“I only hope,” said the parson, “that there’s a good surgeon at Market Lavington. One of the gentlemen in that cart must have wanted him, I take it.” Then he thought that it might, perhaps, be worth his while to trot3 over to Lavington in the course of the week, and make inquiries4.
On the Wednesday Mary Lowther was to go back to Loring. This seemed like a partial break-up of their establishment, both to the parson and his wife. Fenwick had made up his mind that Mary was to be his nearest neighbour for life, and had fallen into the way of treating her accordingly, telling her of things in the parish as he might have done to the Squire5’s wife, presuming the Squire’s wife to have been on the best possible terms with him. He now regarded Mary as being almost an impostor. She had taken him in and obtained his confidence under false pretences6. It was true that she might still come and fill the place that he had appointed for her. He rather thought that at last she would do so. But he was angry with her because she hesitated. She was creating an unnecessary disturbance7 among them. She had, he thought, been now wooed long enough, and, as he told his wife more than once, was making an ass1 of herself. Mrs. Fenwick was not quite so hard in her judgment8, but she also was tempted9 to be a little angry. She loved her friend Mary a great deal better than she loved Mr. Gilmore, but she was thoroughly10 convinced that Mary could not do better than accept a man whom she owned that she liked,—whom she, at any rate, liked so well that she had not as yet rejected him. Therefore, although Mary was going, they were, both of them, rather savage11 with her.
The Monday passed by, also very quietly, and Mr. Gilmore did not come to them, but he had sent a note to tell them that he would walk down on the Tuesday evening to say good-bye to Miss Lowther. Early on the Wednesday Mr. Fenwick was to drive her to Westbury, whence the railway would take her round by Chippenham and Swindon to Loring. On the Tuesday morning she was very melancholy12. Though she knew that it was right to go away, she greatly regretted that it was necessary. She was angry with herself for not having better known her own mind, and though she was quite sure that were Mr. Gilmore to repeat his offer to her that moment, she would not accept it, nevertheless she thought ill of herself because she would not do so. “I do believe,” she said to herself, “that I shall never like any man better.” She knew well enough that if she was never brought to love any man, she never ought to marry any man; but she was not quite sure whether Janet was not right in telling her that she had formed erroneous notions of the sort of love she ought to feel for the man whom she should resolve to accept. Perhaps it was true that that kind of adoration13 which Janet entertained for her husband was a feeling which came after marriage—a feeling which would spring up in her own heart as soon as she was the man’s own wife, the mistress of his house, the mother of his children, the one human being for whose welfare he was solicitous14 beyond that of all others. And this man did love her. She had no doubt about that. And she was unhappy, too, because she felt that she had offended his friends, and that they thought that she was not treating their friend well.
“Janet,” she said, as they were again sitting out on the lawn, on that Tuesday afternoon, “I am almost sorry that I came here at all.”
“Don’t say that, dear.”
“I have spent some of the happiest days of my life here, but the visit, on the whole, has been unfortunate. I am going away in disgrace. I feel that so acutely.”
“What nonsense! How are you in disgrace?”
“Mr. Fenwick and you think that I have behaved badly. I know you do, and I feel it so strongly! I think so much of him, and believe him to be so good, and so wise, and so understanding,—he knows what people should do, and should be, so well,—that I cannot doubt that I have been wrong if he thinks so.”
“He only wishes that you could have made up your mind to marry a most worthy15 man, who is his friend, and who, by marrying you, would have fixed16 you close to us. He wishes it still, and so do I.”
“But he thinks that I have been—have been mopish, and lack-a-daisical, and—and—almost untrue. I can hear it in the tone of his voice, and see it in his eye. I can tell it from the way he shakes hands with me in the morning. He is such a true man that I know in a moment what he means at all times. I am going away under his displeasure, and I wish I had never come.”
“Return as Mrs. Gilmore, and all his displeasure will disappear.”
“Yes, because he would forgive me. He would say to himself that, as I had repented17, I might be taken back to his grace; but as things are at present he condemns18 me. And so do you.”
“If you ask me, Mary, I must tell the truth. I don’t think you know your own mind.”
“Suppose I don’t, is that disgraceful?”
“But there comes a time when a girl should know her own mind. You are giving this poor fellow an enormous deal of unnecessary trouble.”
“I have known my own mind so far as to tell him that I could not marry him.”
