So it was that, riding upon a horse whose bridle1 was marked with a coronet, the pawnbroker2 returned to a place, and to a moment, which he remembered. It was rather queer to be a fine young fellow again, and to foresee all that was to happen for the next twenty years.
As it chanced, the first person he encountered was his mother Azra, whom Coth had loved very greatly but not long. And Jurgen talked with Azra of what clothes he would be likely to need in Gâtinais, and of how often he would write to her. She disparaged3 the new shirt he was wearing, as was to be expected, since Azra had always preferred to select her son's clothing rather than trust to Jurgen's taste. His new horse she admitted to be a handsome animal; and only hoped he had not stolen it from anybody who would get him into trouble. For Azra, it must be recorded, had never any confidence in her son; and was the only woman, Jurgen felt, who really understood him.
And now as his beautiful young mother impartially4 petted and snapped at him, poor Jurgen thought of that very real dissension and severance5 which in the oncoming years was to arise between them; and of how she would die without his knowing of her death for two whole months; and of how his life thereafter would be changed, somehow, and the world would become an unstable6 place in which you could no longer put cordial faith. And he foreknew all the remorse7 he was to shrug8 away, after the squandering9 of so much pride and love. But these things were not yet: and besides, these things were inevitable10.
"And yet that these things should be inevitable is decidedly not fair," said Jurgen.
So it was with all the persons he encountered. The people whom he loved when at his best as a fine young fellow were so very soon, and through petty causes, to become nothing to him, and he himself was to be converted into a commonplace tradesman. And living seemed to Jurgen a wasteful12 and inequitable process.
Then Jurgen left the home of his youth, and rode toward Bellegarde, and tethered his horse upon the heath, and went into the castle. Thus Jurgen came to Dorothy. She was lovely and dear, and yet, by some odd turn, not quite so lovely and dear as the Dorothy he had seen in the garden between dawn and sunrise. And Dorothy, like everybody else, praised Jurgen's wonderful new shirt.
"It is designed for such festivals," said Jurgen, modestly—"a little notion of my own. A bit extreme, some persons might consider it, but there is no pleasing everybody. And I like a trifle of color."
For there was a masque that night at the castle of Bellegarde: and wildly droll13 and sad it was to Jurgen to remember what was to befall so many of the participants.
Jurgen had not forgotten this Wednesday, this ancient Wednesday upon which Messire de Montors had brought the Confraternity of St. Médard from Brunbelois, to enact14 a masque of The Birth of Hercules, as the vagabonds were now doing, to hilarious15 applause. Jurgen remembered it was the day before Bellegarde discovered that Count Emmerick's guest, the Vicomte de Puysange, was in reality the notorious outlaw16, Perion de la Forêt. Well, yonder the yet undetected impostor was talking very earnestly with Dame17 Melicent: and Jurgen knew all that was in store for this pair of lovers.
Meanwhile, as Jurgen reflected, the real Vicomte de Puysange was at this moment lying in a delirium18, yonder at Benoit's: to-morrow the true Vicomte would be recognized, and within the year the Vicomte would have married Félise de Soyecourt, and later Jurgen would meet her, in the orchard19; and Jurgen knew what was to happen then also.
And Messire de Montors was watching Dame Melicent, sidewise, while he joked with little Ettarre, who was this night permitted to stay up later than usual, in honor of the masque: and Jurgen knew that this young bishop20 was to become Pope of Rome, no less; and that the child he joked with was to become the woman for possession of whom Guiron des Rocques and the surly-looking small boy yonder, Maugis d'Aigremont, would contend with each other until the country hereabouts had been devastated21, and the castle wherein Jurgen now was had been besieged22, and this part of it burned. And wildly droll and sad it was to Jurgen thus to remember all that was going to happen to these persons, and to all the other persons who were frolicking in the shadow of their doom23 and laughing at this trivial masque.
For here—with so much of ruin and failure impending24, and with sorrow prepared so soon to smite25 a many of these revellers in ways foreknown to Jurgen; and with death resistlessly approaching so soon to make an end of almost all this company in some unlovely fashion that Jurgen foreknew exactly,—here laughter seemed unreasonable26 and ghastly. Why, but Reinault yonder, who laughed so loud, with his cropped head flung back: would Reinault be laughing in quite this manner if he knew the round strong throat he thus exposed was going to be cut like the throat of a calf27, while three Burgundians held him? Jurgen knew this thing was to befall Reinault Vinsauf before October was out. So he looked at Reinault's throat, and shudderingly28 drew in his breath between set teeth.
