If only we brought nothing with us from the old world that ended in the night! But, alas17, we bring everything—ourselves, that “heritage of woe,” our thoughts, our desires, baffled or eager, for other objects than those which are in harmony with that new life and blessedness. When the sun rose visibly into the blue, skimming the surface of Loch Houran, and waking all the woods, there stood one spectator upon the old battlements of the ruined castle who was altogether out of harmony with the scene. Walter had not slept all night. He had not even gone through the form of going to bed. He had come out as soon as there was a glimmer18 of daylight, which, in October, is long of coming, to get what refreshment19 was possible from the breath of the morning air, and thus had assisted at the re-awakening of earth, and all the development of the new-born day. From where he stood there lay before him a paradise of sky and water, with everything repeated, embellished20, made into an ideal of twofold sweetness, brightness, and purity, in the broad mirror of the lake. The autumn woods, the tracts21 of green field, or late yellow of the unreaped corn, all showed like another fairy-land underneath22, a country still purer, more dazzling, and brilliant, more still and fresh, than the morning land above. “The light that never was on sea or shore” shone in those glorified23 and softly rippling24 woods, trending away into the infinite to the point beyond which mortal vision cannot go. What haunts and refuges of happy life might be there! what dreams of poetry beyond the human! That lovely inversion25 of all things, that more than mortal freshness and sweetness and liquid glow of light, confused the mind with a kind of involuntary bliss26, a vision of a place of escape, the never attained27 country to which the soul, had it wings, might flee away and be at rest.
But that soul had no wings which looked out from Walter’s haggard countenance28, as he leant on the half-ruined wall. He gazed at the scene before him like one who had no lot or part in it. Its peace and brightness brought but into greater relief the restlessness of his own soul, the gloom and blackness in his heart. He had been struggling all night in a fierce internal controversy29 which, to his own consciousness, was with another intelligence more powerful than his own, and yet might have been with himself, with the better part that kept up within him a protest for better things, with such representatives of conscience and the higher affections as still existed within him. However it was, he was exhausted30 with the struggle, his strength was worn out. That lull31 of pain which does not mean any cure, or even any beginning of healing, but is merely a sign that the power of the sufferer to endure has come to its limit, gave him a kind of rest. But the rest itself was restless and incapable32 of composure. He moved about like an uneasy spirit along the broken line of the old battlements, pausing here and there to plunge33 his eyes into the landscape, to take in the morning air with a long inspiration. And so unlike was the mood of his mind to his usual character and habits, that as he moved, Walter gave vent34 to a low moaning, such as gives a kind of fictitious35 relief to the old and suffering—an involuntary utterance36 which it was terrible to hear coming with his breathing from a young man’s lips, and in the midst of such a scene. Was he talking to himself? Was he only moaning as a dumb creature moans? By and by he half flung himself, in his weariness, into one of the ruinous embrasures, and remained there, leaning his back against one side of it. And then he said to himself, repeating the words over and over again—“Neither God’s nor Oona’s. Neither Oona’s nor God’s.”
Lord Erradeen had arrived at that lowest depth of self-estimation, which means despair. His own life had been forced upon him, represented before his eyes he could not tell how. He had seen its motives37 disentangled, its course traced, all its wastes laid bare, with a distinctness against which he could offer no appeal. He could deny nothing; it was true; this was what he had done, with a repetition of folly39, of selfishness, of baseness, for which he could offer no sort of excuse, which confounded and abased40 him. He had known it all, it is true, before; time after time he had pulled himself up and looked at the last scrap41 of his life, and pronounced it indefensible; then had pushed it from him and gone on again, escaping with all the haste he could from contemplation of the phenomena42 which were inexplicable43, and which he did not desire to attempt to explain even to himself. He had said truly to Miss Milnathort that to know you are wrong is not always equivalent to being on the way to mend it. He had always known he was wrong; he had never been deficient44 in moral disapproval45 of others like himself, or even of himself, when in one of the pauses of his career he was brought face to face with that individual. But he had been able to put a sort of accidental gloss46 upon his own worst actions. He had not intended them; there had been no motive38 whatever in what he did; he had done so and so by chance—by indolence, because it happened to be put before him to do it; but he had meant nothing by it. Out of this subterfuge47 he had been driven during the mental conflict of the night. And there was this peculiarity48 in his state, that he was not thus enlightened and convinced by the exertions49 of any reformatory influence, by any prophet bidding him repent50. Conviction came from entirely the other side, and with a motive altogether different. “Who are you,” his antagonist51 said, or seemed to say, “to take refuge with a pure woman, you who have never been pure? Who are you to lay claim to be God’s, after ignoring God’s existence altogether; or to be your own master, who have never ruled or guided yourself, but have been the slave of every folly, a feather blown on the wind, a straw carried away by the stream?”
