Chapter 26 On Some Country Snobs

Something like a journal of the proceedings¹ at the Evergreens² may be interesting to those foreign readers of PUNCH who want to know the customs of an English gentleman’s family and household. There’s plenty of time to keep the Journal. Piano-strumming begins at six o’clock in the morning; it lasts till breakfast, with but a minute’s intermission, when the instrument changes hands, and Miss Emily practises in place of her sister Miss Maria.

In fact, the confounded instrument never stops when the young ladies are at their lessons, Miss Wirt hammers away at those stunning³ variations, and keeps her magnificent finger in exercise.

I asked this great creature in what other branches of education she instructed her pupils? ‘The modern languages,’ says she modestly: ‘French, German, Spanish, and Italian, Latin and the rudiments⁴ of Greek if desired. English of course; the practice of Elocution, Geography, and Astronomy, and the Use of the Globes, Algebra⁵ (but only as far as quadratic equations); for a poor ignorant female, you know, Mr. Snob⁶, cannot be expected to know everything. Ancient and Modern History no young woman can be without; and of these I make my beloved pupils PERFECT MISTRESSES. Botany, Geology, and Mineralogy, I consider as amusements. And with these I assure you we manage to pass the days at the Evergreens not unpleasantly.’

Only these, thought I— what an education! But I looked in one of Miss Ponto’s manuscript song-books and found five faults of French in four words; and in a waggish⁷ mood asking Miss Wirt whether Dante Algiery was so called because he was born at Algiers, received a smiling answer in the affirmative, which made me rather doubt about the accuracy of Miss Wirt’s knowledge.

When the above little morning occupations are concluded, these unfortunate young women perform what they call Calisthenic Exercises in the garden. I saw them today, without any crinoline, pulling the garden-roller.

Dear Mrs. Ponto was in the garden too, and as limp as her daughters; in a faded bandeau of hair, in a battered⁸ bonnet⁹, in a holland pinafore, in pattens, on a broken chair, snipping¹⁰ leaves off a vine. Mrs. Ponto measures many yards about in an evening. Ye heavens! what a guy she is in that skeleton morning-costume!

Besides Stripes, they keep a boy called Thomas or Tummus. Tummus works in the garden or about the pigsty¹¹ and stable; Thomas wears a page’s costume of eruptive buttons.

When anybody calls, and Stripes is out of the way, Tummus flings himself like mad into Thomas’s clothes, and comes out metamorphosed like Harlequin in the pantomime. To-day, as Mrs. P. was cutting the grapevine, as the young ladies were at the roller, down comes Tummus like a roaring whirlwind, with ‘Missus, Missus, there’s company coomin’!’ Away skurry the young ladies from the roller, down comes Mrs. P. from the old chair, off flies Tummus to change his clothes, and in an incredibly short space of time Sir John Hawbuck, my Lady Hawbuck, and Master Hugh Hawbuck are introduced into the garden with brazen¹² effrontery¹³ by Thomas, who says, ‘Please Sir Jan and my Lady to walk this year way: I KNOW Missus is in the rose-garden.’

And there, sure enough, she was!

In a pretty little garden bonnet, with beautiful curling ringlets, with the smartest of aprons¹⁴ and the freshest of pearl-coloured gloves, this amazing woman was in the arms of her dearest Lady Hawbuck. ‘Dearest Lady Hawbuck, how good of you! Always among my flowers! can’t live away from them!’

‘Sweets to the sweet! hum — a-ha — haw!’ says Sir John Hawbuck, who piques¹⁵ himself on his gallantry, and says nothing without ‘a-hum — a-ha — a-haw!’

‘Whereth yaw pinnafaw?’ cries Master Hugh. ‘WE thaw¹⁶ you in it, over the wall, didn’t we, Pa?’

‘Hum — a-ha — a-haw!’ burst out Sir John, dreadfully alarmed. ‘Where’s Ponto? Why wasn’t he at Quarter Sessions? How are his birds this year, Mrs. Ponto — have those Carabas pheasants done any harm to your wheat? a-hum — a-ha — a-haw!’ and all this while he was making the most ferocious¹⁷ and desperate signals to his youthful heir.

‘Well, she WATH in her pinnafaw, wathn’t she, Ma?’ says Hugh, quite unabashed; which question Lady Hawbuck turned away with a sudden query¹⁸ regarding her dear darling daughters, and the ENFANT TERRIBLE was removed by his father.

‘I hope you weren’t disturbed by the music?’ Ponto says. ‘My girls, you know, practise four hours a day, you know — must do it, you know — absolutely necessary. As for me, you know I’m an early man, and in my farm every morning at five — no, no laziness for ME.’

