I followed her all day through other people’s eyes, barely aware of my own surroundings.
Not Mike Newton’s eyes, because I couldn’t stand any more of his offensivefantasies, and not Jessica Stanley’s, because her resentment1 toward Bella made me angryin a way that was not safe for the petty girl. Angela Weber was a good choice when hereyes were available; she was kind—her head was an easy place to be. And thensometimes it was the teachers who provided the best view.
I was surprised, watching her stumble through the day—tripping over cracks inthe sidewalk, stray books, and, most often, her own feet—that the people I eavesdroppedon thought of Bella as clumsy.
I considered that. It was true that she often had trouble staying upright. Iremembered her stumbling into the desk that first day, sliding around on the ice beforethe accident, falling over the low lip of the doorframe yesterday… How odd, they wereright. She was clumsy.
I didn’t know why this was so funny to me, but I laughed out loud as I walkedfrom American History to English and several people shot me wary2 looks. How had Inever noticed this before? Perhaps because there was something very graceful3 about herin stillness, the way she held her head, the arch of her neck…There was nothing graceful about her now. Mr. Varner watched as she caught thetoe of her boot on the carpet and literally4 fell into her chair.
I laughed again.
The time moved with incredible sluggishness5 while I waited for my chance to seeher with my own eyes. Finally, the bell rang. I strode quickly to the cafeteria to securemy spot. I was one of the first there. I chose a table that was usually empty, and wassure to remain that way with me seated here.
When my family entered and saw me sitting alone in a new place, they were notsurprised. Alice must have warned them.
Rosalie stalked past me without a glance.
Idiot.
Rosalie and I had never had an easy relationship—I’d offended her the very firsttime she’d heard me speak, and it was downhill from there—but it seemed like she waseven more ill-tempered than usual the last few days. I sighed. Rosalie made everythingabout herself.
Jasper gave me half a smile as he walked by.
Good luck, he thought doubtfully.
Emmett rolled his eyes and shook his head.
Lost his mind, poor kid.
Alice was beaming, her teeth shining too brightly.
Can I talk to Bella now??
“Keep out of it,” I said under my breath.
Her face fell, and then brightened again.
Fine. Be stubborn. It’s only a matter of time.
I sighed again.
Don’t forget about today’s biology lab, she reminded me.
I nodded. No, I hadn’t forgotten that.
While I waited for Bella to arrive, I followed her in the eyes of the freshman6 whowas walking behind Jessica on his way to the cafeteria. Jessica was babbling7 about theupcoming dance, but Bella said nothing in response. Not that Jessica gave her much of achance.
The moment Bella walked through the door, her eyes flashed to the table wheremy siblings8 sat. She stared for a moment, and then her forehead crumpled9 and her eyesdropped to the floor. She hadn’t noticed me here.
She looked so…sad. I felt a powerful urge to get up and go to her side, tocomfort her somehow, only I didn’t know what she would find comforting. I had no ideawhat made her look that way. Jessica continued to jabber10 about the dance. Was Bellasad that she was going to miss it? That didn’t seem likely…But that could be remedied, if she wished.
She bought a drink for her lunch and nothing else. Was that right? Didn’t sheneed more nutrition than that? I’d never paid much attention to a human’s diet before.
Humans were quite exasperatingly11 fragile! There were a million different thingsto worry about…“Edward Cullen is staring at you again,” I heard Jessica say. “I wonder why he’ssitting alone today?”
I was grateful to Jessica—though she was even more resentful now—becauseBella’s head snapped up and her eyes searched until they met mine.
There was no trace of sadness in her face now. I let myself hope that she’d beensad because she’d thought I’d left school early, and that hope made me smile.
I motioned with my finger for her to join me. She looked so startled by this that Iwanted to tease her again.
So I winked12, and her mouth fell open.
“Does he mean you?” Jessica asked rudely.
“Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework,” she said in a low, uncertainvoice. “Um, I’d better go see what he wants.”
This was another yes.
She stumbled twice on her way to my table, though there was nothing in her waybut perfectly13 even linoleum14. Seriously, how had I missed this before? I’d been payingmore attention to her silent thoughts, I supposed… What else had I missed?
Keep it honest, keep it light, I chanted to myself.
She stopped behind the chair across from me, hesitating. I inhaled15 deeply,through my nose this time rather than my mouth.
Feel the burn, I thought dryly.
“Why don’t you sit with me today?” I asked her.
She pulled the chair out and sat, staring at me the whole while. She seemednervous, but her physical acceptance was yet another yes.
I waited for her to speak.
It took a moment, but, finally, she said, “This is different.”
“Well…” I hesitated. “I decided16 as long as I was going to hell, I might as well doit thoroughly17.”
What had made me say that? I supposed it was honest, at least. And perhapsshe’d hear the unsubtle warning my words implied. Maybe she would realize that sheshould get up and walk away as quickly as possible…She didn’t get up. She stared at me, waiting, as if I’d left my sentence unfinished.
“You know I don’t have any idea what you mean,” she said when I didn’tcontinue.
That was a relief. I smiled.
“I know.”
It was hard to ignore the thoughts screaming at me from behind her back—and Iwanted to change the subject anyway.
“I think your friends are angry at me for stealing you.”
This did not appear to concern her. “They’ll survive.”
“I may not give you back, though.” I didn’t even know if I was trying to behonest now, or just trying to tease her again. Being near her made it hard to make senseof my own thoughts.
Bella swallowed loudly.
I laughed at her expression. “You look worried.” It really shouldn’t be funny…She should worry.
“No.” She was a bad liar18; it didn’t help that her voice broke. “Surprised,actually…. What brought this on?”
“I told you,” I reminded her. “I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I’mgiving up.” I held my smile in place with a bit of effort. This wasn’t working at all—trying to be honest and casual at the same time.
“Giving up?” she repeated, baffled.
“Yes—giving up trying to be good.” And, apparently19, giving up trying to becasual. “I’m just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may.”
That was honest enough. Let her see my selfishness. Let that warn her, too.
“You lost me again.”
I was selfish enough to be glad that this was the case. “I always say too muchwhen I’m talking to you—that’s one of the problems.”
A rather insignificant20 problem, compared to the rest.
“Don’t worry,” she reassured21 me. “I don’t understand any of it.”
Good. Then she’d stay. “I’m counting on that.”
“So, in plain English, are we friends now?”
I pondered that for a second. “Friends…” I repeated. I didn’t like the sound ofthat. It wasn’t enough.
“Or not,” she mumbled22, looking embarrassed.
Did she think I didn’t like her that much?
I smiled. “Well, we can try, I suppose. But I’m warning you now that I’m not agood friend for you.”
I waited for her response, torn in two—wishing she would finally hear andunderstand, thinking I might die if she did. How melodramatic. I was turning into such ahuman.
Her heart beat faster. “You say that a lot.”
“Yes, because you’re not listening to me,” I said, too intense again. “I’m stillwaiting for you to believe it. If you’re smart, you’ll avoid me.”
Ah, but would I allow her to do that, if she tried?
Her eyes tightened23. “I think you’ve made your opinion on the subject of myintellect clear, too.”
I wasn’t exactly sure what she meant, but I smiled in apology, guessing that Imust have offended her accidentally.
“So,” she said slowly. “As long as I’m being…not smart, we’ll try to be friends?”
