These arrangements are difficult, as any lady knows who is in the habit of entertaining her friends. There are—
People who are offended if you ask them to tea whilst others have been asked to dinner;
People who are offended if you ask them to tea at all; and cry out furiously, “Good heavens! Jane my love, why do these Timminses suppose that I am to leave my dinner-table to attend their ——- soiree?” (the dear reader may fill up the ——- to any strength, according to his liking)—or, “Upon my word, William my dear, it is too much to ask us to pay twelve shillings for a brougham, and to spend I don't know how much in gloves, just to make our curtsies in Mrs. Timmins's little drawing-room.” Mrs. Moser made the latter remark about the Timmins affair, while the former was uttered by Mr. Grumpley, barrister-at-law, to his lady, in Gloucester Place.
That there are people who are offended if you don't ask them at all, is a point which I suppose nobody will question. Timmins's earliest friend in life was Simmins, whose wife and family have taken a cottage at Mortlake for the season.
“We can't ask them to come out of the country,” Rosa said to her Fitzroy—(between ourselves, she was delighted that Mrs. Simmins was out of the way, and was as jealous of her as every well-regulated woman should be of her husband's female friends)—“we can't ask them to come so far for the evening.”
“Why, no, certainly.” said Fitzroy, who has himself no very great opinion of a tea-party; and so the Simminses were cut out of the list.
And what was the consequence? The consequence was, that Simmins and Timmins cut when they met at Westminster; that Mrs. Simmins sent back all the books which she had borrowed from Rosa, with a withering1 note of thanks; that Rosa goes about saying that Mrs. Simmins squints2; that Mrs. S., on her side, declares that Rosa is crooked3, and behaved shamefully4 to Captain Hicks in marrying Fitzroy over him, though she was forced to do it by her mother, and prefers the Captain to her husband to this day. If, in a word, these two men could be made to fight, I believe their wives would not be displeased5; and the reason of all this misery6, rage, and dissension, lies in a poor little twopenny dinner-party in Lilliput Street.
Well, the guests, both for before and after meat, having been asked, old Mrs. Gashleigh, Rosa's mother—(and, by consequence, Fitzroy's DEAR mother-in-law, though I promise you that “dear” is particularly sarcastic)—Mrs. Gashleigh of course was sent for, and came with Miss Eliza Gashleigh, who plays on the guitar, and Emily, who limps a little, but plays sweetly on the concertina. They live close by—trust them for that. Your mother-in-law is always within hearing, thank our stars for the attention of the dear women. The Gashleighs, I say, live close by, and came early on the morning after Rosa's notes had been issued for the dinner.
When Fitzroy, who was in his little study, which opens into his little dining-room—one of those absurd little rooms which ought to be called a gentleman's pantry, and is scarcely bigger than a shower-bath, or a state cabin in a ship—when Fitzroy heard his mother-in-law's knock, and her well-known scuffling and chattering7 in the passage—in which she squeezed up young Buttons, the page, while she put questions to him regarding baby, and the cook's health, and whether she had taken what Mrs. Gashleigh had sent overnight, and the housemaid's health, and whether Mr. Timmins had gone to chambers9 or not—and when, after this preliminary chatter8, Buttons flung open the door, announcing—“Mrs. Gashleigh and the young ladies,” Fitzroy laid down his Times newspaper with an expression that had best not be printed here, and took his hat and walked away.
Mrs. Gashleigh has never liked him since he left off calling her mamma, and kissing her. But he said he could not stand it any longer—he was hanged if he would. So he went away to chambers, leaving the field clear to Rosa, mamma, and the two dear girls.
Or to one of them, rather: for before leaving the house, he thought he would have a look at little Fitzroy up stairs in the nursery, and he found the child in the hands of his maternal10 aunt Eliza, who was holding him and pinching him as if he had been her guitar, I suppose; so that the little fellow bawled11 pitifully—and his father finally quitted the premises12.
No sooner was he gone, although the party was still a fortnight off, than the women pounced13 upon his little study, and began to put it in order. Some of his papers they pushed up over the bookcase, some they put behind the Encyclopaedia14. Some they crammed15 into the drawers—where Mrs. Gashleigh found three cigars, which she pocketed, and some letters, over which she cast her eye; and by Fitz's return they had the room as neat as possible, and the best glass and dessert-service mustered16 on the study table.
It was a very neat and handsome service, as you may be sure Mrs. Gashleigh thought, whose rich uncle had purchased it for the young couple, at Spode and Copeland's; but it was only for twelve persons.
It was agreed that it would be, in all respects, cheaper and better to purchase a dozen more dessert-plates; and with “my silver basket in the centre,” Mrs. G. said (she is always bragging17 about that confounded bread-basket), “we need not have any extra china dishes, and the table will look very pretty.”
On making a roll-call of the glass, it was calculated that at least a dozen or so tumblers, four or five dozen wines, eight water-bottles, and a proper quantity of ice-plates, were requisite18; and that, as they would always be useful, it would be best to purchase the articles immediately. Fitz tumbled over the basket containing them, which stood in the hall as he came in from chambers, and over the boy who had brought them—and the little bill.
The women had had a long debate, and something like a quarrel, it must be owned, over the bill of fare. Mrs. Gashleigh, who had lived a great part of her life in Devonshire, and kept house in great state there, was famous for making some dishes, without which, she thought, no dinner could be perfect. When she proposed her mock-turtle, and stewed19 pigeons, and gooseberry-cream, Rosa turned up her nose—a pretty little nose it was, by the way, and with a natural turn in that direction.
