Elias, at any rate, did not doubt. He told himself that he had been on the point of committing a mortal sin, one that would have removed him forever beyond the pale of divine mercy, one that would have entailed11 upon him, and upon his seed after him, infinite retribution. He told himself that at the eleventh hour heaven had intervened, and saved him from his own suicidal clutch. He shuddered12 at the notion of the risk he had run. He was duly grateful for his deliverance. It had at first surprised him to find that his love of Christine had not survived. That which had absorbed his life, and shaped and directed his life, and been to his life what the sunlight is to the day, its vital, dominating, distinguishing principle, had vanished utterly13 out of his life, had melted phantom-like, and left not a shred14, not a mark, not even a gap, behind, to show where, or of what substance, or of what form it had been. It was the extinguishment of a subtle, spiritual flame, which departs, so far as is determinable, nowhither—is simply swallowed up and assimilated by the inane15. Three days ago, he had believed it possessed16 of everlasting17 vigor18; and now, it was gone as completely as the snows of yesteryear. Death and dissolution had occurred simultaneously19.—But his surprise was short-lived. On reflection, he agreed with the rabbi, that nothing else could have been expected. He adopted the rabbi’s metaphor20, and said that the breath of the Lord had entered his heart, and cleansed21 it. He remembered how, once before, something similar had befallen, in answer to prayer. But the effects of that had been transitory. The effects of this, he thought, would be permanent. If there were the materials for melancholy22 here, Elias was callous23 to their influence.
It seemed, indeed, that not only had his love been abolished, but that his entire emotional system had sunken into a state of apathy24, and become unresponsive and inactive. He knew, for example, perfectly25 well how Christine would suffer. The light of her youth would be quenched26, and its sweetness turned to gall27 and wormwood. The world, that was so fair in her sight, would crumble28 suddenly to a wide waste of dust and ashes. An agony like fire would be kindled29 in her young heart, hopeless even of hope. It might perhaps, as old Redwood had said, it might perhaps kill her. But if it did not kill her, it would do worse. She would have to live, and bear it. He knew all this. He could not help knowing it. It was too big, palpable, conspicuous30, to be ignored. He knew it; and he stated it clearly, completely, circumstantially, to himself. And then he wondered at his stolidity31; for it woke not a throe either of compunction or of compassion32. He said to himself, “Altogether aside from the personal element, from the fact that she is who she is, and that I have been her lover; altogether aside, also, from the fact that I, though helpless and irresponsible, am still the occasion of her unhappiness; and simply because she is a woman, a human being, the knowledge of her overwhelming sorrow and utter desolation, ought to move me to deepest, keenest pity.” But it did not. It did not move him to a single momentary33 qualm. His condition puzzled and mystified him. He could imagine no way to account for it, unless by again following the logic34 of the rabbi, and assuming it to be the act of God. That it was merely the torpor35, the numbness36, naturally resulting from the fright, and the immense physical and moral shock, he had sustained, does not appear to have suggested itself to him.
On the morning after his interview with old Redwood (on the morning, namely, of the fourth of May, 1883; date worth remembering), Elias was established at his studio-window, watching the play of sunlight and shadow upon the foliage37 opposite in the park, and introspecting somewhat listlessly in the direction above set forth38, when there came a light tap upon his door; and, without turning around, he called out, “Come in.” He heard the door creak open. He heard the visitor take two or three steps forward into the room. Then, before he had looked to see who it was, he heard his own name pronounced shyly, by a voice that was but too well-known:
“Elias!”
Unspeakably astounded39 and discomfited40, he sprang to his feet, faced her, and stood dumb.
At the moment he was not conscious of noticing especially her appearance; but long afterward41 he recalled it vividly42. Long afterward, the pale face, the disordered golden hair, the large, dark, tearful eyes, the appealing attitude—hands stretched out toward him, face upturned—became of all his memories the strongest, the clearest, the most constant, the one on which his remorse43 chiefly fed.
But now, he faced her and stood dumb, aware only of hubbub44 in his brain, and dismay in his breast.
She, manifestly unprepared for this style of greeting, started back. Her eyes filled with fear.
“Oh Elias,” she faltered45, “you—you make me think that it is true.”
He, finding his voice, cried piteously: “Oh, why—why did you come here?”
And then they were both silent.
At last she began: “I came—because I could not believe—because my father told me something which I knew was a lie. I came to have you tell me that it was a lie. Oh, why did he tell me such a cruel thing? Why—why do you act like this?”
She paused, expecting him to speak. But he did not speak.
All at once she went on passionately46: “Oh, you don’t know what he told me. He must have wanted to kill me. But I knew it was a lie. I told him it was a lie—oh, such a shameful47, cruel lie. Oh, God! Here, this was it: he told me—he told me that you—Elias—oh, no, no, no! I can not say it. But yes, yes—I will say it—I must say it. He said that you—you did not love me any more. Oh, my God, my God!”
She had moved up toward him. Now she fell upon his breast, and sobbed48 her heart out.
He passively allowed her to remain there. What to do? what to say? he asked himself, distracted.