“As far as I understand, Mary, you have always told him to wait a little longer.”
“I have never asked him to wait, Janet;—never. It is he who says that he will wait; and what can I answer when he says so? All the same I don’t mean to defend myself. I do believe that I have been wrong, and I wish that I had never come here. It sounds ungrateful, but I do. It is so dreadful to feel that I have incurred19 the displeasure of people that I love so dearly.”
“There is no displeasure, Mary; the word is a good deal too strong. I wonder what you’ll think of all this when the parson and his wife come up on future Sundays to dine with the Squire and his lady. I have long since made up my mind that when afternoon service is over, we ought to go up and be made much of at the Privets; and you’re putting all this off till I’m an old woman—for a chimera20. It’s about our Sunday dinners that I’m angry. Flo, my darling, what a face you have got. Do come and sit still for a few minutes, or you’ll be in a fever.” While Mrs. Fenwick was wiping her girl’s brow, and smoothing her ringlets, Mary walked off to the orchard21 by herself. There was a broad green path which made the circuit of it, and she took the round twice, pausing at the bottom to look at the spot from which she had tumbled into the river. What a trouble she had been to them all! She was thoroughly dissatisfied with herself; especially so because she had fallen into those very difficulties which from early years she had resolved that she would avoid. She had made up her mind that she would not flirt22, that she would never give a right to any man—or to any woman—to call her a coquette; that if love and a husband came in her way she would take them thankfully, and that if they did not, she would go on her path quietly, if possible, feeling no uneasiness, and certainly showing none, because the joys of a married life did not belong to her. But now she had gotten herself into a mess, and she could not tell herself that it was not her own fault. Then she resolved again that in future she would go right. It could not but be that a woman could keep herself from floundering in these messes of half-courtship,—of courtship on one side, and doubt on the other,—if she would persistently23 adhere to some safe rule. Her rejection24 of Mr. Gilmore ought to have been unhesitating and certain from the first. She was sure of that now. She had been guilty of an absurdity25 in supposing that because the man had been in earnest, therefore she had been justified26 in keeping him in suspense27, for his own sake. She had been guilty of an absurdity, and also of great self-conceit. She could do nothing now but wait till she should hear from him,—and then answer him steadily28. After what had passed she could not go to him and declare that it was all over. He was coming to-night, and she was nearly sure that he would not say a word to her on the subject. If he did,—if he renewed his offer,—then she would speak out. It was hardly possible that he should do so, and therefore the trouble which she had created must remain.
As she thus resolved, she was leaning over the gate looking into the churchyard, not much observing the graves or the monuments or the beautiful old ivy-covered tower, or thinking of the dead that were lying there, or of the living who prayed there; but swearing to herself that for the rest of her life she would keep clear of, what she called, girlish messes. Like other young ladies she had read much poetry and many novels; but her sympathies had never been with young ladies who could not go straight through with their love affairs, from the beginning to the end, without flirtation29 of either an inward or an outward nature. Of all her heroines, Rosalind was the one she liked the best, because from the first moment of her passion she knew herself and what she was about, and loved her lover right heartily30. Of all girls in prose or poetry she declared that Rosalind was the least of a flirt. She meant to have the man, and never had a doubt about it. But with such a one as Flora31 MacIvor she had no patience;—a girl who did and who didn’t, who would and who wouldn’t, who could and who couldn’t, and who of all flirts32 was to her the most nauseous! As she was taking herself to task, accusing herself of being a Flora without the poetry and romance to excuse her, Mr. Fenwick came round from Farmer Trumbull’s side of the church, and got over the stile into the churchyard.
of the church, and got over the stile into the churchyard.
“What, Mary, is that you gazing in so intently among your brethren that were?”
“I was not thinking of them,” she said, with a smile. “My mind was intent on some of my brethren that are.” Then there came a thought across her, and she made a sudden decision. “Mr. Fenwick,” she said, “would you mind walking up and down the churchyard with me once or twice? I have something to say to you, and I can say it now so well.” He opened the gate for her, and she joined him. “I want to beg your pardon, and to get you to forgive me. I know you have been angry with me.”
“Hardly angry,—but vexed33. As you ask me so frankly34 and prettily35, I will forgive you. There is my hand upon it. All evil thoughts against you shall go out of my head. I shall still have my wishes, but I will not be cross with you.”
