That whole afternoon Bernstein had suffered the wildest tortures of jealousy5. Had Natzi been a younger man Bernstein’s resentment6 might not have turned so hotly upon him. Yet Natzi was almost of his own age, a weak-faced creature, with an eternal smile, incapable7 of intense feeling, ignorant of even the faintest shade of that passion which he (Bernstein) had laid so humbly8, so tenderly at her feet—and it was Natzi she loved! 68Bernstein’s hand darted9 to his inner pocket and came forth10 clutching a tiny object upon which he gazed with the look of a fiend.
“I may not have her,” he murmured, “but she will never belong to him.”
He held the tiny thing in his lap, below the level of the table, so that none other might see it, and looked at it intently. It was a small phial; it contained some colourless liquid.
The thought entered his brain to drain the contents of that phial himself and put an end to the fierce pain that was eating away his heart. Would it not be for the best? There was no one to care. The world held no one but her; perhaps his death would bring the tears to those big brown eyes; she might even come and kiss his cold forehead. But after that Natzi would be master of those kisses, upon Natzi’s lips hers would be pressed all the livelong day.
The blood surged to his brain; he clutched the table as though he would squeeze the wood to pulp11; before his eyes rose a mist—a red mist—the red of blood. Slowly this mist cleared away, and the face and form of Natzi loomed12 up 69before him—Natzi, with patient, boyish eyes, smiling.
“It is the third time that I’ve said ‘Good-evening.’ Have you been sleeping with your eyes open?”
“No. No. Just thinking,” said Bernstein, talking rapidly. “Sit down. Here, opposite me. The light hurts my eyes. Come, let us have some chai. Here, waiter! Two chais. Have them hot, with plenty of rum.”
“You seem nervous, Bernstein. Aren’t you well?” asked Natzi, solicitously13.
“Oh, smoking too much. But let us talk about yourself. How is the wood-carving14 business? Any better?”
Natzi shook his head, ruefully. “Worse,” he answered. “They’re doing everything by machinery15 these days, and the machines seem to be improving all the time. The work is all mechanical now. The only real pleasure I get out of my tools is at night when I am home. Then I can carve the things I like—things that don’t sell.”
The waiter brought two cups of chai, with the blue flames leaping brightly from the burning rum 70on the surface. Bernstein’s eyes were intent upon the flames.
“I have not yet congratulated you,” he said.
He did not see the look that came into Natzi’s eyes—a look of tenderness, of earnestness, a look that Bernstein had never seen there, although he had known Natzi many years.
“Yes,” said Natzi, thoughtfully. “I am to be congratulated. It is more than I deserve. I am not worthy16.”
Bernstein’s gaze was fastened upon the flames. They were dancing brightly upon the amber17 liquid.
“She is so beautiful, so sweet, so pure,” Natzi went on. “To think that all that happiness is for me!”
The flames changed from blue to red. Bernstein’s brain whirled. He felt a wild impulse to throw himself upon his companion and seize him by the throat and strangle him, and cry aloud so that all could hear it: “You shall never have that happiness. She belongs to me. She is part of my life, part of myself. You cannot understand her. I alone of all men understand her. Every thought of my brain, every impulse of my being, every fibre of 71my body beats responsive to her. She was made for me. No other shall have her!”
Then the thought of the phial in his hand recurred18 to his mind and he became calm. The flames died out, and Natzi slowly drained his cup. Bernstein watched him with bloodshot eyes. Looking up he met Natzi’s gaze bent19 upon him anxiously.
“You are not well, Bernstein. Let us go home.”
“No, no,” Bernstein said, quickly. “It is just nervousness. I have smoked too much.” He made a feeble attempt at a smile. “Come,” said he, draining his cup. “Let us have another. The last. The very last. And after that we will drink no more chai.”
Two more cups were set before them.
“Look,” said Bernstein, “is that lightning in the sky?”
Natzi turned his head toward the open doorway20. Swiftly, yet stealthily, Bernstein’s hand stretched forth until it touched the blue flames that danced on Natzi’s cup, hovered21 there a moment, and then was withdrawn22 just as Natzi turned around. His fingers had been scorched23.
72“No, I see no lightning. The stars are shining.”
“Let us drink,” said Bernstein. “The last drink.”
“I am not a fire-eater,” said Natzi, smiling. “Let us wait at least until the rum burns out.”
Bernstein lowered the flaming cup that, in his eagerness, he had raised toward his lips and looked at Natzi. Malice24 gleamed in his eyes.
“Yes. Let it cool. Then we will drink a toast.”
“With all my heart,” said Natzi. “It shall be a toast to her. A toast to the sweetest woman in the world.”
There was a long pause. Once or twice Natzi glanced hesitatingly at his companion, who sat with bowed head, his eyes intent upon the flames that leaped so brightly from his cup. Then Natzi spoke25, slowly at first, but gradually more rapidly, and more animatedly26 as the intensity27 of his emotion mastered him.
