ON their arrival the station was lively with straw-hatted young men, welcoming young girls who bore a remarkable1 family likeness2 to their welcomers, and who were dressed up in the brightest and lightest of raiment.
"The place seems gay," said Sue. "Why--it is Remembrance Day!--Jude--how sly of you--you came to-day on purpose!"
"Yes," said Jude quietly, as he took charge of the small child, and told Arabella's boy to keep close to them, Sue attending to their own eldest3. "I thought we might as well come to-day as on any other."
"But I am afraid it will depress you!" she said, looking anxiously at him up and down.
"Oh, I mustn't let it interfere4 with our business; and we have a good deal to do before we shall be settled here. The first thing is lodgings5."
Having left their luggage and his tools at the station they proceeded on foot up the familiar street, the holiday people all drifting in the same direction. Reaching the Fourways they were about to turn off to where accommodation was likely to be found when, looking at the clock and the hurrying crowd, Jude said: "Let us go and see the procession, and never mind the lodgings just now? We can get them afterwards."
"Oughtn't we to get a house over our heads first?" she asked.
But his soul seemed full of the anniversary, and together they went down Chief Street, their smallest child in Jude's arms, Sue leading her little girl, and Arabella's boy walking thoughtfully and silently beside them. Crowds of pretty sisters in airy costumes, and meekly7 ignorant parents who had known no college in their youth, were under convoy8 in the same direction by brothers and sons bearing the opinion written large on them that no properly qualified9 human beings had lived on earth till they came to grace it here and now.
"My failure is reflected on me by every one of those young fellows," said Jude. "A lesson on presumption10 is awaiting me to-day!-- Humiliation11 Day for me! ... If you, my dear darling, hadn't come to my rescue, I should have gone to the dogs with despair!"
She saw from his face that he was getting into one of his tempestuous12, self-harrowing moods. "It would have been better if we had gone at once about our own affairs, dear," she answered. "I am sure this sight will awaken13 old sorrows in you, and do no good!"
"Well--we are near; we will see it now," said he.
They turned in on the left by the church with the Italian porch, whose helical columns were heavily draped with creepers, and pursued the lane till there arose on Jude's sight the circular theatre with that well-known lantern above it, which stood in his mind as the sad symbol of his abandoned hopes, for it was from that outlook that he had finally surveyed the City of Colleges on the afternoon of his great meditation14, which convinced him at last of the futility15 of his attempt to be a son of the university.
To-day, in the open space stretching between this building and the nearest college, stood a crowd of expectant people. A passage was kept clear through their midst by two barriers of timber, extending from the door of the college to the door of the large building between it and the theatre.
"Here is the place--they are just going to pass!" cried Jude in sudden excitement. And pushing his way to the front he took up a position close to the barrier, still hugging the youngest child in his arms, while Sue and the others kept immediately behind him. The crowd filled in at their back, and fell to talking, joking, and laughing as carriage after carriage drew up at the lower door of the college, and solemn stately figures in blood-red robes began to alight. The sky had grown overcast16 and livid, and thunder rumbled17 now and then.
Father Time shuddered18. "It do seem like the Judgment19 Day!" he whispered.
"They are only learned doctors," said Sue.
While they waited big drops of rain fell on their heads and shoulders, and the delay grew tedious. Sue again wished not to stay.
"They won't be long now," said Jude, without turning his head.
But the procession did not come forth20, and somebody in the crowd, to pass the time, looked at the facade21 of the nearest college, and said he wondered what was meant by the Latin inscription22 in its midst. Jude, who stood near the inquirer, explained it, and finding that the people all round him were listening with interest, went on to describe the carving23 of the frieze24 (which he had studied years before), and to criticize some details of masonry25 in other college fronts about the city.
The idle crowd, including the two policemen at the doors, stared like the Lycaonians at Paul, for Jude was apt to get too enthusiastic over any subject in hand, and they seemed to wonder how the stranger should know more about the buildings of their town than they themselves did; till one of them said: "Why, I know that man; he used to work here years ago-- Jude Fawley, that's his name! Don't you mind he used to be nicknamed Tutor of St. Slums, d'ye mind?--because he aimed at that line o' business? He's married, I suppose, then, and that's his child he's carrying. Taylor would know him, as he knows everybody."
The speaker was a man named Jack26 Stagg, with whom Jude had formerly27 worked in repairing the college masonries; Tinker Taylor was seen to be standing28 near. Having his attention called the latter cried across the barriers to Jude: "You've honoured us by coming back again, my friend!"
"An' you don't seem to have done any great things for yourself by going away?"
"Except found more mouths to fill!" This came in a new voice, and Jude recognized its owner to be Uncle Joe, another mason whom he had known.
Jude replied good-humouredly that he could not dispute it; and from remark to remark something like a general conversation arose between him and the crowd of idlers, during which Tinker Taylor asked Jude if he remembered the Apostles' Creed30 in Latin still, and the night of the challenge in the public house.
"But Fortune didn't lie that way?" threw in Joe. "Yer powers wasn't enough to carry 'ee through?"
"Don't answer them any more!" entreated31 Sue.