“You are so good, and so clearly honest. I declare I think Janet the happiest woman that I ever heard of.”
“Come, come; I didn’t bargain for this kind of thing when I allowed myself to be brought in here.”
“But it is so. I did not stop you for that, however, but to acknowledge that I have been wrong, and to ask you to pardon me.”
“I will. I do. If there has been anything amiss, it shall not be looked on again as amiss. But there has been only one thing amiss.”
“And, Mr. Fenwick, will you do this for me? Will you tell him that I was foolish to say that he might wait? Why should he wait? Of course he should not wait. When I am gone, tell him so, and beg him to make an end of it. I had not thought of it properly, or I would not have allowed him to be tormented36.”
There was a pause after this, during which they walked half the length of the path in silence. “No, Mary,” he said, after a while; “I will not tell him that.”
“Why not, Mr. Fenwick?”
“Because it will not be for his good, or for mine, or for Janet’s, or, as I believe, for yours.”
“Indeed, it will, for the good of us all.”
“I think, Mary, you do not quite understand. There is not one among us who does not wish that you should come here and be one of us; a real, right down Bullompton ‘ooman, as they say in the village. I want you to be my wife’s dearest friend, and my own nearest neighbour. There is no man in the world whom I love as I do Harry38 Gilmore, and I want you to be his wife. I have said to myself and to Janet a score of times that you certainly would be so sooner or later. My wrath39 has not come from your bidding him to wait, but from your coldness in not taking him without waiting. You should remember that we grow gray very quickly, Mary.”
Here was the old story again,—the old story as she had heard it from Harry Gilmore, but told as she had never expected to hear it from the lips of Frank Fenwick. It amounted to this; that even he, Frank Fenwick, bade her wait and try. But she had formed her resolution, and she was not going to be turned aside, even by Frank Fenwick; “I had thought that you would help me,” she said, very slowly.
“So I will, with all my heart, towards the keys of the store closets of the Privets, but not a step the other way. It has to be, Mary. He is too much in earnest, and too good, and too fit for the place to which he aspires40, to miss his object. Come, we’ll go in. Mind, you and I are one again, let it go how it may. I will own that I have been vexed for the last two days,—have been in a humour unbecoming your departure to-morrow. I throw all that behind me. You and I are dear friends,—are we not?”
“I do hope so, Mr. Fenwick?”
“There shall be no feather moulted between us. But as to operating between you and Harry, with the view of keeping you apart, I decline the commission. It is my assured belief that sooner or later he will be your husband. Now we will go up to Janet, who will begin to think herself a Penelope, if we desert her much longer.”
Immediately after this Mary went up to dress for dinner. Should she make up her mind to give way, and put on the blue ribbons which he loved so well? She thought that she could tell him at once, if she made up her mind in that direction. It would not, perhaps, be very maidenly41, but anything would be better than suspense,—than torment37 to him. Then she took out her blue ribbons, and tried to go through that ceremony of telling him. It was quite impossible. Were she to do so, she would know no happiness again in this world, or probably in the other. To do the thing, it would be necessary that she should lie to him.
She came down in a simple white dress, without any ribbons, in just the dress which she would have worn had Mr. Gilmore not been coming. At dinner they were very merry. The word of command had gone forth42 from Frank that Mary was to be forgiven, and Janet of course obeyed. The usual courtesies of society demand that there shall be civility—almost flattering civility—from host to guest, and from guest to host; and yet how often does it occur that in the midst of these courtesies there is something that tells of hatred43, of ridicule44, or of scorn! How often does it happen that the guest knows that he is disliked, or the host knows that he is a bore! In the last two days Mary had felt that she was not cordially a welcome guest. She had felt also that the reason was one against which she could not contend. Now all that, at least, was over. Frank Fenwick’s manner had never been pleasanter to her than it was on this occasion, and Janet followed the suit which her lord led.
They were again on the lawn between eight and nine o’clock when Harry Gilmore came up to them. He was gracious enough in his salutation to Mary Lowther, but no indifferent person would have thought that he was her lover. He talked chiefly to Fenwick, and when they went in to tea did not take a place on the sofa beside Mary. But after a while he said something which told them all of his love.
“What do you think I’ve been doing to-day, Frank?”
“Getting your wheat down, I should hope.”
“We begin that to-morrow. I never like to be quite the earliest at that work, or yet the latest.”
