One day only had passed since Anne's conversation with Mrs Smith; but a keener interest had succeeded, and she was now so little touched by Mr Elliot's conduct, except by its effects in one quarter, that it became a matter of course the next morning, still to defer1 her explanatory visit in Rivers Street. She had promised to be with the Musgroves from breakfast to dinner. Her faith was plighted2, and Mr Elliot's character, like the Sultaness Scheherazade's head, must live another day.
She could not keep her appointment punctually, however; the weather was unfavourable, and she had grieved over the rain on her friends' account, and felt it very much on her own, before she was able to attempt the walk. When she reached the White Hart, and made her way to the proper apartment, she found herself neither arriving quite in time, nor the first to arrive. The party before her were, Mrs Musgrove, talking to Mrs Croft, and Captain Harville to Captain Wentworth; and she immediately heard that Mary and Henrietta, too impatient to wait, had gone out the moment it had cleared, but would be back again soon, and that the strictest injunctions had been left with Mrs Musgrove to keep her there till they returned. She had only to submit, sit down, be outwardly composed, and feel herself plunged4 at once in all the agitations5 which she had merely laid her account of tasting a little before the morning closed. There was no delay, no waste of time. She was deep in the happiness of such misery7, or the misery of such happiness, instantly. Two minutes after her entering the room, Captain Wentworth said--
"We will write the letter we were talking of, Harville, now, if you will give me materials. "
Materials were at hand, on a separate table; he went to it, and nearly turning his back to them all, was engrossed8 by writing.
Mrs Musgrove was giving Mrs Croft the history of her eldest9 daughter's engagement, and just in that inconvenient10 tone of voice which was perfectly11 audible while it pretended to be a whisper. Anne felt that she did not belong to the conversation, and yet, as Captain Harville seemed thoughtful and not disposed to talk, she could not avoid hearing many undesirable12 particulars; such as, "how Mr Musgrove and my brother Hayter had met again and again to talk it over; what my brother Hayter had said one day, and what Mr Musgrove had proposed the next, and what had occurred to my sister Hayter, and what the young people had wished, and what I said at first I never could consent to, but was afterwards persuaded to think might do very well, " and a great deal in the same style of open-hearted communication: minutiae13 which, even with every advantage of taste and delicacy14, which good Mrs Musgrove could not give, could be properly interesting only to the principals. Mrs Croft was attending with great good-humour, and whenever she spoke15 at all, it was very sensibly. Anne hoped the gentlemen might each be too much self-occupied to hear.
"And so, ma'am, all these thing considered, " said Mrs Musgrove, in her powerful whisper, "though we could have wished it different, yet, altogether, we did not think it fair to stand out any longer, for Charles Hayter was quite wild about it, and Henrietta was pretty near as bad; and so we thought they had better marry at once, and make the best of it, as many others have done before them. At any rate, said I, it will be better than a long engagement. "
"That is precisely16 what I was going to observe, " cried Mrs Croft. "I would rather have young people settle on a small income at once, and have to struggle with a few difficulties together, than be involved in a long engagement. I always think that no mutual17--"
"Oh! dear Mrs Croft, " cried Mrs Musgrove, unable to let her finish her speech, "there is nothing I so abominate18 for young people as a long engagement. It is what I always protested against for my children. It is all very well, I used to say, for young people to be engaged, if there is a certainty of their being able to marry in six months, or even in twelve; but a long engagement--"
"Yes, dear ma'am, " said Mrs Croft, "or an uncertain engagement, an engagement which may be long. To begin without knowing that at such a time there will be the means of marrying, I hold to be very unsafe and unwise, and what I think all parents should prevent as far as they can. "
Anne found an unexpected interest here. She felt its application to herself, felt it in a nervous thrill all over her; and at the same moment that her eyes instinctively19 glanced towards the distant table, Captain Wentworth's pen ceased to move, his head was raised, pausing, listening, and he turned round the next instant to give a look, one quick, conscious look at her.
The two ladies continued to talk, to re-urge the same admitted truths, and enforce them with such examples of the ill effect of a contrary practice as had fallen within their observation, but Anne heard nothing distinctly; it was only a buzz of words in her ear, her mind was in confusion.
Captain Harville, who had in truth been hearing none of it, now left his seat, and moved to a window, and Anne seeming to watch him, though it was from thorough absence of mind, became gradually sensible that he was inviting20 her to join him where he stood. He looked at her with a smile, and a little motion of the head, which expressed, "Come to me, I have something to say;" and the unaffected, easy kindness of manner which denoted the feelings of an older acquaintance than he really was, strongly enforced the invitation. She roused herself and went to him. The window at which he stood was at the other end of the room from where the two ladies were sitting, and though nearer to Captain Wentworth's table, not very near. As she joined him, Captain Harville's countenance21 re-assumed the serious, thoughtful expression which seemed its natural character.
"Look here, " said he, unfolding a parcel in his hand, and displaying a small miniature painting, "do you know who that is?"
"Certainly: Captain Benwick. "
"Yes, and you may guess who it is for. But, " (in a deep tone, ) "it was not done for her. Miss Elliot, do you remember our walking together at Lyme, and grieving for him? I little thought then-- but no matter. This was drawn22 at the Cape23. He met with a clever young German artist at the Cape, and in compliance24 with a promise to my poor sister, sat to him, and was bringing it home for her; and I have now the charge of getting it properly set for another! It was a commission to me! But who else was there to employ? I hope I can allow for him. I am not sorry, indeed, to make it over to another. He undertakes it;" (looking towards Captain Wentworth, ) "he is writing about it now. " And with a quivering lip he wound up the whole by adding, "Poor Fanny! she would not have forgotten him so soon!"
"No, " replied Anne, in a low, feeling voice. "That I can easily believe. "
"It was not in her nature. She doted on him. "
"It would not be the nature of any woman who truly loved. "
Captain Harville smiled, as much as to say, "Do you claim that for your sex?" and she answered the question, smiling also, "Yes. We certainly do not forget you as soon as you forget us. It is, perhaps, our fate rather than our merit. We cannot help ourselves. We live at home, quiet, confined, and our feelings prey25 upon us. You are forced on exertion26. You have always a profession, pursuits, business of some sort or other, to take you back into the world immediately, and continual occupation and change soon weaken impressions. "
"Granting your assertion that the world does all this so soon for men (which, however, I do not think I shall grant), it does not apply to Benwick. He has not been forced upon any exertion. The peace turned him on shore at the very moment, and he has been living with us, in our little family circle, ever since. "
"True, " said Anne, "very true; I did not recollect27; but what shall we say now, Captain Harville? If the change be not from outward circumstances, it must be from within; it must be nature, man's nature, which has done the business for Captain Benwick. "
"No, no, it is not man's nature. I will not allow it to be more man's nature than woman's to be inconstant and forget those they do love, or have loved. I believe the reverse. I believe in a true analogy between our bodily frames and our mental; and that as our bodies are the strongest, so are our feelings; capable of bearing most rough usage, and riding out the heaviest weather. "
"Your feelings may be the strongest, " replied Anne, "but the same spirit of analogy will authorise me to assert that ours are the most tender. Man is more robust28 than woman, but he is not longer lived; which exactly explains my view of the nature of their attachments30. Nay31, it would be too hard upon you, if it were otherwise. You have difficulties, and privations, and dangers enough to struggle with. You are always labouring and toiling32, exposed to every risk and hardship. Your home, country, friends, all quitted. Neither time, nor health, nor life, to be called your own. It would be hard, indeed" (with a faltering33 voice), "if woman's feelings were to be added to all this. "
"We shall never agree upon this question, " Captain Harville was beginning to say, when a slight noise called their attention to Captain Wentworth's hitherto perfectly quiet division of the room. It was nothing more than that his pen had fallen down; but Anne was startled at finding him nearer than she had supposed, and half inclined to suspect that the pen had only fallen because he had been occupied by them, striving to catch sounds, which yet she did not think he could have caught.
