chapter 5

 The whole social problem, as regards pure living, home-making, and domestic comfort, depends on how young people, as such, shall deport¹ themselves toward each other.

 

Some good people have seemed to suppose that, provided the children were converted, everything else would take care of itself, so that any specific instruction in “manners” must be superfluous², if not foolish. This is a fallacy of the same order as that which assumes that if a man is called of God to preach the gospel he needs no education or preparation, only to stand up, open his mouth, and give his vocal³ organs a chance to play, leaving God to do the rest; when the fact is that God will make good use of every faculty⁴, and all the culture that is provided for him, but of no more. The name Christian⁵ should stand for the very best that is possible in education. Many a 30 Christian man has brought reproach on the name of Christ, not because his heart was bad, but because his manners were. Many a woman of pure purpose, who would not have committed a gross act for the world, has alienated⁶ her husband, made her neighbors suspicious, and lost her good name, just because she did not know what things were of good report, and therefore what must be of evil report. And these disasters resulted from lack of proper training in the early home on some points that seem too trivial to think about twice, and which, doubtless, many will feel have no place in a dignified⁷ discussion anywhere. And yet since these small things concern so much of weal or woe⁸, so much of honor or shame, we may well afford to take time for their consideration.

 

One of the things most commonly seen, and about which all the world smiles, is a boy and girl standing⁹ on opposite sides of 31 the gate which opens toward her home. They have walked from school or church together, she has entered and closed the gate, and paused a moment for another word; he has taken this as an invitation to linger, and so they stand laughingly or seriously chatting, sometimes long after dark. The world calls it coquetry, but the young people do not mean it as such; to them it is probably far removed from every evil thought. They are innocent and honest; but you can not make the world, that is looking for evil, believe that they are not consciously flirting¹⁰. It will estimate them accordingly, and soon begin to say, “That girl knows quite as much as she ought to;” and the good Christian people of the community will grow afraid of her as an associate for their daughters, even if those same daughters do the same thing.

 

These children have seen older young people, perhaps mother and the minister, 32 stand and talk and laugh in the same way. Some may ask, “Well, why not?” Because it is not good form, because a bad social savor¹¹ attaches to it, because, no matter who does it, unless they are very aged¹², or are, like C?sar’s wife, absolutely above suspicion (and who can venture to assume such a thing for himself), they will lose in dignity, suffer in reputation, become the butt¹³ of some sly joke from the class of people who need the help that can only be given by men and women who do not “allow their good to be evil spoken of.”

 

If children and young people form the habit of stopping to talk at the gate, they will do it as men and women; and by doing it, draw the evil eye, and invite gossip. Teach your boy and girl that good form requires that when they arrive at the gate, if they wish to continue the conversation, both should go on into the house together; or that, after he has opened the gate and 33 closed it after her, she should promptly¹⁴ say “Good morning,” or “Good evening,” and he should as promptly lift his hat, and walk away. If they enter the house together, good form requires that he, if he be young or old, should receive a family greeting, and that the members of the family shall be free to come to the parlor¹⁵ or sitting-room¹⁶ to which he has been taken, to remain and share in the conversation if they wish, until the call is ended.

 

Two young people should never suppose that they must sit in a parlor with closed doors; that father, mother, and every one else must be kept out of the way because Nellie’s friend (never call him a beau) has come to spend the evening. They should never consider it possible to extend that evening into and past the large hours of the night. This is one of Satan’s most fruitful wrecking¹⁷ devices, of which the young people will never think, themselves, unless their 34 training has tended to push them off away from their natural social guides, and keep bad social models before them.

 

When the boy, or young man, comes to spend an evening because you have a daughter, give him just as much of yourself as possible; make yourself so indispensable to the young people that they will naturally come to you wherever you prefer to sit, rather than try to entertain each other without you. This is not an unheard of thing, although one will sometimes hear Christian people answer to this teaching as if it were very extreme indeed.

 

“How then will a young man be able to say anything special to the girl?” To which it may be answered that if he is not able to find some way which is perfectly¹⁸ consistent with every principle of decorum, he is not worth listening to; and if that is true of him, it will be because he did not have his share of the right sort of home life and training.

 

35

In the social world, where Good Form is as binding¹⁹ as the Decalogue is to the Christian, fathers and mothers have made it impossible for a young woman to think of entertaining her young man friend shut away alone with him. Strange to say, it has been the modest home, the Christian parent, who has allowed Satan to set this trap for unwary feet by leaving the young daughter, without one word of instruction, to entertain some young man, perhaps a stranger, who passed as her lover, shut away in the “parlor,” while everybody was given to understand that no one must disturb the mysterious solemnities of “keeping company,” even if they should continue into the small hours. And as a result of this disregard of simple good form, which is as a fence against recognized danger, untold²⁰ sin and sorrow have resulted.