The facts are these. Ponto goes to sleep directly after dinner on entering the drawing-room, and wakes up when the ladies leave off practice at ten. From seven till ten, from ten till five, is a very fair allowance of slumber¹⁹ for a man who says he’s NOT a lazy man. It is my private opinion that when Ponto retires to what is called his ‘Study,’ he sleeps too. He locks himself up there daily two hours with the newspaper.

I saw the HAWBUCK scene out of the Study, which commands the garden. It’s a curious object, that Study. Ponto’s library mostly consists of boots. He and Stripes have important interviews here of mornings, when the potatoes are discussed, or the fate of the calf²⁰ ordained²¹, or sentence passed on the pig, &c.. All the Major’s bills are docketed on the Study table and displayed like a lawyer’s briefs. Here, too, lie displayed his hooks, knives, and other gardening irons, his whistles, and strings²² of spare buttons. He has a drawer of endless brown paper for parcels, and another containing a prodigious²³ and never-failing supply of string. What a man can want with so many gig-whips I can never conceive. These, and fishing-rods, and landing-nets, and spurs, and boot-trees, and balls for horses, and surgical²⁴ implements²⁵ for the same, and favourite pots of shiny blacking, with which he paints his own shoes in the most elegant manner, and buckskin gloves stretched out on their trees, and his gorget, sash, and sabre of the Horse Marines, with his boot-hooks underneath²⁶ in atrophy²⁷; and the family medicine-chest, and in a corner the very rod with which he used to whip his son, Wellesley Ponto, when a boy (Wellesley never entered the ‘Study’ but for that awful purpose)— all these, with ‘Mogg’s Road Book,’ the GARDENERS’ CHRONICLE, and a backgammon-board, form the Major’s library. Under the trophy²⁸ there’s a picture of Mrs. Ponto, in a light blue dress and train, and no waist, when she was first married; a fox’s brush lies over the frame, and serves to keep the dust off that work of art.

‘My library’s small, says Ponto, with the most amazing impudence²⁹, ‘but well selected, my boy — well selected. I have been reading the “History of England” all the morning.’

1 proceedings   

n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报

参考例句：

• He was released on bail pending committal proceedings. 他交保获释正在候审。
• to initiate legal proceedings against sb 对某人提起诉讼

2 evergreens   

n.常青树，常绿植物，万年青( evergreen的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The leaves of evergreens are often shaped like needles. 常绿植物的叶常是针形的。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The pine, cedar and spruce are evergreens. 松树、雪松、云杉都是常绿的树。 来自辞典例句

3 stunning   

adj.极好的；使人晕倒的

参考例句：

• His plays are distinguished only by their stunning mediocrity.他的戏剧与众不同之处就是平凡得出奇。
• The finished effect was absolutely stunning.完工后的效果非常美。

4 rudiments   

n.基础知识，入门

参考例句：

• He has just learned the rudiments of Chinese. 他学汉语刚刚入门。
• You do not seem to know the first rudiments of agriculture. 你似乎连农业上的一点最起码的常识也没有。

5 algebra   

n.代数学

参考例句：

• He was not good at algebra in middle school.他中学时不擅长代数。
• The boy can't figure out the algebra problems.这个男孩做不出这道代数题。

6 snob   

n.势利小人，自以为高雅、有学问的人

参考例句：

• Going to a private school had made her a snob.上私立学校后，她变得很势利。
• If you think that way, you are a snob already.如果你那样想的话，你已经是势利小人了。

7 waggish   

adj.诙谐的，滑稽的

参考例句：

• The house had been facetiously named by some waggish officer.这房子是由某个机智幽默的军官命名的。
• During this melancholy pause,the turnkey read his newspaper with a waggish look.在这个忧郁的停歇期间，看守滑稽地阅读着报纸。

8 battered   

adj.磨损的；v.连续猛击；磨损

参考例句：

• He drove up in a battered old car.他开着一辆又老又破的旧车。
• The world was brutally battered but it survived.这个世界遭受了惨重的创伤,但它还是生存下来了。

9 bonnet   

n.无边女帽；童帽

参考例句：

• The baby's bonnet keeps the sun out of her eyes.婴孩的帽子遮住阳光，使之不刺眼。
• She wore a faded black bonnet garnished with faded artificial flowers.她戴着一顶褪了色的黑色无边帽，帽上缀着褪了色的假花。

10 snipping   

n.碎片v.剪( snip的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The crew had been snipping it for souvenirs. 舰上人员把它剪下来当作纪念品。 来自辞典例句
• The gardener is snipping off the dead leaves in the garden. 花匠在花园时剪枯叶。 来自互联网

11 pigsty   

n.猪圈，脏房间

参考例句：

• How can you live in this pigsty?你怎能这住在这样肮脏的屋里呢？
• We need to build a new pigsty for the pigs.我们需修建一个新猪圈。

