With his feet toasty and besocked with heavy wool, Luther fell fast asleep and woke up even faster. Nora was roaming. She was in the bathroom flushing and flipping1 lights, then she left for the kitchen, where she fixed2 an herbal tea, then he heard her down the hall in Blair's room, no doubt staring at the walls and sniffling over where the years had gone. Then she was back in bed, rolling and jerking covers and trying her best to wake him. She wanted dialogue, a sounding board. She wanted Luther to assure her Blair was safe from the horrors of the Peruvian jungle.
But Luther was frozen, not flinching3 at any joint4, breathing as heavily as possible because if the dialogue began again it would run for hours. He pretended to snore and that settled her down.
It was after eleven when she grew still. Luther was wild-eyed, and his feet were smoldering5. When he was absolutely certain she was asleep, he eased from the bed, ripped off the heavy socks and tossed them into a corner, and tiptoed down the hall to the kitchen for a glass of water. Then a pot of decaf.
An hour later he was in his basement office, at his desk with files open, the computer humming, spreadsheets in the printer, an investigator6 searching for evidence. Luther was a tax accountant by trade, so his records were meticulous8. The evidence piled up and he forgot about sleep.
A year earlier, the Luther Krank family had spent $6,100 on Christmas-$6,100!-$6,100 on decorations, lights, flowers, a new Frosty, and a Canadian spruce; $6,100 on hams, turkeys, pecans, cheese balls, and cookies no one ate; $6,100 on wines and liquors and cigars around the office; $6,100 on fruitcakes from the firemen and the rescue squad10, and calendars from the police association; $6,100 on Luther for a cashmere sweater he secretly loathed11 and a sports jacket he'd worn twice and an ostrich12 skin wallet that was quite expensive and quite ugly and frankly13 he didn't like the feel of. On Nora for a dress she wore to the company's Christmas dinner and her own cashmere sweater, which had not been seen since she unwrapped it, and a designer scarf she loved, $6,100. On Blair $6,100 for an overcoat, gloves and boots, and a Walkman for her jogging, and, of course, the latest, slimmest cell phone on the market-$6,100 on lesser14 gifts for a select handful of distant relatives, most on Nora's side-$6,100 on Christmas cards from a stationer three doors down from Chip's, in the District, where all prices were double; $6,100 for the party, an annual Christmas Eve bash at the Krank home,
And what was left of it? Perhaps a useful item or two, but nothing much-$6,100!
With great relish15 Luther tallied16 the damage, as if it had been inflicted17 by someone else. All evidence was coming neatly18 together and making a very strong case,
He waffled a bit at the end, where he'd saved the charity numbers. Gifts to the church, to the toy drive, to the homeless shelter and the food bank. But he raced through the benevolence19 and came right back to the awful conclusion: $6,100 for Christmas. -
"Nine percent of my adjusted gross," he said in disbelief. "Six thousand, one hundred. Cash. All but six hundred nondeductible."
In his distress20, he did something he rarely did. Luther reached for the bottle of cognac in his desk drawer, and knocked back a few drinks.
He slept from three to six, and roared to life during his shower. Nora wanted to fret21 over coffee and oatmeal, but Luther would have none of it. He read the paper, laughed at the comics, assured her twice that Blair was having a ball, then kissed her and raced away to the office, a
The travel agency was in the atrium of Luther's building. He walked by it at least twice each day, seldom glancing at the window displays of beaches and mountains and sailboats and pyramids. It was there for those lucky enough to travel. Luther had never stepped inside, never thought about it actually. Their vacation was five days at the beach, in a friend's condo, and with his workload22 they were lucky to get that.
He stole away just after ten. He used the stairs so he wouldn't have to explain anything, and darted23 through the door of Regency Travel. Biff was waiting for him.
Biff had a large flower in her hair and a waxy24 bronze tan, and she looked as if she'd just dropped by the shop for a few hours between beaches. Her comely25 smile stopped Luther cold, and her first words left him flabbergasted. "You need a cruise," she said.
"How'd you know?" he managed to mumble26. Her hand was out, grabbing his, shaking it, leading him to her long desk, where she placed him on one side while she perched herself on the other. Long bronze legs, Luther noted27. Beach legs.
"December is the best time of year for a cruise," she began, and Luther was already sold. The brochures came in a torrent28. She unfolded them across her desk, under his dreamy eyes.
"You work in the building?" she asked, easing near the issue of money.
"Wiley & Beck, sixth floor," Luther said without removing his eyes from the floating palaces, the endless beaches.
"Bail29 bondsmen?" she said.
Luther flinched30 just a bit. "No. Tax accountants."
"Sorry," she said, kicking herself. The pale skin, the dark eye circles, the standard blue oxford-cloth button-down with bad imitation prep school tie. She should have known better. Oh well. She reached for even glossier31 brochures. "Don't believe we get too many from your firm."