"Have you finished your letter?" said Captain Harville.
"Not quite, a few lines more. I shall have done in five minutes. "
"There is no hurry on my side. I am only ready whenever you are. I am in very good anchorage here, " (smiling at Anne, ) "well supplied, and want for nothing. No hurry for a signal at all. Well, Miss Elliot, " (lowering his voice, ) "as I was saying we shall never agree, I suppose, upon this point. No man and woman, would, probably. But let me observe that all histories are against you--all stories, prose and verse. If I had such a memory as Benwick, I could bring you fifty quotations34 in a moment on my side the argument, and I do not think I ever opened a book in my life which had not something to say upon woman's inconstancy. Songs and proverbs, all talk of woman's fickleness35. But perhaps you will say, these were all written by men. "
"Perhaps I shall. Yes, yes, if you please, no reference to examples in books. Men have had every advantage of us in telling their own story. Education has been theirs in so much higher a degree; the pen has been in their hands. I will not allow books to prove anything. "
"But how shall we prove anything?"
"We never shall. We never can expect to prove any thing upon such a point. It is a difference of opinion which does not admit of proof. We each begin, probably, with a little bias36 towards our own sex; and upon that bias build every circumstance in favour of it which has occurred within our own circle; many of which circumstances (perhaps those very cases which strike us the most) may be precisely such as cannot be brought forward without betraying a confidence, or in some respect saying what should not be said. "
"Ah!" cried Captain Harville, in a tone of strong feeling, "if I could but make you comprehend what a man suffers when he takes a last look at his wife and children, and watches the boat that he has sent them off in, as long as it is in sight, and then turns away and says, `God knows whether we ever meet again!' And then, if I could convey to you the glow of his soul when he does see them again; when, coming back after a twelvemonth's absence, perhaps, and obliged to put into another port, he calculates how soon it be possible to get them there, pretending to deceive himself, and saying, `They cannot be here till such a day, ' but all the while hoping for them twelve hours sooner, and seeing them arrive at last, as if Heaven had given them wings, by many hours sooner still! If I could explain to you all this, and all that a man can bear and do, and glories to do, for the sake of these treasures of his existence! I speak, you know, only of such men as have hearts!" pressing his own with emotion.
"Oh!" cried Anne eagerly, "I hope I do justice to all that is felt by you, and by those who resemble you. God forbid that I should undervalue the warm and faithful feelings of any of my fellow-creatures! I should deserve utter contempt if I dared to suppose that true attachment29 and constancy were known only by woman. No, I believe you capable of everything great and good in your married lives. I believe you equal to every important exertion, and to every domestic forbearance, so long as--if I may be allowed the expression--so long as you have an object. I mean while the woman you love lives, and lives for you. All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one; you need not covet37 it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone. "
She could not immediately have uttered another sentence; her heart was too full, her breath too much oppressed.
"You are a good soul, " cried Captain Harville, putting his hand on her arm, quite affectionately. "There is no quarrelling with you. And when I think of Benwick, my tongue is tied. "
Their attention was called towards the others. Mrs Croft was taking leave.
"Here, Frederick, you and I part company, I believe, " said she. "I am going home, and you have an engagement with your friend. To-night we may have the pleasure of all meeting again at your party, " (turning to Anne. ) "We had your sister's card yesterday, and I understood Frederick had a card too, though I did not see it; and you are disengaged, Frederick, are you not, as well as ourselves?"
Captain Wentworth was folding up a letter in great haste, and either could not or would not answer fully38.
"Yes, " said he, "very true; here we separate, but Harville and I shall soon be after you; that is, Harville, if you are ready, I am in half a minute. I know you will not be sorry to be off. I shall be at your service in half a minute. "
Mrs Croft left them, and Captain Wentworth, having sealed his letter with great rapidity, was indeed ready, and had even a hurried, agitated39 air, which shewed impatience40 to be gone. Anne knew not how to understand it. She had the kindest "Good morning, God bless you!" from Captain Harville, but from him not a word, nor a look! He had passed out of the room without a look!
She had only time, however, to move closer to the table where he had been writing, when footsteps were heard returning; the door opened, it was himself. He begged their pardon, but he had forgotten his gloves, and instantly crossing the room to the writing table, he drew out a letter from under the scattered41 paper, placed it before Anne with eyes of glowing entreaty42 fixed43 on her for a time, and hastily collecting his gloves, was again out of the room, almost before Mrs Musgrove was aware of his being in it: the work of an instant!
The revolution which one instant had made in Anne, was almost beyond expression. The letter, with a direction hardly legible, to "Miss A. E. --, " was evidently the one which he had been folding so hastily. While supposed to be writing only to Captain Benwick, he had been also addressing her! On the contents of that letter depended all which this world could do for her. Anything was possible, anything might be defied rather than suspense44. Mrs Musgrove had little arrangements of her own at her own table; to their protection she must trust, and sinking into the chair which he had occupied, succeeding to the very spot where he had leaned and written, her eyes devoured45 the following words:
"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated46 mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent47, most undeviating, in F. W.
"I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never. "
Such a letter was not to be soon recovered from. Half and hour's solitude48 and reflection might have tranquillized her; but the ten minutes only which now passed before she was interrupted, with all the restraints of her situation, could do nothing towards tranquillity50. Every moment rather brought fresh agitation6. It was overpowering happiness. And before she was beyond the first stage of full sensation, Charles, Mary, and Henrietta all came in.
The absolute necessity of seeming like herself produced then an immediate3 struggle; but after a while she could do no more. She began not to understand a word they said, and was obliged to plead indisposition and excuse herself. They could then see that she looked very ill, were shocked and concerned, and would not stir without her for the world. This was dreadful. Would they only have gone away, and left her in the quiet possession of that room it would have been her cure; but to have them all standing51 or waiting around her was distracting, and in desperation, she said she would go home.
"By all means, my dear, " cried Mrs Musgrove, "go home directly, and take care of yourself, that you may be fit for the evening. I wish Sarah was here to doctor you, but I am no doctor myself. Charles, ring and order a chair. She must not walk. "
But the chair would never do. Worse than all! To lose the possibility of speaking two words to Captain Wentworth in the course of her quiet, solitary53 progress up the town (and she felt almost certain of meeting him) could not be borne. The chair was earnestly protested against, and Mrs Musgrove, who thought only of one sort of illness, having assured herself with some anxiety, that there had been no fall in the case; that Anne had not at any time lately slipped down, and got a blow on her head; that she was perfectly convinced of having had no fall; could part with her cheerfully, and depend on finding her better at night.
