Chapter 22

MAUREEN

 

Frank is Matty's father. It's funny to think that might not be immediately obvious to someone, because it's so obvious to me. I only ever had intercourse² with one man, and I only had intercourse with that one man once, and the one time in my entire life I had intercourse produced Matty. What are the chances, eh? One in a million? One in ten million? I don't know. But of course even one in ten million means that there are a lot of women like me in the world. That's not what you think of, when you think of one in ten million. You don't think, That's a lot of people.

What I've come to realize, over the years, is that we're less protected from bad luck than you could possibly imagine. Because though it doesn't seem fair, having intercourse only the once and ending up with a child who can't walk or talk or even recognize me… Well, fairness doesn't really have much to do with it, does it? You only have to have intercourse the once to produce a child, any child. There are no laws that say, You can only have a child like Matty if you're married, or if you have lots of other children, or if you sleep with lots of different men. There are no laws like that, even though you and I might think there should be. And once you have a child like Matty, you can't help but feel, That's it! That's all my bad luck, a whole lifetime's worth, in one bundle. But I'm not sure luck works like that. Matty wouldn't stop me from getting breast cancer, or from being mugged. You'd think he should, but he can't. In a way, I'm glad I never had another child, a normal one. I'd have needed more guarantees from God than He could have provided.

And anyway, I'm Catholic, so I don't believe in luck as much as I believe in punishment. We're good at believing in punishment; we're the best in the world. I sinned against the Church, and the price you pay for that is Matty. It might seem like a high price to pay, but then, these sins are supposed to mean something, aren't they? So in one way it's hardly surprising that this is what I got. For a long time I was even grateful, because it felt to me as though I were going to be able to redeem³ myself here on Earth, and there'd be no reckoning to be made afterwards. But now I'm not so sure. If the price you have to pay for a sin is so high that you end up wanting to kill yourself and committing an even worse sin, then Someone's done his sums wrong. Someone's overcharging.

I had never hit anyone before, not in the whole of my life, although I'd often wanted to. But that night was different. I was in limbo⁴, somewhere between living and dying, and it felt as if it didn't matter what I did until I went back to the top of Toppers' House again. And that was the first time I realized that I was on a sort of holiday from myself. It made me want to slap him again, just because I could, but I didn't. The once was enough: Chas fell over - more from the shock, I think, than from the force, because I'm not so strong - and then knelt on all fours covering his head with his hands.

I'm sorry,' Chas said.

'For what?' JJ asked him.

'I'm not sure,' he said. 'Whatever.'

'I had a boyfriend like you once,' I told him.

'I'm sorry,' he said again.

'It hurts. It's a horrible thing to do, to have intercourse with someone and then disappear.'

'I can see that now.'

'Can you?'

'I think so.'

'You can't see anything from down there,' said JJ. 'Why don't you get up?'

'I don't really want to be slapped again.'

'Is it fair to say that you're not the bravest man in the world?' JJ asked him.

'There are lots of different ways of showing courage,' said Chas. 'If what you're saying is that I don't set much store by physical bravery… then yes, that's fair. It's overrated, I think.'

'Well, you know, Chas, I think that's kinda brave of you, to show you're so afraid of a small lady like Maureen. I respect your honesty, man. You won't slap him again, will you, Maureen?'

I promised I wouldn't, and Chas got to his feet. It was a strange feeling, watching a man do something because of me.

'Not much of a life, hiding underneath⁵ people's grills⁷, is it?' said JJ.

'No. But I don't really see the alternatives.'

'Howsabout talking to Jess?'

'Oh, no. I'd rather live out here all the time. Seriously. I'm already thinking of relocating, you know,'

'What, to someone else's back yard? Maybe somewhere with a bit of grass?'

'No,' Chas said. 'To Manchester.'

'Listen,' JJ said. 'I know she's scary. That's why you should talk to her now. With us around. We can, you know. Mediate¹. Wouldn't you rather do that than move cities?'

'But what is there to say?'

'Maybe we could work something out. Together. Something that might get her off your back.'

'Like what?'

'I know for a fact she'd marry you if you asked her.'

'Ah, no, you see that's just…'

'I was just kidding around, Chas. Lighten up, man.'

'These aren't, like, lightening-up times. These are dark times.'

'Dark times indeed. What with Jess, and going to Manchester, and living under a grill⁶ and the Twin Towers and everything.'

'Yeah.'

JJ shook his head.

'OK. So what can you tell her that's going to get you out of this f— mess?'

And JJ gave him some things to say, as if he were an actor and we were in a soap.

1 mediate   

vi.调解，斡旋；vt.经调解解决；经斡旋促成

参考例句：

• The state must mediate the struggle for water resources.政府必须通过调解来解决对水资源的争夺。
• They may be able to mediate between parties with different interests.他们也许能在不同利益政党之间进行斡旋。

2 intercourse   

n.性交；交流，交往，交际

参考例句：

• The magazine becomes a cultural medium of intercourse between the two peoples.该杂志成为两民族间文化交流的媒介。
• There was close intercourse between them.他们过往很密。

3 redeem   

v.买回，赎回，挽回，恢复，履行（诺言等）

参考例句：

• He had no way to redeem his furniture out of pawn.他无法赎回典当的家具。
• The eyes redeem the face from ugliness.这双眼睛弥补了他其貌不扬之缺陷。

4 limbo   

n.地狱的边缘；监狱

参考例句：

• His life seemed stuck in limbo and he could not go forward and he could not go back.他的生活好像陷入了不知所措的境地，进退两难。
• I didn't know whether my family was alive or dead.I felt as if I was in limbo.我不知道家人是生是死，感觉自己茫然无措。

5 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

6 grill   

n.烤架，铁格子，烤肉；v.烧，烤，严加盘问

参考例句：

• Put it under the grill for a minute to brown the top.放在烤架下烤一分钟把上面烤成金黄色。
• I'll grill you some mutton.我来给你烤一些羊肉吃。

7 grills   

n.烤架( grill的名词复数 )；（一盘）烤肉；格板；烧烤餐馆v.烧烤( grill的第三人称单数 )；拷问，盘问

参考例句：

• Backyard barbecue grills could be proscribed. 里弄烤肉店会被勒令停业的。 来自辞典例句
• Both side inlets have horizontal grills and incorporate impressive fog lamps. 两侧进气口的水平烤架并纳入令人印象深刻的雾灯。 来自互联网