“That sounds about right.”
She looked down, staring intently at the lemonade bottle in her hands.
The old curiosity tormented24 me.
“What are you thinking?” I asked—it was a relief to say the words out loud atlast.
She met my gaze, and her breathing sped while her cheeks flushed faint pink. Iinhaled, tasting that in the air.
“I’m trying to figure out what you are.”
I held the smile on my face, locking my features that way, while panic twistedthrough my body.
Of course she was wondering that. She wasn’t stupid. I couldn’t hope for her tobe oblivious25 to something so obvious.
“Are you having any luck with that?” I asked as lightly as I could manage.
“Not too much,” she admitted.
I chuckled27 in sudden relief. “What are your theories?”
They couldn’t be worse than the truth, no matter what she’d come up with.
Her cheeks turned brighter red, and she said nothing. I could feel the warmth ofher blush in the air.
I tried using my persuasive28 tone on her. It worked well on normal humans.
“Won’t you tell me?” I smiled encouragingly.
She shook her head. “Too embarrassing.”
Ugh. Not knowing was worse than anything else. Why would her speculationsembarrass her? I couldn’t stand not knowing.
“That’s really frustrating29, you know.”
My complaint sparked something in her. Her eyes flashed and her words flowedmore swiftly than usual.
“No, I can’t imagine why that would be frustrating at all—just because someonerefuses to tell you what they’re thinking, even if all the while they’re making cryptic30 littleremarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they couldpossibly mean…now, why would that be frustrating?”
I frowned at her, upset to realize that she was right. I wasn’t being fair.
She went on. “Or better, say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things—from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like apariah the next, and he never explained any of that either, even after he promised. That,also, would be very non-frustrating.”
It was the longest speech I’d ever heard her make, and it gave me a new qualityfor my list.
“You’ve got a bit of a temper, don’t you?”
“I don’t like double standards.”
She was completely justified31 in her irritation32, of course.
I stared at Bella, wondering how I could possibly do anything right by her, untilthe silent shouting in Mike Newton’s head distracted me.
He was so irate33 that it made me chuckle26.
“What?” she demanded.
“Your boyfriend seems to think I’m being unpleasant to you—he’s debatingwhether or not to come break up our fight.” I would love to see him try. I laughed again.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” she said in an icy voice. “But I’m sureyou’re wrong anyway.”
I very much enjoyed the way she disowned him with her dismissive sentence.
“I’m not. I told you, most people are easy to read.”
“Except me, of course.”
“Yes. Except for you.” Did she have to be the exception to everything?
Wouldn’t it have been more fair—considering everything else I had to deal with now—ifI could have at least heard something from her head? Was that so much to ask? “Iwonder why that is?”
I stared into her eyes, trying again…She looked away. She opened her lemonade and took a quick drink, her eyes onthe table.
“Aren’t you hungry?” I asked.
“No.” She eyed the empty table between us. “You?”
“No, I’m not hungry,” I said. I was definitely not that.
She stared at the table her lips pursed. I waited.
“Could you do me a favor?” she asked, suddenly meeting my gaze again.
What would she want from me? Would she ask for the truth that I wasn’t allowedto tell her—the truth I didn’t want her to ever, ever know?
“That depends on what you want.”
“It’s not much,” she promised.
I waited, curious again.
“I just wondered…” she said slowly, staring at the lemonade bottle, tracing its lipwith her littlest finger. “If you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide toignore me for my own good? Just so I’m prepared.”
She wanted a warning? Then being ignored by me must be a bad thing… Ismiled.
“That sounds fair,” I agreed.
“Thanks,” she said, looking up. Her face was so relieved that I wanted to laughwith my own relief.
“Then can I have one in return?” I asked hopefully.
“One,” she allowed.
“Tell me one theory.”
She flushed. “Not that one.”
“You didn’t qualify, you just promised one answer,” I argued.
“And you’ve broken promises yourself,” she argued back.
She had me there.
“Just one theory—I won’t laugh.”
“Yes, you will.” She seemed very sure of that, though I couldn’t imagineanything that would be funny about it.
I gave persuasion35 another try. I stared deep into her eyes—an easy thing to do,with eyes so deep—and whispered, “Please?”
She blinked, and her face went blank.
Well, that wasn’t exactly the reaction I’d been going for.
“Er, what?” she asked. She looked dizzy. What was wrong with her?
But I wasn’t giving up yet.
“Please tell me just one little theory,” I pleaded in my soft, non-scary voice,holding her eyes in mine.
To my surprise and satisfaction, it finally worked.
“Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?”
Comic books? No wonder she thought I would laugh.
“That’s not very creative,” I chided her, trying to hide my fresh relief.
“I’m sorry, that’s all I’ve got,” she said, offended.
This relieved me even more. I was able to tease her again.
“You’re not even close.”
“No spiders?”
“Nope.”
“And no radioactivity?”
“None.”
“Dang,” she sighed.
“Kryptonite doesn’t bother me either,” I said quickly—before she could ask aboutbites—and then I had to laugh, because she thought I was a superhero.
“You’re not supposed to laugh, remember?”
I pressed my lips together.
“I’ll figure it out eventually,” she promised.
And when she did, she would run.
“I wish you wouldn’t try,” I said, all teasing gone.
“Because…?”
I owed her honesty. Still, I tried to smile, to make my words sound lessthreatening. “What if I’m not a superhero? What if I’m the bad guy?”
Her eyes widened by a fraction and her lips fell slightly apart. “Oh,” she said.
And then, after another second, “I see.”
She’d finally heard me.
“Do you?” I asked, working to conceal36 my agony.
“You’re dangerous?” she guessed. Her breathing hiked, and her heart raced.
I couldn’t answer her. Was this my last moment with her? Would she run now?
Could I be allowed to tell her that I loved her before she left? Or would that frighten hermore?
“But not bad,” she whispered, shaking her head, no fear in her clear eyes. “No, Idon’t believe that you’re bad.”
“You’re wrong,” I breathed.
Of course I was bad. Wasn’t I rejoicing now, that she thought better of me than Ideserved? If I were a good person, I would have stayed away from her.
I stretched my hand across the table, reaching for the lid to her lemonade bottle asan excuse. She did not flinch37 away from my suddenly closer hand. She really was notafraid of me. Not yet.
I spun38 the lid like a top, watching it instead of her. My thoughts were in a snarl39.
Run, Bella, run. I couldn’t make myself say the words out loud.
She jumped to her feet. “We’re going to be late,” she said, just as I’d started toworry that she’d somehow heard my silent warning.
“I’m not going to class.”
“Why not?”
Because I don’t want to kill you. “It’s healthy to ditch class now and then.”
To be precise, it was healthier for the humans if the vampires41 ditched on dayswhen human blood would be spilt. Mr. Banner was blood typing today. Alice hadalready ditched her morning class.
“Well, I’m going,” she said. This didn’t surprise me. She was responsible—shealways did the right thing.
She was my opposite.
“I’ll see you later then,” I said, trying for casual again, staring down at thewhirling lid. And, by the way, I adore you…in frightening, dangerous ways.
She hesitated, and I hoped for a moment that she would stay with me after all.
But the bell rang and she hurried away.
I waited until she was gone, and then I put the lid in my pocket—a souvenir ofthis most consequential42 conversation—and walked through the rain to my car.
