Chapter 33

Now that Clive Durham was safe from intimacy¹, he looked forward to helping² his friend, who must have had a pretty rough time since they parted in the smoking-room. Their correspondence had ceased several months ago. Mau-rice's last had been written after Birmingham, and announced he should not kill himself. Clive had never supposed he would, and was glad the melodrama³ was over. When they talked down the telephone he heard a man whom he might respect at the other end of it—a fellow who sounded willing to let bygones be bygones and passion acquaintanceship. There was no affectation of ease; poor Maurice sounded shy, a bit huffy even, exactly the condition Clive deemed natural, and felt he could ameliorate.

He was anxious to do what he could. Though the quality of the past escaped him he remembered its proportions, and ac-knowledged that Maurice had once lifted him out of aestheti-cism into the sun and wind of love. But for Maurice he would never have developed into being worthy⁴ of Anne. His friend had helped him through three barren years, and he would be ungrateful indeed if he did not help his friend. Clive did not like gratitude⁵. He would rather have helped out of pure friend-liness. But he had to use the only tool he had, and if all went well, if Maurice kept unemotional, if he remained at the end of a telephone, if he was sound as regarded Anne, if he was not bitter, or too serious or too rough—then they might be friends

again, though by a different route and in a different manner. Maurice had admirable qualities—he knew this, and the time might be returning when he would feel it also.

Such thoughts as the above occurred to Clive rarely and fee-bly. The centre of his life was Anne. Would Anne get on with his mother? Would Anne like Penge, she who had been brought up in Sussex, near the sea? Would she regret the lack of religious opportunities there? And the presence of politics? Besotted with love, he gave her his body and soul, he poured out at her feet all that an earlier passion had taught him, and could only re-member with an effort for whom that passion had been.

In the first glow of his engagement, when she was the whole world to him, the Acropolis included, he thought of confessing to her about Maurice. She had confessed a peccadillo⁶ to him. But loyalty⁷ to his friend withheld⁸ him, and he was glad after-wards, for, immortal⁹ as Anne proved, she was not Pallas Athene, and there were many points on which he could not touch. Their own union became the chief of these. When he arrived in her room after marriage, she did not know what he wanted. Despite an elaborate education, no one had told her about sex. Clive was as considerate as possible, but he scared her terribly, and left feeling she hated him. She did not. She welcomed him on future nights. But it was always without a word. They united in a world that bore no reference to the daily, and this secrecy¹⁰ drew after it much else of their lives. So much could never be mentioned. He never saw her naked, nor she him. They ignored the repro-ductive and the digestive functions. So there would never be any question of this episode of his immaturity¹¹.

It was unmentionable. It didn't stand between him and her. She stood between him and it, and on second thoughts he was glad, for though not disgraceful it had been sentimental¹³ and deserved oblivion.

Secrecy suited him, at least he adopted it without regret. He had never itched¹⁴ to call a spade a spade, and though he valued the body the actual deed of sex seemed to him unimaginative, and best veiled in night. Between men it is inexcusable, between man and woman it may be practised since nature and society approve, but never discussed nor vaunted. His ideal of marriage was temperate¹⁵ and graceful¹², like all his ideals, and he found a fit helpmate in Anne, who had refinement¹⁶ herself, and admired it in others. They loved each other tenderly. Beautiful conven-tions received them—while beyond the barrier Maurice wan-dered, the wrong words on his lips and the wrong desires in his heart, and his arms full of air.

如今克莱夫-德拉姆再也不会由于与莫瑞斯的亲昵关系而受损害了，因此他期望助友人以一臂之力。自从他们在吸烟室分手以来，莫瑞斯想必备尝辛酸。几个月以前，他们就断绝书信往来了。莫瑞斯的最后一封信是外祖父在伯明翰逝世之后写的，他告知自己绝不自杀。克莱夫从未料想他会自杀，他很高兴这一戏剧性事件就此结束。当他们通过电话交谈的时候，他听到的是值得表示敬意的一位男子汉的嗓音——听上去，这个男子汉愿意摈弃前嫌，将激情转变为泛泛之交。可怜的莫瑞斯并非矫揉造作，装出豁达的样子。他的声调缺乏自信，甚至有点儿气恼，克莱夫恰恰断定这是正常的，从而觉得有改善的余地。

他很想力所能及地做些什么。他记不起过去那件事是什么性质的了，却记得它的分量。他还承认莫瑞斯曾使他从艺术至上主义的深渊升腾到爱的光风霁月中去。如果没有莫瑞斯，他永远也不会成长为与安妮般配的男子。在那没有成果的三年里，他的朋友始终在帮助他。倘若他不肯帮助这位朋友，确实是忘恩负义到极点了。克莱夫不喜欢表达感激之情，他宁肯出于纯粹的友谊进行帮助，然而他不得不使用惟一的手段。倘若一切都顺利，倘若莫瑞斯一直抑制自己，不感情用事，倘若他停留在电话的另一头，倘若在安妮这个问题上他是健全的，倘若他不怀恨在心，不太较真儿或者不太粗暴——那么他们就能够重新做朋友，尽管是通过另外一种途径，采取另外的方式。莫瑞斯具有令人钦佩的素质——他清楚这～点，而他不仅知道，还能够感觉到这样的日子也许正在回来。

克莱夫的脑子里难得浮现这样一些想法，而且想得也不深，他的人生以安妮为核心。安妮和他的母亲处得好吗？安妮会喜欢彭杰吗？她可是在靠近海洋的苏塞克斯（译注：苏塞克斯是盎格鲁撤克逊英格兰王国之一，位于英格兰东南部，版图相当于现在的东塞西克斯和西塞西克斯两郡。）长大的呀。这里缺少宗教仪式，她会感到失望吗？丈夫从事政治活动，她能适应这种气氛吗？克莱夫沉醉在爱情中，将整个身心都献给了她，把早先的激情所教会自己的全部倾泻在她的脚下。至于那番激情原是为了什么人的，他可得费些力气才能回忆起来。