All these accusations52 had been made as plain to him as the daylight. He had not been allowed to escape; the course of his life had been traced so clearly, that he could not protest, or object, or contradict; he was convinced—the most terrible position in which a man can be. Whether any man, thoroughly53 persuaded of his own moral wretchedness and debasement ever does escape despair, is a question full of difficulty. The prodigal’s sense that in his father’s house every servant has enough and to spare while he perishes of hunger is a different matter. “Father, I have sinned, I am no more worthy54 to be called thy son; make me as one of thy hired servants.” There are still possibilities to a soul in such a position. But one who is driven from stronghold to stronghold, until at length he is forced to allow that there is no inducement which has not been tried and failed with him, that he has no claim to the succour of God or man, or woman, that he has turned his back upon all, neglected all, wronged every power in heaven and earth that could help, what is he to do? He may be forgiven; but forgiveness, in the entire abasement55 of that discovery, is not what he wants. He wants a renovation56 for which there seems no means left; he wants, in the old language—that language which we are said to have outgrown—to be born again: and that is impossible—impossible! What is there in heaven or earth that will prevent him from doing all over again what he has done before, the moment his circumstances permit it? So long as he is what he is—nothing: and how shall he be made other than what he is?
“Ye must be born again.” Ah, what preacher can know that as he does? But how—but how? Neither God’s nor Oona’s—and who, then, was to help him? He had caught at the woman in his despair; he had not even so much as thought of God till the last moment, and then had flown like a coward to a fetish, meaning nothing but to escape. Why should God bend down from those spotless heavens to acknowledge the wretched runaway’s clutch at his divine garments in the extremity57 of mortal terror? Would Oona have given him that hand of hers, had she known how his was stained? And would God attend to that coward’s appeal made only when everything else failed?
The young man sat in the corner of the embrasure pressing himself against the rough stone-work for support. Despair had possession of his soul. What had he to do with the best and highest things, with freedom and love? After all, why should he be his own master, why claim the right to judge for himself? If he had this freedom fully58, what would he do with it? Throw it away next day in exchange for some nothing, some pleasure that palled59 in the tasting. Pleasure! There was no pleasure, but only make-beliefs and deceptions60. The old fellow was right, he began to say to himself, with a certain bitter humour. Had he exercised no coercion61 over the race, had the Methvens been left to their own devices, how much of them would have remained now? Instead of a peerage and great estates they would have died out in a ditch or in a sponging-house generations ago. Their lands would have gone bit by bit: their name would have disappeared—all as he said. And supposing now that Walter was left entirely free to do as he pleased, what reason had he to believe that he would not squander62 everything he could squander, and bring down the posterity63 of the race into the dust? That is what he would have done if left to himself. He would have resisted all claims of prudence64 or duty. He would have followed, he knew it, the caprice of the moment, just as he had done now. If no former Methvens had ruined the family it was in himself to do it. All these thoughts were in favour of the submission65 which seemed to him now almost the only thing before him. He thought of Miss Milnathort and her anxiety for him, and laughed to himself bitterly at her childish hope. Two that should be one, and that should be set on everything that was good. What a simpleton she was! He set on everything that was good! he was incapable of anything that was good. And Oona—could there be a greater folly than to think that Oona, when she knew, would pick him up out of this ruin, and give him a new starting-ground? He laughed at the thought aloud. Oona! Was not her very name the token of purity, the sign of maidenhood66 and innocence67. And to believe that she would mingle68 herself in his being which was unclean and false from its very beginning! He laughed at his own folly to think so. In ignorance she had been more kind than ever woman was. She had asked no questions, she had given him her hand, she had stood by him. In ignorance: but when she knew! He said to himself that he was not cad enough to let her go on in this ignorance. He would have to tell her what he had been, what he would be again if left to circumstances and his own guidance. He would not deceive her; he was not cad enough for that. And when he had told her, and had given up for ever all hope of really making a stand against the tyrant69 of his race, or carrying out his theories of happiness, what would remain? What would remain? Subjection—misery—
“No,” said a voice close by him, “something else—something very good in its way, and with which the greater majority of mankind are quite content, and may be very happy. The second best.”
