Anna and Darrow, the next day, sat alone in a compartment1 of the Paris train.
Anna, when they entered it, had put herself in the farthestcorner and placed her bag on the adjoining seat. She haddecided suddenly to accompany Darrow to Paris, had evenpersuaded him to wait for a later train in order that theymight travel together. She had an intense longing3 to bewith him, an almost morbid4 terror of losing sight of him fora moment: when he jumped out of the train and ran back alongthe platform to buy a newspaper for her she felt as thoughshe should never see him again, and shivered with the coldmisery of her last journey to Paris, when she had thoughtherself parted from him forever. Yet she wanted to keep himat a distance, on the other side of the compartment, and asthe train moved out of the station she drew from her bag theletters she had thrust in it as she left the house, andbegan to glance over them so that her lowered lids shouldhide her eyes from him.
She was his now, his for life: there could never again beany question of sacrificing herself to Effie's welfare, orto any other abstract conception of duty. Effie of coursewould not suffer; Anna would pay for her bliss5 as a wife byredoubled devotion as a mother. Her scruples6 were notovercome; but for the time their voices were drowned in thetumultuous rumour7 of her happiness.
As she opened her letters she was conscious that Darrow'sgaze was fixed8 on her, and gradually it drew her eyesupward, and she drank deep of the passionate9 tenderness inhis. Then the blood rose to her face and she felt again thedesire to shield herself. She turned back to her lettersand her glance lit on an envelope inscribed10 in Owen's hand.
Her heart began to beat oppressively: she was in a mood whenthe simplest things seemed ominous11. What could Owen have tosay to her? Only the first page was covered, and itcontained simply the announcement that, in the company of ayoung compatriot who was studying at the Beaux Arts, he hadplanned to leave for Spain the following evening.
"He hasn't seen her, then!" was Anna's instant thought; andher feeling was a strange compound of humiliation12 andrelief. The girl had kept her word, lived up to the line ofconduct she had set herself; and Anna had failed in the sameattempt. She did not reproach herself with her failure; butshe would have been happier if there had been lessdiscrepancy between her words to Sophy Viner and the actwhich had followed them. It irritated her obscurely thatthe girl should have been so much surer of her power tocarry out her purpose...
Anna looked up and saw that Darrow's eyes were on thenewspaper. He seemed calm and secure, almost indifferent toher presence. "Will it become a matter of course to him sosoon?" she wondered with a twinge of jealousy13. She satmotionless, her eyes fixed on him, trying to make him feelthe attraction of her gaze as she felt his. It surprisedand shamed her to detect a new element in her love for him:
a sort of suspicious tyrannical tenderness that seemed todeprive it of all serenity14. Finally he looked up, his smileenveloped her, and she felt herself his in every fibre, hisso completely and inseparably that she saw the vanity ofimagining any other fate for herself.
To give herself a countenance15 she held out Owen's letter.
He took it and glanced down the page, his face grown grave.
She waited nervously16 till he looked up.
"That's a good plan; the best thing that could happen," hesaid, a just perceptible shade of constraint17 in his tone.
"Oh, yes," she hastily assented18. She was aware of a faintcurrent of relief silently circulating between them. Theywere both glad that Owen was going, that for a while hewould be out of their way; and it seemed to her horriblethat so much of the stuff of their happiness should be madeof such unavowed feelings...
"I shall see him this evening," she said, wishing Darrow tofeel that she was not afraid of meeting her step-son.
"Yes, of course; perhaps he might dine with you."The words struck her as strangely obtuse19. Darrow was tomeet his Ambassador at the station on the latter's arrival,and would in all probability have to spend the evening withhim, and Anna knew he had been concerned at the thought ofhaving to leave her alone. But how could he speak in thatcareless tone of her dining with Owen? She lowered her voiceto say: "I'm afraid he's desperately20 unhappy."He answered, with a tinge21 of impatience22: "It's much the bestthing that he should travel.""Yes--but don't you feel..." She broke off. She knew howhe disliked these idle returns on the irrevocable, and herfear of doing or saying what he disliked was tinged23 by a newinstinct of subserviency24 against which her pride revolted.
