DECLINING all aid, Camilla continued in the same position, wrapt up, coveting1 the dark, and stifling2 sighs that were rising into sobs3, till she heard a gentle tap at her door. She started, but still hid herself: Mrs. Marl was already gone; Peggy answered the summons, and returned to the bedside, with a note in her hand, begging Camilla to take it, as it came from the gentleman who was to have read the prayers.
‘Is he then gone?’ cried she, in a voice announcing deep disappointment.
‘Yes, he went directly, my dear Lady.’
She threw the covering from her face, and with uplifted hands, exclaimed; ‘O Edgar! could you see me thus... and leave me?’
Yet eagerly seizing the letter, called for a candle, and strove to read it. But the characters seemed double to her weak and dazzled eyes, and she was forced to relinquish4 the attempt. She pressed it to her bosom5, and again covered herself up.
Something, nevertheless, like internal revival6, once more, to her own unspeakable amazement7, began fluttering at her breast. She had seen the beloved of her heart-dearer to her far than the life she thought herself resigning; seen him penetrated8 to anguish9 by her situation, awakened10 to the tenderest recollections, and upon her hand had dropt a testimony11 of his sensibility, that, dead as she had thought herself to the world, its views, its hopes, its cares, passed straight to her heart-that wonderful repository of successive emotions, whence the expulsion of one species of interest but makes way for the entrance of another; and which vainly, while yet in mortal life, builds, even from hour to hour, upon any chasm12 of mortal solicitude13.
While wrapt up in this reverie, poignantly14 agitating15, yet undefinably soothing16, upon the return of Edgar to England, and his astonishing appearance in her room, her attention was again aroused by another gentle tap at the door.
Peggy opened it, and left the room; but soon came back, to beg an answer to the note, for which the gentleman was waiting upon the stairs.
‘Waiting?’ she repeated, in extreme trepidation17, ‘is he not then gone?’
‘No ma’am, only out of the room; he can’t go away without the answer, he says.’
A sensation of pleasure was now so new to Camilla, as almost to be too potent18 either for her strength or her intellects. She doubted all around her, doubted what she heard, doubted even her existence. Edgar, could it be Edgar who was waiting for an answer?... who was under the same roof-who had been in the same room-who was now separated from her but by a thin wainscot?–‘O no, no, no!’ she cried, ‘my senses all delude19 me! one vision after another beguiles20 my deranged21 imagination!’ Yet she called Peggy to her again, again asked her if it were indeed true; and, bidding her once more bring the candle, the new spirit with which she was invigorated, enabled her to persevere22 in her efforts, till she made out the following lines; which were sealed, but not directed.
‘The sorrow, the tumult23 of my soul, I attempt not to paint.–Forgive, O Camilla! an intrusion which circumstances made resistless. Deign24 to bury in kind oblivion all remembrance but of our early friendship-our intuitive attachment25, our confidence, esteem26, and happy juvenile27 intercourse28; and under such auspices-animated as they are innocent-permit me to hasten Mrs. Tyrold to this spot, or trust me–I conjure-with the mystery of this dreadful desolation–O Camilla!-by all the scenes that have passed between us-by the impression indelible they have engraved30 upon my heart, wound not the most faithful of your friends by rejecting his services!
E. M.’
Dissolved in tears of tenderness, relieving, nay32 delightful33, she immediately sent him word that she accepted his kind office, and should feel eternal gratitude35 if he would acquaint her friends with her situation.
Peggy soon informed her the gentleman was gone; and she then inquired why he had been brought to her as a clergyman.
