With the world fluttering away on the last wings of a hollow snore I see the door opening to admit Grover Watrous. "Christ be with you!" he says, dragging his club foot along. He is quite a young man now and he has found God. There is only one God and Grover Watrous has found Him and so there is nothing more to say except that everything has to be said over again in Grover Watrous' new God-language. This bright new language which God invented especially for Grover Watrous intrigues50 me enormously, first because I had always considered Grover to be a hopeless dunce, second because I notice that there are no longer any tobacco stains on his agile51 fingers. When we were boys Grover lived next door to us. He would visit me from time to time in order to practise a duet with me. Though he was only fourteen or fifteen he smoked like a trooper. His mother could do nothing against it because Grover was a genius and a genius had to have a little liberty, particularly when he was also unfortunate enough to have been born with a club foot. Grover was the kind of genius who thrives on dirt. He not only had nicotine52 stains on his fingers but he had filthy53 black nails which would break under hours of practising, imposing54 upon young Grover the ravishing obligation of tearing them off with his teeth. Grover used to spit out broken nails along with bits of tobacco which got caught in his teeth. It was delightful55 and stimulating56. The cigarettes burned holes into the piano and, as my mother critically observed, also tarnishedthe keys. When Grover took leave the parlour stank57 like the backroom of an undertaker's establishment. It stank of dead cigarettes, sweat, dirty linen58, Grover's oaths and the dry heat left by the dying notes of Weber, Berlioz, Liszt and Co. It stank too of Grover's running ear and of his decaying teeth. It stank of his mother's pampering59 and whimpering. His own home was a stable divinely suited to his genius, but the parlour of our home was like the waiting room of a mortician's office and Grover was a lout60 who didn't even know enough to wipe his feet. In the winter time his nose ran like a sewer61 and Grover, being too engrossed62 in his music to bother wiping his nose, the cold snot was left to trickle63 down until it reached his lips where it was sucked in by a very long white tongue. To the flatulent music of Weber, Berlioz, Liszt and Co. it added a piquant64 sauce which made those empty devils palatable65. Every other word from Grover's lips was an oath, his favourite expression being - "I can't get the fucking thing right!" Sometimes he grew so annoyed that he would take his fists and pound the piano like a madman. It was his genius coming out the wrong way. His mother, in fact, used to attach a great deal of importance to these fits of anger; they convinced her that he had something in him. Other people simply said that Grover was impossible. Much was forgiven, however, because of his club foot. Grover was sly enough to exploit this bad foot; whenever he wanted anything badly he developed pains in the foot. Only the piano seemed to have no respect for this maimed member. The piano therefore was an object to be cursed and kicked and pounded to bits. If he were in good form, on the other hand, Grover would remain at the piano for hours on end; in fact, you couldn't drag him away. On such occasions his mother would go stand in the grass plot in front of the house and waylay66 the neighbours in order to squeeze a few words of praise out of them. She would be so carried away by her son's "divine" playing that she would forget to cook the evening meal. The old man, who worked in the sewers67, usually came home grumpy and famished68. Sometimes he would march directly upstairs to the parlour and yank Grover off the piano stool. He had a rather foul69 vocabulary himself and when he let loose on his genius of a son there wasn't much left for Grover to say. In the old man's opinion Grover was just a lazy son of a bitch who could make a lot of noise. Now and then he threatened to chuck the fucking piano out of the window - and Grover with it. If the mother were rash enough to interfere70 during these scenes he would give her a clout71 and tell her to go piss up the end of a rope. He had his moments of weakness too, of course, and in such a mood he might ask Grover what the hell he was rattling72 away at, and if the latter said, for example, "why the Sonata73 Pathetique", the old buzzard would say - "what the hell does that mean? Why, in Christ's name don't they put it down in plain English?" The old man's ignorance was even harder for Grover to bear than his brutality74. He was heartily75 ashamed of his old man and when the latter was out of sight he would ridicule76 him unmercifully. When he got a little older he used to insinuate77 that he wouldn't have been born with a club foot if the old man hadn't been such a mean bastard78. He said that the old man must have kicked his mother in the belly79 when she was pregnant. This alleged80 kick in the belly must have affected81 Grover in diverse ways, for when he had grown up to be quite a young man, as I was saying, he suddenly took to God with such a passion that there was no blowing your nose before him without first asking God's permission.
