ARRANGEMENTS SETTLED. - HARRIS'S METHOD OF DOING WORK. - HOW THE ELDERLY,FAMILY-MAN PUTS UP A PICTURE. - GEORGE MAKES A SENSIBLE, REMARK. -DELIGHTS OF EARLY MORNING BATHING. - PROVISIONS FOR GETTING UPSET.
SO, on the following evening, we again assembled, to discuss and arrangeour plans. Harris said:
"Now, the first thing to settle is what to take with us. Now, you get abit of paper and write down, J., and you get the grocery catalogue,George, and somebody give me a bit of pencil, and then I'll make out alist."That's Harris all over - so ready to take the burden of everythinghimself, and put it on the backs of other people.
He always reminds me of my poor Uncle Podger. You never saw such acommotion up and down a house, in all your life, as when my Uncle Podgerundertook to do a job. A picture would have come home from the frame-maker's, and be standing1 in the dining-room, waiting to be put up; andAunt Podger would ask what was to be done with it, and Uncle Podger wouldsay:
"Oh, you leave that to ME. Don't you, any of you, worry yourselves aboutthat. I'LL do all that."And then he would take off his coat, and begin. He would send the girlout for sixpen'orth of nails, and then one of the boys after her to tellher what size to get; and, from that, he would gradually work down, andstart the whole house.
"Now you go and get me my hammer, Will," he would shout; "and you bringme the rule, Tom; and I shall want the step-ladder, and I had better havea kitchen-chair, too; and, Jim! you run round to Mr. Goggles2, and tellhim, `Pa's kind regards, and hopes his leg's better; and will he lend himhis spirit-level?' And don't you go, Maria, because I shall wantsomebody to hold me the light; and when the girl comes back, she must goout again for a bit of picture-cord; and Tom! - where's Tom? - Tom, youcome here; I shall want you to hand me up the picture."And then he would lift up the picture, and drop it, and it would come outof the frame, and he would try to save the glass, and cut himself; andthen he would spring round the room, looking for his handkerchief. Hecould not find his handkerchief, because it was in the pocket of the coathe had taken off, and he did not know where he had put the coat, and allthe house had to leave off looking for his tools, and start looking forhis coat; while he would dance round and hinder them.
"Doesn't anybody in the whole house know where my coat is? I never cameacross such a set in all my life - upon my word I didn't. Six of you! -and you can't find a coat that I put down not five minutes ago! Well, ofall the - "Then he'd get up, and find that he had been sitting on it, and would callout:
"Oh, you can give it up! I've found it myself now. Might just as wellask the cat to find anything as expect you people to find it."And, when half an hour had been spent in tying up his finger, and a newglass had been got, and the tools, and the ladder, and the chair, and thecandle had been brought, he would have another go, the whole family,including the girl and the charwoman, standing round in a semi-circle,ready to help. Two people would have to hold the chair, and a thirdwould help him up on it, and hold him there, and a fourth would hand hima nail, and a fifth would pass him up the hammer, and he would take holdof the nail, and drop it.
"There!" he would say, in an injured tone, "now the nail's gone."And we would all have to go down on our knees and grovel4 for it, while hewould stand on the chair, and grunt5, and want to know if he was to bekept there all the evening.
The nail would be found at last, but by that time he would have lost thehammer.
"Where's the hammer? What did I do with the hammer? Great heavens!
Seven of you, gaping6 round there, and you don't know what I did with thehammer!"We would find the hammer for him, and then he would have lost sight ofthe mark he had made on the wall, where the nail was to go in, and eachof us had to get up on the chair, beside him, and see if we could findit; and we would each discover it in a different place, and he would callus all fools, one after another, and tell us to get down. And he wouldtake the rule, and re-measure, and find that he wanted half thirty-oneand three-eighths inches from the corner, and would try to do it in hishead, and go mad.
And we would all try to do it in our heads, and all arrive at differentresults, and sneer7 at one another. And in the general row, the originalnumber would be forgotten, and Uncle Podger would have to measure itagain.
He would use a bit of string this time, and at the critical moment, whenthe old fool was leaning over the chair at an angle of forty-five, andtrying to reach a point three inches beyond what was possible for him toreach, the string would slip, and down he would slide on to the piano, areally fine musical effect being produced by the suddenness with whichhis head and body struck all the notes at the same time.
And Aunt Maria would say that she would not allow the children to standround and hear such language.
At last, Uncle Podger would get the spot fixed8 again, and put the pointof the nail on it with his left hand, and take the hammer in his righthand. And, with the first blow, he would smash his thumb, and drop thehammer, with a yell, on somebody's toes.
Aunt Maria would mildly observe that, next time Uncle Podger was going tohammer a nail into the wall, she hoped he'd let her know in time, so thatshe could make arrangements to go and spend a week with her mother whileit was being done.