Anxious to omit no possible precaution, Anne struggled, and said--
"I am afraid, ma'am, that it is not perfectly understood. Pray be so good as to mention to the other gentlemen that we hope to see your whole party this evening. I am afraid there had been some mistake; and I wish you particularly to assure Captain Harville and Captain Wentworth, that we hope to see them both. "
"Oh! my dear, it is quite understood, I give you my word. Captain Harville has no thought but of going. "
"Do you think so? But I am afraid; and I should be so very sorry. Will you promise me to mention it, when you see them again? You will see them both this morning, I dare say. Do promise me. "
"To be sure I will, if you wish it. Charles, if you see Captain Harville anywhere, remember to give Miss Anne's message. But indeed, my dear, you need not be uneasy. Captain Harville holds himself quite engaged, I'll answer for it; and Captain Wentworth the same, I dare say. "
Anne could do no more; but her heart prophesied54 some mischance to damp the perfection of her felicity. It could not be very lasting55, however. Even if he did not come to Camden Place himself, it would be in her power to send an intelligible56 sentence by Captain Harville. Another momentary57 vexation occurred. Charles, in his real concern and good nature, would go home with her; there was no preventing him. This was almost cruel. But she could not be long ungrateful; he was sacrificing an engagement at a gunsmith's, to be of use to her; and she set off with him, with no feeling but gratitude58 apparent.
They were on Union Street, when a quicker step behind, a something of familiar sound, gave her two moments' preparation for the sight of Captain Wentworth. He joined them; but, as if irresolute59 whether to join or to pass on, said nothing, only looked. Anne could command herself enough to receive that look, and not repulsively60. The cheeks which had been pale now glowed, and the movements which had hesitated were decided61. He walked by her side. Presently, struck by a sudden thought, Charles said--
"Captain Wentworth, which way are you going? Only to Gay Street, or farther up the town?"
"I hardly know, " replied Captain Wentworth, surprised.
"Are you going as high as Belmont? Are you going near Camden Place? Because, if you are, I shall have no scruple62 in asking you to take my place, and give Anne your arm to her father's door. She is rather done for this morning, and must not go so far without help, and I ought to be at that fellow's in the Market Place. He promised me the sight of a capital gun he is just going to send off; said he would keep it unpacked63 to the last possible moment, that I might see it; and if I do not turn back now, I have no chance. By his description, a good deal like the second size double-barrel of mine, which you shot with one day round Winthrop. "
There could not be an objection. There could be only the most proper alacrity64, a most obliging compliance for public view; and smiles reined65 in and spirits dancing in private rapture66. In half a minute Charles was at the bottom of Union Street again, and the other two proceeding67 together: and soon words enough had passed between them to decide their direction towards the comparatively quiet and retired68 gravel69 walk, where the power of conversation would make the present hour a blessing70 indeed, and prepare it for all the immortality71 which the happiest recollections of their own future lives could bestow72. There they exchanged again those feelings and those promises which had once before seemed to secure everything, but which had been followed by so many, many years of division and estrangement73. There they returned again into the past, more exquisitely74 happy, perhaps, in their re-union, than when it had been first projected; more tender, more tried, more fixed in a knowledge of each other's character, truth, and attachment; more equal to act, more justified76 in acting52. And there, as they slowly paced the gradual ascent77, heedless of every group around them, seeing neither sauntering politicians, bustling78 housekeepers79, flirting80 girls, nor nursery-maids and children, they could indulge in those retrospections and acknowledgements, and especially in those explanations of what had directly preceded the present moment, which were so poignant81 and so ceaseless in interest. All the little variations of the last week were gone through; and of yesterday and today there could scarcely be an end.
She had not mistaken him. Jealousy82 of Mr Elliot had been the retarding83 weight, the doubt, the torment84. That had begun to operate in the very hour of first meeting her in Bath; that had returned, after a short suspension, to ruin the concert; and that had influenced him in everything he had said and done, or omitted to say and do, in the last four-and-twenty hours. It had been gradually yielding to the better hopes which her looks, or words, or actions occasionally encouraged; it had been vanquished85 at last by those sentiments and those tones which had reached him while she talked with Captain Harville; and under the irresistible86 governance of which he had seized a sheet of paper, and poured out his feelings.
Of what he had then written, nothing was to be retracted87 or qualified88. He persisted in having loved none but her. She had never been supplanted89. He never even believed himself to see her equal. Thus much indeed he was obliged to acknowledge: that he had been constant unconsciously, nay unintentionally; that he had meant to forget her, and believed it to be done. He had imagined himself indifferent, when he had only been angry; and he had been unjust to her merits, because he had been a sufferer from them. Her character was now fixed on his mind as perfection itself, maintaining the loveliest medium of fortitude90 and gentleness; but he was obliged to acknowledge that only at Uppercross had he learnt to do her justice, and only at Lyme had he begun to understand himself. At Lyme, he had received lessons of more than one sort. The passing admiration91 of Mr Elliot had at least roused him, and the scenes on the Cobb and at Captain Harville's had fixed her superiority.
In his preceding attempts to attach himself to Louisa Musgrove (the attempts of angry pride), he protested that he had for ever felt it to be impossible; that he had not cared, could not care, for Louisa; though till that day, till the leisure for reflection which followed it, he had not understood the perfect excellence92 of the mind with which Louisa's could so ill bear a comparison, or the perfect unrivalled hold it possessed93 over his own. There, he had learnt to distinguish between the steadiness of principle and the obstinacy94 of self-will, between the darings of heedlessness and the resolution of a collected mind. There he had seen everything to exalt95 in his estimation the woman he had lost; and there begun to deplore96 the pride, the folly97, the madness of resentment98, which had kept him from trying to regain99 her when thrown in his way.
From that period his penance100 had become severe. He had no sooner been free from the horror and remorse101 attending the first few days of Louisa's accident, no sooner begun to feel himself alive again, than he had begun to feel himself, though alive, not at liberty.
"I found, " said he, "that I was considered by Harville an engaged man! That neither Harville nor his wife entertained a doubt of our mutual attachment. I was startled and shocked. To a degree, I could contradict this instantly; but, when I began to reflect that others might have felt the same--her own family, nay, perhaps herself--I was no longer at my own disposal. I was hers in honour if she wished it. I had been unguarded. I had not thought seriously on this subject before. I had not considered that my excessive intimacy102 must have its danger of ill consequence in many ways; and that I had no right to be trying whether I could attach myself to either of the girls, at the risk of raising even an unpleasant report, were there no other ill effects. I had been grossly wrong, and must abide103 the consequences. "
He found too late, in short, that he had entangled104 himself; and that precisely as he became fully satisfied of his not caring for Louisa at all, he must regard himself as bound to her, if her sentiments for him were what the Harvilles supposed. It determined105 him to leave Lyme, and await her complete recovery elsewhere. He would gladly weaken, by any fair means, whatever feelings or speculations106 concerning him might exist; and he went, therefore, to his brother's, meaning after a while to return to Kellynch, and act as circumstances might require.
"I was six weeks with Edward, " said he, "and saw him happy. I could have no other pleasure. I deserved none. He enquired107 after you very particularly; asked even if you were personally altered, little suspecting that to my eye you could never alter. "
Anne smiled, and let it pass. It was too pleasing a blunder for a reproach. It is something for a woman to be assured, in her eight-and-twentieth year, that she has not lost one charm of earlier youth; but the value of such homage108 was inexpressibly increased to Anne, by comparing it with former words, and feeling it to be the result, not the cause of a revival109 of his warm attachment.
