"Did you ever think of joining the Army, Ulick? It is most extraordinary, the number of ne'er-do-wells who manage to get commissions just now. Why I think there should be no bother at all if you tried. With your knowledge I fancy you could get into the R.A.M.C. It is evidently infernally easy. I suppose your conduct at the University would have nothing to do with your chances of acceptance or rejection1?"
"Oh, not at all."
"I thought not."
"But I fancied, uncle, that when I came down here from Dublin I had done with intending myself to kill people. That is, with joining any combination for purposes of slaughter2."
Myles Shannon lifted his eyes from the paper and smiled. Evidently he did not appreciate the full, grim point of the joke, but he rather fancied there was something subtle about it, and it was in that quiet and venerable tradition of humorous things his training had led him to enjoy. This was one of the reasons why, even though a Catholic and a moderate Nationalist, he had[Pg 189] remained a devoted3 reader of the Irish Times. He was conservative even in his humor.
"But in Army medical work, however, there is always the compensating4 chance of the gentleman with the license5 to kill getting killed himself," continued Ulick.
His lips closed now, for he had at last come to the end of his joke. The conversation lapsed6, and Mr. Shannon went on with his reading. Ulick had been to Garradrimna on the previous evening, and he was acutely conscious of many defects in his own condition and in the condition of the world about him this morning. His thoughts were now extending with all the power of which they were capable to his uncle, that silent, intent man, whose bald head stretched expansively before him.
Myles Shannon was a singularly fine man, and in thinking of him as such his mind began to fill with imaginations of the man his father must have been. He had never known his father nor, for the matter of that, could he boast of any deep acquaintance with his uncle, yet what an excellent, restrained type of man he was to be sure! Another in the same position as his guardian7 would have flogged himself into a fury over the mess he had made of his studies. But it had not been so with his uncle. He had behaved with a calm forbearance. He had supplied him with time and money, and had gone even so far as to look kindly8 upon the affair with Rebecca Kerr. He had been here since the beginning of the year, and all his uncle had so far said to him by way of asserting his authority was spoken very quietly:
[Pg 190]
"Now, I'll give you a fair time to think over things. I'll give you till the end of the summer holidays, till after young Brennan comes and goes." These had been his uncle's exact words, and he had not attempted to question them or to qualify them at the time. But just now they were running through his brain with the most curious throbbing10 insistence11. "Till after young Brennan comes and goes." He knew that his uncle had taken an unusual fancy to John Brennan and evidently wished that his summer holidays should be spent enjoyably. But it was a long time until summer, and he was not a person one might conscientiously12 commend to the friendship of a clerical student. He very often went to Garradrimna.
Ulick had already formed some impressions of his fellow man. He held it as his opinion that at the root of an action, which may appear extraordinary because of its goodness, is always an amount of selfishness. Yet, somehow, as he carefully considered his uncle in the meditative13 spaces of the breakfast he could not fit him in with this idea.
As he went on with his thought he felt that it was the very excess of his uncle's qualities which had had such a curious effect upon his relations with Rebecca Kerr. It was the very easiness of the path he had afforded to love-making which now made it so difficult. If they had been forbidden and if they had been persecuted14, their early affection must have endured more strongly. The opposition15 of the valley and the village still continued, but Ulick considered their bearing upon him now as he had always considered it—with contempt.
There had been a good deal of wild affection [Pg 191]transported into their snatched meetings during the past summer in Donegal. After Christmas, too, he had gone there to see her, and then had happened the climax16 of their love-making in a quiet cottage within sound of the sea.... Both had moved away from that glowing moment forever changed. Neither could tell of the greatness of the shadow that had fallen between them.
He remembered all her tears on the first evening he had met her after coming back to the valley. There had been nothing in her letters, only the faintest suggestion of some strained feeling. Then had come this unhappy meeting.... She had tortured herself into the belief that it was she who was responsible for his failure.
"With all the time you have wasted coming to see me I have destroyed you. When you should have been at your studies I was taking you up to Donegal."
As he listened to these words between her sobs17, there rushed in upon him full realization18 of all her goodness and the contrast of two pictures her words had called to his mind.... There was he by her side, her head upon his shoulder in that lonely cottage in Donegal, their young lives lighting19 the cold, bare place around them.... And then the other picture of himself bent20 low over his dirty, thumb-greased books in that abominable21 street up and down which a cart was always lumbering22. All the torture of this driving him to Doyle's pub at the corner, and afterwards along some squalid street of ill-fame with a few more drunken medical students.