"I don't think I like Christminster!" murmured little Time mournfully, as he stood submerged and invisible in the crowd.
But finding himself the centre of curiosity, quizzing, and comment, Jude was not inclined to shrink from open declarations of what he had no great reason to be ashamed of; and in a little while was stimulated32 to say in a loud voice to the listening throng33 generally:
"It is a difficult question, my friends, for any young man-- that question I had to grapple with, and which thousands are weighing at the present moment in these uprising times-- whether to follow uncritically the track he finds himself in, without considering his aptness for it, or to consider what his aptness or bent34 may be, and re-shape his course accordingly. I tried to do the latter, and I failed. But I don't admit that my failure proved my view to be a wrong one, or that my success would have made it a right one; though that's how we appraise35 such attempts nowadays--I mean, not by their essential soundness, but by their accidental outcomes. If I had ended by becoming like one of these gentlemen in red and black that we saw dropping in here by now, everybody would have said: 'See how wise that young man was, to follow the bent of his nature!' But having ended no better than I began they say: 'See what a fool that fellow was in following a freak of his fancy!'
"However it was my poverty and not my will that consented to be beaten. It takes two or three generations to do what I tried to do in one; and my impulses--affections--vices perhaps they should be called-- were too strong not to hamper36 a man without advantages; who should be as cold-blooded as a fish and as selfish as a pig to have a really good chance of being one of his country's worthies37. You may ridicule38 me--I am quite willing that you should-- I am a fit subject, no doubt. But I think if you knew what I have gone through these last few years you would rather pity me. And if they knew"--he nodded towards the college at which the dons were severally arriving--"it is just possible they would do the same."
"He do look ill and worn-out, it is true!" said a woman.
Sue's face grew more emotional; but though she stood close to Jude she was screened.
"I may do some good before I am dead--be a sort of success as a frightful39 example of what not to do; and so illustrate40 a moral story," continued Jude, beginning to grow bitter, though he had opened serenely41 enough. "I was, perhaps, after all, a paltry42 victim to the spirit of mental and social restlessness that makes so many unhappy in these days!"
"Don't tell them that!" whispered Sue with tears, at perceiving Jude's state of mind. "You weren't that. You struggled nobly to acquire knowledge, and only the meanest souls in the world would blame you!"
Jude shifted the child into a more easy position on his arm, and concluded: "And what I appear, a sick and poor man, is not the worst of me. I am in a chaos43 of principles-- groping in the dark--acting by instinct and not after example. Eight or nine years ago when I came here first, I had a neat stock of fixed44 opinions, but they dropped away one by one; and the further I get the less sure I am. I doubt if I have anything more for my present rule of life than following inclinations45 which do me and nobody else any harm, and actually give pleasure to those I love best. There, gentlemen, since you wanted to know how I was getting on, I have told you. Much good may it do you! I cannot explain further here. I perceive there is something wrong somewhere in our social formulas: what it is can only be discovered by men or women with greater insight than mine--if, indeed, they ever discover it-- at least in our time. 'For who knoweth what is good for man in this life?--and who can tell a man what shall be after him under the sun?'"
"Hear, hear," said the populace.
"Well preached!" said Tinker Taylor. And privately46 to his neighbours: "Why, one of them jobbing pa'sons swarming47 about here, that takes the services when our head reverends want a holiday, wouldn't ha' discoursed48 such doctrine49 for less than a guinea down? Hey? I'll take my oath not one o' 'em would! And then he must have had it wrote down for 'n. And this only a working-man!"
As a sort of objective commentary on Jude's remarks there drove up at this moment with a belated doctor, robed and panting, a cab whose horse failed to stop at the exact point required for setting down the hirer, who jumped out and entered the door. The driver, alighting, began to kick the animal in the belly50.
"If that can be done," said Jude, "at college gates in the most religious and educational city in the world, what shall we say as to how far we've got?"
"Order!" said one of the policemen, who had been engaged with a comrade in opening the large doors opposite the college. "Keep yer tongue quiet, my man, while the procession passes." The rain came on more heavily, and all who had umbrellas opened them. Jude was not one of these, and Sue only possessed51 a small one, half sunshade. She had grown pale, though Jude did not notice it then.
"Let us go on, dear," she whispered, endeavouring to shelter him. "We haven't any lodgings yet, remember, and all our things are at the station; and you are by no means well yet. I am afraid this wet will hurt you!"
"They are coming now. Just a moment, and I'll go!" said he.
A peal52 of six bells struck out, human faces began to crowd the windows around, and the procession of heads of houses and new doctors emerged, their red and black gowned forms passing across the field of Jude's vision like inaccessible53 planets across an object glass.
As they went their names were called by knowing informants, and when they reached the old round theatre of Wren54 a cheer rose high.
"Let's go that way!" cried Jude, and though it now rained steadily55 he seemed not to know it, and took them round to the theatre. Here they stood upon the straw that was laid to drown the discordant56 noise of wheels, where the quaint57 and frost-eaten stone busts58 encircling the building looked with pallid59 grimness on the proceedings60, and in particular at the bedraggled Jude, Sue, and their children, as at ludicrous persons who had no business there.