He had remained in Shropshire, lamenting110 the blindness of his own pride, and the blunders of his own calculations, till at once released from Louisa by the astonishing and felicitous111 intelligence of her engagement with Benwick.
"Here, " said he, "ended the worst of my state; for now I could at least put myself in the way of happiness; I could exert myself; I could do something. But to be waiting so long in inaction, and waiting only for evil, had been dreadful. Within the first five minutes I said, `I will be at Bath on Wednesday, ' and I was. Was it unpardonable to think it worth my while to come? and to arrive with some degree of hope? You were single. It was possible that you might retain the feelings of the past, as I did; and one encouragement happened to be mine. I could never doubt that you would be loved and sought by others, but I knew to a certainty that you had refused one man, at least, of better pretensions112 than myself; and I could not help often saying, `Was this for me?'"
Their first meeting in Milsom Street afforded much to be said, but the concert still more. That evening seemed to be made up of exquisite75 moments. The moment of her stepping forward in the Octagon Room to speak to him: the moment of Mr Elliot's appearing and tearing her away, and one or two subsequent moments, marked by returning hope or increasing despondency, were dwelt on with energy.
"To see you, " cried he, "in the midst of those who could not be my well-wishers; to see your cousin close by you, conversing113 and smiling, and feel all the horrible eligibilities and proprieties114 of the match! To consider it as the certain wish of every being who could hope to influence you! Even if your own feelings were reluctant or indifferent, to consider what powerful supports would be his! Was it not enough to make the fool of me which I appeared? How could I look on without agony? Was not the very sight of the friend who sat behind you, was not the recollection of what had been, the knowledge of her influence, the indelible, immoveable impression of what persuasion115 had once done-- was it not all against me?"
"You should have distinguished116, " replied Anne. "You should not have suspected me now; the case is so different, and my age is so different. If I was wrong in yielding to persuasion once, remember that it was to persuasion exerted on the side of safety, not of risk. When I yielded, I thought it was to duty, but no duty could be called in aid here. In marrying a man indifferent to me, all risk would have been incurred117, and all duty violated. "
"Perhaps I ought to have reasoned thus, " he replied, "but I could not. I could not derive118 benefit from the late knowledge I had acquired of your character. I could not bring it into play; it was overwhelmed, buried, lost in those earlier feelings which I had been smarting under year after year. I could think of you only as one who had yielded, who had given me up, who had been influenced by any one rather than by me. I saw you with the very person who had guided you in that year of misery. I had no reason to believe her of less authority now. The force of habit was to be added. "
"I should have thought, " said Anne, "that my manner to yourself might have spared you much or all of this. "
"No, no! your manner might be only the ease which your engagement to another man would give. I left you in this belief; and yet, I was determined to see you again. My spirits rallied with the morning, and I felt that I had still a motive119 for remaining here. "
At last Anne was at home again, and happier than any one in that house could have conceived. All the surprise and suspense, and every other painful part of the morning dissipated by this conversation, she re-entered the house so happy as to be obliged to find an alloy120 in some momentary apprehensions121 of its being impossible to last. An interval122 of meditation123, serious and grateful, was the best corrective of everything dangerous in such high-wrought felicity; and she went to her room, and grew steadfast124 and fearless in the thankfulness of her enjoyment125.
The evening came, the drawing-rooms were lighted up, the company assembled. It was but a card party, it was but a mixture of those who had never met before, and those who met too often; a commonplace business, too numerous for intimacy, too small for variety; but Anne had never found an evening shorter. Glowing and lovely in sensibility and happiness, and more generally admired than she thought about or cared for, she had cheerful or forbearing feelings for every creature around her. Mr Elliot was there; she avoided, but she could pity him. The Wallises, she had amusement in understanding them. Lady Dalrymple and Miss Carteret--they would soon be innoxious cousins to her. She cared not for Mrs Clay, and had nothing to blush for in the public manners of her father and sister. With the Musgroves, there was the happy chat of perfect ease; with Captain Harville, the kind-hearted intercourse126 of brother and sister; with Lady Russell, attempts at conversation, which a delicious consciousness cut short; with Admiral and Mrs Croft, everything of peculiar127 cordiality and fervent interest, which the same consciousness sought to conceal128; and with Captain Wentworth, some moments of communications continually occurring, and always the hope of more, and always the knowledge of his being there.
It was in one of these short meetings, each apparently129 occupied in admiring a fine display of greenhouse plants, that she said--
"I have been thinking over the past, and trying impartially130 to judge of the right and wrong, I mean with regard to myself; and I must believe that I was right, much as I suffered from it, that I was perfectly right in being guided by the friend whom you will love better than you do now. To me, she was in the place of a parent. Do not mistake me, however. I am not saying that she did not err49 in her advice. It was, perhaps, one of those cases in which advice is good or bad only as the event decides; and for myself, I certainly never should, in any circumstance of tolerable similarity, give such advice. But I mean, that I was right in submitting to her, and that if I had done otherwise, I should have suffered more in continuing the engagement than I did even in giving it up, because I should have suffered in my conscience. I have now, as far as such a sentiment is allowable in human nature, nothing to reproach myself with; and if I mistake not, a strong sense of duty is no bad part of a woman's portion. "
He looked at her, looked at Lady Russell, and looking again at her, replied, as if in cool deliberation--
"Not yet. But there are hopes of her being forgiven in time. I trust to being in charity with her soon. But I too have been thinking over the past, and a question has suggested itself, whether there may not have been one person more my enemy even than that lady? My own self. Tell me if, when I returned to England in the year eight, with a few thousand pounds, and was posted into the Laconia, if I had then written to you, would you have answered my letter? Would you, in short, have renewed the engagement then?"
"Would I!" was all her answer; but the accent was decisive enough.
