VIII Philosophy of the Grey-haired

 The evening and all Lilian's emotions seemed to start afresh. The look of the restaurant was changed. The tables had been cleared of the grosser apparatus¹ of eating, and showed white cloths with only white plates, fruit, small glasses, small cups, ash-trays. Most of the waiters had vanished; the remainder stood aside, moveless, inobtrusive, watchful². The diners had abandoned themselves to intimacy³ or the sweet coma⁴ of digestion⁵. Some talked rather loudly, others in a murmur⁶. Women leaned back, or put their elbows on the table, letting cigarette smoke float upwards⁷ across their eyes. A few tables were already deserted⁸, and the purity of their emptiness seemed bafflingly to demonstrate that events may happen and leave behind absolutely no trace. Without consulting Lilian Mr. Grig gave an order and two small glasses were slowly filled to the brim with a green liquid. Lilian recognized it for the very symbol of delicate licence. She was afraid to sip⁹, lest she might be disillusioned¹⁰ concerning it, and also lest the drinking of it might malignly¹¹ hasten the moment of departure of the last train for Brighton.

 

Mr. Grig was of those who murmured. His wrists lay one over the other on the table and his face was over the table; and it seemed strange, so low and even was his speech, that Lilian could catch every word, as she did. The people at the next table could have heard nothing. All the animation¹² and variety were in his features, none in his tone. He had been telling her about Brighton. He saw the town of Brighton as a living, developing whole, discussing it as a single organism, showing how its evolution was still in active process, and making the small group of men who were exploiting it and directing it appear like creative giants and the mass of inhabitants like midgets utterly¹³ unconscious of their own manipulation. And in his account of the vast affair there was no right and no wrong; there were merely the dark aims and the resolution of the giants determined¹⁴ to wax in power and to imprint¹⁵ themselves on the municipality. Lilian had never heard such revealing talk; she could not follow all of it, but she was fascinated, wonderstruck; profoundly impressed by the quality of the brain opposite to her and the contemptibleness of her own ignorance of life; amazed and enraptured¹⁶ that this brain could be interested in herself. Mr. Grig related the story of the middle-aged¹⁷ proprietor¹⁸ of one of the chief hotels who had married a young wife.

 

"He had broken up his family, and the family is the real unit of society--and there was no need for it! No need at all! But then, you see, he'd never had time in his existence to understand that a middle-aged man who has already had experience of marriage and marries a girl young enough to be his daughter is either a coward or a fool or without taste. He would only do it because he's mad for her, and that's the very reason for not doing it. When romance comes in that way it wants the sauce of secrecy¹⁹ and plotting--the double life, and so on. The feeling of naughtiness--naughtiness is simply a marvellous feeling; you must sometimes have guessed that, haven't you?--perversity, doing society in the eye. It's a continual excitement. Of course, it needs cleverness on both sides. You haven't got to be clumsy over it. The woman runs risks, but nothing to the risks she'd run in marriage. And if the thing dies out in her, and they haven't been clumsy, she's free as air to start again. She's got her experience gratis²⁰, and there's a mysterious flavour about her that's nearly the most enticing²¹ flavour on earth. Naturally people will talk. Let 'em. No harm in rumour²². In fact, the more rumour the better." He went on with no pause. "You've not looked at me for about five hours. Look at me now and tell me you're disgusted. Tell me you're frightened."

 

She lifted her eyes and gazed at him for a few seconds, not smiling. Her skin tingled²³ and crept. Then she sipped²⁴ the crême de menthe and at first it tasted just like water.

 

"A woman wants making. Only a man can make a woman. She has to be formed. She can't do it herself. A young man may be able to do it, but he's like a teacher who swots up the night before what he has to teach the next day. And he's a fearful bungler²⁵, besides being cruel--unconsciously. Whereas an older man, a much older man--he knows! It's a unique chance for both of them. She has so much to give, and she has so much to learn. It's a fair bargain. Perhaps the woman has a little the best of it. Because after all she loses nothing that it isn't her business to lose--and the man may--well, he may kill himself. And the chance for a clever girl to be 'made' without any clumsiness! What a chance! ... Well, I won't say which of 'em has the best of it.... I'm speaking impartially²⁶. If you live to be as old as Ninon de l'Enclos you'll never meet a more honest man than I am."

 

Lilian felt intoxicated²⁷, but not with the Burgundy nor with the crême de menthe. Rather with sudden fresh air. She thought: "Be careful! Be careful! You aren't yourself. Something queer's come over you." She was not happy. She was alarmed. Once before she had been alarmed by herself, but this time she was really alarmed. She was glad that she had always despised boys of her own age. What did Mr. Grig mean by saying that a man might kill himself? She didn't know.... Yes, she knew.... She saw clearly that a woman must be formed by a man, and that until she was formed she would not be worthy²⁸ of herself. She longed ardently²⁹ to be formed. As she stood she was futile³⁰. She could exercise no initiative, make use of no opportunities; and her best wisdom was to remain negative--in order to avoid mistakes. Something that looked like a woman but wasn't one. She had the intelligence to realize how insipid³¹ she was. Ambition surged through her anew and with fresh power.

