With nothing clear in his mind and that bruise7 still in his heart, he reached the Mews an hour after Dinny had gone. Clare let him in, and they stood looking at each other for a minute without speaking. At last she said with a laugh:
“Well, Tony! Funny business — the whole thing, wasn’t it?”
“Exquisitely humorous.”
“You look ill.”
“You look fine.”
And she did, in a red frock open at the neck, and without sleeves.
“Sorry I’m not dressed, Clare. I didn’t know you’d want to go out.”
“I don’t. We’re going to dine in. You can leave the car out there, and stay as long as you like, and nobody the worse. Isn’t it nice?”
“Clare!”
“Put your hat down and come upstairs. I’ve made a new cocktail8.”
“I take this chance to say I’m bitterly sorry.”
“Don’t be an idiot, Tony.” She began to mount the spiral stairway, turning at the top. “Come!”
Dropping his hat and driving gloves, he followed her. To the eyes of one throbbing9 and distraught, the room above had an air of preparation, as if for ceremony, or — was it sacrifice? The little table was set out daintily with flowers, a narrow-necked bottle, green glasses — the couch covered with some jade-green stuff and heaped with bright cushions. The windows were open, for it was hot, but the curtains were nearly drawn10 across and the light turned on. He went straight across to the window, stifled11 by the violent confusion within him.
“In spite of the Law’s blessing12, better close the curtains,” said Clare. “Would you like a wash?”
He shook his head, drew the curtains close, and sat on the sill. Clare had dropped on to the sofa.
“I couldn’t bear to see you in the box, Tony. I owe you a lot.”
“Owe! You owe me nothing. It’s I—!”
“No! I am the debtor13.”
With her bare arms crossed behind her neck, her body so graceful14, her face a little tilted15 up — there was all he had dreamed about and longed for all these months! There she was, infinitely16 desirable, seeming to say: ‘Here I am! Take me!’ and he sat staring at her. The moment he had yearned17 and yearned for, and he could not seize it!
“Why so far off, Tony?”
He got up, his lips trembling, every limb trembling, came as far as the table, and stood gripping the back of a chair. His eyes fixed18 on her eyes, searched and searched. What was behind those dark eyes looking up at him? Not love! The welcome of duty? The payment of a debt? The toleration of a pal19? The invitation of one who would have it over and done with? But not love, with its soft gleam. And, suddenly, there came before his eyes the image of her and Corven — THERE! He covered his face with his arm, rushed headlong down those twisting iron stairs, seized hat and gloves, and dashed out into his car. His mind did not really work again till he was far along the Uxbridge Road; and how he had got there without disaster he could not conceive. He had behaved like a perfect fool! He had behaved exactly as he had to! The startled look on her face! To be treated as a creditor20! To be paid! THERE! On that sofa! No! He drove again with a sort of frenzy21, and was brought up sharply by a lorry lumbering22 along in front. The night was just beginning, moonlit and warm. He turned the car into a gateway23 and got out. Leaning against the gate, he filled and lit his pipe. Where was he going? Home? What use? What use going anywhere? His brain cleared suddenly. Drive to Jack24 Muskham’s, release himself, and — Kenya! He had money enough for that. A job would turn up. But stay here? No! Lucky those mares hadn’t come! He got over the gate and sat down on the grass. Relaxed against the bank he looked up. Lot of stars! What had he — fifty pounds — sixty — nothing owing! An East African boat — go steerage! Anything — anywhere away! Close to him on the bank were ox-eyed daisies slowly brightening in the moonlight; the air was scented25 by ripening27 grass. If in her eyes there had been one look of love! He let his head fall back on the grass. Not her fault she didn’t love him! His misfortune! Home — get his kit29 together, lock up, straight to Muskham’s! It would take all the night! See those lawyers — Dinny, too, if possible! But Clare? No! His pipe ceased to draw; the moon and stars, the ox-eyed daisies, the grassy30 scent26, the shadows creeping out, the feel of the bank, lost all power to soothe31. Get on, do something, go on doing something, till he was again on shipboard and away. He got up, climbed back over the gate, and started his engine. He kept straight on, instinctively32 avoiding the route through Maidenhead and Henley. He passed through High Wycombe and approached Oxford33 from the north. The old town was lit up and in evening feather when he dropped down on it from Headington and threaded into the quiet Cumnor road. On the little old New Bridge over the Upper Thames he stopped. Something special about this upper river, quiet and winding34, and withdrawn35 from human blatancy36! In full moonlight now the reeds glistened37 and the willows38 seemed to drip silver into the water, dark below their branches. Some windows in the inn beyond were lamp-lit, but no sound of gramophone came forth39. With the moon riding so high, the stars now were but a pricking40 of the grape-coloured sky; the scent from the reedy banks and the river fields, after a whole week of warmth, mounted to his nostrils41, sweet and a little rank. It brought a sudden wave of sheer sex-longing — so often and so long had he dreamed of Clare and himself in love on this winding field-scented stream. He started the car with a jerk, and turned past the inn down the narrowed road. In twenty minutes he stood in the doorway42 of his cottage, looking into the moonlit room he had left sunlit seven hours before. There was the novel he had been trying to read, tipped on to the floor; the remains43 of his cheese and fruit lunch not cleared away; a pair of brown shoes which he had been going to shine up. The big black beams across the low ceiling and around the big old fireplace rescued from Victorian enclosure and brown varnish44, the copper45 fire-dogs and pewter plates and jugs47 and bowls he had hardily48 collected, hoping they would appeal to Clare, all his res angusta domi, welcomed him dimly. He felt suddenly exhausted49, drank half a tumbler of whisky and water, ate some biscuits, and sank into his long wicker armchair. Almost at once he fell asleep, and awoke in daylight. He woke remembering that he had meant to spend the night in action. Level sunlight was slanting50 in at the window. He finished the water in the jug46, and looked at his watch. Five o’clock. He threw open the door. Early haze51 was bright over the fields. He went out past the mares’ boxes and their meadows. A track, sloping down towards the river, led over grass broken by bushy scoops52 and green banks covered with hazel and alders53. No dew had fallen, but the grass and every shrub54 smelled new.