"Oh! you women, you make such a fuss over everything," Uncle Podger wouldreply, picking himself up. "Why, I LIKE doing a little job of thissort."And then he would have another try, and, at the second blow, the nailwould go clean through the plaster, and half the hammer after it, andUncle Podger be precipitated9 against the wall with force nearlysufficient to flatten10 his nose.
Then we had to find the rule and the string again, and a new hole wasmade; and, about midnight, the picture would be up - very crooked11 andinsecure, the wall for yards round looking as if it had been smootheddown with a rake, and everybody dead beat and wretched - except UnclePodger.
"There you are," he would say, stepping heavily off the chair on to thecharwoman's corns, and surveying the mess he had made with evident pride.
"Why, some people would have had a man in to do a little thing likethat!"Harris will be just that sort of man when he grows up, I know, and I toldhim so. I said I could not permit him to take so much labour uponhimself. I said:
"No; YOU get the paper, and the pencil, and the catalogue, and Georgewrite down, and I'll do the work."The first list we made out had to be discarded. It was clear that theupper reaches of the Thames would not allow of the navigation of a boatsufficiently large to take the things we had set down as indispensable;so we tore the list up, and looked at one another!
George said:
"You know we are on a wrong track altogether. We must not think of thethings we could do with, but only of the things that we can't dowithout."George comes out really quite sensible at times. You'd be surprised. Icall that downright wisdom, not merely as regards the present case, butwith reference to our trip up the river of life, generally. How manypeople, on that voyage, load up the boat till it is ever in danger ofswamping with a store of foolish things which they think essential to thepleasure and comfort of the trip, but which are really only uselesslumber.
How they pile the poor little craft mast-high with fine clothes and bighouses; with useless servants, and a host of swell13 friends that do notcare twopence for them, and that they do not care three ha'pence for;with expensive entertainments that nobody enjoys, with formalities andfashions, with pretence14 and ostentation15, and with - oh, heaviest, maddestlumber of all! - the dread16 of what will my neighbour think, with luxuriesthat only cloy17, with pleasures that bore, with empty show that, like thecriminal's iron crown of yore, makes to bleed and swoon the aching headthat wears it!
It is lumber12, man - all lumber! Throw it overboard. It makes the boatso heavy to pull, you nearly faint at the oars18. It makes it socumbersome and dangerous to manage, you never know a moment's freedomfrom anxiety and care, never gain a moment's rest for dreamy laziness -no time to watch the windy shadows skimming lightly o'er the shallows, orthe glittering sunbeams flitting in and out among the ripples19, or thegreat trees by the margin20 looking down at their own image, or the woodsall green and golden, or the lilies white and yellow, or the sombre-waving rushes, or the sedges, or the orchis, or the blue forget-me-nots.
Throw the lumber over, man! Let your boat of life be light, packed withonly what you need - a homely21 home and simple pleasures, one or twofriends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat,a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a littlemore than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing.
You will find the boat easier to pull then, and it will not be so liableto upset, and it will not matter so much if it does upset; good, plainmerchandise will stand water. You will have time to think as well as towork. Time to drink in life's sunshine - time to listen to the AEolianmusic that the wind of God draws from the human heart-strings around us -time to -I beg your pardon, really. I quite forgot.
Well, we left the list to George, and he began it.
"We won't take a tent, suggested George; "we will have a boat with acover. It is ever so much simpler, and more comfortable."It seemed a good thought, and we adopted it. I do not know whether youhave ever seen the thing I mean. You fix iron hoops22 up over the boat,and stretch a huge canvas over them, and fasten it down all round, fromstem to stern, and it converts the boat into a sort of little house, andit is beautifully cosy23, though a trifle stuffy24; but there, everything hasits drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they camedown upon him for the funeral expenses.
George said that in that case we must take a rug each, a lamp, some soap,a brush and comb (between us), a toothbrush (each), a basin, some tooth-powder, some shaving tackle (sounds like a French exercise, doesn't it?),and a couple of big-towels for bathing. I notice that people always makegigantic arrangements for bathing when they are going anywhere near thewater, but that they don't bathe much when they are there.
It is the same when you go to the sea-side. I always determine - whenthinking over the matter in London - that I'll get up early everymorning, and go and have a dip before breakfast, and I religiously packup a pair of drawers and a bath towel. I always get red bathing drawers.
I rather fancy myself in red drawers. They suit my complexion25 so. Butwhen I get to the sea I don't feel somehow that I want that early morningbathe nearly so much as I did when I was in town.