Grover's conversion82 followed right upon the old man's deflation, which is why I am reminded of it. Nobody had seen the Watrouses for a number of years and then, right in the midst of a bloody83 snore, you might say, in pranced84 Grover scattering85 benedictions86 and calling upon God as his witness as he rolled up his sleeves to deliver us from evil. What I noted87 first in him was the change in his personal appearance; he had been washed dean in the blood of the Lamb. He was so immaculate, indeed, that there was almost a perfume emanating88 from him. His speech too had been cleaned up, instead of wild oaths there were now nothing but blessings89 and invocations. It was not a conversation which he held with us but a monologue90 in which, if there were any questions, he answered them himself. As he took the chair which was offered himhe said with the nimbleness of a jack-rabbit that God had given his only beloved Son in order that we might enjoy life everlasting91. Did we really want this life everlasting - or were we simply going to wallow in the joys of the flesh and die without knowing salvation92? The incongruity93 of mentioning the "joys of the flesh" to an aged94 couple, one of whom was sound asleep and snoring, never struck him, to be sure. He was so alive and jubilant in the first flush of God's merciful grace that he must have forgotten that my sister was dippy, for, without even inquiring how she had been, he began to harangue95 her in this new-found spiritual palaver96 to which she was entirely97 impervious98 because, as I say, she was minus so many buttons that if he had been talking about chopped spinach99 it would have been just as meaningful to her. A phrase like "the pleasures of the flesh" meant to her something like a beautiful day with a red parasol. I could see by the way she sat on the edge of her chair and bobbed her head that she was only waiting for him to catch his breath in order to inform him that the pastor100 - herpastor, who was an Episcopalian - had just returned from Europe and that they were going to have a fair in the basement of the church where she would have a little booth fitted up with doylies from the five-and-ten cent store. In fact, no sooner had he paused a moment than she let loose - about the canals of Venice, the snow in the Alps, the dog carts in Brussels, the beautiful Uverwurst in Munich. She was not only religious, my sister, but she was clean daffy. Grover had just slipped in something about having seen a new heaven and a new earthfor the first heaven and the first earth were passed away,he said, mumbling101 the words in a sort of hysterical102 glissando in order to unburden himself of an oracular message about the New Jerusalem which God had established on earth and in which he, Grover Watrous, once foul of speech and marred103 by a twisted foot, had found the peace and the calm of the righteous"There shall be no more death ..." he started to shout when my sister leaned forward and asked him very innocently if he liked to bowl because the pastor had just installed a beautiful new bowling104 alley105 in the basement of the church and she knew he would be pleased to see Grover because he was a lovely man and he was kind to the poor. Grover said that it was a sin to bowl and that he belonged to no church because the churches were godless: he had even given up playing the piano because God needed him for higher things. "He that overcometh shall inherit all things,"he added "and I will be his God, and he shall be my son." He paused again to blow his nose in a beautiful white handkerchief, whereupon my sister took the occasion to remind him that in the old days he always had a running nose but that he never wiped it. Grover listened to her very solemnly and then remarked that he had been cured of many evil ways. At this point the old man woke up and, seeing Grover sitting beside him large as life, he was quite startled and for a moment or two he was not sure, it seemed, whether Grover was a morbid phenomenon of dream or an hallucination, but the sight of the clean handkerchief brought him quickly to his wits. "Oh, it's you!" he exclaimed. "The Watrous boy, what? Well, what in the name of all that's holy are you doing here?"
"I came in the name of the Holy of Holies," said Grover unabashed. "I have been purified by the death on Calvary and I am here in Christ's sweet name that ye maybe redeemed106 and walk in light and power and glory."
The old man looked dazed. "Well, what's come over you?" he said, giving Grover a feeble, consolatory107 smile. My mother had just come in from the kitchen and had taken a stand behind Grover's chair. By making a wry108 grimace109 with her mouth she was trying to convey to the old man that Grover was cracked. Even my sister seemed to realize that there was something wrong with him, especially when he had refused to visit the new bowling alley which her lovely pastor had expressly installed for young men such as Grover and his likes. What was the matter with Grover? Nothing, except that his feet were solidly planted on the fifth foundation of the great wall of the Holy City of Jerusalem, the fifth foundation made entirely of sardonyx, whence he commanded a view of a pure river of water of life issuing from the throne of God. And the sight of this river of life was to Grover like the bite of a thousand fleas110 in his lower colon111. Not until he had run at least seven times around the earth would he be able to sit quietly on his ass and observe the blindness and the indifference112 of men with something like equanimity113. He was alive and purged114, and though to the eyes of the sluggish115, sluttish spirits who are sane116 he was "cracked", to me he seemed infinitely117 better off this way than before. He was a pest who could do you no harm. If you listened to him long enough you became somewhat purged yourself, though perhaps unconvinced. Grover's bright new language always caught me in the midriff and through inordi- nate laughter cleansed118 me of the dross119 accumulated by the sluggish sanity120 about me. He was alive as Ponce de Leon had hoped to be alive; alive as only a few men have ever been. And being unnaturally121 alive he didn't mind in the least if you laughed in his face, nor would he have minded if you had stolen the few possessions which were his. He was alive and empty, which is so close to Godhood that it is crazy.