I put on my favorite calming CD—the same one I’d listened to that first day—butI wasn’t hearing Debussy’s notes for long. Other notes were running through my head, afragment of a tune43 that pleased and intrigued44 me. I turned down the stereo and listened tothe music in my head, playing with the fragment until it evolved into a fuller harmony.
Instinctively, my fingers moved in the air over imaginary piano keys.
The new composition was really coming along when my attention was caught bya wave of mental anguish45.
I looked toward the distress46.
Is she going to pass out? What do I do? Mike panicked.
A hundred yards away, Mike Newton was lowering Bella’s limp body to thesidewalk. She slumped47 unresponsively against the wet concrete, her eyes closed, her skinchalky as a corpse48.
I almost took the door off the car.
“Bella?” I shouted.
There was no change in her lifeless face when I yelled her name.
My whole body went colder than ice.
I was aware of Mike’s aggravated49 surprise as I sifted50 furiously through histhoughts. He was only thinking of his anger toward me, so I didn’t know what waswrong with Bella. If he’d done something to harm her, I would annihilate51 him.
“What’s wrong—is she hurt?” I demanded, trying to focus his thoughts. It wasmaddening to have to walk at a human pace. I should not have called attention to myapproach.
Then I could hear her heart beating and her even breath. As I watched, shesqueezed her eyes more tightly shut. That eased some of my panic.
I saw a flicker52 of memories in Mike’s head, a splash of images from the Biologyroom. Bella’s head on our table, her fair skin turning green. Drops of red against thewhite cards…Blood typing.
I stopped where I was, holding my breath. Her scent53 was one thing, her flowingblood was another altogether.
“I think she’s fainted,” Mike said, anxious and resentful at the same time. “Idon’t know what happened, she didn’t even stick her finger.”
Relief washed through me, and I breathed again, tasting the air. Ah, I could smellthe tiny flow of Mike Newton’s puncture54 wound. Once, that might have appealed to me.
I knelt beside her while Mike hovered55 next to me, furious at my intervention56.
“Bella. Can you hear me?”
“No,” she moaned. “Go away.”
The relief was so exquisite57 that I laughed. She was fine.
“I was taking her to the nurse,” Mike said. “But she wouldn’t go any farther.”
“I’ll take her. You can go back to class,” I said dismissively.
Mike’s teeth clenched58 together. “No. I’m supposed to do it.”
I wasn’t going to stand around arguing with the wretch59.
Thrilled and terrified, half-grateful to and half-aggrieved by the predicamentwhich made touching60 her a necessity, I gently lifted Bella from the sidewalk and held her in my arms, touching only her clothes, keeping as much distance between our bodies aspossible. I was striding forward in the same movement, in a hurry to have her safe—farther away from me, in other words.
Her eyes popped open, astonished.
“Put me down,” she ordered in a weak voice—embarrassed again, I guessed fromher expression. She didn’t like to show weakness.
I barely heard Mike’s shouted protest behind us.
“You look awful,” I told her, grinning because there was nothing wrong with herbut a light head and a weak stomach.
“Put me back on the sidewalk,” she said. Her lips were white.
“So you faint at the sight of blood?” Could it get any more ironic61?
She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together.
“And not even your own blood,” I added, my grin widening.
We were to the front office. The door was propped62 an inch open, and I kicked itout of my way.
Ms. Cope jumped, startled. “Oh, my,” she gasped63 as she examined the ashen64 girlin my arms.
“She fainted in Biology,” I explained, before her imagination could get too out ofhand.
Ms. Cope hurried to open the door to the nurse’s office. Bella’s eyes were openagain, watching her. I heard the elderly nurse’s internal astonishment65 as I laid the girlcarefully on the one shabby bed. As soon as Bella was out of my arms, I put the width ofthe room between us. My body was too excited, too eager, my muscles tense and thevenom flowing. She was so warm and fragrant66.
“She’s just a little faint,” I reassured Mrs. Hammond. “They’re blood typing inbiology.”
She nodded, understanding now. “There’s always one.”
I stifled67 a laugh. Trust Bella to be that one.
“Just lie down for a minute, honey,” Mrs. Hammond said. “It’ll pass.”
“I know,” Bella said.
“Does this happen often?” the nurse asked.
“Sometimes,” Bella admitted.
I tried to disguise my laughter as coughing.
This brought me to the nurse’s attention. “You can go back to class now,” shesaid.
I looked her straight in the eye and lied with perfect confidence. “I’m supposed tostay with her.”
Hmm. I wonder… oh well. Mrs. Hammond nodded.
It worked just fine on her. Why did Bella have to be so difficult?
“I’ll go get you some ice for your forehead, dear,” the nurse said, slightlyuncomfortable from looking into my eyes—the way a human should be—and left theroom.
“You were right,” Bella moaned, closing her eyes.
What did she mean? I jumped to the worst conclusion: she’d accepted mywarnings.
“I usually am,” I said, trying to keep the amusement in my voice; it sounded sournow. “But about what in particular this time?”
“Ditching is healthy,” she sighed.
Ah, relief again.
She was silent then. She just breathed slowly in and out. Her lips were beginningto turn pink. Her mouth was slightly out of balance, her lower lip just a little too full tomatch the top. Staring at her mouth made me feel strange. Made me want to move closerto her, which was not a good idea.
“You scared me for a minute there,” I said—to restart the conversation so that Icould hear her voice again. “I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to buryit in the woods.”
“Ha ha,” she said.
“Honestly—I’ve seen corpses68 with better color.” This was actually true. “I wasconcerned that I might have to avenge69 your murder.” And I would have.
“Poor Mike,” she sighed. “I’ll bet he’s mad.”
Fury pulsed through me, but I contained it quickly. Her concern was surely justpity. She was kind. That was all.
“He absolutely loathes70 me,” I told her, cheered by that idea.
“You can’t know that.”
“I saw his face—I could tell.” It was probably true that reading his face wouldhave given me enough information to make that particular deduction71. All this practicewith Bella was sharpening my skill at reading human expressions.
“How did you see me? I thought you were ditching.” Her face looked better—the green undertone had vanished from her translucent72 skin.
“I was in my car, listening to a CD.”
Her expression twitched73, like my very ordinary answer had surprised hersomehow.
She opened her eyes again when Mrs. Hammond returned with an ice pack.
“Here you go, dear,” the nurse said as she laid it across Bella’s forehead. “You’relooking better.”
“I think I’m fine,” Bella said, and she sat up while pulling the ice pack away. Ofcourse. She didn’t like to be taken care of.
Mrs. Hammond’s wrinkled hands fluttered toward the girl, as if she were going topush her back down, but just then Ms. Cope opened the door to the office and leaned in.
With her appearance came the smell of fresh blood, just a whiff.
Invisible in the office behind her, Mike Newton was still very angry, wishing theheavy boy he dragged now was the girl who was in here with me.
“We’ve got another one,” Ms. Cope said.
Bella quickly jumped down from the cot, eager to be out of the spotlight74.
“Here,” she said, handing the compress back to Mrs. Hammond. “I don’t needthis.”
Mike grunted75 as he half-shoved Lee Stevens through the door. Blood was stilldripping down the hand Lee held to his face, trickling76 toward his wrist.