1 deport   

vt.驱逐出境

参考例句：

• We deport aliens who slip across our borders.我们把偷渡入境的外国人驱逐出境。
• More than 240 England football fans are being deported from Italy following riots last night.昨晚的骚乱发生后有240多名英格兰球迷被驱逐出意大利。

2 superfluous   

adj.过多的，过剩的，多余的

参考例句：

• She fined away superfluous matter in the design. 她删去了这图案中多余的东西。
• That request seemed superfluous when I wrote it.我这样写的时候觉得这个请求似乎是多此一举。

3 vocal   

adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目

参考例句：

• The tongue is a vocal organ.舌头是一个发音器官。
• Public opinion at last became vocal.终于舆论哗然。

4 faculty   

n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员

参考例句：

• He has a great faculty for learning foreign languages.他有学习外语的天赋。
• He has the faculty of saying the right thing at the right time.他有在恰当的时候说恰当的话的才智。

5 Christian   

adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒

参考例句：

• They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
• His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。

6 alienated   

adj.感到孤独的，不合群的v.使疏远( alienate的过去式和过去分词 )；使不友好；转让；让渡（财产等）

参考例句：

• His comments have alienated a lot of young voters. 他的言论使许多年轻选民离他而去。
• The Prime Minister's policy alienated many of her followers. 首相的政策使很多拥护她的人疏远了她。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 dignified   

a.可敬的，高贵的

参考例句：

• Throughout his trial he maintained a dignified silence. 在整个审讯过程中，他始终沉默以保持尊严。
• He always strikes such a dignified pose before his girlfriend. 他总是在女友面前摆出这种庄严的姿态。

8 woe   

n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌

参考例句：

• Our two peoples are brothers sharing weal and woe.我们两国人民是患难与共的兄弟。
• A man is well or woe as he thinks himself so.自认祸是祸，自认福是福。

9 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

10 flirting   

v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Don't take her too seriously; she's only flirting with you. 别把她太当真，她只不过是在和你调情罢了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• 'she's always flirting with that new fellow Tseng!" “她还同新来厂里那个姓曾的吊膀子！ 来自子夜部分

11 savor   

vt.品尝，欣赏；n.味道，风味；情趣，趣味

参考例句：

• The soup has a savor of onion.这汤有洋葱味。
• His humorous remarks added a savor to our conversation.他幽默的话语给谈话增添了风趣。

12 aged   

adj.年老的，陈年的

参考例句：

• He had put on weight and aged a little.他胖了，也老点了。
• He is aged,but his memory is still good.他已年老，然而记忆力还好。

13 butt   

n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶

参考例句：

• The water butt catches the overflow from this pipe.大水桶盛接管子里流出的东西。
• He was the butt of their jokes.他是他们的笑柄。

14 promptly   

adv.及时地，敏捷地

参考例句：

• He paid the money back promptly.他立即还了钱。
• She promptly seized the opportunity his absence gave her.她立即抓住了因他不在场给她创造的机会。

15 parlor   

n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅

参考例句：

• She was lying on a small settee in the parlor.她躺在客厅的一张小长椅上。
• Is there a pizza parlor in the neighborhood?附近有没有比萨店？

16 sitting-room   

n.（BrE）客厅，起居室

参考例句：

• The sitting-room is clean.起居室很清洁。
• Each villa has a separate sitting-room.每栋别墅都有一间独立的起居室。

17 wrecking   

破坏

参考例句：

• He teed off on his son for wrecking the car. 他严厉训斥他儿子毁坏了汽车。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Instead of wrecking the valley, the waters are put to use making electricity. 现在河水不但不在流域内肆疟，反而被人们用来生产电力。 来自辞典例句

18 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

19 binding   

有约束力的，有效的，应遵守的

参考例句：

• The contract was not signed and has no binding force. 合同没有签署因而没有约束力。
• Both sides have agreed that the arbitration will be binding. 双方都赞同仲裁具有约束力。

20 untold   

adj.数不清的，无数的

参考例句：

• She has done untold damage to our chances.她给我们的机遇造成了不可估量的损害。
• They suffered untold terrors in the dark and huddled together for comfort.他们遭受着黑暗中的难以言传的种种恐怖，因而只好挤在一堆互相壮胆。