"I wish I could get in!" he said to her fervidly61. "Listen--I may catch a few words of the Latin speech by staying here; the windows are open."
However, beyond the peals62 of the organ, and the shouts and hurrahs between each piece of oratory63, Jude's standing in the wet did not bring much Latin to his intelligence more than, now and then, a sonorous64 word in UM or IBUS.
"Well--I'm an outsider to the end of my days!" he sighed after a while. "Now I'll go, my patient Sue. How good of you to wait in the rain all this time--to gratify my infatuation! I'll never care any more about the infernal cursed place, upon my soul I won't! But what made you tremble so when we were at the barrier? And how pale you are, Sue!"
"I saw Richard amongst the people on the other side."
"Ah--did you!"
"He is evidently come up to Jerusalem to see the festival like the rest of us: and on that account is probably living not so very far away. He had the same hankering for the university that you had, in a milder form. I don't think he saw me, though he must have heard you speaking to the crowd. But he seemed not to notice."
"Well--suppose he did. Your mind is free from worries about him now, my Sue?"
"Yes, I suppose so. But I am weak. Although I know it is all right with our plans, I felt a curious dread65 of him; an awe66, or terror, of conventions I don't believe in. It comes over me at times like a sort of creeping paralysis67, and makes me so sad!"
"You are getting tired, Sue. Oh--I forgot, darling! Yes, we'll go on at once."
They started in quest of the lodging6, and at last found something that seemed to promise well, in Mildew68 Lane-- a spot which to Jude was irresistible--though to Sue it was not so fascinating--a narrow lane close to the back of a college, but having no communication with it. The little houses were darkened to gloom by the high collegiate buildings, within which life was so far removed from that of the people in the lane as if it had been on opposite sides of the globe; yet only a thickness of wall divided them. Two or three of the houses had notices of rooms to let, and the newcomers knocked at the door of one, which a woman opened.
"Ah--listen!" said Jude suddenly, instead of addressing her.
"What?"
"Why the bells--what church can that be? The tones are familiar."
Another peal of bells had begun to sound out at some distance off.
"I don't know!" said the landlady69 tartly70. "Did you knock to ask that?"
"No; for lodgings," said Jude, coming to himself.
The householder scrutinized71 Sue's figure a moment. "We haven't any to let," said she, shutting the door.
Jude looked discomfited72, and the boy distressed73. "Now, Jude," said Sue, "let me try. You don't know the way."
They found a second place hard by; but here the occupier, observing not only Sue, but the boy and the small children, said civilly, "I am sorry to say we don't let where there are children"; and also closed the door.
The small child squared its mouth and cried silently, with an instinct that trouble loomed74. The boy sighed. "I don't like Christminster!" he said. "Are the great old houses gaols75?"
"No; colleges," said Jude; "which perhaps you'll study in some day."
"I'd rather not!" the boy rejoined.
"Now we'll try again," said Sue. "I'll pull my cloak more round me.... Leaving Kennetbridge for this place is like coming from Caiaphas to Pilate! ... How do I look now, dear?"
"Nobody would notice it now," said Jude.
There was one other house, and they tried a third time. The woman here was more amiable76; but she had little room to spare, and could only agree to take in Sue and the children if her husband could go elsewhere. This arrangement they perforce adopted, in the stress from delaying their search till so late. They came to terms with her, though her price was rather high for their pockets. But they could not afford to be critical till Jude had time to get a more permanent abode77; and in this house Sue took possession of a back room on the second floor with an inner closet-room for the children. Jude stayed and had a cup of tea; and was pleased to find that the window commanded the back of another of the colleges. Kissing all four he went to get a few necessaries and look for lodgings for himself.
When he was gone the landlady came up to talk a little with Sue, and gather something of the circumstances of the family she had taken in. Sue had not the art of prevarication78, and, after admitting several facts as to their late difficulties and wanderings, she was startled by the landlady saying suddenly:
"Are you really a married woman?"
Sue hesitated; and then impulsively79 told the woman that her husband and herself had each been unhappy in their first marriages, after which, terrified at the thought of a second irrevocable union, and lest the conditions of the contract should kill their love, yet wishing to be together, they had literally80 not found the courage to repeat it, though they had attempted it two or three times. Therefore, though in her own sense of the words she was a married woman, in the landlady's sense she was not.
The housewife looked embarrassed, and went down-stairs. Sue sat by the window in a reverie, watching the rain. Her quiet was broken by the noise of someone entering the house, and then the voices of a man and woman in conversation in the passage below. The land-lady's husband had arrived, and she was explaining to him the incoming of the lodgers81 during his absence.
His voice rose in sudden anger. "Now who wants such a woman here? and perhaps a confinement82! ... Besides, didn't I say I wouldn't have children? The hall and stairs fresh painted, to be kicked about by them! You must have known all was not straight with 'em--coming like that. Taking in a family when I said a single man."
The wife expostulated, but, as it seemed, the husband insisted on his point; for presently a tap came to Sue's door, and the woman appeared.
"I am sorry to tell you, ma'am," she said, "that I can't let you have the room for the week after all. My husband objects; and therefore I must ask you to go. I don't mind your staying over to-night, as it is getting late in the afternoon; but I shall be glad if you can leave early in the morning."