With his feet solidly planted on the great wall of the New Jerusalem Grover knew a joy which is incommensurable. Perhaps if he had not been born with a club foot he would not have known this incredible joy. Perhaps it was well that his father had kicked the mother in the belly while Grover was still in the womb. Perhaps it was that kick in the belly which had sent Grover soaring, which made him so thoroughly122 alive and awake that even in his sleep he was delivering God's messages. The harder he laboured the less he was fatigued123. He had no more worries, no regrets, no clawing memories. He recognized no duties, no obligations, except to God. And what did God expect of him? Nothing, nothing ... except to sing His praises. God only asked of Grover Watrous that he reveal himself alive in the flesh. He only asked of him to be more and more alive. And when fully9 alive Grover was a voice and this voice was a flood which made all dead things into chaos124 and this chaos in turn became the mouth of the world in the very centre of which was the verbto be. In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.So God; was this strange little infinitive125 which is all there is - and is it not enough? For Grover it was more than enough: it was everything. Starting from this Verb what difference did it make which road he travelled? To leave the Verb was to travel away from the centre, to erect126 a Babel. Perhaps God had deliberately127 maimed Grover Watrous in order to hold him to the centre, to the Verb. By an invisible cord God held Grover Watrous to his stake which ran through the heart of the world and Grover became the fat goose which laid a golden egg every day . . .
Why do I write of Grover Watrous? Because I have met thousands of people and none of them were alive in the way that Grover was. Most of them were more intelligent, many of them were brilliant, some of them were even famous, but none were alive and empty as Grover was. Grover was inexhaustible. He was like a bit of radium which, even if buried under a mountain does not lose its power to give off energy. I had seen plenty of so-called energeticpeople before - is not America filled with them? - but never, in the shape of a human being, a reservoir of energy. And what created this inexhaustible reservoir of energy? An illumination. Yes, it happened in the twinkling of an eye, which is the only way that anything important ever does happen. Overnight all Grover's preconceived values were thrown overboard. Suddenly, just like that, he ceased moving as other people move. He put the brakes on and he kept the motor running. If once, like other people, he had thought it was necessary to get somewhere now he knew that somewhere was anywhere and therefore right here and so why move? Why not park the car and keep the motor running? Meanwhile the earth itself is turning and Grover knew it was turning and knew that he was turning with it. Is the earth getting anywhere? Grover must undoubtedly128 have asked himself this question and must undoubtedly have satisfied himself that it was notgetting anywhere. Who, then, had said that we must get somewhere? Grover would inquire of this one and that where they were heading for and the strange thing was that although they were all heading for their individual destinations none of them ever stopped to reflect that the one inevitable129 destination for all alike was the grave. This puzzled Grover because nobody could convince him that death was not a certainty, whereas nobody could convince anybody else that any other destination was an uncertainty130. Convinced of the dead certainty of death Grover suddenly became tremendously and overwhelmingly alive. For the first time in his life he began to live, and at the same time the dub131 foot dropped completely out of his consciousness. This is a strange thing, too, when you come to think of it, because the dub foot, just like death, was another ineluctable fact. Yet the dub foot dropped out of mind, or, what is more important, all that had been attached to the club foot. In the same way, having accepted death, death too dropped out of Grover's mind. Having seized on the single certainty of death all the uncertain- ties vanished. The rest of the world was now limping along with dub-footed uncertainties132 and Grover Watrous alone was free and unimpeded. Grover Watrous was the personification of certainty. He may have been wrong, but he was certain. And what good does it do to be right if one has to limp along with a club foot?Only a few men have ever realized the truth of this and their names have become very great names. Grover Watrous will probably never be known, but he is very great just the same. This is probably the reason why I write about him - just the fact that I had enough sense to realize that Grover had achieved greatness even though nobody else will admit it. At the time I simply thought that Grover was a harmless fanatic133, yes, a little "cracked", as my mother insinuated134. But every man who has caught the truth of certitude was a little cracked and it is only these men who have accomplished135 anything for the world. Other men, other greatmen, have destroyed a little here and there, but these few whom I speak of, and among whom I include Grover Watrous, were capable of destroying everything in order that the truth might live. Usually these men were born with an impediment, with a dub foot, so to speak, and by a strange irony136 it is only the club foot which men remember. If a man like Grover becomes depossessed of his club foot, the world says that he has become "possessed137". This is the logic138 of incertitude139 and its fruit is misery140. Grover was the only truly joyous141 being I ever met in my life and this, therefore, is a little monument which I am erecting142 in his memory, in the memory of his joyous certitude. It is a pity that he had to use Christ for a crutch143, but then what does it matter how one comes by the truth so long as one pounces144 upon it and lives by it?
