When he had gone out of the room Anna stood where he hadleft her. "I must believe him! I must believe him!" shesaid.
A moment before, at the moment when she had lifted her armsto his neck, she had been wrapped in a sense of completesecurity. All the spirits of doubt had been exorcised, andher love was once more the clear habitation in which everythought and feeling could move in blissful freedom. Andthen, as she raised her face to Darrow's and met his eyes,she had seemed to look into the very ruins of his soul.
That was the only way she could express it. It was asthough he and she had been looking at two sides of the samething, and the side she had seen had been all light andlife, and his a place of graves...
She didn't now recall who had spoken first, or even, veryclearly, what had been said. It seemed to her only a momentlater that she had found herself standing2 at the other endof the room--the room which had suddenly grown so smallthat, even with its length between them, she felt as if hetouched her--crying out to him "It IS because of youshe's going!" and reading the avowal3 in his face.
That was his secret, then, THEIR secret: he had met thegirl in Paris and helped her in her straits--lent her money,Anna vaguely4 conjectured--and she had fallen in love withhim, and on meeting him again had been suddenly overmasteredby her passion. Anna, dropping back into her sofa-corner,sat staring these facts in the face.
The girl had been in a desperate plight--frightened,penniless, outraged6 by what had happened, and not knowing(with a woman like Mrs. Murrett) what fresh injury mightimpend; and Darrow, meeting her in this distracted hour, hadpitied, counselled, been kind to her, with the fatal, theinevitable result. There were the facts as Anna made themout: that, at least, was their external aspect, was as muchof them as she had been suffered to see; and into the secretintricacies they might cover she dared not yet project herthoughts.
"I must believe him...I must believe him..." She kept onrepeating the words like a talisman7. It was natural, afterall, that he should have behaved as he had: defended thegirl's piteous secret to the last. She too began to feel thecontagion of his pity--the stir, in her breast, of feelingsdeeper and more native to her than the pains of jealousy8.
From the security of her blessedness she longed to lean overwith compassionate9 hands...But Owen? What was Owen's part tobe? She owed herself first to him--she was bound to protecthim not only from all knowledge of the secret she hadsurprised, but also--and chiefly!--from its consequences.
Yes: the girl must go--there could be no doubt of it--Darrowhimself had seen it from the first; and at the thought shehad a wild revulsion of relief, as though she had beentrying to create in her heart the delusion11 of a generosityshe could not feel...
The one fact on which she could stay her mind was that Sophywas leaving immediately; would be out of the house within anhour. Once she was gone, it would be easier to bring Owento the point of understanding that the break was final; ifnecessary, to work upon the girl to make him see it. Butthat, Anna was sure, would not be necessary. It was clearthat Sophy Viner was leaving Givre with no thought of everseeing it again...
Suddenly, as she tried to put some order in her thoughts,she heard Owen's call at the door: "Mother!----" a name heseldom gave her. There was a new note in his voice: thenote of a joyous12 impatience13. It made her turn hastily tothe glass to see what face she was about to show him; butbefore she had had time to compose it he was in the room andshe was caught in a school-boy hug.
"It's all right! It's all right! And it's all your doing! Iwant to do the worst kind of penance--bell and candle andthe rest. I've been through it with HER, and now shehands me on to you, and you're to call me any names youplease." He freed her with his happy laugh. "I'm to bestood in the corner till next week, and then I'm to go up tosee her. And she says I owe it all to you!""To me?" It was the first phrase she found to clutch at asshe tried to steady herself in the eddies14 of his joy.
"Yes: you were so patient, and so dear to her; and you sawat once what a damned ass5 I'd been!" She tried a smile, andit seemed to pass muster15 with him, for he sent it back in abroad beam. "That's not so difficult to see? No, I admit itdoesn't take a microscope. But you were so wise andwonderful--you always are. I've been mad these last days,simply mad--you and she might well have washed your hands ofme! And instead, it's all right--all right!"She drew back a little, trying to keep the smile on her lipsand not let him get the least glimpse of what it hid. Nowif ever, indeed, it behoved her to be wise and wonderful!
"I'm so glad, dear; so glad. If only you'll always feellike that about me..." She stopped, hardly knowing what shesaid, and aghast at the idea that her own hands should haveretied the knot she imagined to be broken. But she saw hehad something more to say; something hard to get out, butabsolutely necessary to express. He caught her hands,pulled her close, and, with his forehead drawn16 into itswhimsical smiling wrinkles, "Look here," he cried, "ifDarrow wants to call me a damned ass too you're not to stophim!"It brought her back to a sharper sense of her central peril17:
of the secret to be kept from him at whatever cost to herracked nerves.
"Oh, you know, he doesn't always wait for orders!" On thewhole it sounded better than she'd feared.