The little girl gave the account with the utmost simplicity36. Her mistress, she said, knew the gentleman very well, who was ‘Squire Mandlebert, and lived at a great house not many miles off; and had just alighted to bait his horses, as she went to ask about sending for the clergyman. He inquired who was ill; and her Mistress said it was a Lady who had gone out of her mind, by seeing a dead body, and raved31 of nothing but having prayers read to her; which her husband would do, when his house was clear, if the humour lasted: for they had nobody to send three miles off; and by drawing the curtains, she would not know if it was a clergyman or not. The young ‘Squire then asked if she was a lodger37 or a traveller, and her mistress answered: ‘She’s a traveller, Sir; and if it had not been for Peggy’s knowing her, we should have been afraid who she might be; for she stays here, and never pays us; only she has given us a watch and a locket for pledges.’ Then he asked on some more questions, continued Peggy, and presently desired to see the locket; and when he had looked at it, he turned as white as a sheet, and said he must see the lady. Her mistress said she was laid down upon the bed, and she could not send in a gentleman; unless it was her husband, just to quiet her poor head by reading her a prayer or too. So then the ‘Squire said he’d take the prayer book and read to her himself, if she’d spare time to go in the room first, and shut up the curtains. So her mistress said no, at first; but Peggy said the poor lady fretted38 on so badly, that presently up they came together.
Ah! dear darling locket! internally cried Camilla, how from the first have I loved-how to the last will I prize it! Ah! dear darling locket! how for ever-while I live-will I wear it in my bosom!
A calm now took place of her agonies that made her seem in a renovated39 existence, till sleep, by gentle approaches, stole upon her again: not to bring to her the dread29 vision which accompanied its first return; nor yet to allow her tranquil40 repose41. A softer form appeared before her; more afflictive42, though not so horrible; it was the form of her Mother; all displeasure removed from her penetrating43 countenance44; no longer in her dying child viewing the child that had offended her; yet while forgiving and embracing, seeing her expire in her arms.
She awakened, affrighted,-she started, she sat upright; she called aloud upon her mother, and wildly looking round, thought she saw her at the foot of the bed.
She crossed her eyes with her hands, to endeavour to clear her sight: but the object only seemed more distinct. She bent45 forward, seeking conviction, yet incredulous, though still meeting the same form.
Sighing, at last, from fruitless fatigue46; “Tis wondrous47 odd,’ she cried, ‘but I now never know when I wake or when I sleep!’
The form glided48 away; but with motion so palpable, she could no longer believe herself played upon by imagination. Awe-imprest, and wonder-struck, she softly opened her side curtain to look after it. It had stopt by a high chest of drawers, against which, leaning its head upon its arm, it stood erect49, but seemed weeping. She could not discern the face; but the whole figure had the same sacred resemblance.
The pulses of her head beat now with so much violence, she was forced to hold her temples. Doubt, dread, and hope seized every faculty50 at once; till, at length, the upraised arm of the form before her dropt, and she distinctly saw the profile: ‘It is herself! it is my Mother!’ she screamed, rather than pronounced, and threw herself from the bed to the floor.
‘Yes! it is your Mother!’ was repeated, in a tone solemn and penetrating–‘to what a scene, O Camilla, returned! her house abandoned... her son in exile... her Eugenia lost... her husband, the prop51 of all!... where she dare not name!. .. and thou, the child of her bosom!... the constant terrour, yet constant darling of her soul... where, and how, does she see, does she meet thee, again–O Camilla!’
Then tenderly, though with anguish, bending over her, she would have raised, and helped her to return to the bed: but Camilla would not be aided; she would not lift up her eyes; her face sought the ground, where leaning it upon her hands, without desiring to speak, without wishing to stir, torn by self-reproaches that made her deem herself unworthy to live, she remained speechless, immoveable.
‘Repress, repress,’ said Mrs. Tyrold, gently, yet firmly, ‘these strong feelings, uselessly torturing to us both. Raise your head, my poor girl... raise... and repose it upon the breast of your Mother.’
‘Of my Mother?’ repeated Camilla, in a voice hardly audible; ‘have I a Mother-who again will own the blast of her hopes and happiness?-the disgrace, the shame of the best and most injured of Fathers!’
