One of the things that Roberta soon found was that her intuitive notions in regard to all this were not withoutspeedy substantiation1. For exactly as before, though with the usual insistence2 afterward3 that there was no realhelp for it, there continued to be these same last moment changes of plan and unannounced absences. Andalthough she complained at times, or pleaded, or merely contented4 herself with quite silent and not alwaysobvious "blues," still these same effected no real modification5 or improvement. For Clyde was now hopelesslyenamored of Sandra and by no means to be changed, or moved even, by anything in connection with Roberta.
Sondra was too wonderful!
At the same time because she was there all of the working hours of each day in the same room with him, hecould not fail instinctively6 to feel some of the thoughts that employed her mind--such dark, sad, despairingthoughts. And these seized upon him at times as definitely and poignantly7 as though they were voices ofaccusation or complaint--so much so that he could not help but suggest by way of amelioration that he would liketo see her and that he was coming around that night if she were going to be home. And so distrait8 was she, andstill so infatuated with him, that she could not resist admitting that she wanted him to come. And once there, thepsychic personality of the past as well as of the room itself was not without its persuasion9 and hence emotionalcompulsion.
But most foolishly anticipating, as he now did, a future more substantial than the general local circumstanceswarranted, he was more concerned than ever lest his present relationship to Roberta should in any way proveinimical to all this. Supposing that Sondra at some time, in some way, should find out concerning Roberta? Howfatal that would be! Or that Roberta should become aware of his devotion to Sondra and so develop an active resentment10 which should carry her to the length of denouncing or exposing him. For subsequent to the NewYear's Eve engagement, he was all too frequently appearing at the factory of a morning with explanatorystatements that because of some invitation from the Griffiths, Harriets, or others, he would not be able to keep anengagement with her that night, for instance, that he had made a day or two before. And later, on three differentoccasions, because Sondra had called for him in her car, he had departed without a word, trusting to what mightcome to him the next day in the way of an excuse to smooth the matter over.
Yet anomalous11, if not exactly unprecedented12 as it may seem, this condition of mingled13 sympathy and oppositiongave rise at last to the feeling in him that come what might he must find some method of severing14 this tie, eventhough it lacerated Roberta to the point of death (Why should he care? He had never told her that he would marryher.) or endangered his own position here in case she were not satisfied to release him as voicelessly as hewished. At other times it caused him to feel that indeed he was a sly and shameless and cruel person who hadtaken undue15 advantage of a girl who, left to herself, would never have troubled with him. And this latter mood,in spite of slights and lies and thinly excused neglects and absences at times in the face of the most definiteagreements--so strange is the libido16 of the race--brought about the reenactment of the infernal or celestialcommand laid upon Adam and his breed: "Thy desire shall be to thy mate."But there was this to be said in connection with the relationship between these two, that no time, owing to theinexperience of Clyde, as well as Roberta, had there been any adequate understanding or use of more than thesimplest, and for the most part unsatisfactory, contraceptive devices. About the middle of February, and,interestingly enough, at about the time when Clyde, because of the continuing favor of Sondra, had aboutreached the point where he was determined17 once and for all to end, not only this physical, but all otherconnection with Roberta, she on her part was beginning to see clearly that, in spite of his temporizing18 and herown incurable19 infatuation for him, pursuit of him by her was futile20 and that it would be more to the satisfactionof her pride, if not to the ease of her heart, if she were to leave here and in some other place seek some financialhelp that would permit her to live and still help her parents and forget him if she could. Unfortunately for this,she was compelled, to her dismay and terror, to enter the factory one morning, just about this time, her face asymbol of even graver and more terrifying doubts and fears than any that had hitherto assailed21 her. For now, inaddition to her own troubled conclusions in regard to Clyde, there had sprung up over night the dark andconstraining fear that even this might not now be possible, for the present at least. For because of her own andClyde's temporizing over his and her sentimentality and her unconquerable affection for him, she now, at a timewhen it was most inimical for both, found herself pregnant.
Ever since she had yielded to his blandishments, she had counted the days and always had been able tocongratulate herself that all was well. But forty-eight hours since the always exactly calculated time had nowpassed, and there had been no sign. And for four days preceding this Clyde had not even been near her. And hisattitude at the factory was more remote and indifferent than ever.
And now, this!
And she had no one but him to whom she might turn. And he was in this estranged22 and indifferent mood.