She thought to herself: "He will see the change, and growindifferent to me as he did to HER..." and for a momentit seemed to her that she was reliving the experience ofSophy Viner.
Darrow made no attempt to learn the end of her unfinishedsentence. He handed back Owen's letter and returned to hisnewspaper; and when he looked up from it a few minutes laterit was with a clear brow and a smile that irresistibly25 drewher back to happier thoughts.
The train was just entering a station, and a moment latertheir compartment was invaded by a commonplace couplepreoccupied with the bestowal26 of bulging27 packages. Anna, attheir approach, felt the possessive pride of the woman inlove when strangers are between herself and the man sheloves. She asked Darrow to open the window, to place herbag in the net, to roll her rug into a cushion for her feet;and while he was thus busied with her she was conscious of anew devotion in his tone, in his way of bending over her andmeeting her eyes. He went back to his seat, and they lookedat each other like lovers smiling at a happy secret.
Anna, before going back to Givre, had suggested Owen'smoving into her apartment, but he had preferred to remain atthe hotel to which he had sent his luggage, and on arrivingin Paris she decided2 to drive there at once. She wasimpatient to have the meeting over, and glad that Darrow wasobliged to leave her at the station in order to look up acolleague at the Embassy. She dreaded28 his seeing Owen again,and yet dared not tell him so, and to ensure his remainingaway she mentioned an urgent engagement with her dress-makerand a long list of commissions to be executed for Madame deChantelle.
"I shall see you to-morrow morning," she said; but hereplied with a smile that he would certainly find time tocome to her for a moment on his way back from meeting theAmbassador; and when he had put her in a cab he leanedthrough the window to press his lips to hers.
She blushed like a girl, thinking, half vexed29, half happy:
"Yesterday he would not have done it..." and a dozenscarcely definable differences in his look and manner seemedall at once to be summed up in the boyish act. "After all,I'm engaged to him," she reflected, and then smiled at theabsurdity of the word. The next instant, with a pang30 ofself-reproach, she remembered Sophy Viner's cry: "I knew allthe while he didn't care..." "Poor thing, oh poor thing!"Anna murmured...
At Owen's hotel she waited in a tremor31 while the porter wentin search of him. Word was presently brought back that hewas in his room and begged her to come up, and as shecrossed the hall she caught sight of his portmanteaux lyingon the floor, already labelled for departure.
Owen sat at a table writing, his back to the door; and whenhe stood up the window was behind him, so that, in the rainyafternoon light, his features were barely discernible.
"Dearest--so you're really off?" she said, hesitating amoment on the threshold.
He pushed a chair forward, and they sat down, each waitingfor the other to speak. Finally she put some randomquestion about his travelling-companion, a slow shymeditative youth whom he had once or twice brought down toGivre. She reflected that it was natural he should havegiven this uncommunicative comrade the preference over hislivelier acquaintances, and aloud she said: "I'm so gladFred Rempson can go with you."Owen answered in the same tone, and for a few minutes theirtalk dragged itself on over a dry waste of common-places.
Anna noticed that, though ready enough to impart his ownplans, Owen studiously abstained32 from putting any questionsabout hers. It was evident from his allusions33 that he meantto be away for some time, and he presently asked her if shewould give instructions about packing and sending after himsome winter clothes he had left at Givre. This gave her theopportunity to say that she expected to go back within a dayor two and would attend to the matter as soon as shereturned. She added: "I came up this morning with George,who is going on to London to-morrow," intending, by the useof Darrow's Christian34 name, to give Owen the chance to speakof her marriage. But he made no comment, and she continuedto hear the name sounding on unfamiliarly between them.