"We don't do vacations very well. Lots of work. I like this one right here."
"Great choice."
They settled on the Island Princess, a spanking-new mammoth32 vessel33 with rooms for three thousand, four pools, three casinos, nonstop food, eight stops in the Caribbean, and the list went on and on. Luther left with a stack of brochures and scurried34 back to his office six floors up.
The ambush35 was carefully planned. First, he worked late, which was certainly not unusual, but at any rate helped set the stage for the evening. He got lucky with the weather because it was still dreary36. Hard to get in the spirit of the season when the skies were damp and gray. And much easier to dream about ten luxurious37 days in the sun.
If Nora wasn't worrying about Blair, then he'd certainly get her started. He'd simply mention some dreadful piece of news about a new virus or perhaps a Colombian village massacre38, and that would set her off. Keep her mind off the joys of Christmas. Won't be the same without Blair, will it?
Why don't we take a break this year? Go hide. Go escape. Indulge ourselves.
Sure enough, Nora was off in the jungle. She hugged him and smiled and tried to hide the fact that she'd been crying. Her day had gone reasonably well. She'd survived the ladies' luncheon39 and spent two hours at the children's clinic, part of her grinding volunteer schedule.
While she heated up the pasta, he sneaked40 a reggae CD into the stereo, but didn't push Play. Timing41 was crucial.
They chatted about Blair, and not long into the dinner Nora kicked the door open. "It'll be so different this Christmas, won't it, Luther?"
"Yes it will," he said sadly, swallowing hard. "Nothing'll be the same."
"For the first time in twenty-three years, she won't be here."
"It might even be depressing. Lots of depression at Christmas, you know." Luther quickly swallowed and his fork grew still.
"I'd love to just forget about it," she said, her words ebbing42 at the end.
Luther flinched and cocked his good ear in her direction.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Well!!" he said dramatically, shoving his plate forward. "Now that you mention it. There's something I want to discuss with you."
"Finish your pasta."
"I'm finished," he announced, jumping to his feet. His briefcase43 was just a few steps away, and he attacked it.
"Luther, what are you doing?"
"Hang on."
He stood across the table from her, papers in both hands. "Here's my idea," he said proudly. "And it's brilliant."
"Why am I nervous?"
He unfolded a spreadsheet, and began pointing. "Here, my dear, is what we did last Christmas. Six thousand, one hundred dollars we spent on Christmas. Six thousand, one hundred dollars."
"I heard you the first time."
"And precious little to show for it. The vast majority of it down the drain. Wasted. And that, of course, does not include my time, your time, the traffic, stress, worry, bickering44, ill-will, sleep loss-all the wonderful things that we pour into the holiday season."
"Where is this going?"
"Thanks for asking." Luther dropped the spreadsheets and, quick as a magician, presented the Island Princess to his wife. Brochures covered the table. "Where is this going, my dear? It's going to the Caribbean. Ten days of total luxury on the Island Princess, the fanciest cruise ship in the world. The Bahamas, Jamaica, Grand Cayman, oops., wait a minute, "
Luther dashed into the den7, hit the Play button, waited for the first notes, adjusted the volume, then dashed back to the kitchen where Nora was inspecting a brochure.
"What's that?" she asked.
"Reggae, the stuff they listen to down there. Anyway, where was I?"
"You were island hopping45."
"Right, we'll snorkel46 on Grand Cayman, windsurf in Jamaica, lie on the beaches. Ten days, Nora, ten fabulous47 days"
"I'll have to lose some weight."
"We'll both go on a diet. Whatta you say?"
"What's the catch?"
"The catch is simple. We don't do Christmas. We save the money, spend it on ourselves for once. Not a dime48 on food we won't eat or clothes we won't wear or gifts no one needs. Not one red cent. It's a boycott49, Nora, a complete boycott of Christmas."
"Sounds awful."
"No, it's wonderful. And it's just for one year. Let's take a break. Blair's not here. She'll be back next year and we can jump back into the Christmas chaos50, if that's what you want. Come on, Nora, please. We skip Christmas, save the money, and go splash in the Caribbean for ten days."
"How much will it cost?"
"Three thousand bucks51."
"So we save money?"
"Absolutely."
"When do we leave?"
"High noon, Christmas Day."
They stared at each other for a long time.
The deal was closed in bed, with the television on but muted, with magazines scattered52 over the sheets, all unread, with the brochures not Far away on the night table. Luther was scanning a financial newspaper but seeing little. Nora had a paperback53 but the pages weren't turning.
