After Charmbracelet, circumstances forced me into a new place. I said to myself, I’mgoing to do what I want to do completely, and with that I began to work on my nextalbum. I was going to do something from my heart, something empowering. In 2004, L.A.
Reid became the CEO of Island Def Jam Music Group. I was so excited because we hadalways wanted to work together. He heard some of what I had been working on—“Staythe Night,” a song I wrote with Kanye West. He said, “If this is what you’re doing, I’min!” One night L.A. and I were sitting in the Mermaid2 Room in my New York penthouse,talking about the essence of the album and how I felt it was going to be all about personalfreedom, my emancipation. We discussed the meaning of emancipation—we even lookedup the definition in the dictionary. I went on to tell him “Mimi” was a nickname a selectfew people called me. So, I suggested, “Let’s call it The Emancipation of Mimi.”
L.A. had always loved what I did with Jermaine on “Always Be My Baby.” Eventhough there were already some very good songs for this album, and I had already workedwith a bunch of incredible people, including the Neptunes, Kanye, Snoop, Twista, andNelly, L.A. was inspired to bring the dream team of me and JD back together to see whatour next level would be. I was like, “Let’s do it!” I called up Jermaine and said, “Let’s getto work.” We sat there on the floor at Southside Studios, Jermaine’s awesome3 creativeoasis, and within a couple weeks we had written “Shake It Off” and “Get Your Number.”
In a second session at Southside, we made “We Belong Together,” “It’s Like That,” andthen, eventually, “Don’t Forget About Us,” which was on the platinum4 rerelease of thatalbum.
For the first time in a long time, I had real vocal5 rest (something of which LutherVandross had taught me the critical importance), clarity, and a deep sense of creativecontrol. I initially6 started writing in the Bahamas and laid down some vocals7 there; theocean air and the warm, moist atmosphere were very good for my voice. They were alsogood for my songwriting. Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis had previously8 introduced me tothe brilliant musician “Big Jim” Wright, an extremely talented and very special person inmy life. At one point, Jim and I were at a house in the Bahamas, doing a writing session. Iwanted to have a song that had a seventies live-band vibe; I imagined something NatalieCole or even Aretha would have done back in the day. Being that Big Jim was aconsummate musician, he and I almost effortlessly wrote “Circles.” After the session, ashe was about to leave—and just as I had written “Hero” on a walk to the bathroom—suddenly a melody washed through my mind as I was walking upstairs.
I came back down very quickly.
“Wait! Wait. Before you leave, I have this idea,” I said to Jim. “Fly like a bird / take tothe sky,” I sang. I knew this song was going to be something meaningful. I begged him notto leave yet. “Can we write this?” I asked. He loved the idea and stayed put. We laid outthe music together, and then I wrote these words:
Somehow I know that
There’s a place up above
With no more hurt and struggling
Free of all atrocities9 and suffering
Because I feel the unconditional10 love
From one who cares enough for me
To erase11 all my burdens and let me be free to fly like a birdTake to the skyI need you now Lord
Carry me high
Don’t let the world break me tonight
I need the strength of you by my side
Sometimes this life can be so cold
I pray you’ll come and carry me home
—“Fly Like a Bird”
Big Jim laid down sublime12 live instrumentation in New York. Later, in the Capristudio, I recorded the vocals. I stayed secluded13 in the studio for two days working on thebackgrounds; I was lost in a song that would eventually be one that would often help mefind my way out of the shadows. I worked through the night, so it was dawn when thesong was ready for me to listen to all put together. I opened up the big sliding glass doorsof the studio, stepped out into the morning air, and looked at the majestic14 cliffs jutting15 outof the sapphire16 sea as the song came pouring out of the booming speakers. The sun wasrising as the background vocals were peaking: “Carry me higher! Higher!” I closed myeyes, knowing God had laid His hand on the song and on me.
Later I brought Bishop17 Keaton in to the studio to anoint “Fly Like a Bird” with a readingof Psalm18 30:5: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Thosewords were a reflection of all that I had survived. That passage in the Bible really meantsomething to me. The song is really about how messed up the world is—“Sometimes thislife can be so cold / I pray you’ll come and carry me home.” It’s about both difficulty andstrength: I can’t handle this life alone, but the Lord will help me through it. I’m so gratefulto have memorialized Bishop forever with one of my songs that’s most important to me.
