For Ramuntcho, this first week of mourning had been occupied by the thousand details that rock sorrow. Proud also, he had desired that all should be done in a luxurious3 manner, according to the old usages of the parish. His mother had been buried in a coffin4 of black velvet5 ornamented6 with silver nails. Then, there had been mortuary masses, attended by the neighbors in long capes7, the women enveloped8 and hooded9 with black. And all this represented a great deal of expense for him, who was poor.
Of the sum given formerly10, at the time of his birth, by his unknown father, little remained, the greater part having been lost through unfaithful bankers. And now, he would have to quit the house, sell the dear familiar furniture, realize the most money possible for the flight to America—
This time, he returned home peculiarly disturbed, because he was to do a thing, postponed11 from day to day, about which his conscience was not at rest. He had already examined, picked out, all that belonged to his mother; but the box containing her papers and her letters was still intact—and to-night he would open it, perhaps.
He was not sure that death, as many persons think, gives the right to those who remain to read letters, to penetrate12 the secrets of those who have just gone. To burn without looking seemed to him more respectful, more honest. But it was also to destroy forever the means of discovering the one whose abandoned son he was.—Then what should he do?—And from whom could he take advice, since he had no one in the world?
In the large chimney he lit the evening fire: then he got from an upper room the disquieting13 box, placed it on a table near the fire, beside his lamp, and sat down to reflect again. In the face of these papers, almost sacred, almost prohibited, which he would touch and which death alone could have placed in his hands, he had in this moment the consciousness, in a more heartbreaking manner, of the irrevocable departure of his mother; tears returned to him and he wept there, alone, in the silence—
At last he opened the box—
His arteries14 beat heavily. Under the surrounding trees, in the obscure solitude15, he felt that forms were moving, to look at him through the window-panes. He felt breaths strange to his own chest, as if some one was breathing behind him. Shades assembled, interested in what he was about to do.—The house was crowded with phantoms—
They were letters, preserved there for more than twenty years, all in the same handwriting,—one of those handwritings, at once negligent16 and easy, which men of the world have and which, in the eyes of the simple minded, are an indication of great social difference. And at first, a vague dream of protection, of elevation17 and of wealth diverted the course of his thoughts.—He had no doubt about the hand which had written them, those letters, and he held them tremblingly, not daring to read them, nor even to look at the name with which they were signed.
One only had retained its envelope; then he read the address: “To Madame Franchita Duval.”—Oh! yes, he remembered having heard that his mother, at the time of her disappearance18 from the Basque country, had taken that name for a while.—Following this, was an indication of street and number, which it pained him to read without his being able to understand why, which made the blood come to his cheeks; then the name of that large city, wherein he was born.—With fixed19 eyes, he stayed there, looking no longer.—And suddenly, he had the horrible vision of that clandestine20 establishment: in a suburban21 apartment, his mother, young, elegant, mistress of some rich idler, or of some officer perhaps!—In the regiment22 he had known some of these establishments, which doubtless are all alike, and he had found in them for himself unexpected adventures.—A dizziness seized him, to catch a glimpse thus under a new aspect of the one whom he had venerated23 so much; the dear past faltered24 behind him, as if to fall into a desolating25 abyss. And his despair turned into a sudden execration26 for the one who had given life to him through a caprice—
Oh! to burn them, to burn them as quickly as possible, these letters of misfortune!—And he began to throw them one by one into the fire, where they were consumed by sudden flames.
A photograph, however, came out of them, fell on the floor; then he could not refrain from taking it to the lamp to see it.
And his impression was heart-rending, during the few seconds when his eyes met the half effaced27 ones of the yellowed image!—It resembled him!—He found, with profound fear, something of himself in the unknown. And instinctively28 he turned round, asking himself if the spectres in the obscure corners had not come near behind him to look also.
It had hardly an appreciable29 duration, that silent interview, unique and supreme30, with his father. To the fire also, the image! He threw it, with a gesture of anger and of terror, among the ashes of the last letters, and all left soon only a little mass of black dust, extinguishing the clear flames of the branches.