“Oh no.” This was my cue to leave—and Bella’s, too, it seemed. “Get out to theoffice, Bella.”
She stared up at me with bewildered eyes.
“Trust me—go.”
She whirled and caught the door before it had swung shut, rushing through to theoffice. I followed a few inches behind her. Her swinging hair brushed my hand…She turned to look at me, still wide-eyed.
“You actually listened to me.” That was a first.
Her small nose wrinkled. “I smelled the blood.”
I stared at her in blank surprise. “People can’t smell blood.”
“Well, I can—that’s what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt.”
My face froze, still staring.
Was she really even human? She looked human. She felt soft as a human. Shesmelled human—well, better actually. She acted human…sort of. But she didn’t thinklike a human, or respond like one.
What other option was there, though?
“What?” she demanded.
“It’s nothing.”
Mike Newton interrupted us then, entering the room with resentful, violentthoughts.
“You look better,” he said to her rudely.
My hand twitched, wanting to teach him some manners. I would have to watchmyself, or I would end up actually killing77 this obnoxious78 boy.
“Just keep your hand in your pocket,” she said. For one wild second, I thoughtshe was talking to me.
“It’s not bleeding anymore,” he answered sullenly79. “Are you going back toclass?”
“Are you kidding? I’d just have to turn around and come back.”
That was very good. I’d thought I was going to have to miss this whole hour withher, and now I got extra time instead. I felt greedy, a miser80 hording over each minute.
“Yeah, I guess…” Mike mumbled. “So are you going this weekend? To thebeach?”
Ah, they had plans. Anger froze me in place. It was a group trip, though. I’dseen some of this in other students’ heads. It wasn’t just the two of them. I was stillfurious. I leaned motionlessly against the counter, trying to control myself.
“Sure, I said I was in,” she promised him.
So she’d said yes to him, too. The jealousy81 burned, more painful than thirst.
No, it was just a group outing, I tried to convince myself. She was just spendingthe day with friends. Nothing more.
“We’re meeting at my dad’s store, at ten.” And Cullen’s NOT invited.
“I’ll be there,” she said.
“I’ll see you in Gym, then.”
“See you,” she replied.
He shuffled82 off to his class, his thoughts full of ire. What does she see in thatfreak? Sure, he’s rich, I guess. Chicks think he’s hot, but I don’t see that. Too…tooperfect. I bet his dad experiments with plastic surgery on all of them. That’s why they’reall so white and pretty. It’s not natural. And he’s sort of…scary-looking. Sometimes,when he stares at me, I’d swear he’s thinking about killing me… Freak…Mike wasn’t entirely83 unperceptive.
“Gym,” Bella repeated quietly. A groan84.
I looked at her, and saw that she was sad about something again. I wasn’t surewhy, but it was clear that she didn’t want to go to her next class with Mike, and I was allfor that plan.
I went to her side and bent85 close to her face, feeling the warmth of her skinradiating out to my lips. I didn’t dare breathe.
“I can take care of that,” I murmured. “Go sit down and look pale.”
She did as I asked, sitting in one of the folding chairs and leaning her head backagainst the wall, while, behind me, Ms. Cope came out of the back room and went to herdesk. With her eyes closed, Bella looked as if she’d passed out again. Her full colorhadn’t returned yet.
I turned to the secretary. Hopefully Bella was paying attention to this, I thoughtsardonically. This was how a human was supposed to respond.
“Ms. Cope?” I asked, using my persuasive voice again.
Her eyelashes fluttered, and her heart sped up. Too young, get a hold of yourself!
“Yes?”
That was interesting. When Shelly Cope’s pulse quickened, it was because shefound me physically86 attractive, not because she was frightened. I was used to that aroundhuman females…yet I hadn’t considered that explanation for Bella’s racing34 heart.
I rather liked that. Too much, in fact. I smiled, and Mrs. Cope’s breathing gotlouder.
“Bella has gym next hour, and I don’t think she feels well enough. Actually, Iwas thinking I should take her home now. Do you think you could excuse her fromclass?” I stared into her depthless eyes, enjoying the havoc87 that this wreaked88 on herthought processes. Was it possible that Bella…?
Mrs. Cope had to swallow loudly before she answered. “Do you need to beexcused, too, Edward?”
“No, I have Mrs. Goff, she won’t mind.”
I wasn’t paying much attention to her now. I was exploring this new possibility.
Hmm. I’d like to believe that Bella found me attractive like other humans did, butwhen did Bella ever have the same reactions as other humans? I shouldn’t get my hopesup.
“Okay, it’s all taken care of. You feel better, Bella.”
Bella nodded weakly—overacting a bit.
“Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?” I asked, amused by herpoor theatrics. I knew she would want to walk—she wouldn’t want to be weak.
“I’ll walk,” she said.
Right again. I was getting better at this.
She got up, hesitating for a moment as if to check her balance. I held the door forher, and we walked out into the rain.
I watched her as she lifted her face to the light rain with her eyes closed, a slightsmile on her lips. What was she thinking? Something about this action seemed off, and Iquickly realized why the posture89 looked unfamiliar90 to me. Normal human girls wouldn’traise their faces to the drizzle91 that way; normal human girls usually wore makeup92, evenhere in this wet place.
Bella never wore makeup, nor should she. The cosmetics93 industry made billionsof dollars a year from women who were trying to attain94 skin like hers.
“Thanks,” she said, smiling at me now. “It’s worth getting sick to miss Gym.”
I stared across the campus, wondering how to prolong my time with her.
“Anytime,” I said.
“So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?” She sounded hopeful.
Ah, her hope was soothing95. She wanted me with her, not Mike Newton. And Iwanted to say yes. But there were many things to consider. For one, the sun would beshining this Saturday…“Where are you all going, exactly?” I tried to keep my voice nonchalant, as if itdidn’t matter much. Mike had said beach, though. Not much chance of avoidingsunlight there.
“Down to La Push, to First Beach.”
Damn. Well, it was impossible, then.
Anyway, Emmett would be irritated if I cancelled our plans.
I glanced down at her, smiling wryly96. “I really don’t think I was invited.”
She sighed, already resigned. “I just invited you.”
“Let’s you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don’t want him tosnap.” I thought about snapping poor Mike myself, and enjoyed the mental pictureintensely.
“Mike-schmike,” she said, dismissive again. I smiled widely.
And then she started to walk away from me.
Without thinking about my action, I reached out and caught her by the back of herrain jacket. She jerked to a stop.
“Where do you think you’re going?” I was almost angry that she was leaving me.
I hadn’t had enough time with her. She couldn’t go, not yet.
“I’m going home,” she said, baffled as to why this should upset me.
“Didn’t you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I’m going tolet you drive in your condition?” I knew she wouldn’t like that—my implication ofweakness on her part. But I needed to practice for the Seattle trip, anyway. See if I couldhandle her proximity97 in an enclosed space. This was a much shorter journey.
“What condition?” she demanded. “And what about my truck?”
“I’ll have Alice drop it off after school.” I pulled her back to my car carefully, asI now knew that walking forward was challenging enough for her.
“Let go!” she said, twisting sideways and nearly tripping. I held one hand out tocatch her, but she righted herself before it was necessary. I shouldn’t be looking forexcuses to touch her. That started me thinking about Ms. Cope’s reaction to me, but Ifiled it away for later. There was much to be considered on that front.