“Mock-turtle in June, mamma!” said she.
“It was good enough for your grandfather, Rosa,” the mamma replied: “it was good enough for the Lord High Admiral, when he was at Plymouth; it was good enough for the first men in the county, and relished20 by Lord Fortyskewer and Lord Rolls; Sir Lawrence Porker ate twice of it after Exeter races; and I think it might be good enough for—”
“I will NOT have it, mamma!” said Rosa, with a stamp of her foot; and Mrs. Gashleigh knew what resolution there was in that. Once, when she had tried to physic the baby, there had been a similar fight between them.
So Mrs. Gashleigh made out a carte, in which the soup was left with a dash—a melancholy21 vacuum; and in which the pigeons were certainly thrust in among the entrees23; but Rosa determined24 they never should make an entree22 at all into HER dinner-party, but that she would have the dinner her own way.
When Fitz returned, then, and after he had paid the little bill of 6L. 14s. 6d. for the glass, Rosa flew to him with her sweetest smiles, and the baby in her arms. And after she had made him remark how the child grew every day more and more like him, and after she had treated him to a number of compliments and caresses25, which it were positively26 fulsome27 to exhibit in public, and after she had soothed28 him into good humor by her artless tenderness, she began to speak to him about some little points which she had at heart.
She pointed29 out with a sigh how shabby the old curtains looked since the dear new glasses which her darling Fitz had given her had been put up in the drawing-room. Muslin curtains cost nothing, and she must and would have them.
The muslin curtains were accorded. She and Fitz went and bought them at Shoolbred's, when you may be sure she treated herself likewise to a neat, sweet pretty half-mourning (for the Court, you know, is in mourning)—a neat sweet barege, or calimanco, or bombazine, or tiffany, or some such thing; but Madame Camille, of Regent Street, made it up, and Rosa looked like an angel in it on the night of her little dinner.
“And, my sweet,” she continued, after the curtains had been accorded, “mamma and I have been talking about the dinner. She wants to make it very expensive, which I cannot allow. I have been thinking of a delightful30 and economical plan, and you, my sweetest Fitz, must put it into execution.”
“I have cooked a mutton-chop when I was in chambers,” Fitz said with a laugh. “Am I to put on a cap and an apron31?”
“No: but you are to go to the 'Megatherium Club' (where, you wretch32, you are always going without my leave), and you are to beg Monsieur Mirobolant, your famous cook, to send you one of his best aides-de-camp, as I know he will, and with his aid we can dress the dinner and the confectionery at home for ALMOST NOTHING, and we can show those purse-proud Topham Sawyers and Rowdys that the HUMBLE33 COTTAGE can furnish forth34 an elegant entertainment as well as the gilded35 halls of wealth.”
Fitz agreed to speak to Monsieur Mirobolant. If Rosa had had a fancy for the cook of the Prime Minister, I believe the deluded36 creature of a husband would have asked Lord John for the loan of him.
该作者的其它作品
《Vanity Fair名利场》
《从康希尔到大开罗 Notes of a Journey From Cornhill to Grand Cairo》
该作者的其它作品
《Vanity Fair名利场》
《从康希尔到大开罗 Notes of a Journey From Cornhill to Grand Cairo》
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1
withering
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| 使人畏缩的，使人害羞的，使人难堪的 | |
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2
squints
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| 斜视症( squint的名词复数 )； 瞥 | |
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3
crooked
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| adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的 | |
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4
shamefully
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| 可耻地； 丢脸地； 不体面地； 羞耻地 | |
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5
displeased
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| a.不快的 | |
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6
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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7
chattering
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| n. （机器振动发出的）咔嗒声，(鸟等)鸣，啁啾 adj. 喋喋不休的，啾啾声的 动词chatter的现在分词形式 | |
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8
chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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9
chambers
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| n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅 | |
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10
maternal
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| adj.母亲的，母亲般的，母系的，母方的 | |
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11
bawled
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| v.大叫，大喊( bawl的过去式和过去分词 )；放声大哭；大声叫出；叫卖（货物） | |
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12
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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13
pounced
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| v.突然袭击( pounce的过去式和过去分词 )；猛扑；一眼看出；抓住机会（进行抨击） | |
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14
encyclopaedia
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| n.百科全书 | |
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15
crammed
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| adj.塞满的，挤满的；大口地吃；快速贪婪地吃v.把…塞满；填入；临时抱佛脚( cram的过去式) | |
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16
mustered
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| v.集合，召集，集结（尤指部队）( muster的过去式和过去分词 )；（自他人处）搜集某事物；聚集；激发 | |
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17
bragging
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| v.自夸，吹嘘( brag的现在分词 )；大话 | |
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18
requisite
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| adj.需要的，必不可少的；n.必需品 | |
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19
stewed
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| adj.焦虑不安的，烂醉的v.炖( stew的过去式和过去分词 )；煨；思考；担忧 | |
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relished
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| v.欣赏( relish的过去式和过去分词 )；从…获得乐趣；渴望 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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entree
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| n.入场权，进入权 | |
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entrees
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| n.入场权( entree的名词复数 )；主菜 | |
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24
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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25
caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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26
positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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27
fulsome
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| adj.可恶的，虚伪的，过分恭维的 | |
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28
soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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30
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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31
apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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32
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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33
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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deluded
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| v.欺骗，哄骗( delude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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