‘Let us pray,’ said Mrs. Tyrold, with a sigh, ‘that these evils may pass away, and by salutary exertions52, not desponding repinings, earn back our fugitive53 peace.’
Again she then would have raised her; but Camilla sunk from all assistance: ‘No,’ she cried, ‘I am unworthy your lenity–I am unable even to bear it,...’
‘Camilla,’ said Mrs. Tyrold, steadily54, ‘it is time to conquer this impetuous sensibility, which already, in its effects, has nearly broken all our hearts. With what horrour have we missed-with what agony sought you! Now then, that at length, we find you, excite not new terrour, by consigning55 yourself to willing despair.’
Struck with extreme dread of committing yet further wrong, she lifted up her head, with intention to have risen; but the weak state of her body, forgotten by herself, and by Mrs. Tyrold unsuspected, took its turn for demanding attention.
‘Alas! my poor Child,’ cried she, ‘what horrible havock has this short absence produced! O Camilla!... with a soul of feeling like yours,-strong, tender, generous, and but too much alive, how is it you can thus have forgotten the first ties of your duty, and your heart, and have been wrought56 upon by your own sorrows to forget the sorrows you inflict57? Why have you thus fled us? thus abandoned yourself to destruction? Was our anger to be set in competition with our misery58? Was the fear of displeasure, from parents who so tenderly love you, to be indulged at the risk of never ending regret to the most lenient59 of Fathers? and nearly the loss of senses to a Mother who, from your birth, has idolized you in her inmost soul?’
Bending then over her, she folded her in her arms; where Camilla, overpowered with the struggles of joy and contrition60, sunk nearly lifeless.
Mrs. Tyrold, seeing now her bodily feebleness, put her to bed, with words of soothing tenderness, no longer blended with retrospective investigation61; conjuring62 her to be calm, to remember whose peace and happiness were encircled in her life and health, and to remit63 to her fuller strength all further interesting discourse64.
‘Ah, my Mother!’ cried Camilla, ‘tell me first-if the time may ever come when with truth you can forgive me?’
‘Alas, my darling Child!’ answered the generous Mother, ‘I have myself now to pardon that I forgave thee not at first!’
Camilla seemed transported to another region; with difficulty Mrs. Tyrold could hold her in her bed, though hovering65 over her pillow with incessant66 caresses67: but to raise her eye only to meet that of her Mother-not as her fertile terrour had prophesied68, darting69 unrelenting ire, but softly solicitous70, and exquisitely71 kind; to feel one loved hand anxiously upon her forehead, and to glue her own lips upon the other; to find fears that had made existence insupportable, transformed into security that rendered it delicious;-with a floating, uncertain, yet irrepressible hope, that to Edgar she owed this restoration, caused a revulsion in all her feelings, that soon operated upon her frame-not, indeed, with tranquillity72, but with rapture73 approaching to delirium:-when suddenly, a heavy, lumbering74 noise, appalled75 her. ‘Ah, my Mother!’ she faintly cried, ‘our beloved Eugenia!... that noise... where-and how-is Eugenia?–The wretched Mr. Bellamy is no more!’
Mrs. Tyrold answered, she was acquainted with the whole dreadful business, and would relate it in a season of more serenity76; but meanwhile, as repose, she well knew, never associated with suspence, she satisfied immediate34 anxiety, by assurances that Eugenia was safe, and at Etherington.
This was a joy scarce inferior to that which so recently had transported her: but Mrs. Tyrold, gathering77 from the good Peggy, that she had not been in bed, nor scarce tasted food, since she had been at the half-way-house, refused all particulars, till she had been refreshed with nourishment78 and rest. The first immediately was ordered, and immediately taken; and Mrs. Tyrold, to propitiate79 the second, insisted upon total silence, and prepared to sit up with her all night.