12 brazen   

adj.厚脸皮的，无耻的，坚硬的

参考例句：

• The brazen woman laughed loudly at the judge who sentenced her.那无耻的女子冲着给她判刑的法官高声大笑。
• Some people prefer to brazen a thing out rather than admit defeat.有的人不愿承认失败，而是宁肯厚着脸皮干下去。

13 effrontery   

n.厚颜无耻

参考例句：

• This is a despicable fraud . Just imagine that he has the effrontery to say it.这是一个可耻的骗局. 他竟然有脸说这样的话。
• One could only gasp at the sheer effrontery of the man.那人十足的厚颜无耻让人们吃惊得无话可说。

14 aprons   

围裙( apron的名词复数 )； 停机坪，台口（舞台幕前的部份）

参考例句：

• Many people like to wear aprons while they are cooking. 许多人做饭时喜欢系一条围裙。
• The chambermaid in our corridor wears blue checked gingham aprons. 给我们扫走廊的清洁女工围蓝格围裙。

15 piques   

v.伤害…的自尊心( pique的第三人称单数 )；激起（好奇心）

参考例句：

• I understand practically everything, except one thing that piques my curiosity. 实际上，我什么都了解，只有一点除外，而且引起了我的好奇心。 来自飘（部分）
• He piques himself on having a good memory. 他常夸耀自己记性好。 来自辞典例句

16 thaw   

v.（使）融化，（使）变得友善；n.融化，缓和

参考例句：

• The snow is beginning to thaw.雪已开始融化。
• The spring thaw caused heavy flooding.春天解冻引起了洪水泛滥。

17 ferocious   

adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的

参考例句：

• The ferocious winds seemed about to tear the ship to pieces.狂风仿佛要把船撕成碎片似的。
• The ferocious panther is chasing a rabbit.那只凶猛的豹子正追赶一只兔子。

18 query   

n.疑问，问号，质问；vt.询问，表示怀疑

参考例句：

• I query very much whether it is wise to act so hastily.我真怀疑如此操之过急地行动是否明智。
• They raised a query on his sincerity.他们对他是否真诚提出质疑。

19 slumber   

n.睡眠，沉睡状态

参考例句：

• All the people in the hotels were wrapped in deep slumber.住在各旅馆里的人都已进入梦乡。
• Don't wake him from his slumber because he needs the rest.不要把他从睡眠中唤醒，因为他需要休息。

20 calf   

n.小牛，犊，幼仔，小牛皮

参考例句：

• The cow slinked its calf.那头母牛早产了一头小牛犊。
• The calf blared for its mother.牛犊哞哞地高声叫喊找妈妈。

21 ordained   

v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定

参考例句：

• He was ordained in 1984. 他在一九八四年被任命为牧师。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He was ordained priest. 他被任命为牧师。 来自辞典例句

22 strings   

n.弦

参考例句：

• He sat on the bed,idly plucking the strings of his guitar.他坐在床上，随意地拨着吉他的弦。
• She swept her fingers over the strings of the harp.她用手指划过竖琴的琴弦。

23 prodigious   

adj.惊人的，奇妙的；异常的；巨大的；庞大的

参考例句：

• This business generates cash in prodigious amounts.这种业务收益丰厚。
• He impressed all who met him with his prodigious memory.他惊人的记忆力让所有见过他的人都印象深刻。

24 surgical   

adj.外科的，外科医生的，手术上的

参考例句：

• He performs the surgical operations at the Red Cross Hospital.他在红十字会医院做外科手术。
• All surgical instruments must be sterilised before use.所有的外科手术器械在使用之前，必须消毒。

25 implements   

n.工具( implement的名词复数 )；家具；手段；[法律]履行（契约等）v.实现( implement的第三人称单数 )；执行；贯彻；使生效

参考例句：

• Primitive man hunted wild animals with crude stone implements. 原始社会的人用粗糙的石器猎取野兽。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• They ordered quantities of farm implements. 他们订购了大量农具。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

26 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

27 atrophy   

n./v.萎缩，虚脱，衰退

参考例句：

• Patients exercised their atrophied limbs in the swimming pool.病人们在泳池里锻炼萎缩的四肢。
• Many hoped he would renew the country's atrophied political system.很多人都期望他能使该国萎靡的政治体系振作起来。

28 trophy   

n.优胜旗，奖品，奖杯，战胜品，纪念品

参考例句：

• The cup is a cherished trophy of the company.那只奖杯是该公司很珍惜的奖品。
• He hung the lion's head as a trophy.他把那狮子头挂起来作为狩猎纪念品。

29 impudence   

n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼

参考例句：

• His impudence provoked her into slapping his face.他的粗暴让她气愤地给了他一耳光。
• What knocks me is his impudence.他的厚颜无耻使我感到吃惊。