Finished! The box was empty. He threw on the floor his cap which gave him a headache, and straightened himself, with perspiration31 on his forehead and a buzzing at the temples.
Finished! Annihilated32, all these memories of sin and of shame. And now the things of life appeared to him to regain33 their former balance; he regained34 his soft veneration35 for his mother, whose memory it seemed to him he had purified, avenged36 also a little, by this disdainful execution.
Therefore, his destiny had been fixed to-night forever. He would remain the Ramuntcho of other times, the “son of Franchita,” player of pelota and smuggler37, free, freed from everything, owing nothing to and asking nothing from anybody. And he felt serene, without remorse, without fright, either, in this mortuary house, from which the shades had just disappeared, peaceful now and friendly—
点击收听单词发音
1 deserted | |
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
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2 scattered | |
adj.分散的,稀疏的;散步的;疏疏落落的 | |
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3 luxurious | |
adj.精美而昂贵的;豪华的 | |
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4 coffin | |
n.棺材,灵柩 | |
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5 velvet | |
n.丝绒,天鹅绒;adj.丝绒制的,柔软的 | |
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6 ornamented | |
adj.花式字体的v.装饰,点缀,美化( ornament的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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7 capes | |
碎谷; 斗篷( cape的名词复数 ); 披肩; 海角; 岬 | |
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8 enveloped | |
v.包围,笼罩,包住( envelop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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9 hooded | |
adj.戴头巾的;有罩盖的;颈部因肋骨运动而膨胀的 | |
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10 formerly | |
adv.从前,以前 | |
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11 postponed | |
vt.& vi.延期,缓办,(使)延迟vt.把…放在次要地位;[语]把…放在后面(或句尾)vi.(疟疾等)延缓发作(或复发) | |
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12 penetrate | |
v.透(渗)入;刺入,刺穿;洞察,了解 | |
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13 disquieting | |
adj.令人不安的,令人不平静的v.使不安,使忧虑,使烦恼( disquiet的现在分词 ) | |
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14 arteries | |
n.动脉( artery的名词复数 );干线,要道 | |
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15 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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16 negligent | |
adj.疏忽的;玩忽的;粗心大意的 | |
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17 elevation | |
n.高度;海拔;高地;上升;提高 | |
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18 disappearance | |
n.消失,消散,失踪 | |
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19 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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20 clandestine | |
adj.秘密的,暗中从事的 | |
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21 suburban | |
adj.城郊的,在郊区的 | |
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22 regiment | |
n.团,多数,管理;v.组织,编成团,统制 | |
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23 venerated | |
敬重(某人或某事物),崇敬( venerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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24 faltered | |
(嗓音)颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 ); 支吾其词; 蹒跚; 摇晃 | |
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25 desolating | |
毁坏( desolate的现在分词 ); 极大地破坏; 使沮丧; 使痛苦 | |
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26 execration | |
n.诅咒,念咒,憎恶 | |
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27 effaced | |
v.擦掉( efface的过去式和过去分词 );抹去;超越;使黯然失色 | |
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28 instinctively | |
adv.本能地 | |
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29 appreciable | |
adj.明显的,可见的,可估量的,可觉察的 | |
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30 supreme | |
adj.极度的,最重要的;至高的,最高的 | |
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31 perspiration | |
n.汗水;出汗 | |
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32 annihilated | |
v.(彻底)消灭( annihilate的过去式和过去分词 );使无效;废止;彻底击溃 | |
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33 regain | |
vt.重新获得,收复,恢复 | |
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34 regained | |
复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 ); 赢回; 重回; 复至某地 | |
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35 veneration | |
n.尊敬,崇拜 | |
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36 avenged | |
v.为…复仇,报…之仇( avenge的过去式和过去分词 );为…报复 | |
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37 smuggler | |
n.走私者 | |
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