“By your leave, Madame,” said the abominable4 voice through the moustachios,
[Pg 215]
“I will take nothing except a candle. What with the heavy rain at first, and then the horse artillery5 ploughing up our marching ground, I am really dog-tired with my day’s work. If you will do me the favour, therefore, to show me to my chamber——”
“WHAT NEXT?” AS THE FROG SAID WHEN HIS TAIL FELL OFF.
“Not for the whole world!” exclaimed the horrified6 Madame Doppeldick—“not for the whole world, I mean, till you have hob-and-nobbed with us—at least with the good man”—and, like a warm-hearted hostess, jealous of the honour of her hospitality, she snatched up the spare-candle, and hurried off to the barrel. If she could but set them down to drinking, she calculated, let who would be the second, she would herself be the first in bed, if she jumped into it with all her clothes on. It was a likely scheme enough,—but alas7! it fell through, like the rest!—Before she had drawn8 half a flask9 of Essigberger, or Holzapfelheimer, for I forget which—she was alarmed by the
[Pg 216]
double screech10 of two chairs pushed suddenly back on the uncarpeted floor. Then came a trampling11 of light and heavy feet—and although she dropped the bottle—and forgot to turn the spigot—and carried the candle without the candlestick—and left her left slipper12 behind her,—still, in spite of all the haste she could make, she only reached the stair-foot just in time to see two Prussian-blue coat-tails, turned up with red, whisking in at the bed-room door!
CHAPTER VII.
“OH the cruel, the killing13 ill-luck that pursues us!” exclaimed the forlorn Madame Doppeldick, as her husband returned, with his mouth watering, to the little parlour, where, by some sort of attraction, he was drawn into the Captain’s vacant chair, instead of his own. In a few seconds the plumpest of Adam Kloot’s tender souvenirs, of about the size and shape of a penny bun, was sliding over his tongue. Then another went—and another—and another. They were a little gone or so, and no wonder; for they had travelled up the Rhine and the Moselle, in a dry “schiff,” not a “dampschiff,” towed by real horse-powers, instead of steam-powers, against the stream. To tell the naked truth, there were only four words in the world that a respectably fresh Cod’s head could have said to them, namely—
No matter: down they went glibly14, glibly. The lemon-juice did something for them, and the vinegar still more, by making them seem sharp instead of flat. Honest Dietrich enjoyed them as mightily15 as Adam Kloot could have wished; and was in no humour, you may be sure, for spinning prolix16 answers or long-winded speeches.
“They are good—very!—excellent! Malchen!—Just eat a couple.”
But the mind of the forlorn Malchen was occupied with any thing but oysters; it was fixed17 upon things above, or at least overhead. “I do not think I can sit up all night,” she murmured, concluding with such a gape18 that the tears squeezed out plentifully19 between her fat little eyelids20.
“I’ve found only one bad one—and that was full of black mud—schloo—oo—oo—ooop!”—slirropped honest Dietrich. N. B. There is no established formula of minims and crotchets on the gamut21 to represent the swallowing of an oyster2: so the aforesaid syllables22 of “schloo—oo—oo—ooop,” must stand in their stead.
“As for sleeping in my clothes,” continued Madame Doppeldick, “the weather is so very warm,—and the little window won’t open—and with two in a bed—”
“The English do it, Malchen,—schloo—oo—ooop!”
“But the English beds have curtains,” said Madame Doppeldick, “thick stuff or canvas curtains, Dietrich,—all round, and over the top—just like a general’s tent.”
“We can go—schloo—ooop—to bed in the dark, Malchen.”
“No—no,” objected Madam Doppeldick, with a grave shake of her head. “We’ll have no blindman’s-buff work, Dietrich,—and maybe blundering into wrong beds.”
[Pg 218]
“Schloo—oo—oo—oo—ooop.”
“And if ever I saw a wild, rakish, immoral23, irreligious-looking young man, Dietrich, the Captain is one!”
“Schloo—oo—oo—oo—ooop.”
“Did you observe, Dietrich, how shamefully24 he stared at me?”
“Schloo—ooop.”
“And the cut on his forehead, Dietrich, I’ll be bound he got it for no good!”
“Schloo—oo—oo—oo—ooop.”
“Confound Adam Kloot and his oysters to boot!” exclaimed the offended Madame Doppeldick, irritated beyond all patience at the bovine25 apathy26 of her connubial27 partner. “I wish, I do, that the nets had burst in catching28 them!”
“Why, what can one do, Malchen?” asked honest Dietrich, looking up for the first time from the engrossing29 dish, whence the one-a-penny oysters had all vanished, leaving only the two-a-penny ones behind.
“Saint Ursula only knows!” sighed Madame Doppeldick, her voice relapsing into its former tone of melancholy30. “I only know that I will never undress in the room!”
“Then you must undress out of it, Malchen. Schloo—oop. Schloo—oo—oo—oo—ooop.”
“I believe that must be the way after all,” said Madame Doppeldick, on whose mind her husband’s sentence of transcendental philosophy had cast a new light. “To be sure there is a little landing-place at the stair-head, and our bed is exactly opposite the door—and if one scuttled31 briskly across the room, and jumped in—But are you sure, Dietrich, that you explained every thing correctly to the Captain? Did you tell him that his was the one next the window—with the patchwork32 coverlet?”