I let her go beside the car, and she stumbled into the door. I would have to beeven more careful, to take into account her poor balance…“You are so pushy98!”
“It’s open.”
I got in on my side and started the car. She held her body rigidly99, still outside,though the rain had picked up and I knew she didn’t like the cold and wet. Water wassoaking through her thick hair, darkening it to near black.
“I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!”
Of course she was—I just wasn’t capable of letting her go.
I rolled her window down and leaned toward her. “Get in, Bella.”
Her eyes narrowed, and I guessed that she was debating whether or not to make arun for it.
“I’ll just drag you back,” I promised, enjoying the chagrin100 on her face when sherealized I meant it.
Her chin stiffly in the air, she opened her door and climbed in. Her hair drippedon the leather and her boots squeaked101 against each other.
“This is completely unnecessary,” she said coldly. I thought she lookedembarrassed under the pique102.
I just turned up the heater so she wouldn’t be uncomfortable, and set the music toa nice background level. I drove out toward the exit, watching her from the corner of myeye. Her lower lip was jutting103 out stubbornly. I stared at this, examining how it made mefeel… thinking of the secretary’s reaction again…Suddenly she looked at the stereo and smiled, her eyes widening. “Clair deLune?” she asked.
A fan of the classics? “You know Debussy?”
“Not well,” she said. “My mother plays a lot of classical music around thehouse—I only know my favorites.”
“It’s one of my favorites, too.” I stared at the rain, considering that. I actuallyhad something in common with the girl. I’d begun to think that we were opposites inevery way.
She seemed more relaxed now, staring at the rain like me, with unseeing eyes. Iused her momentary104 distraction105 to experiment with breathing.
I inhaled carefully through my nose.
Potent.
I clutched the steering106 wheel tighter. The rain made her smell better. I wouldn’thave thought that was possible. Stupidly, I was suddenly imaging how she would taste.
I tried to swallow against the burn in my throat, to think of something else.
“What is your mother like?” I asked as a distraction.
Bella smiled. “She looks a lot like me, but she’s prettier.”
I doubted that.
“I have too much Charlie in me,” she went on. “She’s more outgoing than I am,and braver.”
I doubted that, too.
“She’s irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she’s a very unpredictable cook.
She’s my best friend.” Her voice had turned melancholy107; her forehead creased108.
Again, she sounded more like parent than child.
I stopped in front of her house, wondering too late if I was supposed to knowwhere she lived. No, this wouldn’t be suspicious in such a small town, with her father apublic figure…“How old are you, Bella?” She must be older than her peers. Perhaps she’d beenlate to start school, or been held back…that wasn’t likely, though.
“I’m seventeen,” she answered.
“You don’t seem seventeen.”
She laughed.
“What?”
“My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged109 every year.” She laughed again, and then sighed. “Well, someone has to be theadult.”
This clarified things for me. I could see it now…how the irresponsible motherhelped explain Bella’s maturity110. She’d had to grow up early, to become the caretaker.
That’s why she didn’t like being cared for—she felt it was her job.
“You don’t seem much like a junior in high school yourself,” she said, pulling mefrom my reverie.
I grimaced111. For everything I perceived about her, she perceived too much inreturn. I changed the subject.
“So why did your mother marry Phil?”
She hesitated a minute before answering. “My mother…she’s very young for herage. I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she’s crazy about him.” Sheshook her head indulgently.
“Do you approve?” I wondered.
“Does it matter?” she asked. “I want her to be happy…and he is who she wants.”
The unselfishness of her comment would have shocked me, except that it fit in alltoo well with what I’d learned of her character.
“That’s very generous…I wonder.”
“What?”
“Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who yourchoice was?”
It was a foolish question, and I could not keep my voice casual while I asked it.
How stupid to even consider someone approving of me for their daughter. How stupid toeven think of Bella choosing me.
“I-I think so,” she stuttered, reacting in some way to my gaze. Fear…orattraction?
“But she’s the parent, after all. It’s a little bit different,” she finished.
I smiled wryly. “No one too scary then.”
She grinned at me. “What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercings andextensive tattoos112?”
“That’s one definition, I suppose.” A very nonthreatening definition, to my mind.
“What’s your definition?”
She always asked the wrong questions. Or exactly the right questions, maybe.
The ones I didn’t want to answer, at any rate.
“Do you think that I could be scary?” I asked her, trying to smile a little.
She thought it through before answering me in a serious voice. “Hmm…I thinkyou could be, if you wanted to.”
I was serious, too. “Are you frightened of me now?”
She answered at once, not thinking this one through. “No.”
I smiled more easily. I did not think she was entirely telling the truth, but nor wasshe truly lying. She wasn’t frightened enough to want to leave, at least. I wondered howshe would feel if I told her she was having this discussion with a vampire40. I cringedinternally at her imagined reaction.
“So, now are you going to tell me about your family? It’s got to be a much moreinteresting story than mine.”
A more frightening one, at least.
“What do you want to know?” I asked cautiously.
“The Cullens adopted you?”
“Yes.”
She hesitated, then spoke113 in a small voice. “What happened to your parents?”
This wasn’t so hard; I wasn’t even having to lie to her. “They died a very longtime ago.”
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, clearly worried about having hurt me.
She was worried about me.
“I don’t really remember them that clearly,” I assured her. “Carlisle and Esmehave been my parents for a long time now.”
“And you love them,” she deduced.
I smiled. “Yes. I couldn’t imagine two better people.”
“You’re very lucky.”
“I know I am.” In that one circumstance, the matter of parents, my luck could notbe denied.
“And your brother and sisters?”
If I let her push for too many details, I would have to lie. I glanced at the clock,disheartened that my time with her was up.
“My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter, are going to bequite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me.”
“Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go.”
She didn’t move. She didn’t want our time to be up, either. I liked that very, verymuch.
“And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so youdon’t have to tell him about the Biology incident.” I grinned at the memory of herembarrassment in my arms.
“I’m sure he’s already heard. There are no secrets in Forks.” She said the nameof the town with distinct distaste.
I laughed at her words. No secrets, indeed. “Have fun at the beach.” I glanced atthe pouring rain, knowing it would not last, and wishing more strongly than usual that itcould. “Good weather for sunbathing114.” Well, it would be by Saturday. She would enjoythat.
“Won’t I see you tomorrow?”
The worry in her tone pleased me.
“No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early.” I was mad at myself now forhaving made the plans. I could break them…but there was no such thing as too muchhunting at this point, and my family was going to be concerned enough about mybehavior without me revealing how obsessive115 I was turning.
“What are you going to do?” she asked, not sounded happy with my revelation.
Good.
“We’re going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness116, just south of Rainier.”
Emmett was eager for bear season.
“Oh, well, have fun,” she said halfheartedly. Her lack of enthusiasm pleased meagain.
As I stared at her, I began to feel almost agonized117 at the thought of saying even atemporary goodbye. She was just so soft and vulnerable. It seemed foolhardy to let her out of my sight, where anything could happen to her. And yet, the worst things that couldhappen to her would result from being with me.
“Will you do something for me this weekend?” I asked seriously.
She nodded, her eyes wide and bewildered by my intensity118.
Keep it light.