“Better be a day too early than a day too late, Harry.”
“Never mind about that. I’ve been down with old Brattle.”
“And what have you been doing with him?”
“I’m half ashamed, and yet I fancy I’m right.”
As he said this he looked across to Mary Lowther, who no doubt was watching every turn of his face from the corner of her eye. “I’ve just been and knocked under, and told him that the old place shall be put to rights.”
“That’s your doing, Mary,” said Mrs. Fenwick, injudiciously.
“Oh, no; I’m sure it is not. Mr. Gilmore would only do such a thing as that because it is proper.”
“I don’t know about it’s being proper,” said he. “I’m not quite sure whether it is or not. I shall never get any interest for my money.”
“Interest for one’s money is not everything,” said Mrs. Fenwick.
“Nevertheless, when one builds houses for other people to live in, one has to look to it,” said the parson.
“People say it’s the prettiest spot in the parish,” continued Mr. Gilmore, “and as such it shouldn’t be let go to ruin.” Janet remarked afterwards to her husband that Mary Lowther had certainly declared that it was the prettiest spot in the parish, but that, as far as her knowledge went, nobody else had ever said so. “And then, you see, when I refused to spend money upon it, old Brattle had money of his own, and it was his business to do it.”
“He hasn’t much now, I fear,” said Mr. Fenwick.
“I fear not. His family has been very heavy on him. He paid money to put two of his boys into trade who died afterwards, and then for years he had either doctors or undertakers about the place. So I just went down to him and told him I would do it.”
“And how did he take it?”
“Like a bear, as he is. He would hardly speak to me, but went away into the mill, telling me that I might settle it all with his wife. It’s going to be done, however. I shall have the estimate next week, and I suppose it will cost me two or three hundred pounds. The mill is worse than the house, I take it.”
“I am so glad it is to be done,” said Mary. After that Mr. Gilmore did not in the least begrudge45 his two or three hundred pounds. But he said not a word to Mary, just pressed her hand at parting, and left her subject to a possibility of a reversal of her sentence at the end of the stated period.
On the next morning Mr. Fenwick drove her in his little open phaeton to the station at Westbury. “You are to come back to us, you know,” said Mrs. Fenwick, “and remember how anxiously I am waiting for my Sunday dinners.” Mary said not a word, but as she was driven round in front of the church she looked up at the dear old tower, telling herself that, in all probability, she would never see it again.
“I have just one thing to say, Mary,” said the parson, as he walked up and down the platform with her at Westbury; “you are to remember that, whatever happens, there is always a home for you at Bullhampton when you choose to come to it. I am not speaking of the Privets now, but of the Vicarage.”
“How very good you are to me!”
“And so are you to us. Dear friends should be good to each other. God bless you, dear.” From thence she made her way home to Loring by herself.
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1
ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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pony
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| adj.小型的；n.小马 | |
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trot
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| n.疾走，慢跑；n.老太婆；现成译本；(复数）trots:腹泻（与the 连用）；v.小跑，快步走，赶紧 | |
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4
inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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pretences
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| n.假装( pretence的名词复数 )；作假；自命；自称 | |
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disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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8
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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9
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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10
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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13
adoration
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| n.爱慕，崇拜 | |
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solicitous
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| adj.热切的，挂念的 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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repented
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| 对（自己的所为）感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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condemns
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| v.（通常因道义上的原因而）谴责( condemn的第三人称单数 )；宣判；宣布…不能使用；迫使…陷于不幸的境地 | |
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incurred
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| [医]招致的，遭受的； incur的过去式 | |
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chimera
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| n.神话怪物；梦幻 | |
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orchard
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| n.果园，果园里的全部果树，(美俚)棒球场 | |
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flirt
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| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
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persistently
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| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
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rejection
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| n.拒绝，被拒，抛弃，被弃 | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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flirtation
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| n.调情，调戏，挑逗 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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31
flora
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| n.(某一地区的)植物群 | |
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flirts
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| v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的第三人称单数 ) | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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prettily
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| adv.优美地；可爱地 | |
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tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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39
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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40
aspires
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| v.渴望，追求( aspire的第三人称单数 ) | |
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41
maidenly
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| adj. 像处女的, 谨慎的, 稳静的 | |
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42
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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43
hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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44
ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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45
begrudge
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| vt.吝啬，羡慕 | |
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