"Good God!" he cried, "you would! It is not that I did not think of it, or desire it, as what could alone crown all my other success; but I was proud, too proud to ask again. I did not understand you. I shut my eyes, and would not understand you, or do you justice. This is a recollection which ought to make me forgive every one sooner than myself. Six years of separation and suffering might have been spared. It is a sort of pain, too, which is new to me. I have been used to the gratification of believing myself to earn every blessing that I enjoyed. I have valued myself on honourable131 toils132 and just rewards. Like other great men under reverses, " he added, with a smile. "I must endeavour to subdue133 my mind to my fortune. I must learn to brook134 being happier than I deserve. "
安妮同史密斯夫人的谈话才过去一天，可她又遇到了使她更感兴趣的事情，现在对于埃利奥特先生的行为，除了有个方面造成的后果还使她感到关切以外，别的方面她已经不大感兴趣了，因此到了第二天早晨，理所当然地要再次推迟到里弗斯街说明真情。她先前答应过，早饭后陪默斯格罗夫太太一行玩到吃中饭。她信守自己的诺言，于是，埃利奥特先生的声誉可以像山鲁佐德王后的脑袋一样，再保全一天。
可是她未能准时赴约。天不作美，下起雨来，她先为她的朋友和她自己担忧了一阵，然后才开始往外走。当她来到白哈特旅馆，走进她要找的房间时，发现自己既不及时，也不是头一个到达。她面前就有好几个人，默斯格罗夫太太在同克罗夫特夫人说话，哈维尔上校在同温特沃思上校交谈。她当即听说，玛丽和亨丽埃塔等得不耐烦，天一晴就出去了，不过很快就会回来。她们还责成默斯格罗夫太太，千万要叫安妮等她们回来。安妮只好遵命，坐下来，表面上装得很镇静，心里却顿时觉得激动不安起来。本来，她只是料想在上午结束之前，才能尝到一些激动不安的滋味，现在却好，没有拖延，没有耽搁，她当即便陷入了如此痛苦的幸福之中，或是如此幸福的痛苦之中。她走进屋子两分钟，只听温特沃思上校说道：
“哈维尔，我们刚才说到写信的事，你要是给我纸笔，我们现在就写吧。”
纸笔就在跟前，放在另外一张桌子上。温特沃思上校走过去，几乎是背朝着大家坐下，全神贯注地写了起来。
默斯格罗夫太太在向克罗夫特夫人介绍她大女儿的订婚经过，用的还是那个令人讨厌的语气，一面假装窃窃私语，一面又让众人听得一清二楚。安妮觉得自己与这谈话没有关系，可是，由于哈维尔上校似乎思虑重重，无心说话，因此安妮不可避免地要听到许多有伤大雅的细节，比如，默斯格罗夫先生和她妹夫海特如何一再接触，反复商量啊，她妹夫海特某日说了什么话，默斯格罗夫先生隔日又提出了什么建议啊，他妹妹海特夫人有些什么想法啦，年轻人有些什么意愿啦，默斯格罗夫太太起先说什么也不同意，后来听了别人的劝说，觉得倒挺合适啦，她就这样直言不讳地说了一大堆。这些细枝末节，即使说得十分文雅，十分得体，也只能使那些对此有切身利害关系的人感到兴趣，何况善良的默斯格罗夫太太还不具备这种情趣和雅致。克罗夫特夫人听得津津有味，她不说话则已，一说起话来总是很有分寸。安妮希望，那些男客能个个自顾不暇，听不见默斯格罗夫太太说的话。
“就这样，夫人，把这些情况通盘考虑一下，”默斯格罗夫太太用她那高门大嗓的窃窃私语说道，“虽说我们可能不希望这样做，但是我们觉得再拖下去也不是个办法，因为查尔斯·海特都快急疯了，亨丽埃塔也同样心急火燎的，所以我们认为最好让他们马上成亲，尽量把婚事办得体面些，就像许多人在他们前面所做的那样。我说过，无论如何，这比长期订婚要好。”
“我也正想这样说，”克罗夫特夫人嚷道。“我宁肯让青年人凭着一小笔收入马上成亲，一起来同困难作斗争，也不愿让他们卷入长期的订婚。我总是认为，没有相互间……”
“哦！亲爱的克罗夫特夫人，”默斯格罗夫太太等不及让她把话说完，便大声嚷了起来，“我最厌烦让青年人长期订婚啦。我总是反对自己的孩子长期订婚。我过去常说，青年人订婚是件大好事，如果他们有把握能在六个月，甚至十二个月内结婚的话。可是长期订婚！”
“是的，太太，”克罗夫特夫人说道，“或者说是不大牢靠的订婚，可能拖得很长的订婚，都不可取。开始的时候还不知道在某时某刻有没有能力结婚，我觉得这很不稳妥，很不明智，我认为所有做父母的应当极力加以阻止。”
安妮听到这里，不想来了兴趣。她觉得这话是针对她说的，浑身顿时紧张起来。在这同时，她的眼睛本能地朝远处的桌子那里望去，只见温特沃思上校停住笔，仰起头，静静地听着。随即，他转过脸，迅疾而会心地对安妮看了一眼。
两位夫人还在继续交谈，一再强调那些公认的真理，并且用自己观察到的事例加以印证，说明背道而驰要带来不良的后果。可惜安妮什么也没听清楚，她们的话只在她耳朵里嗡嗡作响，她的心里乱糟糟的。
哈维尔上校的确是一句话也没听见，现在离开座位，走到窗口，安妮似乎是在注视他，虽说这完全是心不在焉造成的。她渐渐注意到，哈维尔上校在请她到他那里去。只见他笑嘻嘻地望着自己，脑袋略微一点，意思是说：“到我这里来，我有话对你说。”他的态度真挚大方，和蔼可亲，好像早就是老朋友似的，因而显得更加盛情难却。安妮立起身来，朝他那儿走去。哈维尔上校伫立的窗口位于屋子的一端，两位夫人坐在另一端，虽说距离温特沃思上校的桌子近了些，但还不是很近。当安妮走至他跟前时，哈维尔上校的面部又摆出一副认真思索的表情，看来这是他脸上的自然特征。
“你瞧，”他说，一面打开手里的一个小包，展示出一幅小型画像。“你知道这是谁吗？” ．
“当然知道。是本威克中校。”
“是的。你猜得出来这是送给谁的。不过，”哈维尔带着深沉的语气说，“这原先可不是为她画的。埃利奥特小姐，你还记得我们一起在莱姆散步，心里为他忧伤的情景吗？我当时万万没有想到——不过那无关紧要。这像是在好望角画的。他早先答应送给我那可怜的妹妹一幅画像，在好望角遇到一位很有才华的年轻德国画家，就让他画了一幅，带回来送给我妹妹。我现在却负责让人把像装帧好，送给另一个人。这事偏偏委托给我！不过他还能委托谁呢？我希望我能谅解他。把画像转交给另一个人，我的确不感到遗憾。他要这么干的。”他朝温特沃思上校望去，“他正在为此事写信呢。”最后，他嘴唇颤抖地补充说：“可怜的范妮！她可不会这么快就忘记他！”
“不会的，”安妮带着低微而感慨的声音答道，“这我不难相信。”
“她不是那种性格的人。她太喜爱他了。”
“但凡真心相爱的女人，谁都不是那种性格。”
哈维尔上校莞尔一笑，说：“你为你们女人打这个包票？”安妮同样嫣然一笑，答道：“是的。我们对你们当然不像你们对我们忘得那么快。也许，这与其说是我们的优点，不如说是命该如此。我们实在没有办法。我们关在家里，生活平平淡淡，总是受到感情的折磨。你们男人不得不劳劳碌碌的。你们总有一项职业，总有这样那样的事务，马上就能回到世事当中，不停的忙碌与变更可以削弱人们的印象。”
“就算你说得对（可我不想假定你是对的），认为世事对男人有这么大的威力，见效这么快，可是这并不适用于本威克。他没有被迫劳劳碌碌的。当时天下太平了，他回到岸上，从此便一直同我们生活在一起，生活在我们家庭的小圈子里。”
“的确，”安妮说道，“的确如此。我没有想到这一点。不过，现在该怎么说呢，哈维尔上校？如果变化不是来自外在因素，那一定是来自内因。一定是性格，男人的性格帮了本威克中校的忙。”
“不，不，不是男人的性格。对自己喜爱或是曾经喜爱过的人朝三暮四，甚至忘情，我不承认这是男人的、而不是女人的本性。我认为恰恰相反。我认为我们的身体和精神状态是完全一致的。因为我们的身体更强壮，我们的感情也更强烈，能经得起惊涛骇浪的考验。”
“你们的感情可能更强烈，”安妮答道，“但是本着这身心一致的精神，我可以这样说，我们的感情更加温柔。男人比女人强壮，但是寿命不比女人长，这就恰好说明了我们对他们的感情的看法。要不然的话，你们就会受不了啦。你们要同艰难、困苦和危险作斗争。你们总是在艰苦奋斗，遇到种种艰难险阻。你们离开了家庭、祖国和朋友。时光、健康和生命都不能说是你们自己的。假如再具备女人一样的情感，”她声音颤抖地说，“那就的确太苛刻了。”
“在这个问题上，我们的意见永远不会一致，”哈维尔上校刚说了个话头，只听“啪’的一声轻响，把他们的注意力吸引到温特沃思上校所在的地方，那里迄今为止一直是静悄悄的。其实，那只不过是他的笔掉到了地上，可是安妮惊奇地发现，他离她比原来想象的要近。她有点怀疑，他之所以把笔掉到地上，只是因为他在注意他们俩，想听清他们的话音，可安妮觉得，他根本听不清。
“你的信写好了没有？”哈维尔上校问道。
“没全写好，还差几行。再有五分钟就完了。”
“我这里倒不急。只要你准备好了，我也就准备好了。我处在理想锚地，”他对安妮粲然一笑，“供给充足，百无一缺。根本不急于等信号。唔，埃利奥特小姐，”他压低声音说，“正如我刚才所说的，我想在这一点上，我们永远不会意见一致。大概没有哪个男个和哪个女人会取得一致。不过请听我说，所有的历史记载都与你的观点背道而驰——所有的故事、散文和韵文。假如我有本威克那样的记忆力，我马上就能引出五十个事例，来证实我的论点。我想，我生平每打开一本书，总要说到女人的朝三暮四。所有的歌词和谚语都谈到女人的反复无常。不过你也许会说，那都是男人写的。”
“也许我是要这么说。是的，是的，请你不要再引用书里的例子。男人比我们具有种种有利条件，可以讲述他们的故事。他们受过比我们高得多的教育，笔杆子握在他们手里。我不承认书本可以证明任何事情。”
“可我们如何来证明任何事情呢？”
“我们永远证明不了。在这样一个问题上，我们永远证明不了任何东西。这种意见分歧是无法证明的。我们大概从一开头就对自己同性别的人有点偏心。基于这种偏心，便用发生在我们周围的一起起事件，来为自己同性别的人辩护。这些事件有许多（也许正是那些给我们的印象最深刻），一旦提出来，就势必要吐露一些隐衷，或者在某些方面说些不该说的话。”
“啊！”哈维尔上校大声叫道，声音很激动，“当一个人最后看一眼自己的老婆孩子，眼巴巴地望着把他们送走的小船，直到看不见为止，然后转过身来，说了声：‘天晓得我们还会不会再见面！’我真希望能使你理解，此时此刻他有多么痛苦啊！同时，我真希望让你知道，当他再次见到老婆孩子时，心里有多么激动啊！当他也许离别了一年之后，终于回来了，奉命驶入另一港口，他便盘算什么时候能把老婆孩子接到身边，假装欺骗自己说：‘他们要到某某日才能到达。’可他一直在希望他们能早到十二个小时，而最后看见他们还早到了好多个小时，犹如上帝给他们插上了翅膀似的，他心里有多么激动啊！我要是能向你说明这一切，说明一个人为了他生命中的那些宝贝疙瘩，能够承受多大的磨难，做出多大的努力，而且以此为荣，那该有多好！你知道，我说的只是那些有心肠的人！”说着，激动地按了按自己的心。
“哦！”安妮急忙嚷道，“我希望自己能充分理解你的情感，理解类似你们这种人的情感。我决不能低估我的同胞热烈而忠贞的感情！假如我胆敢认为只有女人才懂得坚贞不渝的爱情，那么我就活该受人鄙视。不，我相信你们在婚后生活中，能够做出种种崇高而美好的事情。我相信你们能够做出一切重大努力，能够对家人百般克制，只要你们心里有个目标——如果我可以这样说的话。我是说，只要你们的恋人还活着，而且为你们活着。我认为我们女人的长处（这不是个令人羡慕的长处，你们不必为之垂涎），就在于她们对于自己的恋人，即便人不在世，或是失去希望，也能天长日久地爱下去！”
一时之间，她再也说不出一句话了，只觉得心里百感交集，气都快透不出来了。
“你真是个贤惠的女人，”哈维尔上校叫道，一面十分亲热地把手搭在她的胳臂上。“没法同你争论。况且我一想起本威克，就无话可说了。”
这时，他们的注意力被吸引到众人那里。克罗夫特夫人正在告辞。
“弗雷德里克，我想我俩要分手啦，”她说。“我要回家，你和朋友还有事干。今晚我们大家要在你们的晚会上再次相会，”她转向安妮。“我们昨天接到你姐姐的请帖，我听说弗雷德里克也接到了请帖，不过我没见到。弗雷德里克，你是不是像我们一样，今晚有空去呢？”
温特沃思上校正在急急忙忙地叠信，不是顾不得，就是不愿意认真回答。
“是的，”他说，“的确如此。你先走吧，哈维尔和我随后就来。这就是说，哈维尔，你要是准备好了，我再有半分钟就完了。我知道你想走，我再过半分钟就陪你走。”
克罗夫特夫人告辞了。温特沃思上校火速封好信，的的确确忙完了，甚至露出一副仓促不安的神气，表明他一心急着要走。安妮有些莫名其妙。哈维尔上校十分亲切地向她说了声：“再见，愿上帝保佑你！”可温特沃思上校却一声不响，连看都不看一眼，就这样走出了屋子！
安妮刚刚走近他先前伏在上面写信的那张桌子，忽听有人回屋的脚步声。房门打开了，回来的正是温特沃思上校。他说请原谅，他忘了拿手套，当即穿过屋子，来到写字台跟前，背对着默斯格罗夫太太，从一把散乱的信纸底下抽出一封信，放在安妮面前，用深情、恳切的目光凝视了她一阵，然后匆匆拾起手套，又走出了屋子，搞得默斯格罗夫太太几乎不知道他回来过，可见动作之神速！
霎时间，安妮心里引起的变化简直无法形容。明摆着，这就是他刚才匆匆忙忙在折叠的那封信,收信人为“安·埃利奥特小姐”，字迹几乎辨认不清。人们原以为他仅仅在给本威克中校写信，不想他还在给她安妮写信！安妮的整个命运全系在这封信的内容上了。什么情况都有可能出现，而她什么情况都可以顶得住，就是等不及要看个究竟。默斯格罗夫太太正坐在自己的桌前,忙着处理自己的一些琐事，因此不会注意安妮在干什么，于是她一屁股坐进温特沃思上校坐过的椅子，伏在他方才伏案写信的地方，两眼贪婪地读起信来：