On the contrary, I feel more that I want to stop in bed till the lastmoment, and then come down and have my breakfast. Once or twice virtuehas triumphed, and I have got out at six and half-dressed myself, andhave taken my drawers and towel, and stumbled dismally26 off. But Ihaven't enjoyed it. They seem to keep a specially27 cutting east wind,waiting for me, when I go to bathe in the early morning; and they pickout all the three-cornered stones, and put them on the top, and theysharpen up the rocks and cover the points over with a bit of sand so thatI can't see them, and they take the sea and put it two miles out, so thatI have to huddle28 myself up in my arms and hop3, shivering, through sixinches of water. And when I do get to the sea, it is rough and quiteinsulting.
One huge wave catches me up and chucks me in a sitting posture29, as hardas ever it can, down on to a rock which has been put there for me. And,before I've said "Oh! Ugh!" and found out what has gone, the wave comesback and carries me out to mid-ocean. I begin to strike out franticallyfor the shore, and wonder if I shall ever see home and friends again, andwish I'd been kinder to my little sister when a boy (when I was a boy, Imean). Just when I have given up all hope, a wave retires and leaves mesprawling like a star-fish on the sand, and I get up and look back andfind that I've been swimming for my life in two feet of water. I hopback and dress, and crawl home, where I have to pretend I liked it.
In the present instance, we all talked as if we were going to have a longswim every morning.
George said it was so pleasant to wake up in the boat in the freshmorning, and plunge30 into the limpid31 river. Harris said there was nothinglike a swim before breakfast to give you an appetite. He said it alwaysgave him an appetite. George said that if it was going to make Harriseat more than Harris ordinarily ate, then he should protest againstHarris having a bath at all.
He said there would be quite enough hard work in towing sufficient foodfor Harris up against stream, as it was.
I urged upon George, however, how much pleasanter it would be to haveHarris clean and fresh about the boat, even if we did have to take a fewmore hundredweight of provisions; and he got to see it in my light, andwithdrew his opposition32 to Harris's bath.
Agreed, finally, that we should take THREE bath towels, so as not to keepeach other waiting.
For clothes, George said two suits of flannel33 would be sufficient, as wecould wash them ourselves, in the river, when they got dirty. We askedhim if he had ever tried washing flannels34 in the river, and he replied:
"No, not exactly himself like; but he knew some fellows who had, and itwas easy enough;" and Harris and I were weak enough to fancy he knew whathe was talking about, and that three respectable young men, withoutposition or influence, and with no experience in washing, could reallyclean their own shirts and trousers in the river Thames with a bit ofsoap.
We were to learn in the days to come, when it was too late, that Georgewas a miserable35 impostor, who could evidently have known nothing whateverabout the matter. If you had seen these clothes after - but, as theshilling shockers say, we anticipate.
George impressed upon us to take a change of under-things and plenty ofsocks, in case we got upset and wanted a change; also plenty ofhandkerchiefs, as they would do to wipe things, and a pair of leatherboots as well as our boating shoes, as we should want them if we gotupset.
收听单词发音 |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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goggles
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| n.护目镜 | |
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hop
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| n.单脚跳，跳跃；vi.单脚跳，跳跃；着手做某事；vt.跳跃，跃过 | |
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grovel
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| vi.卑躬屈膝，奴颜婢膝 | |
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grunt
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| v.嘟哝；作呼噜声；n.呼噜声，嘟哝 | |
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gaping
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| adj.口的；张口的；敞口的；多洞穴的v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的现在分词 )；张开，张大 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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precipitated
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| v.（突如其来地）使发生( precipitate的过去式和过去分词 )；促成；猛然摔下；使沉淀 | |
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flatten
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| v.把．．．弄平，使倒伏；使(漆等)失去光泽 | |
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crooked
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| adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的 | |
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lumber
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| n.木材，木料；v.以破旧东西堆满；伐木；笨重移动 | |
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13
swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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pretence
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| n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰 | |
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ostentation
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| n.夸耀，卖弄 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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cloy
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| v.（吃甜食）生腻，吃腻 | |
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oars
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| n.桨，橹( oar的名词复数 )；划手v.划（行）( oar的第三人称单数 ) | |
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ripples
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| 逐渐扩散的感觉( ripple的名词复数 ) | |
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margin
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| n.页边空白；差额；余地，余裕；边，边缘 | |
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homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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22
hoops
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| n.箍( hoop的名词复数 )；（篮球）篮圈；（旧时儿童玩的）大环子；（两端埋在地里的）小铁弓 | |
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23
cosy
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| adj.温暖而舒适的，安逸的 | |
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stuffy
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| adj.不透气的，闷热的 | |
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25
complexion
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| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
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dismally
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| adv.阴暗地，沉闷地 | |
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specially
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| adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地 | |
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huddle
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| vi.挤作一团；蜷缩；vt.聚集；n.挤在一起的人 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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plunge
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| v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲 | |
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limpid
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| adj.清澈的，透明的 | |
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32
opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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flannel
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| n.法兰绒；法兰绒衣服 | |
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34
flannels
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| 法兰绒男裤； 法兰绒( flannel的名词复数 ) | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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