Though she knew that she was entitled to the lodging for a week, Sue did not wish to create a disturbance83 between the wife and husband, and she said she would leave as requested. When the landlady had gone Sue looked out of the window again. Finding that the rain had ceased she proposed to the boy that, after putting the little ones to bed, they should go out and search about for another place, and bespeak84 it for the morrow, so as not to be so hard-driven then as they had been that day.
Therefore, instead of unpacking85 her boxes, which had just been sent on from the station by Jude, they sallied out into the damp though not unpleasant streets, Sue resolving not to disturb her husband with the news of her notice to quit while he was perhaps worried in obtaining a lodging for himself. In the company of the boy she wandered into this street and into that; but though she tried a dozen different houses she fared far worse alone than she had fared in Jude's company, and could get nobody to promise her a room for the following day. Every householder looked askance at such a woman and child inquiring for accommodation in the gloom.
"I ought not to be born, ought I?" said the boy with misgiving86.
Thoroughly87 tired at last Sue returned to the place where she was not welcome, but where at least she had temporary shelter. In her absence Jude had left his address; but knowing how weak he still was she adhered to her determination not to disturb him till the next day.
他们到了基督堂车站，只见那儿非常热闹。一大群戴草帽的小伙子来来往往；他们是来迎姑娘们的；她们的长相，同欢迎者活脱是一个模子出来的，足见是一家人。她们个个盛装艳服，绚丽夺目，尽态极妍。
“这地方一派喜庆气氛嘛。”苏说。“对啦——今天是寄思日啊，——裘德，你可真刁呀——你是存心拣这个日子来呀！”
“就是。”裘德沉住气说。他一边把最小的孩子抱起来，一边嘱咐阿拉贝拉的孩子要紧挨着他们，苏则照料他们两个生的头一个孩子。
“我想过啦，反正早也是来，晚也是来，不如今天来。”
“可是我怕这一天叫你不痛快呢。”她说，一边不安地上上下下地打量他。
“我决不会让这个打搅咱们的正事；咱们还没在这儿定下来，好多事得办哪，头一件想办的就是找地方住啊。”
他们把行李和他的工具寄放在车站上，然后步行前往熟悉的大街；休假的人一窝蜂似地拥到同一个方向。他们一家人先走到四路口，想转到可能找得到住处的地方。裘德看了看钟和匆忙过往的人群，就说，“咱们这会儿别惦记着找房子，先看看游行好不好？”
“咱们总得先找到托身地方，不是吗？”她问。
但是裘德的全部心神似乎都贯注在那个周年纪念上了，于是他们一块儿顺大成街走下去。裘德抱着顶小的孩子，苏牵着自己的小女儿，阿拉贝拉的孩子不言不语，心事很重地走在旁边。一大群打扮得花枝招展的俏丽姊妹和她们的年轻时候没上过大学，一窍不通、百依百顺的爹娘，由既当兄长又当儿子的小伙子保驾，也朝着同一个方向走。小伙子个个脸上神气活现，像是写着世上本皆属草昧之人，赖有他们多方调教，这才开化，臻于文明之域，云云。
“这些小伙子个个神气十足，正好反衬着我的失败啊。”裘德说。“我今天来，就是为领略一番自命不凡带来的教训——今天是我的“受辱日”啊！我的亲亲，要不是你把我挽救了，我也许因为绝望而彻底完蛋啦！”
她从他脸上的表情看出来，他又陷入异常剧烈地痛惜自己的心境。“亲爱的，咱们顶好还是马上办自己的事情。”她答道。“我知道这儿的情景又勾起你旧的创痛，这可不好！”
“呃——咱们快走到了；就要看见啦。”他说。
他们从左首拐过那座有意大利式门廊、螺旋纹立柱上攀满藤蔓的教堂；随即穿过巷子，一直走到那赫然在望的、因屋顶有灯笼形天窗而遐迩驰名的圆形会堂。在他的内心深处，那个天窗就是他忍痛绝念于前程的表征，因为当年他曾在一个下午在那儿临窗眺望大学城，思绪万千，百感交集，终于醒悟过来，他力求成为大学的儿子的企图，无非是枉费心机。
今天，在那建筑物与教堂之间的空地上，麇集着来看游行的人群。两行大栏杆把他们从中间隔开，留出一条通道，从学院大门一直延伸到学院和会堂之间的大楼门前。
“就是这地方——等会儿他们就过来啦！”裘德忽然兴奋起来，大声说。尽管他怀里抱着孩子，他还是拼命往前挤，苏则带着两个孩子紧跟着，他们好不容易才挤到一个紧靠隔离栏的位置。他们剩下的空档立刻让人填上了。这时马车一辆挨一辆在学院侧门前停住，上面下来身穿血红大袍的大人物，道貌岸然，迈着四方步，看热闹的人也就议论开了，要贫嘴，放声大笑。天空已经阴下来，灰沉沉的，时不时听见隐隐雷声。
时光老爹打了个冷战。“真像最后审判日呀！”他小声嘀咕。
“别瞎说，他们不过是有学问的博士就是啦。”苏说。
他们还是往下等，大雨点子这时劈头盖脸掉下来，队伍仍旧迟迟不来，人群不耐烦起来。苏又表示别再等了。
“一会儿就过来了。”裘德说，头也没回一下。
但是游行队伍的影子还看不见。有人为了消磨时间，就朝着最近便的学院的正面望，说他闹不明白中间部位刻的拉丁文什么意思。裘德正好站在那人旁边，就把意思给他讲了讲；他一看周围人都很感兴趣地听着，又把墙壁饰条的刻工解释了一下（他多年前研究过这类东西），还批评了城里另一所学院的前脸的石活的某些细部。
那群候等着的人，其中还有两个站在学院大门口的警察，都呆呆地看着他，仿佛吕高尼人在看保罗，因为裘德不论碰到什么可谈的题目，总是谈兴大发，滔滔不绝；那些人不免觉得他特别，心想怎么这个异乡人知道的东西居然比住在本地的人知道得还多；后来有个人说：“嗨，我认得这小子，前些年他常在这儿干活，没错儿！你们全忘啦，大伙儿不是给他起过外号，管他叫‘圣棚户区布道师’吗？——因为他就想干这一行嘛。我猜他后来结婚成家了，抱着自个儿的孩子哪。泰勒总认得出来他吧，因为他谁都认识。”
说这话的人名叫杰克·司太格，裘德从前跟他一块儿修过学院的石活；补锅匠泰勒站得很近，他们看得见。他一听别人提他名字，就隔着栅栏大声对裘德说：“你瞧得起咱们爷们，大驾又回来啦，我的朋友！”
裘德点点头。
“你打这儿走了，好像也没多大出息，对吧？”
裘德对这句话也表示肯定。
“就是多了几个嘴要喂喽！”这个说话声音刚才没听见过。裘德听出来是乔爷，也是他早先认识的一位石匠。
裘德兴致勃勃地回答说他可没法跟他辩这一点；大家七嘴八舌，像是他跟这伙没事于的人开谈话会，补锅匠泰勒问他忘没忘那晚上在酒馆里人家激他背使佳信经的事儿。
“不过命运女神没叫你生来于那行子，对吧？”乔爷插嘴说。“我看凭你这块料，于那行子还够不上吧？”