“Don’t be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attractaccidents like a magnet. So…try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, allright?”
I smiled ruefully at her, hoping she couldn’t see the sadness in my eyes. Howmuch I wished that she wasn’t so much better off away from me, no matter what mighthappen to her there.
Run, Bella, run. I love you too much, for your good or mine.
She was offended by my teasing. She glared at me. “I’ll see what I can do,” shesnapped, jumping out into the rain and slamming the door as hard as she could behindher.
Just like an angry kitten that believes it’s a tiger.
I curled my hand around the key I’d just picked from her jacket pocket, andsmiled as I drove away.
第六章
验血一整天，我都在透过其他人的脑子跟踪她。
我没有借助麦克?牛顿的眼睛，因为我再也不能忍受他那些令人不快的幻想，也没有借助杰西卡?史丹利的眼睛，她对贝拉抱有的怨恨让我愤怒，在某种程度上这对这个心胸狭窄的女孩很不安全。安吉拉?韦伯倒是个不错的选择，当她的眼睛派上用场时；她很友善——她的脑子是一个令人感到舒心的地方。然后有时候是那些老师，他们能够提供最佳视野。
令我的惊讶是，一整天下来，我看见她老出错——被人行道上开裂的地砖绊倒脚啦，弄丢了书啦，还有，最常出问题的是她自己的双腿——我从人们那儿偷听到这样的想法：贝拉笨手笨脚的。
我回想起在第一天她撞到了课桌，那次意外发生前她在冰面上滑倒了，昨天被那道很低的门槛绊了脚，真奇怪，他们说对了，她真是笨手笨脚的。
我不明白为什么这些事让我感到好笑，不过在我上完美国历史走去上英语课的路上，大声笑了出来，让几个路人向我投过来小心翼翼的目光。我以前怎么都没有留意到这些事？或许是因为当她安安静静待着不动的时候，她身上有某些东西很优美，她抬起头的姿势，她颈项的那条弧线……这会儿她看起来一点儿也不优美。瓦纳先生正看见她的靴子尖绊到了地毯，结结实实地跌坐在她的椅子上。
我又笑了。
我在等能够亲眼看见她的机会，时间过得异常缓慢。终于下课铃响了。我飞快跑到餐厅占位子。我是最早去到的人。我挑了一张通常都没有人坐的桌子，然后我坐下来，这样就没人会打这张桌子的主意了。
当我的家人走进来，看见我一个人坐在一个新位置上时，他们都不感到惊讶。爱丽丝一定已经事先跟他们打过招呼了。
罗莎莉打我身边经过时，瞅也不瞅我一眼。
（白痴……）罗莎莉和我的关系一向都有点紧张——从她第一次听到我说话时起，我就大大地冒犯了她，然后就这么延续下来了——可是最近这段时间她的脾气好像变得更坏了。我叹口气。罗莎莉总是想让所有一切都围着她转。
贾斯帕走过我身边时，给了我一丝微笑。
（祝你好运，）他不无怀疑地想。
爱美特转动着眼珠，摇了摇头。
（已经晕头转向啦，可怜的小子。）爱丽丝面露喜色，她的牙齿闪闪发光。
（我现在能和贝拉说话吗？）“别插手。”我压低声音说道。
她的脸垮下来，然后又一亮。
（好吧。老顽固。这只是时间问题。）我又叹了口气。
（别忘了今天的生物实验，）她提醒我。
我点点头。我当然没忘。
我在等贝拉来这儿的时候，透过一个一年级学生的眼睛注视着她，那人正走在杰西卡后面，正在来餐厅的路上。杰西卡正叽叽喳喳地谈论着即将到来的舞会，不过贝拉没说什么。并不是说杰西卡没给她开口说话的机会。
贝拉在走进餐厅大门的时候，眼睛瞟向我的兄弟姐妹们坐的地方。她盯了好一会儿，然后她的额头皱了起来，她的眼睛垂下来盯着地板。她没有注意到我在这边。
她看起来很……难过。我突然很想站起来走到她那里，想法子安慰她，只是我不知道她想得到什么样的安慰。我不知道她为什么会看起来那样。杰西卡还在唠叨着舞会的事。贝拉是因为她要错过舞会而难过吗？看起来又不太像……不过那可以补救，如果她想的话。
她只买了一瓶汽水当作午饭。那样好吗？她需要更多的营养吧？我之前从未留意过人类的日常饮食。
人类真是太脆弱了！可担心的地方太多了，数也数不清……“爱德华?卡伦又再盯着你看了。”我听见杰西卡说。“奇怪为什么他今天一个人坐？”
我要感谢杰西卡——尽管这会儿她甚至比以往更生气了——因为贝拉的头猛地抬起，她的眼睛搜寻着，直到和我的目光相遇。
现在，她脸上的忧愁荡然无存。我让自己这么希望：她难过是因为她以为我今天提早离开了学校，这个想法让我露出微笑。
我用手指朝她做了个手势，让她过来。她看起来吃了一惊，让我又想取笑她了。
于是我朝她使了个眼色，她张大了嘴巴。
“他是在叫你过去吗？”杰西卡很不礼貌地问。
“也许他需要找人帮忙做生物作业。”她用一种低而不确定的声音说道。“嗯，我最好还是过去看看吧。”
这是另一个“好的”。
她来到我桌子跟前时又被绊了两次，尽管她脚下只有平坦之极的地砖。说真的，我以前怎么 没有留意到这些？我过去把更多的注意力放在她沉默的思想上了，我还以为……我还错过别的什么了吗？
保持坦诚，保持轻松，我对自己反复念叨。
她站在我对面的那把椅子后，犹豫着。我深深地吸了口气，这回是用鼻子而不是嘴巴。
感觉那股烧灼，我口干舌燥地想。
“你今天干嘛不跟我坐一块儿？”我问她。
她拉开椅子坐下来，在此期间一直盯着我看。她好像很紧张，不过她的身体语言仍然是另一个“好的”。
我在等她开口说话。
她迟疑了片刻，终于开口说道：“今天是不一样。”
“嗯……”我踌躇着，“我想好了，反正是下地狱，我不如来它个一不做二不休。”
是什么让我说出这番话？我猜是诚实，至少如此。而且或许她能听出我话里隐含的警告。很可能她会意识到她应该站起身走开，能跑多快就跑多快……她没有站起来。她盯着我，等着，好像我的话还没说完似的。
“你知道我一点儿也不明白你的意思。”见我没有接着往下说，她这么开口了。
我松了口气。我笑了。
“我知道。”
要做到不理会从她背后传来的冲我大喊大叫的想法可不容易——而且不管怎么说，我想改变一下关注的对象。
“我想你那些朋友肯定很生气我把你偷来了。”
她似乎不怎么关心这个。“他们活得下去。”
“不过，我也许不会把你还回去哟。”我甚至搞不清楚我现在到底是在说实话呢，还是又想跟她开玩笑。跟她在一起似乎很难让我弄明白自己想干什么。
贝拉咽了口唾沫。
她的表情让我发笑。“你好像很焦虑哦。”其实这一点儿也不好笑，她是该焦虑的。
“没有啊，”她可不是个及格的撒谎者；她那结结巴巴的语气根本无济于事。“实际上，我是感到意外怎么会这样呢？”
“我跟你说过——”我提醒她想起。“我已经厌倦了，不想再跟你保持距离了。所以我打算放弃。”我努力保持笑容。这根本办不到——在诚实的同时还要保持轻松。
“放弃？”她重复我的话，感到迷惑不解。
“对——放弃了，不想再为了坚持自己认为正确的方式而一直压抑内心真实的感觉了。”而且，很显然，放弃了保持轻松。“现在我打算想干什么就干什么，不管结果如何了。”这真是够诚实的了。让她见识见识我的自私吧。也让那警告警告她。
“你又让我听不明白了。”
我的自私让我乐于见到这样的结果。“跟你在一起，我只要一开口，就总是管不住自己的嘴——这就是一个问题。”
跟其他问题比起来，这个问题没多大意义。
“别担心，”她安慰我，“我啥也没听懂。”
很好。那么她会留下来。“我料想是这样。”
“那么，明说吧，咱俩现在是朋友吗？”
我考虑了一秒钟。“朋友……”我重复道。我不喜欢这个词。那远远不够。
“还是不是。”她咕哝一声，看起来挺尴尬。
她是不是认为我太不喜欢她啦？
我微笑。“好吧，我们可以试一试，我想。不过我要提醒你，对你来说，我可不是一个好朋友。”
我在等她回应，我的心被割裂成两半——一半希望她能听我的话，明白过来，另一半却在想，如果她真这么做了，我可能会死掉。多么戏剧化呀。我正变成一个人类。
她的心跳加快了。“你已经说过好多遍了。”
“对，因为你不听我的话嘛，”我说道，再次紧张起来。“我依然在等你相信我的话。你要是聪明的话，就应该躲着我才对。”
啊，如果她试着这么做的话，我会允许吗？
她的眼睛眯缝起来。“我想关于我的智力问题，你已经发表过意见了。”
我不是很清楚她这话的意思，不过我还是致以歉疚的一笑，我猜我一定是在不经意中惹恼了她。
“这么说，”她慢吞吞地说道。“只要我不聪明，我们就得努力才能成为朋友？”
“基本上是这样吧。”
她低下头，专注地盯着手里那瓶柠檬汽水看。
那熟悉的好奇心又来烦我了。
“你在想什么？”我问道——终于能把这句话大声说出来真是一种解脱。
她迎上我的目光，她的呼吸加快了，脸颊微微有点发红。我品尝空气中的味道。
“我在试图琢磨出你是什么来路。”
我把微笑固定在脸上，让自己保持那样的笑容，然而慌乱却让我的身体变得僵硬。
她当然会想要知道这个。她不笨。我不能指望她不去留意到如此明显的东西。
“那你碰到点儿运气没有？”我想方设法让自己问得轻松。
“不太多。”她承认道。
我一下子松了口气，轻声笑了。“你的推测是什么？”
不管她的推测是什么，都不可能比真相更糟。
她的双颊变得更红了，她什么也不说。我能在空气中感觉到她红扑扑的脸颊上的热度。
我试着用我具有说服力的语气去说服她。通常在一般人身上很有用。
“你不愿意告诉我？”我投以鼓励的微笑。
她摇头。“太不好意思了。”
嗯。一无所知比别的什么都要糟。为什么她的推测会让她觉得不好意思？我没法忍受自己不知道。
“那真是叫人太失望了，你知道。”
我的抱怨好像踩到她尾巴一样。她的眼睛放射出光芒，嘴里噼里啪啦地吐出一大串话，一点儿也不像她平时说话的方式：
“不，我一点儿也想像不出这干嘛会叫人失望——仅仅因为人家不愿意告诉你他们的想法，就算他们一直在卖弄小关子，说些含义隐晦的话，专门让你夜里琢磨得睡不着觉请问，你凭什么说这会叫人失望呢？”
我朝她皱了皱眉，心烦意乱地意识到她说得对。我做事不公平。
她继续道。“或者这样说吧，有些人也做过形形色色的怪事——从某天在不可能的情况下救了你的命，到第二天像对待贱民一样对待你，更过分的是，他还从来不作任何解释，尽管这还是他自己亲口答应过的。那，不也是叫人非常失望吗？”
这是我从她那儿听过的最长的一段演说，这让我的清单上又添了一个新的个性。
“你还真有点儿脾气，对不？”
“我不喜欢某人对自己一套，对别人又是一套。”
当然啦，她完全有充分的理由生气。
我凝视着贝拉，想知道在允许的范围内，我该对她做些什么才恰当，直到这时麦克?牛顿脑子里的叫嚷分散了我的注意力。
他是那么气愤，让我笑出声来。
“你笑什么？”她询问道。
“你男朋友似乎认为我在惹你不高兴——他在盘算着来不来劝架呢。”我会很高兴看他尝试的。我又笑了。
“我不知道你说的是谁，”她冷冰冰地说道，“不过我可以肯定地告诉你，你错了。”
她用斩钉截铁的语气跟麦克撇清关系，那让我乐在其中。
“我没错。我告诉过你，大多数人心里是怎么想的，很容易就能看出来。”
“我同意，不过是除我之外。”
“是的，除了你之外。”她一定要成为所有一切的例外吗？这会变得更公平一点吗——考虑到我现在还得去应付别的一切——如果我至少能听到她脑子里的一点点儿想法？那么我还需要问那么多吗？“我想知道你为什么是例外？”
我深深地看进她的眼睛，想再试一次……她把目光移开了。她拧开瓶盖，飞快喝了一口，她的眼睛盯着桌面。
“你不饿吗？”我问道。
“不饿。”她看了看我俩之间空荡荡的桌子。“你呢？”
“不，我不饿。”我说道。这点我非常肯定。
她盯着桌子，嘴巴紧闭。我在等待。
“你能帮我一个忙吗？”她问道，突然又迎上了我的视线。
她想从我这儿得到什么？她是不是想问我那个我不允许告诉她的真相——那个我希望她永远、永远都不要知道的真相？
“那得看是什么忙。”
“不是太大的忙。”她承诺道。
我等着，又一次感到好奇。
“我只是想知道……”她慢吞吞地说道，眼睛盯着那瓶柠檬汽水，用小指头摸着瓶口的纹路。
“下一次你觉得为了我好而不理我之前，能不能提前通知我一声？这样我才好有个准备。”
她想要我提前通知她？这么说被我不理不顾一定是件坏事……我微笑。
“这听起来合情合理。”我同意道。
“谢谢。”她说道，抬头看我。她一脸轻松的表情，让我想为自己刚才的提心吊胆而发笑。
“那么作为回报，你能不能回答我一个问题？”我满怀希望地问道。
“就一个。”她允许了。
“告诉我你对我的一个推测。”
她脸红了。“这个可不行。”
“你刚才可没限定，你只答应了回答一个问题。”我争辩道。
“你自己还不是食言过。”她反驳道。
“就一个推测——我不会笑的。”
“不嘛，你会笑的。”她似乎很肯定，尽管我想像不出究竟会是什么那么好笑。
我试着继续说服她。我深深地凝视她的眼睛——这么做很容易，她的眼睛是那么深邃——并且低语，“求你了。”
她眨了眨眼睛，然后变得一脸茫然。
噢，严格说来，那可不是我想要的反应。
“呃，什么？”她问道，她看起来有点头晕目眩的，她是不是哪里不舒服了？
可我还没放弃。
“求你了，就告诉我一个小推测。”我用一种温柔的
收听单词发音 |
1
resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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2
wary
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| adj.谨慎的，机警的，小心的 | |
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3
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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sluggishness
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| 不振，萧条，呆滞；惰性；滞性；惯性 | |
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freshman
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| n.大学一年级学生(可兼指男女) | |
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7
babbling
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| n.胡说，婴儿发出的咿哑声adj.胡说的v.喋喋不休( babble的现在分词 )；作潺潺声（如流水）；含糊不清地说话；泄漏秘密 | |
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siblings
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| n.兄弟，姐妹( sibling的名词复数 ) | |
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9
crumpled
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| adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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10
jabber
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| v.快而不清楚地说；n.吱吱喳喳 | |
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11
exasperatingly
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12
winked
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| v.使眼色( wink的过去式和过去分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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13
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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14
