In this retreat, dictated1 to us alike by our instincts and our hearts, let us forget the chimeras2 which the crowd pursue; and if the men of fashion and the world stare, ridicule3, and even condemn4 us, let their murmurs5 sound in our ears as the dashing of the waves on the distant shore, to the stranger, under the hospitable6 roof which shelters him from the storm.
The universe of reason and affection must be composed of a single family. Of that universe a wedded7 pair must be the centre. A wife is the best and the only disinterested8 friend, by the award of nature. She remains9 such, when fortune has scattered10 all others. How many have been recalled to hope by a virtuous11 and affectionate wife, when all beside had been lost! How many, retrieved12 from utter despondency, have felt in an ineffable13 effusion of heart, that conjugal14 heroism15 and constancy were an ample indemnity16 for the deprivation17 of all other good things! How many, undeceived by external illusions, have in this way been brought home to their real good! If we wish to see the attributes of conjugal heroism, in their purest brilliancy, let us suppose the husband in the last degree of wretchedness. Let us imagine[109] him not only culpable18, but so estimated, and an outcast from society. Repentance19 itself, in the view of candor20, has not been available to cloak his faults. She alone, accusing him not, is only prodigal21 of consolations22. Embracing duties as severe as his reverses, she voluntarily shares his captivity23 or exile. He finds still, on the faithful bosom24 of innocence25, a refuge, where remorse26 becomes appeased28; as in former days, the proscribed29 found, at the foot of the altar, an asylum30 against the fury of men.
Marriage is generally assumed as a means of increasing credit and fortune, and of assuring success in the world. It should be undertaken as a chief element of happiness, in the retirement32 of domestic repose33.[28] I would wish that my disciple34, while still in the freshness of youth, might have reason and experience enough to select the beloved person, whom he would desire one day to espouse35. I would hope, that, captivated with her dawning qualities, and earnestly seeking her happiness, he might win her tenderness, and find his satisfaction in training her to a conformity37 to his tastes, habits and character.
The freshness of her docile38 nature demands his first forming cares. As she advances in life she is moulded to happy changes, adapted to supply his defects. She is reared modest, amiable39, instructed, respectable, and respected; one day to govern his family, and direct his house, by diffusing40 around the domestic domain41, order and peace. Let neither romances, metaphysics, pedantry42 nor fashion render a qualification for these important duties, either trifling43 or vulgar in her view. Still, domestic duties are by no means to occupy all her[110] hours. The time which is not devoted44 to them will flow quietly on in friendly circles, not numerous, but animated45 by gayety, friendship and the inexplicable46 pleasures which spring from intercourse47 with rational society. There are, also, more unimportant duties, which we expect her not to neglect. We wish her to occupy some moments at a toilet; where simplicity48 should be the basis of elegance49; and where native tact50 might develope the graces, and vary, and multiply, if I may so say, the forms of her beauty. In fine, the versatility51 of her modes of rendering52 herself agreeable, should increase the chances of always escaping ennui53 in her presence.
But train women to visit a library as savans, and they will be likely to bring from it pedantry without solid instruction; and coquetry without feminine amiability54. I would not be understood to question the capability55 of the female understanding. I am not sure that I would wish the wife of my friend to have been an author, though some of the most amiable and enlightened women have been such. But I deem that in their mental constitution, and in the assignment of their lot, providence56 has designated them to prefer the graces to erudition; and that to acquire a wreath of laurels57, they must ordinarily relinquish58 their native crown of roses.[28a] When we see a husband and wife thus united by tenderness, good hearts and simple tastes, everything presages59 for them a delightful60 futurity. Let them live contented61 in their retirement. Instead of wishing to blazon62, let them conceal63 their happiness, and exist for each other. Life will become to them the happiest of dreams.
Perhaps the world will say, ‘you speak, it may be, of[111] such a wife as you would be understood to possess yourself. But you do not paint marriage in the abstract, while you thus describe happiness as finding a habitation within the domestic walls, and pain and sorrow without: how many people find eternal ennui at home, and respire pleasure, only when they have fled their own threshold.’ There are few wives so perfect, says La Bruyere, ‘as to hinder their husbands from repenting64 at least once in a day, that they have a wife; or from envying the happiness of him who has none.’