“Oh, Elias—my darling—I—I knew it could not be true,” she was murmuring between her sobs49.
Thus, until her grief had spent itself—until she had had her cry out. By and by she raised her eyes to his, and smiling a forlorn little smile, asked timidly, “You think I am very silly?”
But her smile did not last long. Suddenly, it changed to an expression of utmost woe50 and terror. She fell back a step or two.
“Elias!” she cried, in a sharp, startled voice. “Why do you look at me like that? Is—do—you can’t—mean—that it is true!”
He felt that he must speak. He must gather his forces, and make her understand. He was trying to. He was trying to find the words he needed. But before they had come to him, the door opened, and the rabbi glided51 upon the scene.
The rabbi took in the situation at a glance.
“Elias,” he said, “this is unfortunate. You ought to have called me.”
Turning to Christine: “You have forgotten yourself, madam. By what right are you here? Did your father send you? I shall be happy to show you the way down stairs.”
He bowed in the direction of the door.
She looked helplessly from the rabbi to his nephew; but she found little to reassure52 her in Elias’s face.
“Was there any thing you had to say to this young lady, before she goes, Elias?” the rabbi queried53, in a brisk, business-like tone.
“No, nothing,” Elias began faintly, “nothing, except—yes, except—” He broke off, and drew a sharp, loud breath; suddenly he began anew: “Christine, I am powerless. The Lord—it is the Lord’s will. I—it—what your father told you—it was the truth.”
The words found their own way out, mechanically. He could scarcely realize that he had spoken.
For an instant she stood motionless. Then she reeled and tottered54, as if about to fall. Then she recovered herself. Slowly, with a dazed, stunned55 air, groping blindly, she turned, and reached the door, and crossed the threshold.
The rabbi followed, shutting the door behind him.
Elias dropped into a chair. Bewildered, agitated56, fagged-out, undone—he felt all this. But he felt not a pang57 for her.
“If I had thrown you down and trampled58 upon you,” he wrote, a little less than two years afterward, “it would not have been so brutal59, so cruel; but if I had done it in my sleep, I could not have been more insensible to your pain.”
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1
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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2
exhaustion
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| n.耗尽枯竭，疲惫，筋疲力尽，竭尽，详尽无遗的论述 | |
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tenaciously
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| 坚持地 | |
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4
saner
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| adj.心智健全的( sane的比较级 )；神志正常的；明智的；稳健的 | |
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5
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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6
sedulously
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| ad.孜孜不倦地 | |
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7
superstition
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| n.迷信，迷信行为 | |
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8
slain
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| 杀死，宰杀，杀戮( slay的过去分词 )； (slay的过去分词) | |
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9
slumbered
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| 微睡，睡眠（slumber的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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10
vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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11
entailed
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| 使…成为必要( entail的过去式和过去分词 )； 需要； 限定继承； 使必需 | |
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12
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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13
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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14
shred
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| v.撕成碎片，变成碎片；n.碎布条，细片，些少 | |
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15
inane
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| adj.空虚的，愚蠢的，空洞的 | |
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16
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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everlasting
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| adj.永恒的，持久的，无止境的 | |
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18
vigor
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| n.活力，精力，元气 | |
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19
simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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20
metaphor
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| n.隐喻，暗喻 | |
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21
cleansed
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| 弄干净，清洗( cleanse的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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23
callous
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| adj.无情的，冷淡的，硬结的，起老茧的 | |
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24
apathy
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| n.漠不关心，无动于衷；冷淡 | |
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25
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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26
quenched
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| 解（渴）( quench的过去式和过去分词 )； 终止（某事物）； （用水）扑灭（火焰等）； 将（热物体）放入水中急速冷却 | |
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27
gall
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| v.使烦恼，使焦躁，难堪；n.磨难 | |
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28
crumble
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| vi.碎裂，崩溃；vt.弄碎，摧毁 | |
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29
kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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30
conspicuous
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| adj.明眼的，惹人注目的；炫耀的，摆阔气的 | |
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31
stolidity
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| n.迟钝，感觉麻木 | |
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32
compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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33
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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34
logic
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| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
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35
torpor
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| n.迟钝；麻木；（动物的）冬眠 | |
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36
numbness
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| n.无感觉，麻木，惊呆 | |
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37
foliage
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| n.叶子，树叶，簇叶 | |
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38
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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39
astounded
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| v.使震惊(astound的过去式和过去分词)；愕然；愕；惊讶 | |
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40
discomfited
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| v.使为难( discomfit的过去式和过去分词)；使狼狈；使挫折；挫败 | |
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41
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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42
vividly
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| adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地 | |
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43
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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44
hubbub
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| n.嘈杂；骚乱 | |
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45
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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46
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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47
shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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48
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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49
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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50
woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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51
glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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52
reassure
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| v.使放心，使消除疑虑 | |
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53
queried
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| v.质疑，对…表示疑问( query的过去式和过去分词 )；询问 | |
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54
tottered
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| v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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55
stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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56
agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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57
pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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58
trampled
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| 踩( trample的过去式和过去分词 )； 践踏； 无视； 侵犯 | |
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59
brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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