我再也不能默默地倾听了。我必须用我力所能及的方式向你表明：你的话刺痛了我的心灵。我是半怀着痛苦，半怀着希望。请你不要对我说：我表白得太晚了，那种珍贵的感情已经一去不复返了。八年半以前，我的心几乎被你扯碎了，现在我怀着一颗更加忠于你的心，再次向你求婚。我不敢说男人比女人忘情快，绝情也快。我除了你以外没有爱过任何人。我可能不够公平，可能意志薄弱，满腹怨恨，但是我从未见异思迁过。只是为了你，我才来到了巴思。我的一切考虑、一切打算，都是为了你一个人。你难道看不出来吗？你难道不理解我的心意吗？假如我能摸透你的心思（就像我认为你摸透了我的心思那样），我连这十天也等不及的。我简直写不下去了。我时时刻刻都在听到一些使我倾倒的话。你压低了声音，可是你那语气别人听不出，我可辨得清。你真是太贤惠，太高尚了！你的确对我们做出了公正的评价。你相信男人当中也存在着真正的爱情与忠贞。请相信我最炽烈、最坚定不移的爱情。
弗·温
我对自己的命运捉摸不定，只好走开。不过我要尽快回到这里，或者跟着你们大家一起走。一句话，一个眼色，便能决定我今晚是到你父亲府上，还是永远不去。
读到这样一封信，心情是不会马上平静下来的。假若单独思忖半个钟头，倒可能使她平静下来。可是仅仅过了十分钟，她的思绪便被打断了，再加上她的处境受到种种约束，心里不可能得到平静。相反，每时每刻都在增加她的激动不安。这是无法压抑的幸福。她满怀激动的头一个阶段还没过去，查尔斯、玛丽和亨丽埃塔全都走了进来。
她不得不竭力克制，想使自己恢复常态。可是过了一会，她再也坚持不下去了。别人说的话她一个字也听不进去，迫不得已，只好推说身体不好。这时，大家看得出来她气色不好，不禁大吃一惊，深为关切。没有她，他们说什么也不肯出去。这可糟糕透了！这些人只要一走，让她一个人呆在屋里，她倒可能恢复平静。可他们一个个立在她周围，等候着，真叫她心烦意乱。她无可奈何，便说了声要回家。
“好的，亲爱的，”默斯格罗夫太太叫道，“赶紧回家，好好休息一下，晚上好能参加晚会。要是萨拉在这儿就好了，可以给你看看病，可惜我不会看。查尔斯，拉铃要台轿子。安妮小姐不能走着回去。”
但是，她无论如何也不能坐轿子。那比什么都糟糕！她若是独个儿静悄悄地走在街上，她觉得几乎肯定能遇到温特沃思上校，可以同他说几句话，她说什么也不能失去这个机会。安妮诚恳地说她不要乘轿子，默斯格罗夫太太脑子里只想到一种病痛，便带着几分忧虑地自我安慰说：这次可不是摔跤引起的，安妮最近从没摔倒过，头上没有受过伤，她百分之百地肯定她没摔过跤，因而能高高兴兴地与她分手，相信晚上准能见她有所好转。
安妮唯恐有所疏忽，便吃力地说道：
“太太，我担心这事没有完全理解清楚。请你告诉另外几位先生，我们希望今晚见到你们所有的人。我担心出现什么误会，希望你特别转告哈维尔上校和温特沃思上校，就说我们希望见到他们二位。”
“哦！亲爱的，我向你担保，这大家都明白。哈维尔上校是一心一意要去的。”
“你果真这样认为？可我有些担心。他们要是不去，那就太遗憾了。请你答应我，你再见到他们的时候，务必说一声。你今天上午想必还会见到他们俩的。请答应我。”
“既然你有这个要求，我一定照办。查尔斯，你不管在哪里见到哈维尔上校，记住把安妮小姐的话转告他。不过，亲爱的，你的确不需要担心。我敢担保，哈维尔上校肯定要光临的。我敢说，温特沃思上校也是如此。”
安妮只好就此作罢。可她总是预见会有什么闪失，给她那万分幸福的心头泼上一瓢冷水。然而，这个念头不会持续多久。即使温特沃思上校本人不来卡姆登巷，她完全可以托哈维尔上校捎个明确的口信。
霎时间，又出现了一件令人烦恼的事情。查尔斯出于真正的关心和善良的天性，想要把她送回家，怎么阻拦也阻拦不住。这简直是无情！可她又不能一味不知好歹。查尔斯本来要去一家猎枪店，可他为了陪安妮回家，宁可不去那里。于是安妮同他一起出发了，表面上装出一副十分感激的样子。
两人来到联盟街，只听到后面有急促的脚步声，这声音有些耳熟，安妮听了一阵以后，才见到是温特沃思上校。他追上了他们俩，但仿佛又有些犹豫不决，不知道该陪着他们一起走，还是超到前面去。他一声不响，只是看着安妮。安妮能够控制自己，可以任他那样看着，而且并不反感。顿时，安妮苍白的面孔现在变得绯红，温特沃思的动作也由踌躇不决变得果断起来。温特沃思上校在她旁边走着。过了一会，查尔斯突然兴起了一个念头，便说：
“温特沃思上校，你走哪条路？是去盖伊街，还是去城里更远的地方？”
“我也不知道，”温特沃思上校诧异地答道。
“你是不是要走到贝尔蒙特街？是不是要走近卡姆登巷？如果是这样的话，我将毫不犹豫地要求你代我把安妮小姐送回家。她今天上午太疲乏了，走这么远的路没有人伴送可不行。我得到市场巷那个家伙的家里。他有一支顶呱呱的枪马上就要发货，答应给我看看。他说他要等到最后再打包，以便让我瞧瞧。我要是现在不往回走，就没有机会了。从他描绘的来看，很像我的那支二号双管枪，就是你有一天拿着在温思罗普附近打猎的那一支。”
这不可能遭到反对。在公众看来，只能见到温特沃思上校极有分寸、极有礼貌地欣然接受了。他收敛起笑容，心里暗中却欣喜若狂。过了半分钟，查尔斯又回到了联盟街街口，另外两个人继续一道往前走。不久，他们经过商量，决定朝比较背静的砾石路走去。在那里，他们可以尽情地交谈，使眼下成为名副其实的幸福时刻，当以后无比幸福地回忆他们自己的生活时，也好对这一时刻永志不忘。于是，他们再次谈起了他们当年的感情和诺言，这些感情和诺言一度曾使一切都显得万无一失，但是后来却使他们分离疏远了这么多年。谈着谈着，他们又回到了过去，对他们的重新团聚也许比最初设想的还要喜不自胜，他们了解了彼此的品格、忠心和情意，双方变得更加亲切，更加忠贞，更加坚定，同时也更能表现出米，更有理由表现出来。最后，他们款步向缓坡上爬去，全然不注意周围的人群，既看不见逍遥的政客、忙碌的女管家和调情的少女，也看不见保姆和儿童，一味沉醉在对往事的回顾和反省里，特别是相互说明最近发生了什么情况，这些情况是令人痛楚的，而又具有无穷无尽的兴趣。上星期的一切细小的异常现象全都谈过了，一说起昨天和今天，简直没完没了。
安妮没有看错他。对埃利奥特先生的妒嫉成了他的绊脚石，引起了他的疑虑和痛苦。他在巴思第一次见到安妮时，这种妒嫉心便开始作祟，后来收敛了一个短时期，接着又回来作怪，破坏了那场音乐会。在最后二十四小时中，这种妒嫉心左右着他说的每句话，做的每件事，或者左右他不说什么，不做什么。这种妒嫉逐渐让位给更高的希望，安妮的神情、言谈和举动偶尔激起这种希望。当安妮同哈维尔上校说话时，他听到了她的意见和语气，妒嫉心最后终于被克服了，于是他抑制不住内心的激动，抓起一张纸，倾吐了自己的衷肠。
他信中写的内容，句句是真情实话，一点也不打折扣。他坚持说，除了安妮以外，他没有爱过任何人。安妮从来没有被别人取代过。他甚至认为，他从没见过有谁能比得上她。的确，他不得不承认这样的事实：他的忠诚是无意识的，或者说是无心的。他本来打算忘掉她，而且相信自己做得到。他以为自己满不在乎，其实他只不过是恼怒而已。他不能公平地看待她的那些优点，因为他吃过它们的苦头。现在，她的性情在他的心目中被视为十全十美的，刚柔适度，可爱至极。不过他不得不承认：他只是在莱姆才开始公正地看待她，也只是在莱姆才开始了解他自己。
在莱姆，他受到了不止一种教训。埃利奥特先生在那一瞬间的倾慕之情至少激励了他，而他在码头上和哈维尔上校家里见到的情景，则使他认清了安妮的卓越不凡。
先前，他出于嗔怒与傲慢，试图去追求路易莎·默斯格罗夫，他说他始终觉得那是不可能的，他不喜欢、也不可能喜欢路易莎。
直到那天，直到后来得暇仔细思考，才认识到安妮那崇高的心灵是路易莎无法比拟的，这颗心无比牢固地攫住了他自己的心。从这里，他认清了坚持原则与固执己见的区别，胆大妄为与冷静果断的区别。从这里，他发现他失去的这
收听单词发音 |
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defer
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| vt.推迟，拖延；vi.(to)遵从，听从，服从 | |
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plighted
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| vt.保证，约定（plight的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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agitations
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| （液体等的）摇动( agitation的名词复数 )； 鼓动； 激烈争论； （情绪等的）纷乱 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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inconvenient
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| adj.不方便的，令人感到麻烦的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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undesirable
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| adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子 | |
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minutiae
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| n.微小的细节，细枝末节；（常复数）细节，小事( minutia的名词复数 ) | |
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delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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abominate
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| v.憎恨，厌恶 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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inviting
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| adj.诱人的，引人注目的 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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cape
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| n.海角，岬；披肩，短披风 | |
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compliance
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| n.顺从；服从；附和；屈从 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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exertion
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| n.尽力，努力 | |
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recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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attachments
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| n.（用电子邮件发送的）附件( attachment的名词复数 )；附着；连接；附属物 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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toiling
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| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的现在分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
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faltering
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| 犹豫的，支吾的，蹒跚的 | |
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quotations
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| n.引用( quotation的名词复数 )；[商业]行情（报告）；（货物或股票的）市价；时价 | |
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fickleness
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| n.易变；无常；浮躁；变化无常 | |