"And he is worth a score of me, this boy!" thought Jurgen: "and it is I who am going to live to be an old fellow, with my bit of land in fee, years after dirt clogs29 those bright generous eyes, and years after this fine big-hearted boy is wasted! And I shall forget all about him, too. Marion l'Edol, that very pretty girl behind him, is to become a blotched and toothless haunter of alleys30, a leering plucker at men's sleeves! And blue-eyed Colin here, with his baby mouth, is to be hanged for that matter of coin-clipping—let me recall, now,—yes, within six years of to-night! Well, but in a way, these people are blessed in lacking foresight31. For they laugh, and I cannot laugh, and to me their laughter is more terrible than weeping. Yes, they may be very wise in not glooming over what is inevitable; and certainly I cannot go so far as to say they are wrong: but still, at the same time—! And assuredly, living seems to me in everything a wasteful and inequitable process."
Thus Jurgen, while the others passed a very pleasant evening.
And presently, when the masque was over, Dorothy and Jurgen went out upon the terrace, to the east of Bellegarde, and so came to an unforgotten world of moonlight. They sat upon a bench of carved stone near the balustrade which overlooked the highway: and the boy and the girl gazed wistfully beyond the highway, over luminous32 valleys and tree-tops. Just so they had sat there, as Jurgen perfectly33 remembered, when Mother Sereda first used this Wednesday.
"My Heart's Desire," says Jurgen, "I am sad to-night. For I am thinking of what life will do to us, and what offal the years will make of you and me."
"My own sweetheart," says she, "and do we not know very well what is to happen?" And Dorothy began to talk of all the splendid things that Jurgen was to do, and of the happy life which was to be theirs together.
"It is horrible," he said: "for we are more fine than we shall ever be hereafter. We have a splendor34 for which the world has no employment. It will be wasted. And such wastage is not fair."
"But presently you will be so and so," says she: and fondly predicts all manner of noble exploits which, as Jurgen remembered, had once seemed very plausible35 to him also. Now he had clearer knowledge as to the capacities of the boy of whom he had thought so well.
"No, Heart's Desire: no, I shall be quite otherwise."
"—and to think how proud I shall be of you! 'But then I always knew it', I shall tell everybody, very condescendingly—"
"No, Heart's Desire: for you will not think of me at all."
"Ah, sweetheart! and can you really believe that I shall ever care a snap of my fingers for anybody but you?"
Then Jurgen laughed a little; for Heitman Michael came now across the lonely terrace, in search of Madame Dorothy: and Jurgen foreknew this was the man to whom within two months of this evening Dorothy was to give her love and all the beauty that was hers, and with whom she was to share the ruinous years which lay ahead.
But the girl did not know this, and Dorothy gave a little shrugging gesture. "I have promised to dance with him, and so I must. But the old fellow is a great plague."
For Heitman Michael was nearing thirty, and this to Dorothy and
Jurgen was an age that bordered upon senility.
"Now, by heaven," said Jurgen, "wherever Heitman Michael does his next dancing it will not be hereabouts."
And then Heitman Michael saluted36 them civilly. "But I fear I must rob you of this fair lady, Master Jurgen," says he.
Jurgen remembered that the man had said precisely37 this a score of years ago; and that Jurgen had mumbled38 polite regrets, and had stood aside while Heitman Michael bore off Dorothy to dance with him. And this dance had been the beginning of intimacy39 between Heitman Michael and Dorothy.
"Heitman," says Jurgen, "the bereavement40 which you threaten is very happily spared me, since, as it happens, the next dance is to be mine."
"We can but leave it to the lady," says Heitman Michael, laughing.
"Not I," says Jurgen. "For I know too well what would come of that.
I intend to leave my destiny to no one."
"Your conduct, Master Jurgen, is somewhat strange," observed Heitman
Michael.
"Ah, but I will show you a thing yet stranger. For, look you, there seem to be three of us here on this terrace. Yet I can assure you there are four."
"The fourth of us, Heitman, is a goddess that wears a speckled garment and has black wings. She can boast of no temples, and no priests cry to her anywhere, because she is the only deity42 whom no prayers can move or any sacrifices placate43. I allude44, sir, to the eldest45 daughter of Nox and Erebus."