The deal breaker had been their charitable giving. She simply refused to forgo9 it, or skip it, as Luther insisted on saying. She had reluctantly agreed to buy no gifts. She also wept at the thought of no tree, though Luther had mercilessly driven home the point that they yelled at each other every Christmas when they decorated the damned thing. And no Frosty on the roof ? When every house on the street would have one? Which brought up the issue of public ridicule54. Wouldn't they be scorned for ignoring Christmas?
So what, Luther had replied over and over. Their friends and neighbors might disapprove55 at first, but secretly they would burn with envy. Ten days in the Caribbean, Nora, he kept telling her. Their friends and neighbors won't be laughing when they're shoveling snow, will they? No jeers56 from the spectators when we're roasting in the sun and they're bloated on turkey and dressing57. No smirks58 when we return thin and tanned and completely unafraid of going to the mailbox.
Nora had seldom seen him so determined59. He methodically killed all her arguments, one by one, until nothing was left but their charitable giving.
"You're going to let a lousy six hundred bucks stand between us and a Caribbean cruise?" Luther asked with great sarcasm60.
"No, you are," she replied coolly.
And with that they went to their corners and tried to read.
But after a tense, silent hour, Luther kicked off the sheets and yanked off the wool socks and said, "All right. Let's match last year's charitable gifts, but not a penny more."
She flung her paperback and went for his neck. They embraced, kissed, then she reached for the brochures.
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flipping
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| 讨厌之极的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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flinching
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| v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的现在分词 ) | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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smoldering
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| v.用文火焖烧，熏烧，慢燃( smolder的现在分词 ) | |
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investigator
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| n.研究者，调查者，审查者 | |
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den
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| n.兽穴；秘密地方；安静的小房间，私室 | |
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meticulous
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| adj.极其仔细的，一丝不苟的 | |
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forgo
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| v.放弃，抛弃 | |
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squad
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| n.班，小队，小团体；vt.把…编成班或小组 | |
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loathed
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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ostrich
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| n.鸵鸟 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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lesser
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| adj.次要的，较小的；adv.较小地，较少地 | |
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relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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tallied
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| v.计算，清点( tally的过去式和过去分词 )；加标签（或标记）于；（使）符合；（使）吻合 | |
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inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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benevolence
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| n.慈悲，捐助 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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fret
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| v.(使)烦恼；(使)焦急；(使)腐蚀，(使)磨损 | |
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workload
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| n.作业量，工作量 | |
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darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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waxy
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| adj.苍白的；光滑的 | |
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comely
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| adj.漂亮的，合宜的 | |
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mumble
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| n./v.喃喃而语，咕哝 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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torrent
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| n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发 | |
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bail
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| v.舀（水），保释；n.保证金，保释，保释人 | |
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flinched
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| v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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glossier
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| 光滑的( glossy的比较级 )； 虚有其表的； 浮华的 | |
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mammoth
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| n.长毛象；adj.长毛象似的，巨大的 | |
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vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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scurried
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| v.急匆匆地走( scurry的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ambush
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| n.埋伏(地点)；伏兵；v.埋伏；伏击 | |
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dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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luxurious
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| adj.精美而昂贵的；豪华的 | |
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massacre
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| n.残杀，大屠杀；v.残杀，集体屠杀 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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sneaked
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| v.潜行( sneak的过去式和过去分词 )；偷偷溜走；（儿童向成人）打小报告；告状 | |
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timing
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| n.时间安排，时间选择 | |
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ebbing
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| （指潮水）退( ebb的现在分词 )； 落； 减少； 衰落 | |
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briefcase
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| n.手提箱，公事皮包 | |
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bickering
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| v.争吵( bicker的现在分词 )；口角；（水等）作潺潺声；闪烁 | |
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hopping
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| n. 跳跃 动词hop的现在分词形式 | |
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snorkel
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| n.泳者所戴的通气管，潜水艇的吸、排气装置 | |
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fabulous
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| adj.极好的；极为巨大的；寓言中的，传说中的 | |
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dime
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| n.（指美国、加拿大的钱币）一角 | |
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boycott
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| n./v.(联合)抵制，拒绝参与 | |
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chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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51
bucks
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| n.雄鹿( buck的名词复数 )；钱；（英国十九世纪初的）花花公子；（用于某些表达方式）责任v.（马等）猛然弓背跃起( buck的第三人称单数 )；抵制；猛然震荡；马等尥起后蹄跳跃 | |
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52
scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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paperback
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| n.平装本，简装本 | |
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ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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55
disapprove
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| v.不赞成，不同意，不批准 | |
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56
jeers
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| n.操纵帆桁下部（使其上下的）索具；嘲讽( jeer的名词复数 )v.嘲笑( jeer的第三人称单数 ) | |
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57
dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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58
smirks
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| n.傻笑，得意的笑( smirk的名词复数 )v.傻笑( smirk的第三人称单数 ) | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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sarcasm
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，嘲弄，反话 （adj.sarcastic） | |
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