linoleum
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| n.油布，油毯 | |
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15
inhaled
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| v.吸入( inhale的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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16
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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17
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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18
liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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19
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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20
insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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21
reassured
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| adj.使消除疑虑的；使放心的v.再保证，恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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22
mumbled
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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23
tightened
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| 收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
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24
tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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25
oblivious
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| adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的 | |
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26
chuckle
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| vi.／n.轻声笑，咯咯笑 | |
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27
chuckled
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28
persuasive
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| adj.有说服力的，能说得使人相信的 | |
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29
frustrating
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| adj.产生挫折的，使人沮丧的，令人泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的现在分词 )；挫败；使受挫折；令人沮丧 | |
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30
cryptic
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| adj.秘密的，神秘的，含义模糊的 | |
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31
justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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32
irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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33
irate
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| adj.发怒的，生气 | |
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34
racing
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| n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的 | |
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35
persuasion
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| n.劝说；说服；持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
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36
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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37
flinch
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| v.畏缩，退缩 | |
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38
spun
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| v.纺，杜撰，急转身 | |
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39
snarl
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| v.吼叫，怒骂，纠缠，混乱；n.混乱，缠结，咆哮 | |
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40
vampire
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| n.吸血鬼 | |
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41
vampires
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| n.吸血鬼( vampire的名词复数 )；吸血蝠；高利贷者；（舞台上的）活板门 | |
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42
consequential
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| adj.作为结果的，间接的；重要的 | |
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43
tune
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| n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整 | |
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44
intrigued
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| adj.好奇的，被迷住了的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的过去式)；激起…的兴趣或好奇心；“intrigue”的过去式和过去分词 | |
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45
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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46
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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47
slumped
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| 大幅度下降，暴跌( slump的过去式和过去分词 )； 沉重或突然地落下[倒下] | |
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48
corpse
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| n.尸体，死尸 | |
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49
aggravated
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| 使恶化( aggravate的过去式和过去分词 )； 使更严重； 激怒； 使恼火 | |
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50
sifted
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| v.筛( sift的过去式和过去分词 )；筛滤；细查；详审 | |
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51
annihilate
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| v.使无效；毁灭；取消 | |
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52
flicker
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| vi./n.闪烁，摇曳，闪现 | |
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53
scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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54
puncture
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| n.刺孔，穿孔；v.刺穿，刺破 | |
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55
hovered
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| 鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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56
intervention
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| n.介入，干涉，干预 | |
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57
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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58
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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59
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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60
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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61
ironic
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| adj.讽刺的，有讽刺意味的，出乎意料的 | |
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62
propped
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| 支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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63
gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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64
ashen
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| adj.灰的 | |
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65
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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66
fragrant
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| adj.芬香的，馥郁的，愉快的 | |
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67