“别再跟他们说啦。”苏恳求着。
“我真讨厌基督堂！”小时光垂头丧气地咕噜着，他比周围的人矮一截，站在那儿看不出来。
裘德可不然，他一看自己成了大家好奇、奚落和议论的中心，再也不肯善罢甘休，一定要把他自觉并没愧对世人的地方讲出个道理。稍过了会儿，他就情绪昂奋，高声对着他所有的听众说起来。
“列位，这是个随便哪个年轻人也难以回答的问题——是我当初全力以赴，想把它回答出来的问题，也是眼下成千上万的青年在当前这个奋进的时代不断地反复思考的问题——究竟是完全不顾自己是否适合，不加批判地跟着前人足迹亦步亦趋呢，还是按着自个儿才智所宜，志趣所在，选定进取的方向？我力求走后一条路，失败了。可我不承认我一失败就表示我的见解是错误的；我一成功，我的见解就对啦——虽说如今这年头，咱们全是按成败论英雄。我这是指不看那些愿望的内涵是不是健全合理，单单计较一时的偶然结果。咱们刚才瞧见穿红袍子、黑袍子的爷们驾到此地啦，就假定我总算成了其中哪一位那样吧，人人就会说：‘瞧哇，那小子才聪明哪，他就是按性之所好走过来的！’可是一瞧见我从头到尾一事无成，依然故我，就说，‘瞧哇，那小子想瞎猫碰死耗子，真是个大笨蛋！’
“说真的，我是因为穷，不是意志不坚才输的。我极力想要我这辈子干成的事儿，可得两三辈人才成呢；我的冲劲儿——我的执著精神——也许可以叫我的毛病吧，反而叫一个生来不具备优越条件的人进退失据，适得其反啦。只有鱼一样冷血、猪一样自私的人才有上佳机缘，成了他的国家的栋梁之材。你们笑话我好啦，我也挺愿意你们笑话，无疑我是个该让人笑话的东西。不过你们要是知道我这些年怎么挣扎过来的，你们反倒要可怜可怜我啦。要是他们也知道”——他朝着师尊们陆续到达的学院那边点点头——“说不定他们也一样可怜可怜吧。”
“他这人真是病啦，垮啦，真是的！”一个女人嘟囔着。
苏脸上显得感情更为激动，不过她人紧挨着裘德，就给遮掩起来了。
“我死之前，还可以办件好事，也算我有了成绩吧，这就是叫人知道什么事千万别干，拿我当个叫人寒心的例子，也好当个教育人的故事说说。”裘德继续说下去，虽然他开头说的时候，还算心平气和，这会儿却悲愤起来。“眼下思想和社会方面惶惶不安的精神面貌弄得好多人都陷入苦闷啦，我呢，说到底，就是这种状况的一个微不足道的牺牲品啊！”
“你别跟他们说这些吧。”苏含着泪小声说，因为她深知裘德此时的心境。“你从前不是那样的人。你从前是怀着高尚的宗旨，为追求学问而奋斗，只有那些卑鄙的家伙才贬低你！”
裘德把抱着的孩子换了个位置，好省点劲，接着就把话说完了：“我这会儿又病又穷，可是这还不是我顶糟的地方。因为我这会儿脑子里的信仰成了一团乱麻——黑里瞎摸，找不着头绪。做事靠本能，无所取则。八九年前我到这儿的时候，我的思想坚定，条理分明，但是后来它们陆陆续续逃之夭夭啦。越到后来，我就越对自己没信心。我怀疑我如今还有什么能算得上人生大义，我只剩了下边两条心愿：于己无害，于人无伤；再有是真正做到让我最爱的人快乐。各位先生，既然你们都想知道我是怎么混过来的，我已经—一奉告啦。但愿对诸位有好处！到此为止，我也不能往下说啦。依我看，咱们社会这套规范准是哪儿出了岔子，这可得靠比我目光深远锐利的男男女女去探明究竟——假定他们真能做到。‘因为谁知道什么于他有益呢？谁能告诉他身居日光之下有什么事呢？’”
“好哇，好哇。”众人不约而同地说。
“讲得真不赖呀！”补锅匠泰勒说，又悄悄地跟紧边上的人说，‘明阿哈，那些吃牧师饭的成群凑到这一带来了，里头有一个趁着咱们的当家牧师想休假，就替他带着做礼拜，要是捞不到一个几尼，他大概不肯这样讲道吧？你看呢？我敢起誓，他们那帮子里头谁也讲不来。再说他们大概得先把要说的写下来才行。这小子讲得这么好，可是个工人哪！”
恰好这时候有辆马车赶过来了，里面坐着一位喘吁吁的身穿大袍的博士，无奈辕马不听使唤，没在雇车人要停的地方停住，只见博士从车里跳出来，径直奔进了学院大门。车夫纵身跳下车座，开始往那畜牲肚子上踢，这个光景倒像为裘德一番讲话做了客观注脚。
“要是这世界上最信教、最尊重教育的城市，”裘德说，“要是在学院大门口这儿，连这类事都于得出来，那咱们还有多大出息，还有谁说得清呢？”
“别吵！”一个警察说，他刚跟一位同志忙着打开学院对面几个大门。“伙计，游行队伍过来的时候，你闭上嘴好吧。”雨下得更大了，带着伞的人都把伞撑起来。苏只带了把小伞，晴雨两用的。她的脸色显得苍白，不过裘德当时没注意到。
“亲爱的，咱们还是走吧。”她低声说，尽量不让他淋着。“别忘了，咱们还没找到地方住呢，东西还放在车站，再说你身上也没好利落呢，我害怕一淋湿了，你又要病啦！”
“队伍过来了。稍等一会儿，我看了就走！”他说。
一时间六钟齐响和鸣，好多人的脸挤到了窗口上，而院长和新博士们也露面了，他们穿着红色和黑色大袍的形体好似可望而不可及的行星通过望远镜的物镜一般，从裘德的视野中倏忽而过。
在他们行进时，认识他们的好事之徒一一点出了他们的名字，等他们走到伦恩造的老圆形会堂，人群就欢呼起来。
“咱们往那边走！”裘德大声说。雨下个不停，但他似乎丝毫没觉察到，带着一家绕到会堂那边。他们站在为减少车轮的不谐调的噪声而铺垫地面的干草上，那儿有许多经过霜雪剥蚀而显得古意盎然的半身雕像，它们环列在会堂周围，冷眼旁观正在进行的仪式——神情恹恹而阴沉，特别在望着浑身淋得透湿的裘德、苏和他们的孩子的时候，好像觉得他们非常滑稽：到这儿来，本来无所事事，何必多此一举。
“但愿我也能参加进去啊！”他热切而认真地说。“听吧，我呆在这儿，可以听得见拉丁文讲演的几个词儿，窗户都开着哪！”
但是，除了风琴奏出的和谐的乐音和每次讲演中间的喊声和欢呼，裘德只间或听到um或ibus的铿锵之声，绝少拉丁文传到他脑际，白白站在雨地里。
“唉——我就是活到死，也只好置身门外啦！”稍后他叹了口气。“现在我要走啦，我的能忍让的苏啊。你始终在雨里等着，你心多好啊——就为的是让我做一场春梦！我以后决不会再念叨这鬼地方啦，绝对不念叨啦！可是刚才咱们在隔栏边上，你怎么那样抖呀？苏，你脸色多苍白哟！”
“我瞧见里查来着，就在对面那群人里头。”
“啊——真的？”
“他显然也跟咱们这伙人一样，到耶路撒冷来瞧瞧节日的盛况。这么着，他住的地方大概离这儿不怎么远。他从前也像你死乞白赖地要上大学，不过表面上没那么火辣辣就是啦。我看他没瞧见我；虽然他总会听见你跟大伙儿说话，不过不像怎么注意。”
“呃——不注意就不注意吧。你现在不会为他牵肠挂肚吧，苏？”
“不会啦，不会啦。不过我这个人太软弱，我固然知道咱们所有打算都对，可是我怪得很，老觉着怕他。我不在乎什么习俗不习俗，可这样怕他还是跟尊重习俗或者惧怕习俗有关系，就仿佛受了瘫痪病侵袭，慢慢，慢慢，越来越厉害，心里真难过！”
“你这会儿挺累啦，苏。哦——我倒忘了，亲亲！好，咱们马上走吧。”
于是他们动身去找住的地方，最后在霉巷找到了，看上去挺称心的，这地点对裘德特别有诱惑力，但是苏觉得巷子窄，又在学院后墙根上，只不通学院就是了。学院的高楼大厦把小房子的光挡住，弄得昏暗得很：学院里的生活同居民的生活竟是天渊之别，犹如彼此各处地球的一端，其实只是一堵厚墙之隔罢了。有两三处房子贴着有屋子出租的帖子，他们新来乍到，就敲了敲一家的门。一个女人应声出来，把门开了。
“啊——听啊！”裘德突然说，他却没跟她搭话。
“什么？”
“钟声啊！是哪个教堂的钟声呢？怪熟的。”
在稍远地方又响起了众钟和鸣。
“我不懂！”女房东用挖苦的口气说。‘你敲门就为这个？”
“不是，是要租房子。”裘德说，又回过神来。
房东对苏的外形仔细打量了一下。“我没屋子租。”说着把门一下关上。
裘德很狼狈，大孩子怪难受。“啊，裘德，”苏说，“我试试看吧。你干这类事不行。”
他们又在附近找了第二家；但是房东不仅观察了苏，还观察大小孩子，很斯文地说，“对不起，有孩子的人家，我不租。”也把门关了。
顶小的孩子噘着嘴，不出声地哭起来，本能使他感到碰上了麻烦事。大男孩叹口气。“我讨厌死基督堂啦！”他说。“那些又大又旧的房子是监狱吧？”
“不是，是学院，”裘德说，“也许有那么一天，你也在里头念书呢。”
“我才不想哪。”大孩子回了一句。
“咱们再试试瞧，”苏说，“我把大衣裹得紧点。……离开肯尼桥到这地方就跟该亚发去见彼拉多似的……亲爱的，你看我现在这样儿如何？”
“现在就不会有人注意你了。”裘德说。