I give a lot of credit to L.A. Reid, who by then had become a friend, for the success ofMimi. He and Universal still believed in me. My album Butterfly was an emotionalawakening. Mimi was a spiritual evolution; there’s a lot of my true heart and raw emotionin it. And there are so many good moments. For instance, not everybody knows how muchI really love “Your Girl” (it should have been a single). It’s innocent, yet still a bit grimy. Ifirst heard Scram Jones’s beat while in N.O.R.E.’s studio drinking something out of aStyrofoam cup (I know it’s bad for our ecosystem19, but that’s all they had). There was alittle more confidence and a lot more liberation in it: “I’m gonna make you want to / Getwith me tonight.” And there’s a little talking part in the middle of the song “I Wish YouKnew,” which was inspired by Ms. Diana Ross. There are so many intimate, special,inside, almost intangible details that are specific to me on that album. You can actuallyfeel my authentic20 emotions; there are no dramatic, overproduced ballads21 to appease22 labelexecutives. This was pared down, simple, real shit. I think that’s why it resonated with somany people.
It was on Emancipation where I first started working with a new engineer, BrianGarten (thanks to Pharrell). When we work together, it’s seamless. Even though it wasn’ttelevised—because they were in the R & B category—I won three Grammys for thatalbum. (They did the same thing to Usher23 the year before.) It was still a triumph, because Ibelieve Emancipation deserved it. It was a triumph over the fucked-up people who weretrying to harm me and use me—my family, Tommy, the record labels, the press, andvarious others—and it was a triumph over my own trauma24 and fear.
The Adventures of Mimi tour was so much fun. It had its share of typical mishaps25, butlargely it felt like a liberation. Emancipation had so many hits that at each show theenergy was just fire the whole time, thousands of people singing every single word of allthe new songs on the album, and some of the hottest artists would come through and dosurprise guest appearances. It was a huge commercial success, and it was a real blast.
We took an old-school, almost Motown review approach of packing up a small fleet ofbuses and driving across America. We did big shows in twenty-five cities (we also didseven in Canada, seven in Asia, and two in Africa). Though there were plenty of people onthe road with me—a full band, background singers, dancers, and crew—I was lonely. Iwas on a huge upswing moment and, as usual, responsible for everyone’s livelihood26. I hadto make sure I was in top condition; my voice was rested so I could do my best for myfans first, of course (I never take for granted the money, effort, and time it takes to come toa concert), but also all the folks who depended on me to eat. While I was certainly reallyfriendly with everybody (of course Trey and Tots were there), after each show I wouldgenerally retreat to my bus to quietly decompress and rest. This was usually a simple ritualof taking a long, hot, steamy shower and sipping27 tea with honey. While my big silverbullet of a bus was completely tricked out and outfitted28 with all the comforts andeverything I needed, it didn’t provide me with company.
The other performers and crew would have a more typical tour atmosphere on theirbus—it’d be rocking with raucous29 laughter, liquor, card games, smoke, jokes, movies, andmusic. When musicians and dancers ride for hours together down little highways for days,they develop a rowdy family-like culture. And as the “boss” I was often on the outside ofthe camaraderie30 they created.
One night I decided31 I just needed a little levity32, and I went to the dancers’ bus, whichwas by far the most popping in our fleet. It was like a basement party happening up inthere, just very lively. I easily slipped into the shenanigans. It felt like I was in high schoolsneaking out with friends and not on my own massive sold-out tour. It was simple andfestive.
One dancer stood out. I had seen him before, but something about this night feltdifferent. He was playful and certainly commanding the center of attention with hisexpressive gestures and buoyant laugh. I’d always thought he was cute, but that night itfelt different. There was something really compelling about him—serving a deliciousblend of grown-man gorgeousness and boyish charm. I was going to stay on this bus for awhile. It was a joy ride, for sure.
It was past the middle of the night, probably close to dawn. We had all been drankin’
and singing and carrying on for a few hours when we stopped to go into an all-night dinerin some little town in the middle of almost nowhere. We burst into the quiet little localjoint about a dozen deep, all loud, laughing, and extremely colorful. What few folks therewere in there—maybe a truck driver, a couple of late-shift workers—there were definitelynot any of color of any kind. They all stopped chewing and sipping to stare at whatprobably appeared to be the UniverSoul Circus that had rolled into town and barreled intotheir spot.
We were all a little too lit to realize we’d lit up that sleepy little diner with ourtheatrics and flavor. We sprawled33 out over several tables and booths. That dancer’s namewas Tanaka. We’d already started shooting flirty34 glances at each other in the bus abouttwenty miles back. We sat across from each other in a booth like eighth graders. We softlytouched each other’s legs under the table, undetected while the rest of the party roared on.