"You speak of death, I take it."
"Your apprehension46, Heitman, is nimble. Even so, it is not quick enough, I fear, to forerun the whims47 of goddesses. Indeed, what person could have foreseen that this implacable lady would have taken such a strong fancy for your company."
"Ah, my young bantam," replies Heitman Michael, "it is quite true that she and I are acquainted. I may even boast of having despatched one or two stout48 warriors49 to serve her underground. Now, as I divine your meaning, you plan that I should decrease her obligation by sending her a whippersnapper."
"My notion, Heitman, is that since this dark goddess is about to leave us, she should not, in common gallantry, be permitted to go hence unaccompanied. I propose, therefore, that we forthwith decide who is to be her escort."
Now Heitman Michael had drawn50 his sword. "You are insane. But you extend an invitation which I have never yet refused."
"Heitman," cries Jurgen, in honest gratitude51 and admiration52, "I bear you no ill-will. But it is highly necessary you die to-night, in order that my soul may not perish too many years before my body."
With that he too whipped out his sword.
So they fought. Now Jurgen was a very acceptable swordsman, but from the start he found in Heitman Michael his master. Jurgen had never reckoned upon that, and he considered it annoying. If Heitman Michael perforated Jurgen the future would be altered, certainly, but not quite as Jurgen had decided it ought to be remodeled. So this unlooked-for complication seemed preposterous53, and Jurgen began to be irritated by the suspicion that he was getting himself killed for nothing at all.
Meanwhile his unruffled tall antagonist54 seemed but to play with Jurgen, so that Jurgen was steadily55 forced back toward the balustrade. And presently Jurgen's sword was twisted from his hand, and sent flashing over the balustrade, into the public highway.
"So now, Master Jurgen," says Heitman Michael, "that is the end of your nonsense. Why, no, there is not any occasion to posture56 like a statue. I do not intend to kill you. Why the devil's name, should I? To do so would only get me an ill name with your parents: and besides it is infinitely57 more pleasant to dance with this lady, just as I first intended." And he turned gaily58 toward Madame Dorothy.
But Jurgen found this outcome of affairs insufferable. This man was stronger than he, this man was of the sort that takes and uses gallantly59 all the world's prizes which mere60 poets can but respectfully admire. All was to do again: Heitman Michael, in his own hateful phrase, would act just as he had first intended, and Jurgen would be brushed aside by the man's brute61 strength. This man would take away Dorothy, and leave the life of Jurgen to become a business which Jurgen remembered with distaste. It was unfair.
So Jurgen snatched out his dagger62, and drove it deep into the undefended back of Heitman Michael. Three times young Jurgen stabbed and hacked63 the burly soldier, just underneath64 the left ribs65. Even in his fury Jurgen remembered to strike on the left side.
It was all very quickly done. Heitman Michael's arms jerked upward, and in the moonlight his fingers spread and clutched. He made curious gurgling noises. Then the strength went from his knees, so that he toppled backward. His head fell upon Jurgen's shoulder, resting there for an instant fraternally; and as Jurgen shuddered66 away from the abhorred67 contact, the body of Heitman Michael collapsed68. Now he lay staring upward, dead at the feet of his murderer. He was horrible looking, but he was quite dead.
"What will become of you?" Dorothy whispered, after a while. "Oh, Jurgen, it was foully69 done, that which you did was infamous70! What will become of you, my dear?"
"I will take my doom," says Jurgen, "and without whimpering, so that I get justice. But I shall certainly insist upon justice." Then Jurgen raised his face to the bright heavens. "The man was stronger than I and wanted what I wanted. So I have compromised with necessity, in the only way I could make sure of getting that which was requisite71 to me. I cry for justice to the power that gave him strength and gave me weakness, and gave to each of us his desires. That which I have done, I have done. Now judge!"
Then Jurgen tugged72 and shoved the heavy body of Heitman Michael, until it lay well out of sight, under the bench upon which Jurgen and Dorothy had been sitting. "Rest there, brave sir, until they find you. Come to me now, my Heart's Desire. Good, that is excellent. Here I sit with my true love, upon the body of my enemy. Justice is satisfied, and all is quite as it should be. For you must understand that I have fallen heir to a fine steed, whose bridle is marked with a coronet,—prophetically, I take it,—and upon this steed you will ride pillion with me to Lisuarte. There we will find a priest to marry us. We will go together into Gâtinais. Meanwhile, there is a bit of neglected business to be attended to." And he drew the girl close to him.
