endure." Like her masculine counterpart, the Don Juan, she is in the majority of cases seeking safety and trying, by conquering many men, to reestablish her self-confidence which every little disappointment and humiliation72 destroys so easily.
However loving and worshipful the neurotic's mate may be, he or she cannot hope to save the neurotic from further love entanglements73. One of the most striking neurotic traits is a craving to disparage74 everything and everybody in his environment.
The praise of the most affectionate husband or lover, wife or mistress, is insufficient75 to raise the neurotic's self-esteem. With all neurotics, familiarity breeds contempt and it must be from the lips of a new man or new woman that they must hear their praise sung before their feeling of inferiority is deadened and allows them to enjoy that praise.
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1
plural
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| n.复数；复数形式；adj.复数的 | |
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justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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rites
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| 仪式，典礼( rite的名词复数 ) | |
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scanty
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| adj.缺乏的，仅有的，节省的，狭小的，不够的 | |
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dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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engendered
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| v.产生（某形势或状况），造成，引起( engender的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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countenances
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| n.面容( countenance的名词复数 )；表情；镇静；道义支持 | |
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12
primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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neurotic
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| adj.神经病的，神经过敏的；n.神经过敏者，神经病患者 | |
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disturbances
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| n.骚乱( disturbance的名词复数 )；打扰；困扰；障碍 | |
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receded
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的过去式和过去分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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ego
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| n.自我，自己，自尊 | |
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embodying
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| v.表现( embody的现在分词 )；象征；包括；包含 | |
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creed
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| n.信条；信念，纲领 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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incarnate
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| adj.化身的，人体化的，肉色的 | |
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levity
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| n.轻率，轻浮，不稳定，多变 | |
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domesticated
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| adj.喜欢家庭生活的；（指动物）被驯养了的v.驯化( domesticate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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23
parasitic
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| adj.寄生的 | |
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sterile
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| adj.不毛的，不孕的，无菌的，枯燥的，贫瘠的 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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undesirable
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| adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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ostracism
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| n.放逐；排斥 | |
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herd
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| n.兽群，牧群；vt.使集中，把…赶在一起 | |
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pregnancy
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| n.怀孕，怀孕期 | |
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inflicting
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的现在分词 ) | |
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lasting
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| adj.永久的，永恒的；vbl.持续，维持 | |
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tainted
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| adj.腐坏的；污染的；沾污的；感染的v.使变质( taint的过去式和过去分词 )；使污染；败坏；被污染，腐坏，败坏 | |
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awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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psychic
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| n.对超自然力敏感的人；adj.有超自然力的 | |
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differentiation
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| n.区别，区分 | |
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complement
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| n.补足物，船上的定员；补语；vt.补充，补足 | |
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hardy
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| adj.勇敢的，果断的，吃苦的；耐寒的 | |
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41
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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42
deception
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| n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计 | |
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43
boundless
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| adj.无限的；无边无际的；巨大的 | |
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44
sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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45
countenancing
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| v.支持，赞同，批准( countenance的现在分词 ) | |
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boredom
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| n.厌烦，厌倦，乏味，无聊 | |
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thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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48
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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49
yearns
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| 渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的第三人称单数 ) | |
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50
purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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51
appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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52
neurotics
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| n.神经官能症的( neurotic的名词复数 )；神经质的；神经过敏的；极为焦虑的 | |
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53
scapegoats
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| n.代人受过的人，替罪羊( scapegoat的名词复数 )v.使成为替罪羊( scapegoat的第三人称单数 ) | |
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54
derive
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| v.取得；导出；引申；来自；源自；出自 | |
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55
accomplishment
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| n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能 | |
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56
dint
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| n.由于，靠；凹坑 | |
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57
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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obsessed
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| adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的 | |
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62
hips
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| abbr.high impact polystyrene 高冲击强度聚苯乙烯，耐冲性聚苯乙烯n.臀部( hip的名词复数 )；[建筑学]屋脊；臀围（尺寸）；臀部…的 | |
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component
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| n.组成部分，成分，元件；adj.组成的，合成的 | |
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64
attired
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| adj.穿着整齐的v.使穿上衣服，使穿上盛装( attire的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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65
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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savagely
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| adv. 野蛮地，残酷地 | |
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67
perversion
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| n.曲解；堕落；反常 | |
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obsessive
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| adj. 着迷的, 强迫性的, 分神的 | |
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raucous
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| adj.(声音)沙哑的，粗糙的 | |
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intonation
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| n.语调，声调；发声 | |
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promiscuous
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| adj.杂乱的，随便的 | |
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72
humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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73
entanglements
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| n.瓜葛( entanglement的名词复数 )；牵连；纠缠；缠住 | |
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74
disparage
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| v.贬抑，轻蔑 | |
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insufficient
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| adj.(for，of)不足的，不够的 | |
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