This sentence, instead of containing a just observation, is only an epigram. In looking round a circle of individuals, ridiculously called the world, we shall find happy family establishments less rare than we imagine. Besides, it would be absurd to count among unhappy unions, all those which are not wholly exempt65 from stormy passions. Not only is perfect felicity a chimerical66 expectation on the earth, but we meet with many people who would be fatigued67 into ennui in a perfect calm, and who require a little of the spice of contrariety to season the repast of life. I would not covet68 their taste; but there are modes of being singular, which, without imparting happiness, procure69 pleasures. Finally, supposing the number of unhappy marriages to be as immense as is contended, what is the conclusion? The great majority adopting, as maxims70 of life, principles so different from mine, it would be strange if they obtained such results as I desire.
In these days, the deciding motive71 with parents, in relation to marriage, is interest; and, what seems to me revolting in the spirit of the age, is, that the young have also learned to calculate. When a man marries simply[112] on a speculation72 of interest, if he sees his fortune and distinction secured, reign73 disorder74 and alienation75 in his house as they may, he is still happier than he deserves to be.
Our marriages of inclination76 guaranty happiness no more than our marriages of interest. What results should be anticipated from the blind impulse of appetite? Let there be mutual77 affection, such as reason can survey with a calm and severe scrutiny78. Such love as is painted in romances is but a fatal fever. It is children alone who believe themselves in love, only when they feel themselves in a delirium79. They have imagined that life should be a continual ecstasy80; and these indulged dreams of anticipation81 spoil the reality of wedded life. I have supposed the husband older than his wife. I have imagined him forming the character of his young, fair and docile companion; and that, so to speak, they have become assimilated to each other’s tastes and habits. The right combination of reason and love assures for them, under such circumstances, as much as possible, a futurity of happiness.
I might here speak of the misery82 of jealousy83 and infidelity, and the comparative guilt85 of these vices86 in the husband and the wife. But these are sources of torment87 only in unions contracted and sustained by the maxims and the spirit of the world. According to my views these crimes could not mar31 the marriages which were undertaken from right motives88, and under the approving sanction of severe reason. I, therefore, pass them by, as not belonging to my subject; and as supposing that when marriage is the result of wise foresight89 and regulated choice, and when its duties are discharged from a[113] proper sense of their obligation, such faults can not occur.
Another cause of disunion springs from the proud temper of some wives. They erroneously and obstinately90 persuade themselves that fidelity84 includes all their duty. More than one husband, incessantly91 tormented92 by an imperious and capricious wife, feels almost disposed to envy the gentle spouse36 who sleeps pleasantly under deceitful caresses93. As much as an honest man ought to avoid crimes, in order to merit his reputation and sustain it, ought the highest meed awarded to women to be bestowed94, not on those alone who are chaste95, but on those who know how to watch over the happiness of their family by eager attentions and studious cares.
This petulance96 of temper is commonly supposed to be a conjoined attribute of conjugal fidelity. I have sometimes seen wives both peevish97 and coquettish, and I cannot imagine a more odious98 combination. If we despise the man who is rough and slovenly99 at home, and becomes charming in society, what sentiment does that wife merit who wears out her husband’s patience with her arrogance100, and puts on seducing101 graces, and affects sensibility, in the presence of strangers?
I have often heard men who were sensible upon every other subject, express their conviction that the orientals, in excluding their women from all eyes but their own, had established the only reasonable domestic policy. There is no more wit than humanity in this barbarous sentiment, however frequently it is uttered. No one could be in earnest, in wishing to copy, into free institutions, this appalling102 vestige103 of slavery. But my inward respect for women withholds104 me from flattering them.[114] Authority ought to belong to the husband; and the influence of tenderness, graces and the charms of constancy, gentleness and truth, constituting the appropriate female empire, belongs of right to the wife. I take leave to illustrate105 this phrase. Masculine vigor106, and aptitude107 to contend and resist, clearly indicate that nature has confided108 authority to man. To dispossess him of it, and control him by a still more irresistible109 sway, it is necessary that the feeble sex should learn patience, docility110, passive courage, and the management of their appropriate weapons in danger and sorrow, and to become energetic for the endurance of the peaceful cares of the domestic establishment. Man is formed by nature for the calls of active courage; and woman, for the appalling scenes of pain and affliction, and the agony of the sick and dying bed. In a word, all argument apart, nature has clearly demonstrated to which sex authority belongs.
