The river was stretched more widely before them. The sun played on its yellow wavelets so that they shone with a glitter of gold. A tug2 grunted3 past with a long tail of barges4, and a huge East Indiaman glided5 noiselessly by. In the late afternoon there was over the scene an old-time air of ease and spaciousness6. The stately flood carried the mind away, so that the onlooker7 followed it in thought, and went down, as it broadened, with its crowd of traffic, till presently a sea-smell reached the nostrils8, and the river, ever majestic9, flowed into the sea. And the ships went east and west and south, bearing their merchandise to the uttermost parts of the earth, to southern, summer lands of palm-trees and dark-skinned peoples, bearing the name and wealth of England. The Thames became an emblem10 of the power of the mighty11 empire, and those who watched felt stronger in its strength, and proud of their name and of the undiminished glory of their race.
But Gerald looked sadly.
“In a very little while it must take me away from you, Bertha.”
“But think of the freedom and the vastness. Sometimes in England one seems oppressed by the lack of room; one can hardly breathe.”
“It’s the thought of leaving you.”
She put her hand on his arm caressingly12; and then, to take him from his sadness, suggested that they should walk.
Greenwich is half London, half country town; and the unexpected union gives it a peculiar13 fascination14. If the wharves15 and docks of London still preserve the spirit of Charles Dickens, here it is the happy breeziness of Captain Marryat which fills the imagination. Those tales of a freer life and of the sea-breezes come back amid the gray streets, still peopled with the vivid characters of Poor Jack16. In the park, by the side of the labourers, navvies from the neighboring docks, asleep on the grass, or watching the boys play a primitive17 cricket, may be seen fantastic old persons who would have delighted the grotesque18 pen of the seaman-novelist.
Bertha and Gerald sat beneath the trees, looking at the people, till it grew late, and then wandered back to the Ship for dinner. It amused them immensely to sit in the old coffee-room and be waited on by a black waiter, who extolled19 absurdly the various dishes.
“It takes all the fun away if one counts the cost.”
“Well, for once let us be foolish and forget the morrow.”
And they drank champagne21, which to women and boys is the acme22 of dissipation and magnificence. Presently Gerald’s green eyes flashed more brightly, and Bertha reddened before their ardent23 gaze.
“I shall never forget to-day, Bertha,” said Gerald. “As long as I live I shall look back upon it with regret.”
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
Bertha laughed, showing her exquisite25 teeth, and was glad that her own knowledge told her she looked her best.
“But come on the terrace again and smoke there. We’ll watch the sunset.”
They sat alone, and the sun was already sinking. The heavy western clouds were a rich and vivid red, and over the river the bricks and mortar26 stood out in ink-black masses. It was a sunset that singularly fitted the scene, combining in audacious colour with the river’s strength. The murky27 wavelets danced like little flames of fire.
Bertha and the youth sat silently, very happy, but with the regret gnawing28 at their hearts that their hour of joy would have no morrow. The night fell, and one by one the stars shone out. The river flowed noiselessly, restfully; and around them twinkled the lights of the riverside towns. They did not speak, but Bertha knew the boy thought of her, and desired to hear him say so.
“What are you thinking of, Gerald?”
“What should I be thinking of, but you—and that I must leave you.”
Bertha could not help the exquisite pleasure that his words gave: it was so delicious to be really loved, and she knew his love was real. She turned her face, so that he saw her dark eyes, darker in the night.
“I wish I hadn’t made a fool of myself before,” he whispered. “I feel it was all horrible; you’ve made me so ashamed.”
“Oh, Gerald, you’re not remembering what I said the other day? I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been so sorry ever since.”
“I wish you loved me. Oh, Bertha, don’t stop me now. I’ve kept it in so long, and I can’t any more. I don’t want to go away without telling you.”
“Oh, my dear Gerald, don’t,” said Bertha, her voice almost breaking. “It’s no good, and we shall both be dreadfully unhappy. My dear, you don’t know how much older I am than you. Even if I wasn’t married, it would be impossible for us to love one another.”
“But I love you with all my heart.”
He seized her hands and pressed them, and she made no effort to resist.
“Don’t you love me at all?” he asked.
Bertha did not answer, and he bent29 nearer to look into her eyes. Then leaving her hands, he flung his arms about her and pressed her to his heart.
“Bertha, Bertha!” He kissed her passionately30. “Oh, Bertha, say you love me. It would make me so happy.”
“My dearest,” she whispered, and taking his head in her hand, she kissed him.
But the kiss that she had received fired her blood and she could not resist now from doing as she had wished. She kissed him on the lips, and on the eyes, and she kissed his curly hair. But at last she tore herself away, and sprang to her feet.
“What fools we are! Let’s go to the station, Gerald; it’s growing late.”
“Oh, Bertha, don’t go yet.”
“We must. I daren’t stay.”
He tried to take her in his arms, begging her eagerly to remain.