“Do you know, dear friend,” he began, “there was a time when I thought she loved you? We were together so much, the three of us, and she had so many opportunities to know you—to know you as 73I knew you—to know your great, strong mind, your tender heart, your steadfastness28, your generous nature, that could harbour no unworthy thought. You pose as a cynic, as a man who looks down upon the petty things that make up life for most of us, but I—I, who have lived with you, struggled with you, known so many of the trials and heart-breakings of everyday life with you—I know you better. True, you have no love for women, and I often wondered how you could be so blind to her sweetness, and to the charm that seemed to fill the room whenever we three were together. But I never took my eyes from her face, and when I saw with what breathless interest she listened whenever you spoke, whenever you told us of your plans for uplifting the down-trodden, of your innermost thoughts and hopes and feelings, I read in her eyes a fondness for you that filled me with despair.”
Bernstein was breathing heavily. His lips quivered; his face twitched29; the blood had mounted to his cheeks. His eyes were downcast, fastened upon the blue flames of the chai, dancing and leaping in fantastic shapes.
74“That time you were sick—do you remember? When the doctor said there was no hope on earth, when everyone felt that the end had come, when you lay for days white and still, hardly breathing, with the pallor of death upon your face—do you remember? And I nursed you—sat at your bedside through four days and four nights without a minute’s rest. And then, when the doctor said the crisis had passed and you would get well, I fainted away from sheer weakness—do you remember?”
Perspiration30 in huge drops was trickling31 slowly down Bernstein’s forehead. His lips were dry. His teeth were tightly clenched32.
“And you thought I had done it all for friendship’s sake, and I listened to your outpouring of gratitude33, taking it all for myself, without a word—without a word! Ah, my dear friend, it was hateful to deceive you; but how could I tell the truth? But now I have no shame in telling it. I did it for her. All for her. To save you for her. That was the only thought in my poor, whirling brain during those long, weary days and nights. I felt that if you died she would die. I knew the intensity of her 75nature, and I knew that if aught happened to the man she loved she would die of grief. And now to think you never cared for her, and that it was I whom she always loved!”
Natzi looked at the bowed head before him with tender smile. Bernstein was trembling.
“I am glad, though, that all happened as it did. Had I nursed you only for your own sake, much as I loved you, I might have weakened, my strength might not have held out. For a man can do that for his love which he cannot do for himself. And, perhaps, after all, it was an excellent lesson for me to learn to bear bitter disappointment.”
The flames in Bernstein’s cup were burning low. With every breath of air they flickered34 and trembled. They would soon die out.
“Look,” said Natzi, reaching into his pocket. “Look at this little piece that I carved during the hours that I sat at your bedside—to keep me awake. I have carried it over my heart ever since.”
Bernstein looked up. His eyes were frightfully bloodshot. His face was ashen35. In Natzi’s hand he beheld36 a tiny carving in wood, fashioned with 76exquisite skill and grace, of a woman’s head. The flame in Natzi’s cup caught a light gust37 of air that stirred for a moment, leaped brightly, as if on purpose to illumine the features of the carved image, then flickered and went out. Bernstein had recognised the likeness38. Those features were burning in his brain.
“Every night since then I have set this image before me, and I have prayed to God to always keep her as sweet, as pure, and as beautiful as He keeps the flowers in His woods. And every morning I have prayed to Him to fill her life with sunshine and gladness, and to let no sorrow fall upon her. And every day I carried it pressed against my heart and I felt sustained and strengthened. Ah, Bernstein, God is good! He gave her to me! He brought about the revelation that her heart was mine, her sweetness, her beauty—all were mine. Come, comrade, we have gone through many a struggle together. Let us drink a toast—you shall name it!”
Natzi held his cup aloft. With a hoarse39 cry Bernstein half rose from his seat, swiftly reached forward, and tore the cup from Natzi’s grasp.
77“To her!” he cried. “To her! May God preserve her and forgive me!”
He drained the cup, stared wildly at the astonished countenance40 of Natzi, and, after a moment, during which he swayed slightly from side to side, fell forward upon the table, motionless.
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1
torments
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| （肉体或精神上的）折磨，痛苦( torment的名词复数 )； 造成痛苦的事物[人] | |
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asunder
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| adj.分离的，化为碎片 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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7
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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8
humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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9
darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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pulp
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| n.果肉，纸浆；v.化成纸浆，除去...果肉，制成纸浆 | |
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12
loomed
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| v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的过去式和过去分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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13
solicitously
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| adv.热心地，热切地 | |
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14
carving
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| n.雕刻品，雕花 | |
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15
machinery
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| n.(总称)机械，机器；机构 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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amber
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| n.琥珀；琥珀色；adj.琥珀制的 | |
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recurred
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| 再发生，复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 )； 治愈 | |
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19
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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21
hovered
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| 鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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22
withdrawn
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| vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出 | |
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23
scorched
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| 烧焦，烤焦( scorch的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（植物）枯萎，把…晒枯； 高速行驶； 枯焦 | |
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24
malice
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| n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋 | |
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25
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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animatedly
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| adv.栩栩如生地，活跃地 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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28
steadfastness
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| n.坚定，稳当 | |
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29
twitched
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| vt.& vi.（使）抽动，（使）颤动（twitch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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30
perspiration
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| n.汗水；出汗 | |
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31
trickling
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| n.油画底色含油太多而成泡沫状突起v.滴( trickle的现在分词 )；淌；使)慢慢走；缓慢移动 | |
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32
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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33
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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34
flickered
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| （通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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35
ashen
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| adj.灰的 | |
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36
beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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37
gust
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| n.阵风，突然一阵（雨、烟等），（感情的）迸发 | |
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38
likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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39
hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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40
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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