stifled
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| （使）窒息， （使）窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 )； 镇压，遏制； 堵 | |
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68
corpses
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| n.死尸，尸体( corpse的名词复数 ) | |
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69
avenge
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| v.为...复仇，为...报仇 | |
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70
loathes
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的第三人称单数 )；极不喜欢 | |
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71
deduction
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| n.减除，扣除，减除额；推论，推理，演绎 | |
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72
translucent
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| adj.半透明的；透明的 | |
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73
twitched
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| vt.& vi.（使）抽动，（使）颤动（twitch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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74
spotlight
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| n.公众注意的中心，聚光灯，探照灯，视听，注意，醒目 | |
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75
grunted
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| （猪等）作呼噜声( grunt的过去式和过去分词 )； （指人）发出类似的哼声； 咕哝着说 | |
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76
trickling
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| n.油画底色含油太多而成泡沫状突起v.滴( trickle的现在分词 )；淌；使)慢慢走；缓慢移动 | |
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77
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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78
obnoxious
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| adj.极恼人的，讨人厌的，可憎的 | |
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79
sullenly
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| 不高兴地，绷着脸，忧郁地 | |
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80
miser
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| n.守财奴，吝啬鬼 (adj.miserly) | |
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81
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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82
shuffled
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| v.洗（纸牌）( shuffle的过去式和过去分词 )；拖着脚步走；粗心地做；摆脱尘世的烦恼 | |
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83
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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84
groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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85
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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86
physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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87
havoc
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| n.大破坏，浩劫，大混乱，大杂乱 | |
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88
wreaked
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| 诉诸（武力），施行（暴力），发（脾气）( wreak的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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89
posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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90
unfamiliar
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| adj.陌生的，不熟悉的 | |
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91
drizzle
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| v.下毛毛雨；n.毛毛雨，蒙蒙细雨 | |
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92
makeup
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| n.组织；性格；化装品 | |
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93
cosmetics
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| n.化妆品 | |
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94
attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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95
soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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wryly
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| adv. 挖苦地，嘲弄地 | |
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proximity
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| n.接近，邻近 | |
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pushy
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| adj.固执己见的，一意孤行的 | |
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rigidly
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| adv.刻板地，僵化地 | |
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100
chagrin
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| n.懊恼；气愤；委屈 | |
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101
squeaked
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| v.短促地尖叫( squeak的过去式和过去分词 )；吱吱叫；告密；充当告密者 | |
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pique
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| v.伤害…的自尊心，使生气 n.不满，生气 | |
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103
jutting
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| v.（使）突出( jut的现在分词 )；伸出；（从…）突出；高出 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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distraction
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| n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐 | |
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106
steering
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| n.操舵装置 | |
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107
melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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108
creased
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| （使…）起折痕，弄皱( crease的过去式和过去分词 )； （皮肤）皱起，使起皱纹； 皱皱巴巴 | |
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109
middle-aged
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| adj.中年的 | |
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maturity
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| n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期 | |
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111
grimaced
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| v.扮鬼相，做鬼脸( grimace的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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112
tattoos
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| n.文身( tattoo的名词复数 )；归营鼓；军队夜间表演操；连续有节奏的敲击声v.刺青，文身( tattoo的第三人称单数 )；连续有节奏地敲击；作连续有节奏的敲击 | |
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113
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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114
sunbathing
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| n.日光浴 | |
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115
obsessive
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| adj. 着迷的, 强迫性的, 分神的 | |
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116
wilderness
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| n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等，荒漠 | |
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agonized
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| v.使（极度）痛苦，折磨( agonize的过去式和过去分词 )；苦斗；苦苦思索；感到极度痛苦 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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