Walter had started at the sound of this voice. He left his seat with nervous haste; and yet he had no longer any sense of panic. He had a certain doleful curiosity to see the man, whom he had only seen in twilight70 rooms or by artificial light, in the open air and sunshine. Perhaps this strange personage divined his thoughts, for he came forward with a slight smile. There was nothing in his appearance to alarm the most timid. He was, as Miss Milnathort had called him, a grand gentleman. He had the air of one accustomed to command, with that ease of bearing which only comes to those largely experienced in the world. The path along the ruinous battlements was one that craved71 wary72 walking, but he traversed it with the boldest step without a moment’s hesitation73 or doubt. He made a little salutation with his hand as he approached. “You were laughing,” he said. “You are taking, I hope, a less highflown view of the circumstances altogether. The absolute does not exist in this world. We must all be content with advantages which are comparative. I always regret,” he continued, “resorting to heroic measures. To have to do with some one who will hear and see reason, is a great relief. I follow the course of your thoughts with interest. They are all perfectly74 just; and the conclusion is one which most wise men have arrived at. Men in general are fools. As a rule you are incapable of guiding yourselves; but only the wise among you know it.”
“I have no pretension75 to be wise.”
“You are modest—all at once. So long as you are reasonable that will do. Adapt your life now to a new plan. The ideal is beyond your reach. By no fault of circumstances, but by your own, you have forfeited76 a great deal that is very captivating to the mind of youth, but very empty if you had it all to-morrow. You must now rearrange your conceptions and find yourself very well off with the second best.”
There was something in his very tone which sent the blood coursing through Walter’s veins77, and seemed to swell78 to bursting the great currents of life. He cried out—
“You have driven me to despair. You have cut off from me every hope. And now you exhort79 me to find myself very well off, to adapt my life to a new plan. Is that all you know?”
His companion smiled. “You would like me better to repeat to you again that you have no ground to stand upon, and are as unworthy as one can be at your age. All that is very true. But one aspect of the matter is not all. In the mean time you will have to live and get on somehow. Suicide of course is always open to you, but you are not the sort of man for that; besides, it is begging the question, and solves no problem. No, you must live—on the second level. Your ideal has always been impossible, for you have never had heart or will to keep up to it. Why you should have had this fit of fantastic wilfulness80 now, and really believed that by means of vague aspirations81 you were to get the better of me and all your antecedents, I cannot tell. You must now find out practically how you are to live.”
Walter had reached the lowest depths of despair a little while ago. He had consented that it was all true, that there was no further escape for him; but now again a passionate82 contradiction surged up within him. “I will not,” he said, vehemently83, “I will not—take your way.”
“I think you will—for why? there is no other half so good. You will be very comfortable, and you will have done a great thing for your house. By-and-by you will settle into a conviction that what you have done is the best thing you could have done. It is one of the privileges of mankind. And I promise you that I will not molest84 you. Your coming here will be little more than a formula. You will agree with me: why then should there be any controversy between us? Maturity85 and wealth and well-being86 will bring you to think with me that a settled advantage like that of one’s race is far beyond all evanescent good of the fancy. You will become respectable and happy—yes, quite happy enough—as happy as men have any right to be.”
There was a half-tone of mockery, as if the speaker scorned the picture he drew; and at every word the resistance which had been almost stilled in Walter’s mind rose up more warmly. “Are you happy yourself,” he said, suddenly, “that you recommend this to me?”
The stranger paused a little. “The word is a trivial one. I have many gratifications,” he said.
“I don’t know what your gratifications can be. Is it worth your while to live through the ages as you say—you, so powerful as you are, with so many great faculties—in a miserable87 old ruin, to exercise this terrorism upon unoffending men?”
Then Walter’s companion laughed aloud. “To live for ages in a miserable old ruin!” he said. “That does not seem a very attractive lot indeed. But set your mind at rest, my kind descendant; I live in a miserable ruin no more than you do. My affairs are everywhere. I have the weakness of a man for my own—perhaps in other regions as well—but that is nothing to you.”