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bias
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| n.偏见，偏心，偏袒；vt.使有偏见 | |
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covet
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| vt.垂涎；贪图(尤指属于他人的东西) | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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entreaty
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| n.恳求，哀求 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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devoured
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| 吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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fervent
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| adj.热的，热烈的，热情的 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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err
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| vi.犯错误，出差错 | |
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50
tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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51
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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52
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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53
solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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54
prophesied
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| v.预告，预言( prophesy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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55
lasting
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| adj.永久的，永恒的；vbl.持续，维持 | |
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56
intelligible
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| adj.可理解的，明白易懂的，清楚的 | |
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57
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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58
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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59
irresolute
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| adj.无决断的，优柔寡断的，踌躇不定的 | |
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60
repulsively
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| adv.冷淡地 | |
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61
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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62
scruple
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| n./v.顾忌，迟疑 | |
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63
unpacked
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| v.从（包裹等）中取出（所装的东西），打开行李取出( unpack的过去式和过去分词 )；拆包；解除…的负担；吐露（心事等） | |
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64
alacrity
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| n.敏捷，轻快，乐意 | |
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65
reined
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| 勒缰绳使（马）停步( rein的过去式和过去分词 )； 驾驭； 严格控制； 加强管理 | |
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66
rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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67
proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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68
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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69
gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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70
blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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71
immortality
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| n.不死，不朽 | |
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72
bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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73
estrangement
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| n.疏远，失和，不和 | |
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74
exquisitely
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| adv.精致地；强烈地；剧烈地；异常地 | |
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75
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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76
justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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77
ascent
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| n.(声望或地位)提高；上升，升高；登高 | |
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78
bustling
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| adj.喧闹的 | |
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79
housekeepers
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| n.（女）管家( housekeeper的名词复数 ) | |
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80
flirting
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| v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 ) | |
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81
poignant
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| adj.令人痛苦的，辛酸的，惨痛的 | |
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82
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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83
retarding
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| 使减速( retard的现在分词 )； 妨碍； 阻止； 推迟 | |
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84
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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85
vanquished
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| v.征服( vanquish的过去式和过去分词 )；战胜；克服；抑制 | |
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86
irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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87
retracted
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| v.撤回或撤消( retract的过去式和过去分词 )；拒绝执行或遵守；缩回；拉回 | |
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88
qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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89
supplanted