“Please don’t, Gerald,” she said. “Don’t ask me, you make me too unhappy. Don’t you see how hopeless it is? What is the use of our loving one another? You’re going away in a week and we shall never meet again. And even if you were staying, I’m married and I’m twenty-six and you’re only nineteen. My dearest, we should only make ourselves ridiculous.”
“But I can’t go away. What do I care if you’re older than I? And it’s nothing if you’re married: you don’t care for your husband and he doesn’t care two straws for you.”
“How do you know?”
“Oh, I saw it. I felt so sorry for you.”
“You dear boy!” murmured Bertha, almost crying. “I’ve been dreadfully unhappy. It’s true, Edward never loved me—and he didn’t treat me very well. Oh, I can’t understand how I ever cared for him.”
“I’m glad.”
“I would never allow myself to fall in love again. I suffered too much.”
“But I love you with all my heart, Bertha; don’t you see it? Oh, this isn’t like what I’ve felt before; it’s something quite new and different. I can’t live without you, Bertha. Oh, let me stay.”
“It’s impossible. Come away now, dearest; we’ve been here too long.”
“Kiss me again.”
Bertha, half smiling, half in tears, put her arms round his neck and kissed the soft, boyish lips.
“You are good to me,” he whispered.
Then they walked to the station in silence; and eventually reached Chelsea. At the flat-door Bertha held out her hand and Gerald looked at her with a sadness that almost broke her heart, then he just touched her fingers and turned away.
But when Bertha was alone in her room, she threw herself down and burst into tears. For she knew at last that she loved him; Gerald’s kisses still burned on her lips and the touch of his hands was tremulous on her arms. Suddenly she knew that she had deceived herself; it was more than friendship that held her heart as in a vice31; it was more than affection; it was eager, vehement32 love.
For a moment she was overjoyed, but quickly remembered that she was married, that she was years older than he—to a boy nineteen a women of twenty-six must appear almost middle-aged33. She seized a glass and looked at herself; she took it to the light so that the test might be more searching, and scrutinised her face for wrinkles and for crow’s feet, the signs of departing youth.
“It’s absurd,” she said. “I’m making an utter fool of myself.”
Gerald only thought he loved her, in a week he would be enamoured of some girl he met on the steamer. But thinking of his love, Bertha could not doubt that now at all events it was real; she knew better than any one what love was. She exulted34 to think that his was the real love, and compared it with her husband’s pallid35 flame. Gerald loved her with all his heart, with all his soul; he trembled with desire at her touch and his passion was an agony that blanched36 his cheek. She could not mistake the eager longing37 of his eyes. Ah, that was the love she wanted—the love that kills and the love that engenders38. How could she regret that he loved her? She stood up, stretching out her arms in triumph, and in the empty room, her lips formed the words—
“Come, my beloved, come—for I love you!”
But the morning brought an intolerable depression. Bertha saw then the utter futility39 of her love: her marriage, his departure, made it impossible; the disparity of age made it even grotesque. But she could not dull the aching of her heart, she could not stop her tears.
Gerald arrived at midday and found her alone. He approached almost timidly.
“You’ve been crying, Bertha.”
“I’ve been very unhappy,” she said. “Oh, please, Gerald, forget our idiocy40 of yesterday. Don’t say anything to me that I mustn’t hear.”
“I can’t help loving you.”
“Don’t you see that it’s all utter madness!”
She was angry with herself for loving him, angry with Gerald because he had aroused in her a passion that made her despise herself. It seemed horrible and unnatural41 that she should be willing to throw herself into the arms of a dissolute boy, and it lowered her in her own estimation. He caught the expression of her eyes, and something of its meaning.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that, Bertha. You look as if you almost hated me.”
She answered gravely, “I love you with all my heart, Gerald; and I’m ashamed.”
“How can you!” he cried, with such pain in his voice that Bertha could not bear it.
“The whole thing is awful,” she groaned42. “For God’s sake let us try to forget it. I’ve only succeeded in making you entirely43 wretched. The only remedy is to part quickly.”
“I can’t leave you, Bertha. Let me stay.”
“It’s impossible. You must go, now more than ever.”
They were interrupted by the appearance of Miss Ley, who began to talk; but to her surprise neither Bertha nor Gerald showed their usual vivacity44.
“What is the matter with you both to-day?” she asked. “You’re unusually attentive45 to my observations.”
“I’m rather tired,” said Bertha, “and I have a headache.”
Miss Ley looked at Bertha more closely, and fancied that she had been crying; Gerald also seemed profoundly miserable. Surely.... Then the truth dawned upon her, and she could hardly repress her astonishment46.
“Good Heavens!” she thought, “I must have been blind. How lucky he’s going in a week!”
Miss Ley now remembered a dozen occurrences which had escaped her notice, and was absolutely confounded.
“Upon my word,” she thought, “I don’t believe you can put a woman of seventy for five minutes in company of a boy of fourteen without their getting into mischief47.”
The week to Gerald and to Bertha passed with terrible quickness. They scarcely had a moment alone, for Miss Ley, under pretence48 of making much of her nephew, arranged little pleasure parties, so that all three might be continually together.