“It is everything to me. Give me some explanation of you. If, as you say, you have lived for centuries impossibly, how have you done it? Have you ever come to a blank wall like me—have you ever been abandoned by every hope? or,” cried the young man, “am I your superior in this horrible experience? No man could stand as I do—given up to despair: and yet go on living like you.”
“It depends upon your point of view. When you have taken my advice (as you will do presently) and have come down from your pinnacle88 and accepted what is the ordinary lot of mankind, you will find no longer any difficulty in living—as long as is possible; you will not wish to shorten your life by a day.”
“And what is the ordinary lot of mankind?” cried Walter, feeling himself once more beaten down, humiliated89, irritated by an ascendancy90 which he could not resist.
“I have told you—the second best. In your case a wife with a great deal of wealth, and many other qualities, who will jar upon your imagination (an imagination which has hitherto entertained itself so nobly!) and exasperate91 your temper perhaps, and leave your being what you call incomplete: but who will give you a great acquisition of importance and set you at peace with me. That alone will tell for much in your comfort; and gradually your mind will be brought into conformity92. You will consider subjects in general as I do, from a point of view which will not be individual. You will not balance the interests of the few miserable people who choose to think their comfort impaired93, but will act largely for the continued benefit of your heirs and your property. You will avail yourself of my perceptions, which are more extended than your own, and gradually become the greatest landowner, the greatest personage of your district; able to acquire the highest honours if you please, to wield94 the greatest influence. Come, you have found the other position untenable according to your own confession95. Accept the practicable. I do not hurry you. Examine for yourself into the issues of your ideal—now that we have become friends and understand each other so thoroughly—”
“I am no friend of yours. I understand no one, not even myself.”
“You are my son,” said the other with a laugh. “You are of my nature; as you grow older you will resemble me more and more. You will speak to your sons as I speak to you. You will point out these duties to them, as I do to you.”
“In everything you say,” cried Walter, “I perceive that you acknowledge a better way. Your plans are the second best—you say so. Is it worth living so long only to know that you are embracing mediocrity after all, that you have nothing to rise to? and yet you acknowledge it,” he said.
The stranger looked at him with a curious gaze. He who had never shown the smallest emotion before grew slightly paler at this question: but he laughed before he replied.
“You are acute,” he said. “You can hit the blot96. But the question in hand is not my character, but your practical career.”
The sound of an oar97 here broke the extreme silence. The morning had fully come, the night coach from “the south” had arrived at the inn, and Duncan with the postbag was coming along the still water, which cut like a transparent98 curd99 before him, and joined again in eddying100 reflections behind. Duncan bent101 his back to his oars102 unconscious of any mystery; his postbag, bringing news of all the world, lay in front of him. He and his boat in every detail of outline and colour swam suspended in the light, in reflection, and swept double over the shining surface. How extraordinary was the contrast between his open-air placidity103, his fresh morning countenance, the air of the hills about him, and the haggard countenance of his master, looking upon this country fellow with an envy which was as foolish as it was genuine. Duncan did not know anything about the ideal. And yet in his way he followed his conscience, sometimes with pain and trouble, and at the cost of many a struggle—or else neglected its warnings, and took his own way as his master had done. Walter did not take this into consideration, but looked down upon his boatsman’s ruddy, honest countenance and square frame, stretching contentedly104 to his oars and thinking of nothing, with envy. Would it have been better to be born like that to daily labour and an unawakened intelligence? He turned round to say something, but his visitor had gone. There was not a shadow upon the walls, not the sound of a step. Lord Erradeen had no longer the faintest movement of fear, but in its place a certain impatience105 and irritability106 as if this practical joke might be played upon him too often. And presently into the clear air rang the voice of Symington.
“For God’s sake, my lord, take care! that is just where the poor lady was killed thirty years ago.”