还有一处房子招租，他们就试第三次。女房东倒也和善，不过她空出的屋子很小，如果苏的丈夫能到别处去，她就答应让苏和孩子住进来。他们找房子已经耽误了，到这么晚还没找到，只好接受这样的安排。他们跟她商量租用条件；虽然房租有点超出他们当前的负担能力，也只好答应下来，好在在裘德找到常住寓所之前，一时总能勉强渡过难关。苏租下的是这房子三楼一间背光的屋子，里边有个套间，能安顿下孩子。裘德呆了会儿，喝了杯茶，发现窗户对着另一所学院的后墙，心中为之一喜。他吻罢四个人，就出去买日用品，给自己找落脚地方。
他走了之后，女房东到楼上来，想跟苏谈谈，以便对房客家庭状况有所了解。苏素常胸无城府，不善作伪，在她承认她家遇到困难和过着居处不定的生活之后，冷不防女房东说出下面一句话，令她为之惊愕：
“你的确是结过婚的女人吗？”
苏颇感犹豫，随即在一时冲动之下，未加思索就对那女人说：她跟他丈夫都曾结过婚，不过头一次婚姻都令他们很苦恼，深恐此后若再有第二次婚姻形式的结合，可能重蹈覆辙，终身受害，无从摆脱。尽管他们誓愿毕生厮守在一起，都害怕一纸婚约上的种种条件反而葬送了他们的爱情，所以虽然两三次打算签约，无如委实鼓不起勇气搞那一套。如此这般，她言下自己的确是结了婚的妇女，不过房东不以为然。
那位女主人表情显得尴尬，就下楼了。苏坐在窗前，对着外面的雨出神。有人已经进了房子，一阵响声把她已经安定下来的心情打破了，接着就听见楼下过道里一个男人跟女人说话声音。原来女房东的丈夫回来了，她正对他说明他不在时，她把房客招进来了。
他突然大发雷霆，嗓门一下子大起来：“谁要在家里留这样的女人？也许她就要生孩子！……再说，我不是讲过招没孩子的吗？过厅跟楼梯刚涂过，就得让他们踢来踢去的！你本来该明白嘛，他们这个样儿来，根本不是正派人。我说租给单身汉，你偏招进来一家子。”
妻子做了番解释，但是丈夫大概是固执己见，毫不通融。过会儿，苏门上有人敲了一下，那女人露面了。
“太太，对不起，我想跟你谈一下。”她说。“直说吧，我现在不好再把屋子租给你一个礼拜了。因为我丈夫不赞成，我只好请你们搬出去。你今儿晚上在这儿过夜，我没意见，因为下午到这会儿，也够晚了，不过，我还是想你明儿一大早就走才好！”
苏自然心里有数，她完全有权利住上一个礼拜，可是她不想因此而在那对夫妇间挑起是非，于是表示可以接她的要求一大早走。女房东走后，她又望着窗外。看到雨不下了，她就向大孩子提议，她先把小的哄睡了，然后他们俩出去想法订到明天的住处，免得像今天这样给逼得到处碰壁。
所以她没把裘德刚从车站送来的箱子打开，就跟孩子一块儿出去了，到了几条潮湿的、不过还不叫人难受的街道。苏想到裘德大概正为自己找地方烦心，决定不拿人家通知她搬走的消息去干扰他。孩子给她做伴，她串到东串到西；虽然试了十几家，可是孤军作战，比裘德陪着，运气还糟。没一个人答应第二天给她一间屋子，家家房主人都斜眼睨着这样一个带着孩子，天黑了还找住处的女人。
“我真不该生出来，对不对？”男孩子惶惶不安地说。
苏终于疲惫不堪，只好回到她不受欢迎的地方；反正她在那儿至少可以托庇过夜。裘德在她外出时来过，留下他的地址。因为她知道他现在还很虚弱，所以她坚持原来的决定，不去干扰他，留到明天再说。
收听单词发音 |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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lodgings
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| n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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meekly
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| adv.温顺地，逆来顺受地 | |
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convoy
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| vt.护送，护卫，护航；n.护送；护送队 | |
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qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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presumption
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| n.推测，可能性，冒昧，放肆，[法律]推定 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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tempestuous
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| adj.狂暴的 | |
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awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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futility
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| n.无用 | |
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overcast
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| adj.阴天的，阴暗的，愁闷的；v.遮盖，（使）变暗，包边缝；n.覆盖，阴天 | |
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rumbled
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| 发出隆隆声，发出辘辘声( rumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 轰鸣着缓慢行进； 发现…的真相； 看穿（阴谋） | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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forth
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facade
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| n.(建筑物的)正面，临街正面；外表 | |
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inscription
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| n.（尤指石块上的）刻印文字，铭文，碑文 | |
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carving
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| n.雕刻品，雕花 | |
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frieze
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| n.(墙上的)横饰带，雕带 | |
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masonry