I discover that the defects of man spring from the tendency of his natural traits, in which force predominates, to run to excess. I see his gentle companion endowed with attributes and qualities naturally tending to temper his defects. The means she has received to reach this end announce that it is the purpose of nature that she should use them with this view. She has charms which, when rightly applied111, none can resist. Her character is a happy compound of sensibility, wisdom and levity112. She has superadded a felicity of address which she owes to her organization, and which the reserve, that her education imposes, serves to develope. Thus the qualities, and even the imperfections of the two sexes serve to bring them together. It follows,[115] that man should possess authority, and woman influence, for their mutual happiness.
When the wife commands, I cease to behold113 a respectable married pair. I see a ridiculous tyrant114, and a still more ridiculous slave. It is vain to urge that she may be most capable of authority, and that her orders may be conformable to wisdom and justice. They are absurd, from the very circumstance that they are orders. The virtues115 which the husband ought to practise towards his wife must have their origin in love, which can only be inspired, and which flies all restraint. In a single position, the wife honors herself in assuming authority. It is when reverses have overwhelmed and desolated116 her husband, so that, ceasing to sustain her and changing the natural order, she supports him. Grant that he receives hope as her gift; grant that he is compelled to blush in imitating her example of courage; she aspires117 to this power no longer than to be able to restore him to the place whence misery had cast him down.[30]
It is a truth that ought not to be contested, that dissatisfied husbands and wives often love each other more than they imagine. Suppose them to believe themselves indifferent; and to seem so; and even on the verge118 of mutual hate; should one of them fall sick, we see the other inspired with sincere alarms. Suppose them on the eve of separation; when the fatal moment comes, both recoil119 from the act. Habit almost causes the pains, to which we have been long accustomed, to become cause of regret when they cease. When the two begin mutually to complain of their destiny, I counsel each, instead of wishing to criminate and correct each other, to give each other an example of mutual forbearance and indulgence. It may be, that the cause[116] of their mutual dissatisfaction is unreal; the supposed wrong not intended, the suspicion false. Candor and forgiveness will appease27 all. The husband may have gone astray only in thought; which is beyond human privilege to fathom120. The wife may have minor121 defects and an unequal temper, without forfeiting122 much excellence123 and many remaining claims to be loved. The morbid124 influence of ill health and irresistible temperament125, in their powerful action upon the temper, may have been the source whence the faults flowed on either part; and the mutual wrongs may thus have been, in some sense, independent of the will of the parties. Bound, as they are, in such intimate and almost indissoluble relations, before they give that happiness, which they hoped and promised, to the winds, let them exhaust their efforts of self-command and mutual indulgence, to bring back deep and true affection.
The purest happiness of earth is, unquestionably, the portion of two beings wisely and fitly united in the bonds of indissoluble confidence and affection. What a touching126 picture does Madame de Stael present in these lines: ‘I saw, during my sojourn127 in England, a man of the highest merit united to a wife worthy128 of him. One day, as we were walking together, we met some of those people that the English call gipseys, who generally wander about in the woods in the most deplorable condition. I expressed pity for them thus enduring the union of all the physical evils of nature. “Had it been necessary,” said the affectionate husband, pointing to his wife, “in order to spend my life with her, that I should have passed thirty years in begging with them, we would still have been happy.” “Yes,” responded the wife, “the happiest of beings.”’