 

Mr. Grig drove her home, and the taxi was a little dark vibrating room in which they were alone together, and safe from all scrutiny³². She was painfully constrained³³.

 

"Yes," said Mr. Grig, after an interminable silence. "My sister was quite right."

 

"What about?" Lilian asked in a child's voice.

 

"I'm in love. What are you going to do about it?" He turned his head impulsively³⁴ towards her, gazed at her in the dim twilight³⁵ of the taxi, and then kissed her. In spite of herself she yearned³⁶ to give, and the yearning³⁷ thrilled her.

 

"Please! Please!" she murmured in modest, gentle, passive protest.

 

Another pause.

 

"I shall write to you to-morrow," he said. "In the meantime, believe me, you're entirely³⁸ marvellous." He was looking straight in front of him at the driver's shaggy shoulders. That was all that occurred, except the handshake.

 

When she let herself into the house the servant was just going upstairs to bed, after her usual sixteen-hour day.

 

"So you're back, miss."

 

"No!" thought Lilian. "It's somebody else that's come back. The girl you mean will never come back."

 

1 apparatus   

n.装置，器械；器具，设备

参考例句：

• The school's audio apparatus includes films and records.学校的视听设备包括放映机和录音机。
• They had a very refined apparatus.他们有一套非常精良的设备。

2 watchful   

adj.注意的，警惕的

参考例句：

• The children played under the watchful eye of their father.孩子们在父亲的小心照看下玩耍。
• It is important that health organizations remain watchful.卫生组织保持警惕是极为重要的。

3 intimacy   

n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行

参考例句：

• His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切，这有点言过其实。
• I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。

4 coma   

n.昏迷，昏迷状态

参考例句：

• The patient rallied from the coma.病人从昏迷中苏醒过来。
• She went into a coma after swallowing a whole bottle of sleeping pills.她吃了一整瓶安眠药后就昏迷过去了。

5 digestion   

n.消化，吸收

参考例句：

• This kind of tea acts as an aid to digestion.这种茶可助消化。
• This food is easy of digestion.这食物容易消化。

6 murmur   

n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言

参考例句：

• They paid the extra taxes without a murmur.他们毫无怨言地交了附加税。
• There was a low murmur of conversation in the hall.大厅里有窃窃私语声。

7 upwards   

adv.向上，在更高处...以上

参考例句：

• The trend of prices is still upwards.物价的趋向是仍在上涨。
• The smoke rose straight upwards.烟一直向上升。

8 deserted   

adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的

参考例句：

• The deserted village was filled with a deathly silence.这个荒废的村庄死一般的寂静。
• The enemy chieftain was opposed and deserted by his followers.敌人头目众叛亲离。

9 sip   

v.小口地喝，抿，呷；n.一小口的量

参考例句：

• She took a sip of the cocktail.她啜饮一口鸡尾酒。
• Elizabeth took a sip of the hot coffee.伊丽莎白呷了一口热咖啡。

10 disillusioned   

a.不再抱幻想的，大失所望的，幻想破灭的

参考例句：

• I soon became disillusioned with the job. 我不久便对这个工作不再抱幻想了。
• Many people who are disillusioned in reality assimilate life to a dream. 许多对现实失望的人把人生比作一场梦。

11 malignly   

污蔑，诽谤； 中伤，说坏话

参考例句：

• Your behaviours exercised a malign influence on the children. 你的行为对孩子们产生了不良的影响。
• Malign fate had broken their necks, perhaps, but never their hearts. 致命的厄运有时期断了他们的头颈，但从不曾扼杀他们的勇气。

12 animation   

n.活泼，兴奋，卡通片／动画片的制作

参考例句：

• They are full of animation as they talked about their childhood.当他们谈及童年的往事时都非常兴奋。
• The animation of China made a great progress.中国的卡通片制作取得很大发展。

13 utterly   

adv.完全地，绝对地

参考例句：

• Utterly devoted to the people,he gave his life in saving his patients.他忠于人民，把毕生精力用于挽救患者的生命。
• I was utterly ravished by the way she smiled.她的微笑使我完全陶醉了。

14 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

15 imprint   

n.印痕，痕迹；深刻的印象；vt.压印，牢记

参考例句：

• That dictionary is published under the Longman imprint.那本词典以朗曼公司的名义出版。
• Her speech left its imprint on me.她的演讲给我留下了深刻印象。

16 enraptured   

v.使狂喜( enrapture的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He was enraptured that she had smiled at him. 她对他的微笑使他心荡神驰。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• They were enraptured to meet the great singer. 他们和大名鼎鼎的歌手见面，欣喜若狂。 来自《简明英汉词典》

