He turned to watch a young man taking a swan dive from the spring-board. Having run the few steps which was all the spring-board allowed of, he stood poised4 on the edge, feet together, his arms at his thighs5. With the leap forward his arms went out at right angles. When he turned toward the water they bent6 back behind his head, his palms twisted upward. Nearing the surface they pointed7 downward, cleaving8 the lake with a clean, splashless penetration9. The whole movement had been lithe10 and graceful11, the curve of a swan's neck, the spring of a flying fish.
Not till she was close beside him did he notice that the little woman had left the roadway, crossed the
[Pg 344]
intervening patch of blueberry scrub, and seated herself on a low bowlder close to his own.
Her self-possession was that of a woman with a single dominating motive12. "You've just arrived with Miss Ansley, haven't you?"
The voice, like the manner, was intense and purposeful. In assenting13, he had the feeling of touching14 something elemental, like hunger or fire, which wouldn't be denied.
"And you're at Harvard."
He assented15 to this also.
"At Harvard they call you the Whitelaw Baby, don't they?"
"I've heard so. Why do you ask?"
"Because I'm the nurse from whom the Whitelaw baby was stolen nearly twenty years ago. My name is Nash."
A memory came to him of something far away. He could hear Honey saying he had seen her, a pretty little Englishwoman, and that Nash was her name. Looking at her now, he saw that she was more than a pretty little Englishwoman; she was a soul in torture, with a flame eating at the heart. He felt sorry for her, but not so sorry as to be free from impatience16 at the dogging with which the Whitelaw baby followed him.
"Why do you say this to me?"
"Because of what I've heard from the family. They've spoken of you. They think it—queer."
"They think what queer?"
"That your name is Whitelaw—that your father's name was Theodore—that you look so much like the
[Pg 345]
rest of them. Mr. Whitelaw's name is Henry Theodore—"
"And my father's name was only Theodore. My mother's name was Lucy. I was born in The Bronx. I'm exactly nineteen years of age. I've heard that Mr. Whitelaw's son if he were living now would be twenty."
Large gray eyes with silky drooping17 lids rested on his with a look of long, slow searching. "You're sure of all that?"
He tried to laugh. "As sure as you can be of what's not within your own recollection. I've been told it. I've reason to believe it."
"I'd no reason to believe that I should ever find my boy again; but I know I shall."
"That must be a comfort to you in the trial you've had to face."
"It hasn't been a trial exactly, because you bear a trial and live through it. This has been spending every day and every night in the lake of fire and brimstone. I wonder if you've any idea of what it's like."
"I don't suppose I have."
"If you did have—" He thought she was going to say that if he did have he would allow himself to become the Whitelaw baby in order to relieve her anguish18, but she struck another note. "I hadn't the least suspicion of what had been done to me till the two footmen had lifted the little carriage up over the steps and into the hall. Then I raised the veil to take my baby out, and I—I fell in a dead swoon."
He waited for her to go on again.
[Pg 346]
"Try to imagine what it is to find in place of the living child you've laid in its bed with all the tenderness in your soul—to find in place of that a dirty, ugly, stuffed thing, about a baby's size.... For days after that I was just as if I was drugged. If I came to for a few minutes I prayed that I mightn't live. I didn't want to look the mother and father in the face."
"But hadn't you told them anything about it?"
"There was nothing to tell. The baby had vanished. I'd seen nothing; I'd heard nothing. Neither had my friend who was with me, and who's married now, in England. If an evil spirit had done it, it couldn't have been silenter, or more secret. It was a mystery then; it's been a mystery ever since."
"But you raised an alarm? You made a search?"
"The whole country raised the alarm. There wasn't a corner, or a suspicious character, that wasn't searched. We knew it had been done for ransom19, and the ransom was ready if ever the baby had been returned. The father and mother were that frantic20 they'd have done anything. There never was a baby in the world more loved, or more lovable. All three of us—the father, the mother, and myself—would have died for him."
He grew interested in the story for its own sake. "And did you never get any idea at all?"
"Nothing that ever led to anything. For a good five years Mr. Whitelaw never rested. Mrs. Whitelaw—but it's no use trying to tell you. It can't be told; it can't be so much as imagined. Even when you've lived through it you wonder how you ever did. You wonder how you go on living day by day. It's
[Pg 347]
almost as if you were condemned21 to eternal punishment. The clues were the worst."
"You mean that—?"
"If we could have known that the child was dead—well, you make up your mind to that. After a while you can take up life again. But not to know anything! Just to be left wondering! Asking yourself what they're doing with him!—whether they're giving him the right kind of food!—whether they're giving him any kind of food!—whether they're going to kill him, and how they're going to kill him, and who's to do the killing22! To go over these questions morning, noon, and night—to eat with them, and sleep with them, and wake with them—and then the clues!"
"You said they were the worst."
"Because they always made you hope. No matter how often you'd been taken in you were ready to be taken in again. Each time they said there was a chance you couldn't help thinking that there might be a chance. It didn't matter how much you told yourself it wasn't likely. You couldn't make yourself believe it. You felt that he'd have to be found, that he couldn't help being found. The whole thing was so impossible that you'd have to go to his room and look at his little empty crib to persuade yourself that he wasn't there."
To divert her from going over the ground she must have gone over thousands of times already, he broke in with a new line of thought.
"But I've heard that they don't want to find him now—a grown-up man."