Long as the extreme agitation80 of her spirits distanced
Tir’d Nature’s sweet restorer, balmy sleep, [Young]
the change from so much misery to heart-felt peace and joy, with the judicious81 nursing and restoratives devised by Mrs. Tyrold, for her weak and half famished82 frame, made her slumber83, when at length, it arrived, last so long that, though broken by frequent starts, she awoke not till late the next morning.
Her eyes then opened upon a felicity that again made her think herself in a new world. Her Mother, leaning over her, was watching her breathe, with hands uplifted for her preservation84, and looks of fondness which seemed to mark that her happiness depended upon its being granted; but as she raised herself, to throw her arms around the loved maternal85 neck, the shadow of another form, quickly, yet gently receding86, struck her sight;... ‘Ah, Heaven!’ she exclaimed, ‘who is that?’
‘Will you be good,’ said Mrs. Tyrold, gently, ‘be tranquil, be composed, and earn that I should tell you who has been watching by you this hour?’
Camilla could not answer; certain, now, who it must be, her emotions became again uncontrollable; her horrour, her remorse87, her self-abhorrence revived, and agonizingly exclaiming, “Tis my Father!–O, where can I hide my head?’ She strove again to envelop88 herself with the bed-curtain from all view.
‘Here-in his own arms-upon his own breast you shall hide it,’ said Mr. Tyrold, returning to the bed-side, ‘and all now shall be forgotten, but thankfulness that our afflictions seem finding their period.’
‘O my Father! my Father!’ cried Camilla, forgetting her situation, in her desire to throw herself at his feet, ‘can you speak to me thus, after the woe89-the disgrace I have brought upon you?–I deserve your malediction90!... I expected to be shut out from your heart,–I thought myself abandoned–I looked forward only in death to receiving your forgiveness!–’
Mrs. Tyrold held her still, while her Father now blessed and embraced her, each uttering, in the same moment, whatever was softest to console her: but all her quick feelings were re-awakened beyond their power to appease91 them; her penitence92 tortured, her very gratitude tore her to pieces: ‘O my Mother,’ she cried, ‘how do you forbear to spurn93 me? Can you think of what is passed, and still pronounce your pardon? Will you not draw it back at the sight of my injured Father? Are you not tempted94 to think I deserve eternal banishment95 from you both?-and to repent96 that you have not ordered it?’
‘No, my dearest Child, no! I lament97 only that I took you not at once to your proper security-to these arms, my Camilla, that now so fondly infold you! to this bosom-my darling girl! where my heart beats your welcome!’
‘You make me too-too happy! the change is almost killing98! my Mother-my dearest Mother!–I did not think you would permit me to ever call you so again! My Father I knew would pardon me, for the chief suffering was his own; but even he, I never expected could look at me thus benignly99 again! and hardly-hardly would he have been tried, if the evil had been reversed!’
Mr. Tyrold exhorted100 her to silent composure; but finding her agitation over-power even her own efforts, he summoned her to join him in solemn thanks for her restoration.
Awfully101, though most gratefully, impressed by such a call, she checked her emotion, and devoutly102 obeyed: and the short but pious103 ceremony quieted her nerves, and calmed her mind.
The gentlest tranquillity then took place in her breast, of the tumultuous joy which had first chaced her deadly affliction. The soothing, however serious turn, given by devotion to her changed sensations, softened104 the acute excess of rapture which mounted felicity nearly to agony. More eloquent105, as well as safer than any speech, was the pause of deep gratitude, the silence of humble106 praise, which ensued. Camilla, in each hand held one of each beloved Parent; alternately she pressed them with grateful reverence107 to her lips, alternately her eye sought each revered108 countenance, and received, in the beaming fondness they emitted, a benediction109 that was balm to every woe.