For Jurgen was afraid of nothing now. And Jurgen thought:
"Oh, that I could detain the moment! that I could make some fitting verses to preserve this moment in my own memory! Could I but get into words the odor and the thick softness of this girl's hair as my hands, that are a-quiver in every nerve of them, caress73 her hair; and get into enduring words the glitter and the cloudy shadowings of her hair in this be-drenching moonlight! For I shall forget all this beauty, or at best I shall remember this moment very dimly."
"You have done very wrong—" says Dorothy.
Says Jurgen, to himself: "Already the moment passes this miserably74 happy moment wherein once more life shudders75 and stands heart-stricken at the height of bliss76! it passes, and I know even as I lift this girl's soft face to mine, and mark what faith and submissiveness and expectancy77 is in her face, that whatever the future holds for us, and whatever of happiness we two may know hereafter, we shall find no instant happier than this, which passes from us irretrievably while I am thinking about it, poor fool, in place of rising to the issue."
"—And heaven only knows what will become of you Jurgen—"
Says Jurgen, still to himself: "Yes, something must remain to me of all this rapture78, though it be only guilt79 and sorrow: something I mean to wrest80 from this high moment which was once wasted fruitlessly. Now I am wiser: for I know there is not any memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted. So I will not waste the one real passion I have known, nor leave unfed the one desire which ever caused me for a heart-beat to forget to think about Jurgen's welfare. And thus, whatever happens, I shall not always regret that I did not avail myself of this girl's love before it was taken from me."
So Jurgen made such advances as seemed good to him. And he noted81, with amusing memories of how much afraid he had once been of shocking his Dorothy's notions of decorum, that she did not repulse82 him very vigorously.
"Here, over a dead body! Oh, Jurgen, this is horrible! Now, Jurgen, remember that somebody may come any minute! And I thought I could trust you! Ah, and is this all the respect you have for me!" This much she said in duty. Meanwhile the eyes of Dorothy were dilated83 and very tender.
"Faith, I take no chances, this second time. And so whatever happens, I shall not always regret that which I left undone84."
Now upon his lips was laughter, and his arms were about the submissive girl. And in his heart was an unnamable depression and a loneliness, because it seemed to him that this was not the Dorothy whom he had seen in the garden between dawn and sunrise. For in my arms now there is just a very pretty girl who is not over-careful in her dealings with young men, thought Jurgen, as their lips met. Well, all life is a compromise; and a pretty girl is something tangible85, at any rate. So he laughed, triumphantly86, and prepared for the sequel.
But as Jurgen laughed triumphantly, with his arm beneath the head of Dorothy, and with the tender face of Dorothy passive beneath his lips, and with unreasonable wistfulness in his heart, the castle bell tolled87 midnight. What followed was curious: for as Wednesday passed, the face of Dorothy altered, her flesh roughened under his touch, and her cheeks fell away, and fine lines came about her eyes, and she became the Countess Dorothy whom Jurgen remembered as Heitman Michael's wife. There was no doubt about it, in that be-drenching moonlight: and she was leering at him, and he was touching88 her everywhere, this horrible lascivious89 woman, who was certainly quite old enough to know better than to permit such liberties. And her breath was sour and nauseous. Jurgen drew away from her, with a shiver of loathing90, and he closed his eyes, to shut away that sensual face.
"No," he said; "it would not be fair to what we owe to others. In fact, it would be a very heinous91 sin. We should weigh such considerations occasionally, madame."
Then Jurgen left his temptress, with simple dignity. "I go to search for my dear wife, madame, in a frame of mind which I would strongly advise you to adopt toward your husband."
And he went straightway down the terraces of Bellegarde, and turned southward to where his horse was tethered upon Amneran Heath: and Jurgen was feeling very virtuous92.