“Not a word of it!” answered honest Dietrich, who like all other Prussians had served his two years as a soldier, and was therefore moderately interested in military manœuvres.
[Pg 219]
“Not a word of it—we talked all about the review. But I did what was far better, my own Malchen, for I saw him get into the bed with the patchwork coverlet, with my own eyes, and then took away his candle—Schloo—oo—oop!”
“It was done like my own dear, kind Dietrich,” exclaimed the delighted Madame Doppeldick, and in the sudden revulsion of her feelings, she actually pulled up his huge round bullet-head from the dish, and kissed him between the nose and chin.
The Domestic Dilemma33 was disarmed34 of its horns, Madame Doppeldick saw her way before her, as clear and open as the Rhine three months after the ice has broken up. From that moment, as long as the dish contained two oysters, the air of “Schloo—oo—oo—oo—ooop” was sung, as “arranged for a duet.”
CHAPTER VIII.
“ALL is quiet, thank Heaven! the Captain is as fast as a church,” thought Madame Doppeldick, as she stood in nocturnal dishabille, on the little landing-place, at the stair-head. “Now then, my own Dietrich,” she whispered, “are you ready to run?” For like the best of wives, as she was, she did not much care to go anywhere without her husband.
But the deliberate Dietrich was not prepared to escort her. He had chosen to undress as usual, with his transcendental pipe in his mouth; indeed it was always the last thing that he took off before getting into bed, so that till all his philosophy was burned to ashes, his mind would not consent to any active corporeal35 exertion36, especially to any locomotion37 so rapid as a race. At last he stood balancing, made up for the start; his eyes staring, his teeth clenched38, his fists doubled, and his arms swinging, as if he were about to be admitted a burgess of Andernach—that is to say, by leaping backwards39 over a winnowing40 fan, with a well poised41 pail of water in his arms, in order to show if he accomplished42 it neatly43.
[Pg 220]
“The night-light may be left burning where it is, Dietrich.”
“Now then, Malchen!”
“Now then Dietrich,—and run gently—on your toes!”
No sooner said than done. The modest Malchen with the speed of a young wild elephant made a rush across the room, and, with something of a jump and something more of a scramble44, plunged45 headlong into the bed. The phlegmatic46 Dietrich was a thought later, from having included the whole length of the landing-place in his run, to help him in his leap, so that just as his bulk came squash! upon the coverlet, his predecessor47 was tumbling her body, skow-wow, bow-wow, any-how, over the side of the bedstead.
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收听单词发音
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1
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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2
oyster
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| n.牡蛎；沉默寡言的人 | |
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3
oysters
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| 牡蛎( oyster的名词复数 ) | |
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4
abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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5
artillery
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| n.(军)火炮，大炮；炮兵(部队) | |
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6
horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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7
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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8
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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flask
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| n.瓶，火药筒，砂箱 | |
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10
screech
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| n./v.尖叫；(发出)刺耳的声音 | |
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11
trampling
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| 踩( trample的现在分词 )； 践踏； 无视； 侵犯 | |
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12
slipper
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| n.拖鞋 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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14
glibly
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| adv.流利地，流畅地；满口 | |
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15
mightily
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| ad.强烈地；非常地 | |
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16
prolix
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| adj.罗嗦的；冗长的 | |
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17
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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18
gape
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| v.张口，打呵欠，目瞪口呆地凝视 | |
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19
plentifully
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| adv. 许多地，丰饶地 | |
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20
eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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21
gamut
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| n.全音阶，(一领域的)全部知识 | |
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syllables
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| n.音节( syllable的名词复数 ) | |
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23
immoral
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| adj.不道德的，淫荡的，荒淫的，有伤风化的 | |
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24
shamefully
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| 可耻地； 丢脸地； 不体面地； 羞耻地 | |
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25
bovine
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| adj.牛的；n.牛 | |
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apathy
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| n.漠不关心，无动于衷；冷淡 | |
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27
connubial
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| adj.婚姻的，夫妇的 | |
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28
catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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29
engrossing
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| adj.使人全神贯注的，引人入胜的v.使全神贯注( engross的现在分词 ) | |
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30
melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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31
scuttled
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| v.使船沉没( scuttle的过去式和过去分词 )；快跑，急走 | |
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32
patchwork
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| n.混杂物；拼缝物 | |
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33
dilemma
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| n.困境，进退两难的局面 | |
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34
disarmed
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| v.裁军( disarm的过去式和过去分词 )；使息怒 | |
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35
corporeal
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| adj.肉体的，身体的；物质的 | |
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exertion
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| n.尽力，努力 | |
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37
locomotion
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| n.运动，移动 | |
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38
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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39
backwards
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| adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地 | |
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40
winnowing
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| v.扬( winnow的现在分词 )；辨别；选择；除去 | |
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41
poised
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| a.摆好姿势不动的 | |
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42
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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43
neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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44
scramble
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| v.爬行，攀爬，杂乱蔓延，碎片，片段，废料 | |
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45
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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46
phlegmatic
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| adj.冷静的，冷淡的，冷漠的，无活力的 | |
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47
predecessor
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| n.前辈，前任 | |
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