"You mean he's called me one already?" He accepted the factwith his gayest laugh. "Well, that saves a lot of trouble;now we can pass to the order of the day----" he broke offand glanced at the clock--"which is, you know, dear, thatshe's starting in about an hour; she and Adelaide mustalready be snatching a hasty sandwich. You'll come down tobid them good-bye?""Yes--of course."There had, in fact, grown upon her while he spoke1 theurgency of seeing Sophy Viner again before she left. Thethought was deeply distasteful: Anna shrank fromencountering the girl till she had cleared a way through herown perplexities. But it was obvious that since they hadseparated, barely an hour earlier, the situation had taken anew shape. Sophy Viner had apparently18 reconsidered herdecision to break amicably19 but definitely with Owen, andstood again in their path, a menace and a mystery; andconfused impulses of resistance stirred in Anna's mind.
She felt Owen's touch on her arm. "Are you coming?""Yes...yes...presently.""What's the matter? You look so strange.""What do you mean by strange?""I don't know: startled--surprised " She read what her lookmust be by its sudden reflection in his face.
"Do I? No wonder! You've given us all an exciting morning."He held to his point. "You're more excited now that there'sno cause for it. What on earth has happened since I sawyou?"He looked about the room, as if seeking the clue to heragitation, and in her dread20 of what he might guess sheanswered: "What has happened is simply that I'm rathertired. Will you ask Sophy to come up and see me here?"While she waited she tried to think what she should say whenthe girl appeared; but she had never been more conscious ofher inability to deal with the oblique21 and the tortuous22.
She had lacked the hard teachings of experience, and aninstinctive disdain23 for whatever was less clear and openthan her own conscience had kept her from learning anythingof the intricacies and contradictions of other hearts. Shesaid to herself: "I must find out----" yet everything in herrecoiled from the means by which she felt it must be done...
Sophy Viner appeared almost immediately, dressed fordeparture, her little bag on her arm. She was still pale tothe point of haggardness, but with a light upon her thatstruck Anna with surprise. Or was it, perhaps, that she waslooking at the girl with new eyes: seeing her, for the firsttime, not as Effie's governess, not as Owen's bride, but asthe embodiment of that unknown peril lurking24 in thebackground of every woman's thoughts about her lover? Anna,at any rate, with a sudden sense of estrangement25, noted26 inher graces and snares27 never before perceived. It was onlythe flash of a primitive28 instinct, but it lasted long enoughto make her ashamed of the darknesses it lit up in herheart...
She signed to Sophy to sit down on the sofa beside her. "Iasked you to come up to me because I wanted to say good-byequietly," she explained, feeling her lips tremble, buttrying to speak in a tone of friendly naturalness.
The girl's only answer was a faint smile of acquiescence,and Anna, disconcerted by her silence, went on: "You'vedecided, then, not to break your engagement?"Sophy Viner raised her head with a look of surprise.
Evidently the question, thus abruptly29 put, must have soundedstrangely on the lips of so ardent30 a partisan31 as Mrs. Leath!
"I thought that was what you wished," she said.
"What I wished?" Anna's heart shook against her side. "Iwish, of course, whatever seems best for Owen...It'snatural, you must understand, that that consideration shouldcome first with me..."Sophy was looking at her steadily32. "I supposed it was theonly one that counted with you."The curtness33 of retort roused Anna's latent antagonism34. "Itis," she said, in a hard voice that startled her as sheheard it. Had she ever spoken so to any one before? Shefelt frightened, as though her very nature had changedwithout her knowing it...Feeling the girl's astonished gazestill on her, she continued: "The suddenness of the changehas naturally surprised me. When I left you it wasunderstood that you were to reserve your decision----""Yes.""And now----?" Anna waited for a reply that did not come.
She did not understand the girl's attitude, the edge ofirony in her short syllables36, the plainly premeditateddetermination to lay the burden of proof on herinterlocutor. Anna felt the sudden need to lift theirintercourse above this mean level of defiance37 and distrust.
She looked appealingly at Sophy.
"Isn't it best that we should speak quite frankly38? It's thischange on your part that perplexes me. You can hardly besurprised at that. It's true, I asked you not to break withOwen too abruptly--and I asked it, believe me, as much foryour sake as for his: I wanted you to take time to thinkover the difficulty that seems to have arisen between you.
The fact that you felt it required thinking over seemed toshow you wouldn't take the final step lightly--wouldn't, Imean, accept of Owen more than you could give him. But yourchange of mind obliges me to ask the question I thought youwould have asked yourself. Is there any reason why youshouldn't marry Owen?"She stopped a little breathlessly, her eyes on Sophy Viner'sburning face. "Any reason----? What do you mean by areason?"Anna continued to look at her gravely. "Do you love someone else?" she asked.
Sophy's first look was one of wonder and a faint relief;then she gave back the other's scrutiny39 in a glance ofindescribable reproach. "Ah, you might have waited!" sheexclaimed.
"Waited?""Till I'd gone: till I was out of the house. You might haveknown...you might have guessed..." She turned her eyesagain on Anna. "I only meant to let him hope a littlelonger, so that he shouldn't suspect anything; of course Ican't marry him," she said.
Anna stood motionless, silenced by the shock of the avowal.