He was glad to be with her again. They met very often during his first month at his uncle's house, in dark spots along the valley road and The Road of the Dead. Then he began to notice a curious reserve springing up[Pg 192] between them. She was becoming mysterious while at the same time remaining acutely present in his life.
One morning she had asked him if he intended to remain long in the valley, and he had not known how to reply to her. Another time she had asked him if he was going to retire altogether from the study of medicine, and with what did he intend to occupy himself now? And, upon a certain occasion, she had almost asked him was it the intention of his uncle to leave him the grand farm and the lovely house among the trees?
These were vexatious questions and so different from any part of the talk they used to have here in the valley last summer or at the cottage in Donegal. Her feeling of surrender in his presence had been replaced by a sense of possession which seemed the death of all that kindling23 of her heart. Then it had happened that, despite the encouragement of his uncle, a shadow had fallen upon his love-affair with Rebecca Kerr.... He was growing tired of his idle existence in the valley. Very slowly he was beginning to see life from a new angle. He was disgusted with himself and with the mess he had made of things in Dublin. He could not say whether it was her talk with him that had shamed him into thinking about it, but he felt again like making something of himself away from this mean place. Once or twice he wondered whether it was because he wanted to get away from her. Somehow his uncle and himself were the only people who seemed directly concerned in the matter. His uncle was a very decent man, and he felt that he could not presume on his hospitality any longer.
Mr. Shannon took off his spectacles and laid by the[Pg 193] Irish Times. There was an intimate bond between the man and his paper. He always considered it as hitting off his own opinions to a nicety upon any subject under the sun. This always after he had read the leaders which dealt with these subjects. It afforded a contribution to his thought and ideas out of which he spoke9 with a surer word.
Old Susan Hennessy came into the room with some letters that Farrell McGuinness was after leaving. She hobbled in, a hunched24, decrepit25 woman, now in the concluding stages of her long life as housekeeper26 to the Shannons, and put the letters into her master's hand.... Then she lingered, quite unnecessarily, about the breakfast-table. Her toothless gums were stripping as words began to struggle into her mouth.... Mr. Shannon took notice of her. This was her usual behavior when she had anything of uncommon27 interest to say.
"Well, what is it now?" said Mr. Shannon, not without some weariness in his tones, for he expected only to hear some poor piece of local gossip.
"It's how Farrell McGuinness is after telling me, sir, that John Brennan is home."
"Is that a fact?"
"And Farrell says that by the looks on the outside of a certain letter that came to Mrs. Brennan th'other day it is what he is after being expelled."
"Expelled. Well, well!"
There was a mixture of interest and anxiety in Mr. Shannon's tones.
"A good many of those small English colleges are getting broken up and the students drifting into the Army, I suppose that's the reason; but of course they'll say he's[Pg 194] been expelled," Ulick ventured as old Susan slipped from the room and down to the loneliness of the kitchen, where she might brood to her heart's content over this glad piece of information, for she was one who well knew the story of John Brennan's mother and "poor Misther Henery Shannon."
"Is that so?" The interest of Mr. Shannon was rapidly mounting towards excitement.
"A case like that is rather hard," said Ulick.
"Yes, it will be rather hard on Mrs. Brennan, I fancy, she being so stuck-up with pride in him."
He could just barely hide his feelings of exultation28.
"And John Brennan is not a bad fellow."
"I daresay he's not."
There was now a curious note of impatience29 in the elder man's tones as if he wished, for some reason or other, to have done speaking of the matter.
"It will probably mean the end of his intention for the Church."
"That is more than likely. These sudden changes have the effect of throwing a shadow over many a young fellow's vocation30."
"Funny to think of the two of us getting thrown down together, we being such friends!"
The doubtful humor in the coincidence had appealed to the queer kink that was in the mind of Ulick, and it was because of it he now spoke. It was the merest wantonness that he should have said this thing, and yet it seemed instantly to have struck some hidden chord of deeper thought in his uncle's mind. When Myles [Pg 195]Shannon spoke again it was abruptly32, and his words seemed to spring out of a sudden impulse:
"You'd better think over that matter of the Army I have just mentioned."
It was the first time his uncle Myles had spoken to him in this way, and now that the rod of correction had fallen even thus lightly he did not like it at all. He felt that his face was already flushing.... And into his mind was burning again the thought of how he had made such a mess of things.... He moved towards the door, and there was his uncle's voice again raised as if in the reproof33 of authority:
"And where might you be going to-day?"