17 middle-aged   

adj.中年的

参考例句：

• I noticed two middle-aged passengers.我注意到两个中年乘客。
• The new skin balm was welcome by middle-aged women.这种新护肤香膏受到了中年妇女的欢迎。

18 proprietor   

n.所有人；业主；经营者

参考例句：

• The proprietor was an old acquaintance of his.业主是他的一位旧相识。
• The proprietor of the corner grocery was a strange thing in my life.拐角杂货店店主是我生活中的一个怪物。

19 secrecy   

n.秘密，保密，隐蔽

参考例句：

• All the researchers on the project are sworn to secrecy.该项目的所有研究人员都按要求起誓保守秘密。
• Complete secrecy surrounded the meeting.会议在绝对机密的环境中进行。

20 gratis   

adj.免费的

参考例句：

• David gives the first consultation gratis.戴维免费提供初次咨询。
• The service was gratis to graduates.这项服务对毕业生是免费的。

21 enticing   

adj.迷人的；诱人的

参考例句：

• The offer was too enticing to refuse. 这提议太有诱惑力，使人难以拒绝。
• Her neck was short but rounded and her arms plump and enticing. 她的脖子短，但浑圆可爱；两臂丰腴，也很动人。

22 rumour   

n.谣言，谣传，传闻

参考例句：

• I should like to know who put that rumour about.我想知道是谁散布了那谣言。
• There has been a rumour mill on him for years.几年来，一直有谣言产生，对他进行中伤。

23 tingled   

v.有刺痛感( tingle的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• My cheeks tingled with the cold. 我的脸颊冻得有点刺痛。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The crowd tingled with excitement. 群众大为兴奋。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

24 sipped   

v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He sipped his coffee pleasurably. 他怡然地品味着咖啡。
• I sipped the hot chocolate she had made. 我小口喝着她调制的巧克力热饮。 来自辞典例句

25 Bungler   

n.笨拙者，经验不够的人

参考例句：

• The critics were down on the author as an absurd bungler. 评论家把那位作家攻击为荒谬的拙劣作者。 来自互联网
• Compared with him, I am a bungler. 与他相比，我只能算是一个笨拙的人。 来自互联网

26 impartially   

adv.公平地，无私地

参考例句：

• Employers must consider all candidates impartially and without bias. 雇主必须公平而毫无成见地考虑所有求职者。
• We hope that they're going to administer justice impartially. 我们希望他们能主持正义，不偏不倚。

27 intoxicated   

喝醉的，极其兴奋的

参考例句：

• She was intoxicated with success. 她为成功所陶醉。
• They became deeply intoxicated and totally disoriented. 他们酩酊大醉，东南西北全然不辨。

28 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

29 ardently   

adv.热心地，热烈地

参考例句：

• The preacher is disserveing the very religion in which he ardently believe. 那传教士在损害他所热烈信奉的宗教。 来自辞典例句
• However ardently they love, however intimate their union, they are never one. 无论他们的相爱多么热烈，无论他们的关系多么亲密，他们决不可能合而为一。 来自辞典例句

30 futile   

adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的

参考例句：

• They were killed,to the last man,in a futile attack.因为进攻失败，他们全部被杀，无一幸免。
• Their efforts to revive him were futile.他们对他抢救无效。

31 insipid   

adj.无味的，枯燥乏味的，单调的

参考例句：

• The food was rather insipid and needed gingering up.这食物缺少味道，需要加点作料。
• She said she was a good cook,but the food she cooked is insipid.她说她是个好厨师，但她做的食物却是无味道的。

32 scrutiny   

n.详细检查，仔细观察

参考例句：

• His work looks all right,but it will not bear scrutiny.他的工作似乎很好，但是经不起仔细检查。
• Few wives in their forties can weather such a scrutiny.很少年过四十的妻子经得起这么仔细的观察。

33 constrained   

adj.束缚的,节制的

参考例句：

• The evidence was so compelling that he felt constrained to accept it. 证据是那样的令人折服，他觉得不得不接受。
• I feel constrained to write and ask for your forgiveness. 我不得不写信请你原谅。

34 impulsively   

adv.冲动地

参考例句：

• She leant forward and kissed him impulsively. 她倾身向前，感情冲动地吻了他。
• Every good, true, vigorous feeling I had gathered came impulsively round him. 我的一切良好、真诚而又强烈的感情都紧紧围绕着他涌现出来。

35 twilight   

n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期

参考例句：

• Twilight merged into darkness.夕阳的光辉融于黑暗中。
• Twilight was sweet with the smell of lilac and freshly turned earth.薄暮充满紫丁香和新翻耕的泥土的香味。

36 yearned   

渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The people yearned for peace. 人民渴望和平。
• She yearned to go back to the south. 她渴望回到南方去。

37 yearning   

a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的

参考例句：

• a yearning for a quiet life 对宁静生活的向往
• He felt a great yearning after his old job. 他对过去的工作有一种强烈的渴想。

38 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。