点击收听单词发音
1 dictated | |
v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 );口授;支配;摆布 | |
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2 chimeras | |
n.(由几种动物的各部分构成的)假想的怪兽( chimera的名词复数 );不可能实现的想法;幻想;妄想 | |
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3 ridicule | |
v.讥讽,挖苦;n.嘲弄 | |
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4 condemn | |
vt.谴责,指责;宣判(罪犯),判刑 | |
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5 murmurs | |
n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 );低语声;怨言;嘀咕 | |
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6 hospitable | |
adj.好客的;宽容的;有利的,适宜的 | |
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7 wedded | |
adj.正式结婚的;渴望…的,执著于…的v.嫁,娶,(与…)结婚( wed的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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8 disinterested | |
adj.不关心的,不感兴趣的 | |
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9 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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10 scattered | |
adj.分散的,稀疏的;散步的;疏疏落落的 | |
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11 virtuous | |
adj.有品德的,善良的,贞洁的,有效力的 | |
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12 retrieved | |
v.取回( retrieve的过去式和过去分词 );恢复;寻回;检索(储存的信息) | |
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13 ineffable | |
adj.无法表达的,不可言喻的 | |
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14 conjugal | |
adj.婚姻的,婚姻性的 | |
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15 heroism | |
n.大无畏精神,英勇 | |
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16 indemnity | |
n.赔偿,赔款,补偿金 | |
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17 deprivation | |
n.匮乏;丧失;夺去,贫困 | |
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18 culpable | |
adj.有罪的,该受谴责的 | |
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19 repentance | |
n.懊悔 | |
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20 candor | |
n.坦白,率真 | |
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21 prodigal | |
adj.浪费的,挥霍的,放荡的 | |
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22 consolations | |
n.安慰,慰问( consolation的名词复数 );起安慰作用的人(或事物) | |
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23 captivity | |
n.囚禁;被俘;束缚 | |
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24 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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25 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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26 remorse | |
n.痛恨,悔恨,自责 | |
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27 appease | |
v.安抚,缓和,平息,满足 | |
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28 appeased | |
安抚,抚慰( appease的过去式和过去分词 ); 绥靖(满足另一国的要求以避免战争) | |
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29 proscribed | |
v.正式宣布(某事物)有危险或被禁止( proscribe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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30 asylum | |
n.避难所,庇护所,避难 | |
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31 mar | |
vt.破坏,毁坏,弄糟 | |
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32 retirement | |
n.退休,退职 | |
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33 repose | |
v.(使)休息;n.安息 | |
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34 disciple | |
n.信徒,门徒,追随者 | |
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35 espouse | |
v.支持,赞成,嫁娶 | |
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36 spouse | |
n.配偶(指夫或妻) | |
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37 conformity | |
n.一致,遵从,顺从 | |
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38 docile | |
adj.驯服的,易控制的,容易教的 | |
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39 amiable | |
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的 | |
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40 diffusing | |
(使光)模糊,漫射,漫散( diffuse的现在分词 ); (使)扩散; (使)弥漫; (使)传播 | |
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41 domain | |
n.(活动等)领域,范围;领地,势力范围 | |
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42 pedantry | |
n.迂腐,卖弄学问 | |
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43 trifling | |
adj.微不足道的;没什么价值的 | |
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44 devoted | |
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
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45 animated | |
adj.生气勃勃的,活跃的,愉快的 | |
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46 inexplicable | |
adj.无法解释的,难理解的 | |
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47 intercourse | |
n.性交;交流,交往,交际 | |
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48 simplicity | |
n.简单,简易;朴素;直率,单纯 | |
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49 elegance | |
n.优雅;优美,雅致;精致,巧妙 | |
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50 tact | |
n.机敏,圆滑,得体 | |
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51 versatility | |
n.多才多艺,多样性,多功能 | |
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52 rendering | |
n.表现,描写 | |
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53 ennui | |
n.怠倦,无聊 | |
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54 amiability | |
n.和蔼可亲的,亲切的,友善的 | |
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55 capability | |
n.能力;才能;(pl)可发展的能力或特性等 | |
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56 providence | |
n.深谋远虑,天道,天意;远见;节约;上帝 | |
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57 laurels | |
n.桂冠,荣誉 | |
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58 relinquish | |
v.放弃,撤回,让与,放手 | |
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59 presages | |
v.预示,预兆( presage的第三人称单数 ) | |
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60 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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61 contented | |
adj.满意的,安心的,知足的 | |
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62 blazon | |
n.纹章,装饰;精确描绘;v.广布;宣布 | |
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63 conceal | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
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64 repenting | |
对(自己的所为)感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的现在分词 ) | |
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65 exempt | |