订婚伊始，热情洋溢，对克莱夫而言，安妮是全世界——包括卫城在内。他曾经想把莫瑞斯这件事向她坦白，她向他坦白过一个小错误，然而出于对朋友的忠诚，他抑制住了自己。事后，他为此而庆幸。因为尽管安妮显示出自己是个女神，却并不是雅典娜·波里亚斯。有好几个问题是他不能涉及的。他们二人的结合成为主要的问题。婚后，当他进入她的卧室之际，她不知道他要干什么。虽然她受过良好的教育，却没有人教过她何谓性。克莱夫对她关心爱护得无以复加，但他把她吓得魂不附体。他边想着她厌恶他了，边离开卧室。但她没有，此后，她夜夜都欢迎他，只是两个人一言不发。他们在与日常生活不相干的世界中结合，这个秘密拖曳着他们生活里的许许多多其他的事情。有那么多事是不可提及的。他从未看到过她的裸体，她也没瞧见过他的。他们无视人的生殖机能与消化机能。正因为如此，关于他尚未成熟时的那个话题，永远也没有启齿的余地。

那是说不出口的。它没有插到他和她之间来，是她站到他和它之间了。重新考虑一番之后，他认为幸亏没有说。尽管没有什么不光彩的，却令人感伤，值得忘却。

保密合他的心意，至少他毫不遗憾地采取了这个做法。他从未有过直言不讳的愿望。虽然他重视肉体，却觉得实际的性行为似乎是缺乏想象力的，最好用夜幕遮住。男人与男人之间的性行为是不可宽恕的，男人与女人之间则是可行的，因为自然与社会予以认可。但是绝不能议论，更不能吹嘘。克莱夫的理想婚姻是有节制而优雅的，就像他所有的理想一样。他在安妮身上找到了合适的伴侣，她本人有教养，也钦佩旁人的教养。他们体贴入微地相互爱慕。美好的习俗接纳了他们——与此同时，隔着栅栏，莫瑞斯正在徘徊，嘴里是不合时宜的话语，心中充满邪恶的欲望，双臂抱着满满当当的空气。

1 intimacy   

n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行

参考例句：

• His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切，这有点言过其实。
• I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。

2 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

3 melodrama   

n.音乐剧；情节剧

参考例句：

• We really don't need all this ridiculous melodrama!别跟我们来这套荒唐的情节剧表演！
• White Haired Woman was a melodrama,but in certain spots it was deliberately funny.《白毛女》是一出悲剧性的歌剧，但也有不少插科打诨。

4 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

5 gratitude   

adj.感激，感谢

参考例句：

• I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
• She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。

6 peccadillo   

n.轻罪，小过失

参考例句：

• For this peccadillo he was demoted and sent back to pound the beat.由于这次过失,他被降了级,又被打发去干徒步巡警了。
• A fine of ￡5000 is swinging for such a peccadillo.这样的一个小过失，罚款5000英镑太多了吧。

7 loyalty   

n.忠诚，忠心

参考例句：

• She told him the truth from a sense of loyalty.她告诉他真相是出于忠诚。
• His loyalty to his friends was never in doubt.他对朋友的一片忠心从来没受到怀疑。

8 withheld   

withhold过去式及过去分词

参考例句：

• I withheld payment until they had fulfilled the contract. 他们履行合同后，我才付款。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• There was no school play because the principal withheld his consent. 由于校长没同意，学校里没有举行比赛。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 immortal   

adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的

参考例句：

• The wild cocoa tree is effectively immortal.野生可可树实际上是不会死的。
• The heroes of the people are immortal!人民英雄永垂不朽！

10 secrecy   

n.秘密，保密，隐蔽

参考例句：

• All the researchers on the project are sworn to secrecy.该项目的所有研究人员都按要求起誓保守秘密。
• Complete secrecy surrounded the meeting.会议在绝对机密的环境中进行。

11 immaturity   

n.不成熟；未充分成长；未成熟；粗糙

参考例句：

• It traces the development of a young man from immaturity to maturity. 它描写一位青年从不成熟到成熟的发展过程。 来自辞典例句
• Immaturity is the inability to use one's understanding without guidance from another. 不成熟就是不经他人的指引就无法运用自身的理解力。 来自互联网

12 graceful   

adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的

参考例句：

• His movements on the parallel bars were very graceful.他的双杠动作可帅了!
• The ballet dancer is so graceful.芭蕾舞演员的姿态是如此的优美。

13 sentimental   

adj.多愁善感的，感伤的

参考例句：

• She's a sentimental woman who believes marriage comes by destiny.她是多愁善感的人，她相信姻缘命中注定。
• We were deeply touched by the sentimental movie.我们深深被那感伤的电影所感动。

14 itched   

v.发痒( itch的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Seeing the children playing ping-pong, he itched to have a go. 他看到孩子们打乒乓，不觉技痒。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• He could hardly sIt'still and itched to have a go. 他再也坐不住了，心里跃跃欲试。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

15 temperate   

adj.温和的，温带的，自我克制的，不过分的

参考例句：

• Asia extends across the frigid,temperate and tropical zones.亚洲地跨寒、温、热三带。
• Great Britain has a temperate climate.英国气候温和。

16 refinement   

n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼

参考例句：

• Sally is a woman of great refinement and beauty. 莎莉是个温文尔雅又很漂亮的女士。
• Good manners and correct speech are marks of refinement.彬彬有礼和谈吐得体是文雅的标志。