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| n.砖土建筑；砖石 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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assented
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| 同意，赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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creed
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| n.信条；信念，纲领 | |
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entreated
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| 恳求，乞求( entreat的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stimulated
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| a.刺激的 | |
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throng
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| n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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appraise
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| v.估价，评价，鉴定 | |
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hamper
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| vt.妨碍，束缚，限制；n.(有盖的)大篮子 | |
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worthies
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| 应得某事物( worthy的名词复数 )； 值得做某事； 可尊敬的； 有（某人或事物）的典型特征 | |
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ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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illustrate
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| v.举例说明，阐明；图解，加插图 | |
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serenely
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| adv.安详地，宁静地，平静地 | |
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paltry
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| adj.无价值的，微不足道的 | |
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chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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inclinations
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| 倾向( inclination的名词复数 )； 倾斜； 爱好； 斜坡 | |
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privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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swarming
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| 密集( swarm的现在分词 )； 云集； 成群地移动； 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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discoursed
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| 演说（discourse的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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peal
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| n.钟声；v.鸣响 | |
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inaccessible
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| adj.达不到的，难接近的 | |
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wren
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| n.鹪鹩；英国皇家海军女子服务队成员 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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discordant
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| adj.不调和的 | |
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quaint
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| adj.古雅的，离奇有趣的，奇怪的 | |
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busts
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| 半身雕塑像( bust的名词复数 )； 妇女的胸部； 胸围； 突击搜捕 | |
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pallid