adj.免除的;v.使免除;n.免税者,被免除义务者 | |
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66 chimerical | |
adj.荒诞不经的,梦幻的 | |
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67 fatigued | |
adj. 疲乏的 | |
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68 covet | |
vt.垂涎;贪图(尤指属于他人的东西) | |
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69 procure | |
vt.获得,取得,促成;vi.拉皮条 | |
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70 maxims | |
n.格言,座右铭( maxim的名词复数 ) | |
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71 motive | |
n.动机,目的;adv.发动的,运动的 | |
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72 speculation | |
n.思索,沉思;猜测;投机 | |
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73 reign | |
n.统治时期,统治,支配,盛行;v.占优势 | |
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74 disorder | |
n.紊乱,混乱;骚动,骚乱;疾病,失调 | |
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75 alienation | |
n.疏远;离间;异化 | |
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76 inclination | |
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好 | |
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77 mutual | |
adj.相互的,彼此的;共同的,共有的 | |
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78 scrutiny | |
n.详细检查,仔细观察 | |
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79 delirium | |
n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
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80 ecstasy | |
n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷 | |
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81 anticipation | |
n.预期,预料,期望 | |
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82 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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83 jealousy | |
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
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84 fidelity | |
n.忠诚,忠实;精确 | |
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85 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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86 vices | |
缺陷( vice的名词复数 ); 恶习; 不道德行为; 台钳 | |
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87 torment | |
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
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88 motives | |
n.动机,目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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89 foresight | |
n.先见之明,深谋远虑 | |
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90 obstinately | |
ad.固执地,顽固地 | |
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91 incessantly | |
ad.不停地 | |
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92 tormented | |
饱受折磨的 | |
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93 caresses | |
爱抚,抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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94 bestowed | |
赠给,授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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95 chaste | |
adj.贞洁的;有道德的;善良的;简朴的 | |
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96 petulance | |
n.发脾气,生气,易怒,暴躁,性急 | |
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97 peevish | |
adj.易怒的,坏脾气的 | |
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98 odious | |
adj.可憎的,讨厌的 | |
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99 slovenly | |
adj.懒散的,不整齐的,邋遢的 | |
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100 arrogance | |
n.傲慢,自大 | |
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101 seducing | |
诱奸( seduce的现在分词 ); 勾引; 诱使堕落; 使入迷 | |
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102 appalling | |
adj.骇人听闻的,令人震惊的,可怕的 | |
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103 vestige | |
n.痕迹,遗迹,残余 | |
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104 withholds | |
v.扣留( withhold的第三人称单数 );拒绝给予;抑制(某事物);制止 | |
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105 illustrate | |
v.举例说明,阐明;图解,加插图 | |
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106 vigor | |
n.活力,精力,元气 | |
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107 aptitude | |
n.(学习方面的)才能,资质,天资 | |
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108 confided | |
v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的过去式和过去分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
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109 irresistible | |
adj.非常诱人的,无法拒绝的,无法抗拒的 | |
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110 docility | |
n.容易教,易驾驶,驯服 | |
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111 applied | |
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用 | |
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112 levity | |
n.轻率,轻浮,不稳定,多变 | |
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113 behold | |
v.看,注视,看到 | |
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114 tyrant | |
n.暴君,专制的君主,残暴的人 | |
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115 virtues | |
美德( virtue的名词复数 ); 德行; 优点; 长处 | |
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116 desolated | |
adj.荒凉的,荒废的 | |
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117 aspires | |
v.渴望,追求( aspire的第三人称单数 ) | |
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118 verge | |
n.边,边缘;v.接近,濒临 | |
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119 recoil | |
vi.退却,退缩,畏缩 | |
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120 fathom | |
v.领悟,彻底了解 | |
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121 minor | |
adj.较小(少)的,较次要的;n.辅修学科;vi.辅修 | |
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122 forfeiting | |
(因违反协议、犯规、受罚等)丧失,失去( forfeit的现在分词 ) | |
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123 excellence | |
n.优秀,杰出,(pl.)优点,美德 | |
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124 morbid | |
adj.病的;致病的;病态的;可怕的 | |
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125 temperament | |
n.气质,性格,性情 | |
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126 touching | |
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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127 sojourn | |
v./n.旅居,寄居;逗留 | |
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128 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
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