Tanaka and I quickly became friends, and over time a meaningful relationship wasbuilt. He is always right there, the effortless life of the party, and when everyone looks toyou for something, that can mean everything.
Thank God for the transformational “Mimi” era. I needed to have such massive success forthe public to finally forgive me for the “sin against humanity” that was Glitter.
After Glitter, many people wrote me off. But as Jimmy Jam said, “Don’t ever writeMariah Carey off.” And I say, “Don’t ever write anyone off.” You don’t ever know wherestrength will come from. I always go to my main source for strength—faith in God, butalso love from my fans and all the people who didn’t give up on their faith in me. This isnot to say I don’t struggle with PTSD from the collective events in my childhood, mymarriage, and the dark Glitter years. I work on my emotional recovery daily. But it is trulyfascinating how insignificant35 the press has become in making or breaking an artist’scareer, in shaping our narratives36. I still feel like parts of the media are patiently waiting forme to have another spectacular meltdown (actually, I’ve noticed now some people stagebreakdowns for publicity), but the difference is, in today’s world, they don’t matter. Now,all artists have an unfiltered voice and enormous public platforms through social media.
The tabloids37 have become the pathetic, rubbish wrapping paper I’ve always known themto be. They are out of power; they cannot hunt and destroy any more of us. Our fans cancome to our defense38, bring all the receipts, and create a united front so strong that no blandhost or commentator39 or ravenous40 paparazzi can even begin to compete with theirinfluence. We are the media. I only wish Princess Di had lived long enough to haveInstagram or Twitter. I wish she had lived to see the people become the press. Perhaps sheand others would have lived to tell their story. I am so grateful to my fans I’m alive to tellmine.
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1
emancipation
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| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
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mermaid
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| n.美人鱼 | |
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awesome
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| adj.令人惊叹的，难得吓人的，很好的 | |
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platinum
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| n.白金 | |
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vocal
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| adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
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initially
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| adv.最初，开始 | |
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vocals
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| （乐曲中的）歌唱部份，声乐部份( vocal的名词复数 ) | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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atrocities
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| n.邪恶，暴行( atrocity的名词复数 )；滔天大罪 | |
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unconditional
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| adj.无条件的，无限制的，绝对的 | |
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erase
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| v.擦掉；消除某事物的痕迹 | |
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sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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secluded
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| adj.与世隔绝的；隐退的；偏僻的v.使隔开，使隐退( seclude的过去式和过去分词) | |
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majestic
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| adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的 | |
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jutting
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| v.（使）突出( jut的现在分词 )；伸出；（从…）突出；高出 | |
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sapphire
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| n.青玉，蓝宝石；adj.天蓝色的 | |
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bishop
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| n.主教，（国际象棋）象 | |
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psalm
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| n.赞美诗，圣诗 | |
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ecosystem
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| n.生态系统 | |
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authentic
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| a.真的，真正的；可靠的，可信的，有根据的 | |
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ballads
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| 民歌，民谣，特别指叙述故事的歌( ballad的名词复数 )； 讴 | |
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appease
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| v.安抚，缓和，平息，满足 | |
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usher
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| n.带位员，招待员；vt.引导，护送；vi.做招待，担任引座员 | |
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trauma
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| n.外伤，精神创伤 | |
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mishaps
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| n.轻微的事故，小的意外( mishap的名词复数 ) | |
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livelihood
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| n.生计，谋生之道 | |
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sipping
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| v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的现在分词 ) | |
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outfitted
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| v.装备，配置设备，供给服装( outfit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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raucous
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| adj.(声音)沙哑的，粗糙的 | |
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camaraderie
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| n.同志之爱，友情 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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levity
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| n.轻率，轻浮，不稳定，多变 | |
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sprawled
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| v.伸开四肢坐[躺]( sprawl的过去式和过去分词)；蔓延；杂乱无序地拓展；四肢伸展坐着（或躺着） | |
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flirty
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| adj.爱调戏的，轻浮的 | |
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insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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narratives
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| 记叙文( narrative的名词复数 )； 故事； 叙述； 叙述部分 | |
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tabloids
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| n.小报，通俗小报（版面通常比大报小一半，文章短，图片多，经常报道名人佚事）( tabloid的名词复数 )；药片 | |
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defense
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| n.防御，保卫；[pl.]防务工事；辩护，答辩 | |
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commentator
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| n.注释者，解说者；实况广播评论员 | |
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ravenous
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| adj.极饿的，贪婪的 | |
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