I was once forcibly reminded of this article of the “good-form” code by seeing a vigorous young college student rush through a door without any regard to an elderly woman whom he met in the passage, and whom he almost knocked off her feet in the encounter, leaving the outside door to swing back against her slender hand as she caught it to prevent its hitting her in the face. He seemed utterly1 oblivious2 to the fact that he had met any one, and by this unconscious rudeness he published abroad the fact that he had been reared in utter disregard of ordinary courtesy. This young man is trying 45 to do what is right; he wishes to do a good work in the world, but he is destined3 to feel the handicap of bad breeding, for which he is not responsible. He will be responsible, however, for continuance in bad form; for bad breeding may be made temporary in its effects by an earnest purpose to replace it by true culture. I knew a young man whose birth and surroundings in boyhood were as unpromising as could be imagined. His father was a very low, ignorant, drunken fellow, unclean and disgusting in all his habits, even when sober. His mother could neither read nor write, although she was possessed4 of intelligence and many true, womanly instincts, such as made it possible for the hovel in which they lived to bear some semblance5 to a home. This boy, who was the eldest6 of a large family, was bright enough to attract the attention of a “district visitor,” was clothed, and taken to the Sunday-school, and from thence went on 46 through a career of self-denial, self-training, and culture, always seeking the best things, holding every advantage gained from point to point, finishing his preparatory work as one of the most polished and consecrated7 young men of a large college circle, paying his way by skilled labor8 in a machine-shop for a few hours each week, while he was being equipped for a large field of usefulness. He became especially distinguished9 for the elegance10 of his deportment toward all with whom he chanced to be brought into association. It was often said, “He never forgets himself,” “He always does the admirable thing,” “You can depend on him to do the elegant always,” and the beauty of it all was that this was a part of his Christian11 life. He was always wanted, but the social world that coveted12 him knew that he could not be had for anything that was inconsistent with Christ.
Teach your boys and girls this principle 47 of deference13 to their elders, by example, as well as precept14. Bring them up to practise it, with every other expression of cultivated manners, among themselves as brothers and sisters. The elder ones should, of course, never demand deference; that would be the worst of all bad forms. No true lady or gentleman will ever notice any disregard of personal rights. To demand this recognition, or to manifest resentment15 at its omission16, is to forfeit17 one’s claim to it; but let each be ready to recognize the right of seniority, and that it is at least graceful18 for the younger ones to yield place and position to their elder brothers, sisters, and friends.
A well-bred girl or woman will open and hold the door for an old, elderly, or feeble man; will enter after him, and close the door herself, although he, if he has been trained in the habits of the “old school” of gentlemen, might insist on rendering19 to 48 her the courtesy due her sex, and wait for her to pass, even if she should be young enough to be his granddaughter; but it will be a gracious act for her to unobtrusively hold the humbler place which properly belongs to her, and wait until he passes in, unless, as might sometimes happen, she would be in danger of attracting undue20 attention by making longer effort to thwart21 his courteous22 designs, as well as possibly cause delay to others. In such a case she should quietly thank him, and pass on as quickly as she can without haste, so as to get out of the way.
Among men and women of the same generation it is expected that a man will be always ready to perform all those little chivalric23 courtesies for women everywhere which he would like other men to tender to his own mother, sister, wife, or special friend, and no more. For a boy or man to treat any other woman of the same age better than he 49 treats his own mother, sister, or wife, reveals the bad, disloyal heart which will taint24 the very best social “good form” with corruption25. To demand from others for one’s personal friends better treatment than he himself gives, is to at once publish that he is guilty of the most contemptible26 form of selfishness.
“I let no man abuse my folks but myself,” was the frank confession27 of a young man who was always ready to fight any one who would treat his “folks” with anything like the neglect and disrespect that was his constant habit.
The little attentions which should become habits in youth, because they help to that appearance which will serve as adornment28 to every good doctrine29, is the placing of the chair in the most comfortable position possible for another; seating grandfather or grandmother, father or mother at the table; the adjustment of a light; picking up the article that has been dropped; not waiting to 50 be asked to help if you should see that father, mother, or in fact, any one else, is looking for something which they do not seem to be able to find quickly, or if they are trying to save your steps by getting along with some inconvenience which you can see might, by a little effort on your part, be made to give place to convenience.