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1
vouchsafed
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| v.给予，赐予( vouchsafe的过去式和过去分词 )；允诺 | |
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infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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lustre
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| n.光亮，光泽；荣誉 | |
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6
pristine
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| adj.原来的，古时的，原始的，纯净的，无垢的 | |
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7
exultant
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| adj.欢腾的，狂欢的，大喜的 | |
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intercourses
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| 交流，交往，交际( intercourse的名词复数 ) | |
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prattle
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| n.闲谈；v.（小孩般）天真无邪地说话；发出连续而无意义的声音 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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penetrates
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| v.穿过( penetrate的第三人称单数 )；刺入；了解；渗透 | |
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glade
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| n.林间空地，一片表面有草的沼泽低地 | |
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bough
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| n.大树枝，主枝 | |
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awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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vitality
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| n.活力，生命力，效力 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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glimmer
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| v.发出闪烁的微光；n.微光，微弱的闪光 | |
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refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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embellished
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| v.美化( embellish的过去式和过去分词 )；装饰；修饰；润色 | |
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tracts
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| 大片土地( tract的名词复数 )； 地带； （体内的）道； （尤指宣扬宗教、伦理或政治的）短文 | |
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underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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glorified
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| 美其名的，变荣耀的 | |
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rippling
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| 起涟漪的，潺潺流水般声音的 | |
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inversion
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| n.反向，倒转，倒置 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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controversy
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| n.争论，辩论，争吵 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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lull
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| v.使安静，使入睡，缓和，哄骗；n.暂停，间歇 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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plunge
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| v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲 | |
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vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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fictitious
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| adj.虚构的，假设的；空头的 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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abased
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| 使谦卑( abase的过去式和过去分词 )； 使感到羞耻； 使降低（地位、身份等）； 降下 | |
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scrap
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| n.碎片；废料；v.废弃，报废 | |
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phenomena
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| n.现象 | |
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inexplicable
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| adj.无法解释的，难理解的 | |
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44
deficient
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| adj.不足的，不充份的，有缺陷的 | |
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45
disapproval
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| n.反对，不赞成 | |
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46
gloss
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| n.光泽，光滑；虚饰；注释；vt.加光泽于；掩饰 | |
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47
subterfuge
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| n.诡计；藉口 | |
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48
peculiarity
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| n.独特性，特色；特殊的东西；怪癖 | |
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49
exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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50
repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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51
antagonist
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| n.敌人，对抗者，对手 | |
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accusations
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| n.指责( accusation的名词复数 )；指控；控告；（被告发、控告的）罪名 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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abasement
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| n.滥用 | |
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renovation
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| n.革新，整修 | |
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extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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palled
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| v.（因过多或过久而）生厌，感到乏味，厌烦( pall的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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deceptions
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| 欺骗( deception的名词复数 )； 骗术，诡计 | |
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coercion
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| n.强制，高压统治 | |
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squander
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| v.浪费，挥霍 | |
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posterity
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| n.后裔，子孙，后代 | |
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prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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maidenhood
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| n. 处女性, 处女时代 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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mingle
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| vt.使混合，使相混；vi.混合起来；相交往 | |
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tyrant
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| n.暴君，专制的君主，残暴的人 | |
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twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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craved
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| 渴望，热望( crave的过去式 )； 恳求，请求 | |
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wary
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| adj.谨慎的，机警的，小心的 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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pretension
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| n.要求；自命，自称；自负 | |
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forfeited
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| （因违反协议、犯规、受罚等）丧失，失去( forfeit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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veins
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| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
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swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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exhort
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| v.规劝，告诫 | |
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wilfulness
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| 任性；倔强 | |
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aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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molest
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| vt.骚扰，干扰，调戏 | |
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maturity
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| n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期 | |
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well-being
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| n.安康，安乐，幸福 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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pinnacle
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| n.尖塔，尖顶，山峰；(喻)顶峰 | |
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humiliated
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| 感到羞愧的 | |
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ascendancy
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| n.统治权，支配力量 | |
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exasperate
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| v.激怒，使（疾病）加剧，使恶化 | |
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conformity
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| n.一致，遵从，顺从 | |
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impaired
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| adj.受损的；出毛病的；有（身体或智力）缺陷的v.损害，削弱( impair的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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wield
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| vt.行使，运用，支配；挥，使用(武器等) | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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blot
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| vt.弄脏（用吸墨纸）吸干；n.污点，污渍 | |
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oar
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| n.桨，橹，划手；v.划行 | |
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transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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curd
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| n.凝乳；凝乳状物 | |
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eddying
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| 涡流，涡流的形成 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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oars
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| n.桨，橹( oar的名词复数 )；划手v.划（行）( oar的第三人称单数 ) | |
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placidity
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| n.平静，安静，温和 | |
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contentedly
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| adv.心满意足地 | |
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105
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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106
irritability
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| n.易怒 | |
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