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1
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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advantageous
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| adj.有利的；有帮助的 | |
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reluctance
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| n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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unctuousness
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| 油性 | |
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tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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discomfiture
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| n.崩溃；大败；挫败；困惑 | |
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distressing
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| a.使人痛苦的 | |
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adamant
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| adj.坚硬的，固执的 | |
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radical
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| n.激进份子，原子团，根号；adj.根本的，激进的，彻底的 | |
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abstained
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| v.戒（尤指酒），戒除( abstain的过去式和过去分词 )；弃权（不投票） | |
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cemetery
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| n.坟墓，墓地，坟场 | |
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basking
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| v.晒太阳，取暖( bask的现在分词 )；对…感到乐趣；因他人的功绩而出名；仰仗…的余泽 | |
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morose
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| adj.脾气坏的，不高兴的 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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futility
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| n.无用 | |
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diligently
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| ad.industriously;carefully | |
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crater
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| n.火山口，弹坑 | |
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intestinal
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| adj.肠的；肠壁；肠道细菌 | |
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tract
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| n.传单，小册子，大片(土地或森林) | |
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lure
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| n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引 | |
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champagne
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| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
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oysters
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| 牡蛎( oyster的名词复数 ) | |
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jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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punctuated
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| v.（在文字中）加标点符号，加标点( punctuate的过去式和过去分词 )；不时打断某事物 | |
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intermittent
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| adj.间歇的，断断续续的 | |
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kindling
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| n. 点火, 可燃物 动词kindle的现在分词形式 | |
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stentorian
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| adj.大声的，响亮的 | |
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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accordion
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| n.手风琴；adj.可折叠的 | |
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collapsing
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| 压扁[平]，毁坏，断裂 | |
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croaking
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| v.呱呱地叫( croak的现在分词 )；用粗的声音说 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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wheeze
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| n.喘息声，气喘声；v.喘息着说 | |
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axe
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| n.斧子；v.用斧头砍，削减 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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collapsed
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| adj.倒塌的 | |
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cosmos
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| n.宇宙；秩序，和谐 | |
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flux
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| n.流动；不断的改变 | |
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linoleum
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| n.油布，油毯 | |
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lull
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| v.使安静，使入睡，缓和，哄骗；n.暂停，间歇 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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nethermost
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| adj.最下面的 | |
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intrigues
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| n.密谋策划( intrigue的名词复数 )；神秘气氛；引人入胜的复杂情节v.搞阴谋诡计( intrigue的第三人称单数 )；激起…的好奇心 | |
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agile
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| adj.敏捷的，灵活的 | |
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52
nicotine
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| n.(化)尼古丁，烟碱 | |
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53
filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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stimulating
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| adj.有启发性的，能激发人思考的 | |
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stank
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| n. (英)坝，堰，池塘 动词stink的过去式 | |
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linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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pampering
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| v.纵容，宠，娇养( pamper的现在分词 ) | |
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lout
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| n.粗鄙的人；举止粗鲁的人 | |
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sewer
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| n.排水沟，下水道 | |
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engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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trickle
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| vi.淌，滴，流出，慢慢移动，逐渐消散 | |
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piquant
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| adj.辛辣的，开胃的，令人兴奋的 | |
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palatable
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| adj.可口的，美味的；惬意的 | |
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waylay
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| v.埋伏，伏击 | |
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67
sewers
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| n.阴沟，污水管，下水道( sewer的名词复数 ) | |
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68
famished
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| adj.饥饿的 | |
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69
foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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70
interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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71
clout
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| n.用手猛击；权力，影响力 | |
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72
rattling
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| adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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73
sonata
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| n.奏鸣曲 | |
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74
brutality
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| n.野蛮的行为，残忍，野蛮 | |
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75
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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76
ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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77
insinuate
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| vt.含沙射影地说，暗示 | |
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78
bastard
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| n.坏蛋，混蛋；私生子 | |
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79
belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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80