About fifty yards from the river he threw himself down in a little hollow. Rabbits and bees and birds — nothing else as yet awake. He lay on his back staring at the grass and the bushes and the early sky, blue and lightly fleeced. Perhaps because he could see so little from that hollow all England seemed to be with him. A wild bee close to his hand was digging into a flower, there was a faint scent, as of daisy-chains; but chiefly it was the quality of the grass — its close freshness, its true greenness. ‘Greatness and dignity and peace!’ That play! Those words had given him a choke. Other people had laughed, Clare had laughed. “Sentimental!” she had said. “No country ever had, or will have ‘Greatness and dignity and peace.’” Probably not, certainly not — a country, even one’s own, was a mish-mash of beauties and monstrosities, a vague generalisation that betrayed dramatists into over-writing, journalists into blurb55. All the same, you couldn’t anywhere else in the world get just such a spot, or just such grass to feel and see, a scent that was wellnigh none, a tender fleecy sky, tiny flowers, birds’ songs, age and youth at once! Let people laugh — you couldn’t! Leave grass like this! He remembered the thrill he had felt six months ago, seeing again English grass! Leave his job before it had begun; chuck it back at Muskham, who had been so really decent to him! He turned over on to his face and laid his cheek to that grass. There he got the scent better — not sweet, not bitter, but fresh, intimate and delighting, a scent apprehended56 from his earliest childhood — the scent of England. If only those mares would come, and he could get at it! He sat up again, and listened. No sound of train or car or airplane, no human sound, no sound of any four-footed thing; just birds’ songs, and those indistinguishable and a little far — a long meandering57 tune28 wide above the grass. Well! No use making a song! If one couldn’t have a thing, one couldn’t!
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收听单词发音
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1
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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3
improper
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| adj.不适当的，不合适的，不正确的，不合礼仪的 | |
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4
monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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5
inflamed
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| adj.发炎的，红肿的v.（使）变红，发怒，过热( inflame的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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upbraid
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| v.斥责，责骂，责备 | |
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7
bruise
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| n.青肿，挫伤；伤痕；vt.打青；挫伤 | |
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8
cocktail
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| n.鸡尾酒；餐前开胃小吃；混合物 | |
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9
throbbing
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| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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10
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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stifled
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| （使）窒息， （使）窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 )； 镇压，遏制； 堵 | |
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12
blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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13
debtor
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| n.借方，债务人 | |
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14
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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15
tilted
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| v. 倾斜的 | |
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infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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yearned
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| 渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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19
pal
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| n.朋友，伙伴，同志；vi.结为友 | |
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creditor
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| n.债仅人，债主，贷方 | |
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frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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lumbering
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| n.采伐林木 | |
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23
gateway
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| n.大门口，出入口，途径，方法 | |
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24
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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25
scented
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| adj.有香味的；洒香水的；有气味的v.嗅到(scent的过去分词) | |
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26
scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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27
ripening
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的现在分词 )；熟化；熟成 | |
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28
tune
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| n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整 | |
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29
kit
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| n.用具包，成套工具；随身携带物 | |
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30
grassy
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| adj.盖满草的；长满草的 | |
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31
soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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33
Oxford
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| n.牛津（英国城市） | |
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34
winding
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| n.绕，缠，绕组，线圈 | |
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35
withdrawn
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| vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出 | |
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36
blatancy
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| 喧哗 | |
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37
glistened
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| v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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38
willows
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| n.柳树( willow的名词复数 )；柳木 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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pricking
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| 刺，刺痕，刺痛感 | |
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41
nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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42
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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43
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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varnish
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| n.清漆；v.上清漆；粉饰 | |
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45
copper
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| n.铜；铜币；铜器；adj.铜(制)的；(紫)铜色的 | |
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46
jug
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| n.(有柄，小口，可盛水等的)大壶，罐，盂 | |
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jugs
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| （有柄及小口的）水壶( jug的名词复数 ) | |
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48
hardily
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| 耐劳地，大胆地，蛮勇地 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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50
slanting
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| 倾斜的，歪斜的 | |
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51
haze
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| n.霾，烟雾；懵懂，迷糊；vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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52
scoops
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| n.小铲( scoop的名词复数 )；小勺；一勺[铲]之量；（抢先刊载、播出的）独家新闻v.抢先报道( scoop的第三人称单数 )；（敏捷地）抱起；抢先获得；用铲[勺]等挖（洞等） | |
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53
alders
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| n.桤木( alder的名词复数 ) | |
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54
shrub
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| n.灌木，灌木丛 | |
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55
blurb
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| n.简介，短评 | |
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56
apprehended
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| 逮捕，拘押( apprehend的过去式和过去分词 )； 理解 | |
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57
meandering
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| 蜿蜒的河流，漫步，聊天 | |
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