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1
bridle
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| n.笼头，束缚；vt.抑制，约束；动怒 | |
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pawnbroker
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| n.典当商，当铺老板 | |
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disparaged
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| v.轻视( disparage的过去式和过去分词 )；贬低；批评；非难 | |
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impartially
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| adv.公平地，无私地 | |
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severance
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| n.离职金；切断 | |
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unstable
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| adj.不稳定的，易变的 | |
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7
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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8
shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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9
squandering
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| v.（指钱，财产等）浪费，乱花( squander的现在分词 ) | |
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10
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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11
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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12
wasteful
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| adj.（造成）浪费的，挥霍的 | |
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droll
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| adj.古怪的，好笑的 | |
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14
enact
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| vt.制定(法律)；上演，扮演 | |
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15
hilarious
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| adj.充满笑声的，欢闹的；[反]depressed | |
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16
outlaw
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| n.歹徒，亡命之徒；vt.宣布…为不合法 | |
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17
dame
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| n.女士 | |
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delirium
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| n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
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19
orchard
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| n.果园，果园里的全部果树，(美俚)棒球场 | |
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bishop
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| n.主教，（国际象棋）象 | |
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21
devastated
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| v.彻底破坏( devastate的过去式和过去分词)；摧毁；毁灭；在感情上（精神上、财务上等）压垮adj.毁坏的；极为震惊的 | |
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besieged
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| 包围，围困，围攻( besiege的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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impending
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| a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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smite
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| v.重击；彻底击败；n.打；尝试；一点儿 | |
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unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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calf
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| n.小牛，犊，幼仔，小牛皮 | |
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shudderingly
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clogs
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| 木屐； 木底鞋，木屐( clog的名词复数 ) | |
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alleys
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| 胡同，小巷( alley的名词复数 )； 小径 | |
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foresight
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| n.先见之明，深谋远虑 | |
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luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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splendor
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| n.光彩；壮丽，华丽；显赫，辉煌 | |
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plausible
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| adj.似真实的，似乎有理的，似乎可信的 | |
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saluted
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| v.欢迎，致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 )；赞扬，赞颂 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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mumbled
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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bereavement
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| n.亲人丧亡，丧失亲人，丧亲之痛 | |
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riddle
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| n.谜，谜语，粗筛；vt.解谜，给…出谜，筛，检查，鉴定，非难，充满于；vi.出谜 | |
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42
deity
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| n.神，神性；被奉若神明的人(或物) | |
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43
placate
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| v.抚慰，平息(愤怒) | |
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allude
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| v.提及，暗指 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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46
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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47
WHIMS
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| 虚妄，禅病 | |
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warriors
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| 武士，勇士，战士( warrior的名词复数 ) | |
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50
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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51
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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52
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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53
preposterous
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| adj.荒谬的，可笑的 | |
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54
antagonist
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| n.敌人，对抗者，对手 | |
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55
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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56
posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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57
infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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gaily
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| adv.欢乐地，高兴地 | |
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gallantly
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| adv. 漂亮地，勇敢地，献殷勤地 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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dagger
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| n.匕首，短剑，剑号 | |
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hacked
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| 生气 | |
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underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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ribs
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| n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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abhorred
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| v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 )；（厌恶地）回避；拒绝；淘汰 | |
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collapsed
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| adj.倒塌的 | |
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foully
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| ad.卑鄙地 | |
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infamous
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| adj.声名狼藉的，臭名昭著的，邪恶的 | |
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requisite
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| adj.需要的，必不可少的；n.必需品 | |
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tugged
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| v.用力拉，使劲拉，猛扯( tug的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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caress
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| vt./n.爱抚，抚摸 | |
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miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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shudders
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| n.颤动，打颤，战栗( shudder的名词复数 )v.战栗( shudder的第三人称单数 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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expectancy
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| n.期望，预期，（根据概率统计求得）预期数额 | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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wrest
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| n.扭，拧，猛夺；v.夺取，猛扭，歪曲 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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repulse
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| n.击退，拒绝；vt.逐退，击退，拒绝 | |
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dilated
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| adj.加宽的，扩大的v.（使某物）扩大，膨胀，张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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undone
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| a.未做完的，未完成的 | |
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tangible
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| adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的 | |
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triumphantly
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| ad.得意洋洋地；得胜地；成功地 | |
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tolled
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| 鸣钟（toll的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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lascivious
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| adj.淫荡的，好色的 | |
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loathing
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| n.厌恶，憎恨v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的现在分词)；极不喜欢 | |
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heinous
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| adj.可憎的，十恶不赦的 | |
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virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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