The room was almost dark, and she finally stood up andglanced about for the light-switch, saying: "I can't seeyou, dear.""Oh, don't--I hate the light!" Owen exclaimed, catching35 herby the wrist and pushing her back into her seat. He gave anervous laugh and added: "I'm half-blind with neuralgia. Isuppose it's this beastly rain.""Yes; it will do you good to get down to Spain."She asked if he had the remedies the doctor had given himfor a previous attack, and on his replying that he didn'tknow what he'd done with the stuff, she sprang up, offeringto go to the chemist's. It was a relief to have somethingto do for him, and she knew from his "Oh, thanks--wouldyou?" that it was a relief to him to have a pretext36 for notdetaining her. His natural impulse would have been todeclare that he didn't want any drugs, and would be allright in no time; and his acquiescence37 showed her howprofoundly he felt the uselessness of their trying toprolong their talk. His face was now no more than a whiteblur in the dusk, but she felt its indistinctness as a veildrawn over aching intensities38 of expression. "He knows...heknows..." she said to herself, and wondered whether thetruth had been revealed to him by some corroborative39 fact orby the sheer force of divination40.
He had risen also, and was clearly waiting for her to go,and she turned to the door, saying: "I'll be back in amoment.""Oh, don't come up again, please!" He paused, embarrassed.
"I mean--I may not be here. I've got to go and pick upRempson, and see about some final things with him."She stopped on the threshold with a sinking heart. He meantthis to be their leave-taking, then--and he had not evenasked her when she was to be married, or spoken of seeingher again before she set out for the other side of theworld.
"Owen!" she cried, and turned back.
He stood mutely before her in the dimness.
"You haven't told me how long you're to be gone.""How long? Oh, you see...that's rather vague...I hatedefinite dates, you know..."He paused and she saw he did not mean to help her out. Shetried to say: "You'll be here for my wedding?" but could notbring the words to her lips. Instead she murmured: "In sixweeks I shall be going too..." and he rejoined, as if he hadexpected the announcement and prepared his answer: "Oh, bythat time, very likely...""At any rate, I won't say good-bye," she stammered41, feelingthe tears beneath her veil.
"No, no; rather not!" he declared; but he made no movement,and she went up and threw her arms about him. "You'll writeme, won't you?""Of course, of course----"Her hands slipped down into his, and for a minute they heldeach other dumbly in the darkness; then he gave a vaguelaugh and said: "It's really time to light up." He pressedthe electric button with one hand while with the other heopened the door; and she passed out without daring to turnback, lest the light on his face should show her what shefeared to see.
收听单词发音 |
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compartment
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| n.卧车包房，隔间；分隔的空间 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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scruples
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| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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rumour
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| n.谣言，谣传，传闻 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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inscribed
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| v.写，刻( inscribe的过去式和过去分词 )；内接 | |
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ominous
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| adj.不祥的，不吉的，预兆的，预示的 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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constraint
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| n.(on)约束，限制；限制(或约束)性的事物 | |
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assented
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| 同意，赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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obtuse
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| adj.钝的；愚钝的 | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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tinge
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| vt.(较淡)着色于，染色；使带有…气息；n.淡淡色彩，些微的气息 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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subserviency
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| n.有用，裨益 | |
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irresistibly
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| adv.无法抵抗地，不能自持地；极为诱惑人地 | |
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bestowal
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| 赠与，给与； 贮存 | |
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bulging
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| 膨胀； 凸出（部）； 打气； 折皱 | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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tremor
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| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
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abstained
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| v.戒（尤指酒），戒除( abstain的过去式和过去分词 )；弃权（不投票） | |
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allusions
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| 暗指，间接提到( allusion的名词复数 ) | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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pretext
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| n.借口，托词 | |
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acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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intensities
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| n.强烈( intensity的名词复数 )；（感情的）强烈程度；强度；烈度 | |
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corroborative
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| adj.确证（性）的，确凿的 | |
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divination
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| n.占卜，预测 | |
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stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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