"Down the valley to see my friend John Brennan, who'll be surely lonely on the first day at home," he said, rather hurriedly, as he went out in the hallway to get his overcoat.
When Myles Shannon was left alone he immediately drifted into deeper thought there in the empty room with his back to the fire. With one hand he clasped his long coat-tails, and with the other nervously twirled his long mustache. He was thinking rapidly, and his thoughts were so strong within him that he was speaking them aloud.
"I might not have gone so far. Don't you see how I might have waited in patience and allowed the hand of Fate to adjust things? See how grandly they are coming around.... And now maybe I have gone too far. Maybe I have helped to spoil Ulick's life into the bargain. And then there's the third party, this girl, Rebecca Kerr?"
He looked straight out before him now, and away over[Pg 196] the remains34 of the breakfast.... He crossed to the window and gazed for a while over the wet fields. He moved into the cold, empty parlor35 and gazed from its window also over the fields.... Then he turned and for a space remained looking steadfastly36 at the bureau which held so much of Her. Quite suddenly he crossed over and unlocked it.... Yes, there, with the other dead things, were the photograph of Helena Cooper and the letters she had written, and the letter John Brennan's mother had written about him. He raised his eyes from the few, poor relics37 and they gathered into their depths the loneliness of the parlor.... Here was the picture of this girl, who was young and lovely, while around him, surging emptily forever, was the loneliness of his house. It was Nan Byrne who had driven him to this, and it was Nan Byrne who had ruined his brother Henry.... And yet he was weakly questioning his just feelings of revenge against this woman, but for whom he might now be a happy man. He might have laughter in this house and the sound of children at play. But now he had none of these things, and he was lonely.... He looked into the over-mantel, and there he was, an empty figure, full of a strong family pride that really stood for nothing, a polite survival from the mild romance of the early nineties of the last century, a useless thing amid his flocks and herds38. A man who had none of the contentment which comes from the company of a woman or her children, a mean creature, who, during visits to the cattle-market, occasionally wasted his manhood in dingy39 adventure about low streets in Dublin. One who remained apart from the national thought of his own country reading[Pg 197] queer articles in the Irish Times about "resolute40" government of Ireland.
His head lay low upon his chest because he was a man mightily41 oppressed by a great feeling of abasement42.
"In the desolation of her heart through the destruction of her son," he muttered to himself, not without a certain weariness, as he moved away from the mirror.
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1
rejection
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| n.拒绝，被拒，抛弃，被弃 | |
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2
slaughter
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| n.屠杀，屠宰；vt.屠杀，宰杀 | |
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3
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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4
compensating
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| 补偿，补助，修正 | |
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5
license
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| n.执照，许可证，特许；v.许可，特许 | |
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6
lapsed
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| adj.流失的，堕落的v.退步( lapse的过去式和过去分词 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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7
guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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8
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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9
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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10
throbbing
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| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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11
insistence
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| n.坚持；强调；坚决主张 | |
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12
conscientiously
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| adv.凭良心地；认真地，负责尽职地；老老实实 | |
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13
meditative
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| adj.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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14
persecuted
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| （尤指宗教或政治信仰的）迫害(~sb. for sth.)( persecute的过去式和过去分词 )； 烦扰，困扰或骚扰某人 | |
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15
opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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climax
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| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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17
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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18
realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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19
lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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20
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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21
abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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lumbering
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| n.采伐林木 | |
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23
kindling
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| n. 点火, 可燃物 动词kindle的现在分词形式 | |
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24
hunched
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| （常指因寒冷、生病或愁苦）耸肩弓身的，伏首前倾的 | |
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25
decrepit
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| adj.衰老的，破旧的 | |
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26
housekeeper
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| n.管理家务的主妇，女管家 | |
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27
uncommon
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| adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的 | |
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28
exultation
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| n.狂喜，得意 | |
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29
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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30
vocation
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| n.职业，行业 | |
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31
nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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32
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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33
reproof
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| n.斥责，责备 | |
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34
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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35
parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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36
steadfastly
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| adv.踏实地，不变地；岿然；坚定不渝 | |
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37
relics
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| [pl.］n.遗物，遗迹，遗产；遗体，尸骸 | |
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38
herds
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| 兽群( herd的名词复数 )； 牧群； 人群； 群众 | |
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39
dingy
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| adj.昏暗的，肮脏的 | |
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40
resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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41
mightily
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| ad.强烈地；非常地 | |
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42
abasement
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| n.滥用 | |
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