CHAPTER 12

 And I suppose it is mixed up with all this that I could not make love easily and naturally to Rachel. I could not write love-letters to her. There is a burlesque¹ quality in these scruples², I know, seeing that I was now resolved to marry her, but that is the quality, that is the mixed texture³ of life. We overcome the greater things and are conscience-stricken by the details.

 

I wouldn't, even at the price of losing her—and I was now passionately⁴ anxious not to lose her—use a single phrase of endearment⁵ that did not come out of me almost in spite of myself. At any rate I would not cheat her. And my offer of marriage when at last I sent it to her from Chicago was, as I remember it, almost business-like. I atoned⁶ soon enough for that arid⁷ letter in ten thousand sweet words that came of themselves to my lips. And she paid me at any rate in my own coin when she sent me her answer by cable, the one word "Yes."

 

And indeed I was already in love with her long before I wrote. It was only a dread⁸ of giving her a single undeserved cheapness that had held me back so long. It was that and the perplexity that Mary still gripped my feelings; my old love for her was there in my heart in spite of my new passion for Rachel, it was blackened perhaps and ruined and changed but it was there. It was as if a new crater⁹ burnt now in the ampler circumference¹⁰ of an old volcano, which showed all the more desolate¹¹ and sorrowful and obsolete¹² for the warm light of the new flames....

 

How impatiently I came home! Thoughts of England I had not dared to think for three long years might now do what they would in me. I dreamt of the Surrey Hills and the great woods of Burnmore Park, of the changing skies and stirring soft winds of our grey green Motherland. There was fog in the Irish Sea, and we lost the better part of a day hooting¹³ our way towards Liverpool while I fretted¹⁴ about the ship with all my luggage packed, staring at the grey waters that weltered under the mist. It was the longest day in my life. My heart was full of desire, my eyes ached for the little fields and golden October skies of England, England that was waiting to welcome me back from my exile with such open arms. I was coming home,—home.

 

I hurried through London into Surrey and in my father's study, warned by a telegram, I found a bright-eyed, resolute¹⁵ young woman awaiting me, with the quality about her of one who embarks¹⁶ upon a long premeditated adventure. And I found too a family her sisters and her brother all gladly ready for me, my father too was a happy man, and on the eighth of November in 1906 Rachel and I were married in the little church at Shere. We stayed for a week or so in Hampshire near Ringwood, the season was late that year and the trees still very beautiful; and then we went to Portofino on the Ligurian coast.

 

There presently Gidding joined us and we began to work out the schemes we had made in America, the schemes that now fill my life.

1 burlesque   

v.嘲弄，戏仿；n.嘲弄，取笑，滑稽模仿

参考例句：

• Our comic play was a burlesque of a Shakespearean tragedy.我们的喜剧是对莎士比亚一出悲剧的讽刺性模仿。
• He shouldn't burlesque the elder.他不应模仿那长者。

2 scruples   

n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• I overcame my moral scruples. 我抛开了道德方面的顾虑。
• I'm not ashamed of my scruples about your family. They were natural. 我并未因为对你家人的顾虑而感到羞耻。这种感觉是自然而然的。 来自疯狂英语突破英语语调

3 texture   

n.(织物)质地；(材料)构造；结构；肌理

参考例句：

• We could feel the smooth texture of silk.我们能感觉出丝绸的光滑质地。
• Her skin has a fine texture.她的皮肤细腻。

4 passionately   

ad.热烈地，激烈地

参考例句：

• She could hate as passionately as she could love. 她能恨得咬牙切齿，也能爱得一往情深。
• He was passionately addicted to pop music. 他酷爱流行音乐。

5 endearment   

n.表示亲爱的行为

参考例句：

• This endearment indicated the highest degree of delight in the old cooper.这个称呼是老箍桶匠快乐到了极点的表示。
• To every endearment and attention he continued listless.对于每一种亲爱的表示和每一种的照顾，他一直漫不在意。

6 atoned   

v.补偿，赎（罪）( atone的过去式和过去分词 )；补偿，弥补，赎回

参考例句：

• He atoned for his sin with life. 他以生命赎罪。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• She had atoned for everything by the sacrifice she had made of her life. 她用牺牲生命来抵偿了一切。 来自辞典例句

7 arid   

adj.干旱的；(土地)贫瘠的

参考例句：

• These trees will shield off arid winds and protect the fields.这些树能挡住旱风,保护农田。
• There are serious problems of land degradation in some arid zones.在一些干旱地带存在严重的土地退化问题。

8 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

9 crater   

n.火山口，弹坑

参考例句：

• With a telescope you can see the huge crater of Ve-suvius.用望远镜你能看到巨大的维苏威火山口。
• They came to the lip of a dead crater.他们来到了一个死火山口。

10 circumference   

n.圆周，周长，圆周线

参考例句：

• It's a mile round the circumference of the field.运动场周长一英里。
• The diameter and the circumference of a circle correlate.圆的直径与圆周有相互关系。

11 desolate   

adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂

参考例句：

• The city was burned into a desolate waste.那座城市被烧成一片废墟。
• We all felt absolutely desolate when she left.她走后，我们都觉得万分孤寂。

12 obsolete   

adj.已废弃的，过时的

参考例句：

• These goods are obsolete and will not fetch much on the market.这些货品过时了，在市场上卖不了高价。
• They tried to hammer obsolete ideas into the young people's heads.他们竭力把陈旧思想灌输给青年。

13 hooting   

（使）作汽笛声响，作汽车喇叭声( hoot的现在分词 )； 倒好儿； 倒彩

参考例句：

• He had the audience hooting with laughter . 他令观众哄堂大笑。
• The owl was hooting. 猫头鹰在叫。

14 fretted   

焦躁的，附有弦马的，腐蚀的

参考例句：

• The wind whistled through the twigs and fretted the occasional, dirty-looking crocuses. 寒风穿过枯枝，有时把发脏的藏红花吹刮跑了。 来自英汉文学
• The lady's fame for hitting the mark fretted him. 这位太太看问题深刻的名声在折磨着他。

15 resolute   

adj.坚决的，果敢的

参考例句：

• He was resolute in carrying out his plan.他坚决地实行他的计划。
• The Egyptians offered resolute resistance to the aggressors.埃及人对侵略者作出坚决的反抗。

16 embarks   

乘船( embark的第三人称单数 )； 装载； 从事

参考例句：

• Patricia is a free-spirited girl who embarks on an erotic odyssey. 翠茜亚是个任性少女、毅然踏上一次性爱之旅。
• Passenger train driver: Punctually embarks. 客车司机：准时出发。