alleged
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| a.被指控的，嫌疑的 | |
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81
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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82
conversion
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| n.转化，转换，转变 | |
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83
bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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84
pranced
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| v.（马）腾跃( prance的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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85
scattering
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| n.[物]散射；散乱，分散；在媒介质中的散播adj.散乱的；分散在不同范围的；广泛扩散的；（选票）数量分散的v.散射(scatter的ing形式)；散布；驱散 | |
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86
benedictions
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| n.祝福( benediction的名词复数 )；（礼拜结束时的）赐福祈祷；恩赐；（大写）（罗马天主教）祈求上帝赐福的仪式 | |
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87
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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88
emanating
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| v.从…处传出，传出( emanate的现在分词 )；产生，表现，显示 | |
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89
blessings
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| n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福 | |
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90
monologue
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| n.长篇大论，（戏剧等中的）独白 | |
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91
everlasting
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| adj.永恒的，持久的，无止境的 | |
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92
salvation
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| n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困 | |
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93
incongruity
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| n.不协调，不一致 | |
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94
aged
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| adj.年老的，陈年的 | |
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95
harangue
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| n.慷慨冗长的训话，言辞激烈的讲话 | |
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96
palaver
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| adj.壮丽堂皇的；n.废话，空话 | |
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97
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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98
impervious
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| adj.不能渗透的，不能穿过的，不易伤害的 | |
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99
spinach
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| n.菠菜 | |
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100
pastor
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| n.牧师，牧人 | |
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101
mumbling
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的现在分词 ) | |
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102
hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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103
marred
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| adj. 被损毁, 污损的 | |
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104
bowling
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| n.保龄球运动 | |
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105
alley
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| n.小巷，胡同；小径，小路 | |
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106
redeemed
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| adj. 可赎回的，可救赎的 动词redeem的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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107
consolatory
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| adj.慰问的，可藉慰的 | |
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108
wry
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| adj.讽刺的；扭曲的 | |
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109
grimace
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| v.做鬼脸，面部歪扭 | |
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110
fleas
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| n.跳蚤( flea的名词复数 )；爱财如命；没好气地（拒绝某人的要求） | |
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111
colon
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| n.冒号，结肠，直肠 | |
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112
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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113
equanimity
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| n.沉着，镇定 | |
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114
purged
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| 清除（政敌等）( purge的过去式和过去分词 )； 涤除（罪恶等）； 净化（心灵、风气等）； 消除（错事等）的不良影响 | |
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115
sluggish
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| adj.懒惰的，迟钝的，无精打采的 | |
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116
sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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117
infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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118
cleansed
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| 弄干净，清洗( cleanse的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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119
dross
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| n.渣滓；无用之物 | |
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120
sanity
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| n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确 | |
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121
unnaturally
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| adv.违反习俗地；不自然地；勉强地；不近人情地 | |
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122
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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123
fatigued
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| adj. 疲乏的 | |
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124
chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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125
infinitive
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| n.不定词；adj.不定词的 | |
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126
erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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127
deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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128
undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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129
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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130
uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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131
dub
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| vt.（以某种称号）授予，给...起绰号，复制 | |
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132
uncertainties
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| 无把握( uncertainty的名词复数 )； 不确定； 变化不定； 无把握、不确定的事物 | |
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133
fanatic
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| n.狂热者，入迷者；adj.狂热入迷的 | |
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134
insinuated
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| v.暗示( insinuate的过去式和过去分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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135
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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136
irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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137
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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138
logic
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| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
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139
incertitude
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| n.疑惑，不确定 | |
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140
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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141
joyous
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| adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的 | |
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142
erecting
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| v.使直立，竖起( erect的现在分词 )；建立 | |
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143
crutch
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| n.T字形拐杖；支持，依靠，精神支柱 | |
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144
pounces
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| v.突然袭击( pounce的第三人称单数 )；猛扑；一眼看出；抓住机会（进行抨击） | |
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