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| adj.苍白的，呆板的 | |
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proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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fervidly
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| adv.热情地，激情地 | |
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peals
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| n.（声音大而持续或重复的）洪亮的响声( peal的名词复数 )；隆隆声；洪亮的钟声；钟乐v.（使）（钟等）鸣响，（雷等）发出隆隆声( peal的第三人称单数 ) | |
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oratory
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| n.演讲术；词藻华丽的言辞 | |
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sonorous
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| adj.响亮的，回响的；adv.圆润低沉地；感人地；n.感人，堂皇 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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paralysis
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| n.麻痹(症)；瘫痪(症) | |
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mildew
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| n.发霉；v.（使）发霉 | |
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landlady
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| n.女房东，女地主 | |
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tartly
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| adv.辛辣地，刻薄地 | |
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scrutinized
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| v.仔细检查，详审( scrutinize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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discomfited
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| v.使为难( discomfit的过去式和过去分词)；使狼狈；使挫折；挫败 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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loomed
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| v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的过去式和过去分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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gaols
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| 监狱，拘留所( gaol的名词复数 ) | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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abode
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| n.住处，住所 | |
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prevarication
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| n.支吾；搪塞；说谎；有枝有叶 | |
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impulsively
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| adv.冲动地 | |
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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81
lodgers
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| n.房客，租住者( lodger的名词复数 ) | |
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82
confinement
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| n.幽禁，拘留，监禁；分娩；限制，局限 | |
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83
disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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84
bespeak
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| v.预定；预先请求 | |
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85
unpacking
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| n.取出货物，拆包[箱]v.从（包裹等）中取出（所装的东西），打开行李取出( unpack的现在分词 )；拆包；解除…的负担；吐露（心事等） | |
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86
misgiving
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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