She too was trembling, less with anger than with a confusedcompassion. But the feeling was so blent with others, lessgenerous and more obscure, that she found no words toexpress it, and the two women faced each other withoutspeaking.
"I'd better go," Sophy murmured at length with lowered head.
The words roused in Anna a latent impulse of compunction.
The girl looked so young, so exposed and desolate40! And whatthoughts must she be hiding in her heart! It was impossiblethat they should part in such a spirit.
"I want you to know that no one said anything...It was Iwho..."Sophy looked at her. "You mean that Mr. Darrow didn't tellyou? Of course not: do you suppose I thought he did? Youfound it out, that's all--I knew you would. In your place Ishould have guessed it sooner."The words were spoken simply, without irony35 or emphasis; butthey went through Anna like a sword. Yes, the girl wouldhave had divinations, promptings that she had not had! Shefelt half envious41 of such a sad precocity42 of wisdom.
"I'm so sorry...so sorry..." she murmured.
"Things happen that way. Now I'd better go. I'd like tosay good-bye to Effie.""Oh----" it broke in a cry from Effie's mother. "Not likethis--you mustn't! I feel--you make me feel too horribly: asif I were driving you away..." The words had rushed up fromthe depths of her bewildered pity.
"No one is driving me away: I had to go," she heard the girlreply.
There was another silence, during which passionate10 impulsesof magnanimity warred in Anna with her doubts and dreads43.
At length, her eyes on Sophy's face: "Yes, you must go now,"she began; "but later on...after a while, when all this isover...if there's no reason why you shouldn't marry Owen----" she paused a moment on the words--" I shouldn't want youto think I stood between you...""You?" Sophy flushed again, and then grew pale. She seemedto try to speak, but no words came.
"Yes! It was not true when I said just now that I wasthinking only of Owen. I'm sorry--oh, so sorry!--for youtoo. Your life--I know how hard it's been; andmine...mine's so full...Happy women understand best!" Annadrew near and touched the girl's hand; then she began again,pouring all her soul into the broken phrases: "It's terriblenow...you see no future; but if, by and bye...you knowbest...but you're so young...and at your age things DOpass. If there's no reason, no real reason, why youshouldn't marry Owen, I WANT him to hope, I'll help himto hope...if you say so..."With the urgency of her pleading her clasp tightened44 onSophy's hand, but it warmed to no responsive tremor45: thegirl seemed numb46, and Anna was frightened by the stonysilence of her look. "I suppose I'm not more than half awoman," she mused47, "for I don't want my happiness to hurther;" and aloud she repeated: "If only you'll tell methere's no reason----"The girl did not speak; but suddenly, like a snapped branch,she bent48, stooped down to the hand that clasped her, andlaid her lips upon it in a stream of weeping. She criedsilently, continuously, abundantly, as though Anna's touchhad released the waters of some deep spring of pain; then,as Anna, moved and half afraid, leaned over her with a soundof pity, she stood up and turned away.
"You're going, then--for good--like this?" Anna movedtoward her and stopped. Sophy stopped too, with eyes thatshrank from her.
"Oh----" Anna cried, and hid her face.
The girl walked across the room and paused again in thedoorway. From there she flung back: "I wanted it--I choseit. He was good to me--no one ever was so good!"The door-handle turned, and Anna heard her go.
收听单词发音 |
1
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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avowal
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| n.公开宣称，坦白承认 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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outraged
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| a.震惊的，义愤填膺的 | |
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talisman
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| n.避邪物，护身符 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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compassionate
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| adj.有同情心的，表示同情的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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joyous
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| adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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eddies
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| （水、烟等的）漩涡，涡流( eddy的名词复数 ) | |
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muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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amicably
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| adv.友善地 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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oblique
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| adj.斜的，倾斜的，无诚意的，不坦率的 | |
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tortuous
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| adj.弯弯曲曲的，蜿蜒的 | |
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disdain
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| n.鄙视，轻视；v.轻视，鄙视，不屑 | |
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lurking
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| 潜在 | |
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estrangement
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| n.疏远，失和，不和 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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snares
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| n.陷阱( snare的名词复数 )；圈套；诱人遭受失败（丢脸、损失等）的东西；诱惑物v.用罗网捕捉，诱陷，陷害( snare的第三人称单数 ) | |
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primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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partisan
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| adj.党派性的；游击队的；n.游击队员；党徒 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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curtness
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| n.简短；草率；简略 | |
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antagonism
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| n.对抗，敌对，对立 | |
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irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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syllables
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| n.音节( syllable的名词复数 ) | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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desolate
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| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
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envious
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| adj.嫉妒的，羡慕的 | |
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42
precocity
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| n.早熟，早成 | |
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43
dreads
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| n.恐惧，畏惧( dread的名词复数 )；令人恐惧的事物v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的第三人称单数 ) | |
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44
tightened
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| 收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
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45
tremor
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| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
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numb
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| adj.麻木的，失去感觉的；v.使麻木 | |
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mused
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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