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| 把…排挤掉，取代( supplant的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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90
fortitude
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| n.坚忍不拔；刚毅 | |
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91
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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92
excellence
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| n.优秀，杰出，(pl.)优点，美德 | |
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93
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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94
obstinacy
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| n.顽固；（病痛等）难治 | |
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95
exalt
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| v.赞扬，歌颂，晋升，提升 | |
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96
deplore
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| vt.哀叹，对...深感遗憾 | |
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97
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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98
resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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99
regain
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| vt.重新获得，收复，恢复 | |
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100
penance
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| n.（赎罪的）惩罪 | |
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101
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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102
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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103
abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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104
entangled
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| adj.卷入的；陷入的；被缠住的；缠在一起的v.使某人（某物/自己）缠绕，纠缠于（某物中），使某人（自己）陷入（困难或复杂的环境中）( entangle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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105
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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106
speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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107
enquired
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| 打听( enquire的过去式和过去分词 )； 询问； 问问题； 查问 | |
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108
homage
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| n.尊敬，敬意，崇敬 | |
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109
revival
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| n.复兴，复苏，（精力、活力等的）重振 | |
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110
lamenting
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| adj.悲伤的，悲哀的v.（为…）哀悼，痛哭，悲伤( lament的现在分词 ) | |
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111
felicitous
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| adj.恰当的，巧妙的；n.恰当，贴切 | |
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112
pretensions
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| 自称( pretension的名词复数 )； 自命不凡； 要求； 权力 | |
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113
conversing
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| v.交谈，谈话( converse的现在分词 ) | |
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114
proprieties
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| n.礼仪，礼节；礼貌( propriety的名词复数 )；规矩；正当；合适 | |
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115
persuasion
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| n.劝说；说服；持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
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116
distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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117
incurred
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| [医]招致的，遭受的； incur的过去式 | |
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118
derive
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| v.取得；导出；引申；来自；源自；出自 | |
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119
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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120
alloy
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| n.合金，(金属的)成色 | |
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121
apprehensions
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| 疑惧 | |
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122
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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123
meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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124
steadfast
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| adj.固定的，不变的，不动摇的；忠实的；坚贞不移的 | |
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125
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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126
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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127
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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128
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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129
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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130
impartially
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| adv.公平地，无私地 | |
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131
honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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132
toils
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| 网 | |
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133
subdue
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| vt.制服，使顺从，征服；抑制，克制 | |
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134
brook
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| n.小河，溪；v.忍受，容让 | |
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