Nothing is ever lost “in the long run” by that sort of thoughtful care for others which is known as politeness. In traveling, or in passing in and out of a crowded church or hall, the truly well-bred man will never be found struggling in the midst of a jam to get through the door into the best seat, or up into the train before any one else. If he should be caught in a jam, he would not elbow people right and left; but would, while protecting his own person and those who are dependent upon him from injury, find his own chance of getting out of the tight place by helping30 others out.
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In this selfish world nothing so quickly touches the popular heart as that sort of Christlikeness which is recognized as politeness to strangers in public places, and as carefulness in helping the weak, and in refraining from adding burdens to those who are hard-pressed by responsibilities. The man or woman who obtains control of the highest quality of influence is the one who has either from childhood been trained to think those thoughts that blossom out into beautiful considerateness, or who has taken himself in hand, and by vigorous self-training has pruned31 off the growth of selfish heedlessness, and grafted32 in the gentler graces of the Spirit.
One W. C. T. U. lecturer had been painfully impressed by the fact that baggagemen had to handle such heavy trunks. This was before so many little wheeled contrivances had been placed at their disposal. She accordingly supplied herself with two small 52 trunks in place of the one large one, for no other reason than to save the backs of the men. Her kind intention was kept to herself for years, and it went unrecognized at its full value until at length one day she encountered a grumpy old baggageman, who seemed to have a special grudge33 against any woman with two checks. He was from the first moment very uncivil, and threatened her with a charge for excess of baggage. She said but little, only went quietly along the baggage-room with him, identified the two diminutive34 parcels, and waited. He looked at them, then at her, colored like one who was ashamed of himself, and said:—
“Be them all?”
“Yes, those are all.”
“Well, what made you make two of ’em?”
“That is my way of helping to lift one big trunk,” she said.
“Your what?”
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“My way of helping you to lift one big trunk.”
“It is? Well, I never! You did it to save our backs?”
“Yes: I never wanted any old man or boy to strain himself over a big trunk for me, so I divided mine in two.”
“Well!” ejaculated the grumpy old fellow, who evidently did not know anything more to say. His whole heart had suddenly mellowed35, his eyes grew red, and his hands trembled as, taking off his cap, he changed those checks with the air of one who was performing an act of religion.
When he came with the two little bits of metal to the waiting passenger, still carrying his cap in his hand, and when she took them with a “Thank you,” and put them in her purse, he looked timidly into her face as if to see if he could possibly be forgiven. She chose not to make much of the incident, so she did not seem to notice his perturbation, 54 but with a simple “Good day,” left the baggage-room. But she knew very well that that old baggageman would never forget, and would perhaps be kinder to all the big trunks in the future for the sake of those little twin products of her kind intention.
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1
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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oblivious
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| adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的 | |
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destined
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| adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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semblance
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| n.外貌，外表 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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consecrated
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| adj.神圣的，被视为神圣的v.把…奉为神圣，给…祝圣( consecrate的过去式和过去分词 )；奉献 | |
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labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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elegance
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| n.优雅；优美，雅致；精致，巧妙 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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coveted
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| adj.令人垂涎的；垂涎的，梦寐以求的v.贪求，觊觎(covet的过去分词)；垂涎；贪图 | |
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deference
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| n.尊重，顺从；敬意 | |
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precept
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| n.戒律；格言 | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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omission
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| n.省略，删节；遗漏或省略的事物，冗长 | |
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forfeit
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| vt.丧失；n.罚金，罚款，没收物 | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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rendering
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| n.表现，描写 | |
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undue
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| adj.过分的；不适当的；未到期的 | |
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thwart
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| v.阻挠，妨碍，反对；adj.横(断的) | |
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courteous
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| adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的 | |
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chivalric
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| 有武士气概的，有武士风范的 | |
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taint
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| n.污点；感染；腐坏；v.使感染；污染 | |
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corruption
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| n.腐败，堕落，贪污 | |
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contemptible
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| adj.可鄙的，可轻视的，卑劣的 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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adornment
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| n.装饰；装饰品 | |
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doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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pruned
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| v.修剪（树木等）( prune的过去式和过去分词 )；精简某事物，除去某事物多余的部分 | |
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grafted
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| 移植( graft的过去式和过去分词 )； 嫁接； 使（思想、制度等）成为（…的一部份）； 植根 | |
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grudge
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| n.不满，怨恨，妒嫉；vt.勉强给，不情愿做 | |
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diminutive
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| adj.小巧可爱的，小的 | |
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mellowed
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| （使）成熟( mellow的过去式和过去分词 )； 使色彩更加柔和，使酒更加醇香 | |
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