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coveting
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| v.贪求，觊觎( covet的现在分词 ) | |
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stifling
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| a.令人窒息的 | |
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sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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relinquish
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| v.放弃，撤回，让与，放手 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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revival
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| n.复兴，复苏，（精力、活力等的）重振 | |
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amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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testimony
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| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
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chasm
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| n.深坑，断层，裂口，大分岐，利害冲突 | |
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solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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poignantly
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agitating
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| 搅动( agitate的现在分词 )； 激怒； 使焦虑不安； （尤指为法律、社会状况的改变而）激烈争论 | |
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soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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trepidation
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| n.惊恐，惶恐 | |
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potent
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| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
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delude
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| vt.欺骗；哄骗 | |
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beguiles
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| v.欺骗( beguile的第三人称单数 )；使陶醉；使高兴；消磨（时间等） | |
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deranged
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| adj.疯狂的 | |
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persevere
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| v.坚持，坚忍，不屈不挠 | |
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tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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deign
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| v. 屈尊, 惠允 ( 做某事) | |
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attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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juvenile
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| n.青少年，少年读物；adj.青少年的，幼稚的 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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engraved
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| v.在（硬物）上雕刻（字，画等）( engrave的过去式和过去分词 )；将某事物深深印在（记忆或头脑中） | |
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raved
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| v.胡言乱语( rave的过去式和过去分词 )；愤怒地说；咆哮；痴心地说 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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lodger
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| n.寄宿人，房客 | |
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fretted
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| 焦躁的，附有弦马的，腐蚀的 | |
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renovated
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| 翻新，修复，整修( renovate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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afflictive
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| 带给人痛苦的，苦恼的，难受的 | |
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penetrating
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| adj.（声音）响亮的，尖锐的adj.（气味）刺激的adj.（思想）敏锐的，有洞察力的 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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prop
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| vt.支撑；n.支柱，支撑物；支持者，靠山 | |
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exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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fugitive
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| adj.逃亡的，易逝的；n.逃犯，逃亡者 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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consigning
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| v.把…置于（令人不快的境地）( consign的现在分词 )；把…托付给；把…托人代售；丟弃 | |
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wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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inflict
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| vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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lenient
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| adj.宽大的，仁慈的 | |
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contrition
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| n.悔罪，痛悔 | |
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investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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conjuring
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| n.魔术 | |
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remit
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| v.汇款，汇寄；豁免（债务），免除（处罚等） | |
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discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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65
hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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incessant
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| adj.不停的，连续的 | |
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caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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prophesied
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| v.预告，预言( prophesy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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darting
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的现在分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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solicitous
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| adj.热切的，挂念的 | |
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exquisitely
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| adv.精致地；强烈地；剧烈地；异常地 | |
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72
tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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73
rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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lumbering
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| n.采伐林木 | |
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75
appalled
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的；丧胆的 | |
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76
serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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77
gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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78
nourishment
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| n.食物，营养品；营养情况 | |
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propitiate
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| v.慰解，劝解 | |
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80
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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81
judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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82
famished
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| adj.饥饿的 | |
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83
slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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84
preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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85
maternal
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| adj.母亲的，母亲般的，母系的，母方的 | |
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86
receding
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的现在分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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88
envelop
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| vt.包，封，遮盖；包围 | |
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89
woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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90
malediction
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| n.诅咒 | |
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appease
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| v.安抚，缓和，平息，满足 | |
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penitence
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| n.忏悔，赎罪；悔过 | |
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93
spurn
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| v.拒绝，摈弃；n.轻视的拒绝；踢开 | |
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94
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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95
banishment
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| n.放逐，驱逐 | |
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repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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lament
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| n.悲叹，悔恨，恸哭；v.哀悼，悔恨，悲叹 | |
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98
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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benignly
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| adv.仁慈地，亲切地 | |
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100
exhorted
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| v.劝告，劝说( exhort的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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101
awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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102
devoutly
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| adv.虔诚地，虔敬地，衷心地 | |
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103
pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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104
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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105
eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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106
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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107
reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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108
revered
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| v.崇敬，尊崇，敬畏( revere的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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109
benediction
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| n.祝福；恩赐 | |
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