“We must spoil you a little before you go; and the harm it does you will be put right by the rocking of the boat.”
And though Bertha was in a torment49, she had strength to avoid any further encounter with Gerald. She dared not see him alone, and was grateful to Miss Ley for putting obstacles in the way. She knew that her love was impossible, but also that it was beyond control. It made her completely despise herself. Bertha had been a little proud of her uprightness, of her liberty from any degrading emotion. And that other love to her husband had been such an intolerable slavery, that when it died away the sense of freedom seemed the most delicious thing in life. She had vowed50 that never under any circumstance would she expose herself to the suffering that she had once endured. But this new passion had taken her unawares, and before she knew the danger Bertha found herself bound and imprisoned51. She tried to reason away the infatuation, but without advantage; Gerald was never absent from her thoughts. Love had come upon her like the sudden madness with which the gods of old afflicted52 those that had incensed53 them. It was an insane fire in the blood, irresistible54 for all the horror it aroused, as that passion which distracted Phædra for Theseus’ son.
The temptation came to bid Gerald stay. If he remained in England they might give rein55 to their passion and let it die of itself; and that might be the only way to kill it. Yet Bertha dared not. And it was terrible to think that he loved her, and she must continually distress56 him. She looked into his eyes, fancying she saw there the grief of a breaking heart; and his sorrow was more than she could bear. Then a greater temptation beset57 her. There is one way in which a woman can bind58 a man to her for ever, there is one tie that is indissoluble; her very flesh cried out, and she trembled at the thought that she could give Gerald the inestimable gift of her person. Then he might go, but that would have passed between them which could not be undone59; they might be separated by ten thousand miles, but they would always be joined together. How else could she prove to him her wonderful love, how else could she show her immeasurable gratitude60? The temptation was mighty, incessantly61 recurring62; and she was very weak. It assailed63 her with all the violence of her fervid64 imagination. She drove it away with anger, she loathed65 it with all her heart—but she could not stifle66 the appalling67 hope that it might prove too strong.
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收听单词发音
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1
animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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2
tug
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| v.用力拖(或拉)；苦干；n.拖；苦干；拖船 | |
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3
grunted
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| （猪等）作呼噜声( grunt的过去式和过去分词 )； （指人）发出类似的哼声； 咕哝着说 | |
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barges
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| 驳船( barge的名词复数 ) | |
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5
glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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spaciousness
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| n.宽敞 | |
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onlooker
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| n.旁观者，观众 | |
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8
nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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9
majestic
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| adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的 | |
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10
emblem
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| n.象征，标志；徽章 | |
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11
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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caressingly
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| 爱抚地，亲切地 | |
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13
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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14
fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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15
wharves
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| n.码头，停泊处( wharf的名词复数 ) | |
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16
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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17
primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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18
grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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19
extolled
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| v.赞颂，赞扬，赞美( extol的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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20
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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champagne
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| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
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acme
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| n.顶点，极点 | |
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ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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24
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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25
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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26
mortar
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| n.灰浆，灰泥；迫击炮；v.把…用灰浆涂接合 | |
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27
murky
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| adj.黑暗的，朦胧的；adv.阴暗地，混浊地；n.阴暗；昏暗 | |
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28
gnawing
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| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
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29
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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30
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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31
vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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32
vehement
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| adj.感情强烈的；热烈的；(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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33
middle-aged
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| adj.中年的 | |
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34
exulted
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| 狂喜，欢跃( exult的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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35
pallid
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| adj.苍白的，呆板的 | |
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36
blanched
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| v.使变白( blanch的过去式 )；使（植物）不见阳光而变白；酸洗（金属）使有光泽；用沸水烫（杏仁等）以便去皮 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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38
engenders
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| v.产生（某形势或状况），造成，引起( engender的第三人称单数 ) | |
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39
futility
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| n.无用 | |
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40
idiocy
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| n.愚蠢 | |
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41
unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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42
groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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43
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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44
vivacity
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| n.快活，活泼，精神充沛 | |
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45
attentive
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| adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的 | |
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46
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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47
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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48
pretence
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| n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰 | |
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49
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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50
vowed
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| 起誓，发誓（vow的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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51
imprisoned
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| 下狱，监禁( imprison的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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52
afflicted
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| 使受痛苦，折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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53
incensed
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| 盛怒的 | |
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54
irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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55
rein
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| n.疆绳，统治，支配；vt.以僵绳控制，统治 | |
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56
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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57
beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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58
bind
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| vt.捆，包扎；装订；约束；使凝固；vi.变硬 | |
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59
undone
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| a.未做完的，未完成的 | |
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60
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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61
incessantly
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| ad.不停地 | |
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62
recurring
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| adj.往复的，再次发生的 | |
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63
assailed
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| v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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64
fervid
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| adj.热情的；炽热的 | |
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65
loathed
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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66
stifle
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| vt.使窒息；闷死；扼杀；抑止，阻止 | |
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67
appalling
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| adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的 | |
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