[Pg 348]
She stared at him fiercely. "I do. I want to find him. They were not to blame. I was. It makes the difference."
"Still he was their son."
"He was their son, and they've suffered; but they can rest in spite of their suffering. I can't. They can afford to give up hope because they've nothing with which to reproach themselves. If they were me—"
He began to understand. "I see. If you could find him and bring him back, even if they didn't want him—"
"I should have done that much. It would be something. It's why I pleaded with them to let me stay with them when I suppose the very sight of me must have tortured them. I swore that I'd give my life to trying to—"
"But what could you do when even the child's father, with all his money, couldn't—?"
"I could pray. They couldn't. They're not like that. Praying's all I've ever done which wasn't done by somebody else. I've prayed as I don't think many people have ever prayed; and now I've come to where—"
"Where what?"
The light in her eyes was lambent, leaping and licking like a flame.
"Where I'm quieter." She made her statement slowly. "I seem to know that he'll be given back to me because the Bible says that when we pray believing that we have what we ask for we shall receive it. Latterly I've believed that. I haven't forced myself
[Pg 349]
to believe it. It's just come of its own accord—something like a certainty."
The claim in the look which without wavering fixed23 itself upon him prompted another question. "And has that certainty got anything to do with me?"
"I wonder if it hasn't."
"But I don't see how it can have, when you never saw me in your life till twenty minutes ago."
"I never saw you; but I'd heard of you. I meant to see you as soon as I got a chance. I never got it till to-day."
"But how did you know?"
"That it was you? This way. You see I'm here with Miss Lily. She's staying for a few nights at the inn-club before going to make some visits."
"Who's Miss Lily?"
"She was the second of the two children born after my little boy was taken. First there was Mr. Tad. Then there was a little girl. She knows Miss Ansley. Miss Ansley told her you were coming up, that you'd very likely be here this afternoon, so I came and waited. Even if I hadn't seen you drive up with her—if we'd met in the heart of Africa—I'd have known.... You've been taken for Mr. Tad already. You know that, don't you?"
"I know there's a resemblance."
"It's more than a resemblance. It's—it's the whole story. Mr. Whitelaw himself saw it first. When he came back after meeting you, in this very place, nearly two years ago, he was—well, he was terribly upset. If it hadn't been for Mr. Tad and Miss Lily—"
"And their mother too."
[Pg 350]
"Yes, I suppose; and their mother too. But that's not what we're considering. Whether they want you or not, if you are the boy—"
He tried to speak very gently. "But you see, I couldn't be. I had a mother. I don't remember much about her because I was only six or seven when she died. But two things I recall—the way she loved me, and the way I loved her. If I thought there was any truth in what you—in what you suspect—I couldn't love her any more."
"I don't see why."
"Because I should be charging her with a crime. Would you do that—to your own mother—after she was dead?"
"If she was dead it wouldn't matter."
"Not to her. But it would to me."
"It couldn't do you any harm."
"I'm the only judge of that."
There was exasperation24 in the eyes which seemed unable to tear themselves from his face.
"But most people would like to have it proved that they'd been—"
"Been born rich men's sons. That's what you were going to say, isn't it? I daresay I should have liked it, if.... But what's the use? We don't gain anything by discussing it. You want to find some one who'll pass for the lost boy. I understand that; and I understand how much it would lessen25 all the grief—"
She interrupted quickly. "Yes, but I wouldn't try to foist26 an imposter on them, not if it would take me out of hell. If I didn't believe—"
[Pg 351]
"But you don't believe now; you can't believe. What I've told you about myself must make believing impossible."
"Oh, if I hadn't believed when believing was impossible I shouldn't have the little bit of mind I've got now. Believing when it was impossible was all that kept me sane27."
"But you won't go on doing it, not as far as I'm concerned?"
She rose, with dignity. "Why not? I shan't be hurting you, shall I? In a way we all believe it—even the Whitelaw family—even Miss Ansley."
He jumped up, startled. "Did she tell you so?"
"She didn't tell me so exactly. We were talking about it—we've all talked of it more than you suppose—and Miss Ansley said that you couldn't be what you are unless you were—somebody."
He tried to take this jocosely28. "No, of course I couldn't."
"Oh, but I know what she meant." She moved away from him, speaking over her shoulder as she crossed the blueberry scrub, "It was more than what's in the words."
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1
neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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2
scrutinizing
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| v.仔细检查，详审( scrutinize的现在分词 ) | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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4
poised
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| a.摆好姿势不动的 | |
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5
thighs
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| n.股，大腿( thigh的名词复数 )；食用的鸡（等的）腿 | |
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6
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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7
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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8
cleaving
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| v.劈开，剁开，割开( cleave的现在分词 ) | |
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9
penetration
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| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
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10
lithe
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| adj.(指人、身体)柔软的，易弯的 | |
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11
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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12
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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13
assenting
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| 同意，赞成( assent的现在分词 ) | |
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14
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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15
assented
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| 同意，赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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16
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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17
drooping
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| adj. 下垂的，无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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18
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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19
ransom
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| n.赎金，赎身；v.赎回，解救 | |
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20
frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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21
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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22
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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23
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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24
exasperation
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| n.愤慨 | |
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25
lessen
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| vt.减少，减轻；缩小 | |
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26
foist
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| vt.把…强塞给，骗卖给 | |
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27
sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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28
jocosely
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| adv.说玩笑地，诙谐地 | |
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