Because of her fright, induced by the fear that with or without Clyde's aid she might not easily be extricated23 fromher threatened predicament, she could see her home, her mother, her relatives, all who knew her, and their thoughts in case anything like this should befall her. For of the opinion of society in general and what otherpeople might say, Roberta stood in extreme terror. The stigma24 of unsanctioned concupiscence! The shame ofillegitimacy for a child! It was bad enough, as she had always thought, listening to girls and women talk of lifeand marriage and adultery and the miseries25 that had befallen girls who had yielded to men and subsequently beendeserted, for a woman when she was safely married and sustained by the love and strength of a man--such love,for instance, as her brother-in-law Gabel brought to her sister Agnes, and her father to her mother in the firstyears, no doubt--and Clyde to her when he had so feverishly26 declared that he loved her.
But now--now!
She could not permit any thoughts in regard to his recent or present attitude to delay her. Regardless of either, hemust help her. She did not know what else to do under such circumstances--which way to turn. And no doubtClyde did. At any rate he had said once that he would stand by her in case anything happened. And although,because at first, even on the third day on reaching the factory, she imagined that she might be exaggerating thedanger and that it was perhaps some physical flaw or lapse27 that might still overcome itself, still by late afternoonno evidence of any change coming to her, she began to be a prey28 to the most nameless terrors. What littlecourage she had mustered29 up to this time began to waver and break. She was all alone, unless he came to hernow. And she was in need of advice and good counsel--loving counsel. Oh, Clyde! Clyde! If he would only notbe so indifferent to her! He must not be! Something must be done, and right away--quick--else--Great Heavens,what a terrible thing this could easily come to be!
At once she stopped her work between four and five in the afternoon and hurried to the dressing-room. And thereshe penned a note-- hurried, hysterical--a scrawl30.
"CLYDE--I must see you to-night, sure, SURE. You mustn't fail me. I have something to tell you. Please comeas soon after work as possible, or meet me anywhere. I'm not angry or mad about anything. But I must see youto-night, SURE. Please say right away where.
"ROBERTA."And he, sensing a new and strange and quite terrified note in all this the moment he read it, at once looked overhis shoulder at her and, seeing her face so white and drawn31, signaled that he would meet her. For judging by herface the thing she had to tell must be of the utmost importance to her, else why this tensity and excitement on herpart. And although he had another engagement later, as he now troublesomely recalled, at the Starks for dinner,still it was necessary to do this first. Yet, what was it anyhow? Was anybody dead or hurt or what--her mother orfather or brother or sister?
At five-thirty, he made his way to the appointed place, wondering what it could be that could make her so paleand concerned. Yet at the same time saying to himself that if this other dream in regard to Sondra were to cometrue he must not let himself be reentangled by any great or moving sympathy--must maintain his new poise32 anddistance so that Roberta could see that he no longer cared for her as he had. Reaching the appointed place at sixo'clock, he found her leaning disconsolately33 against a tree in the shadow. She looked distraught, despondent34.
"Why, what's the matter, Bert? What are you so frightened about? What's happened?"Even his obviously dwindling35 affection was restimulated by her quite visible need of help.
"Oh, Clyde," she said at last, "I hardly know how to tell you. It's so terrible for me if it's so." Her voice, tense andyet low, was in itself a clear proof of her anguish36 and uncertainty37.
"Why, what is it, Bert? Why don't you tell me?" he reiterated38, briskly and yet cautiously, essaying an air ofdetached assurance which he could not quite manage in this instance. "What's wrong? What are you so excitedabout? You're all trembly."Because of the fact that never before in all his life had he been confronted by any such predicament as this, it didnot even now occur to him just what the true difficulty could be. At the same time, being rather estranged andhence embarrassed by his recent treatment of her, he was puzzled as to just what attitude to assume in a situationwhere obviously something was wrong. Being sensitive to conventional or moral stimuli39 as he still was, he couldnot quite achieve a discreditable thing, even where his own highest ambitions were involved, without a measureof regret or at least shame. Also he was so anxious to keep his dinner engagement and not to be further involvedthat his manner was impatient. It did not escape Roberta.
"You know, Clyde," she pleaded, both earnestly and eagerly, the very difficulty of her state encouraging her tobe bold and demanding, "you said if anything went wrong you'd help me."At once, because of those recent few and, as he now saw them, foolish visits to her room, on which occasionsbecause of some remaining sentiment and desire on the part of both he had been betrayed into sporadic40 anddecidedly unwise physical relations with her, he now realized what the difficulty was. And that it was a severe,compelling, dangerous difficulty, if it were true. Also that he was to blame and that here was a real predicamentthat must be overcome, and that quickly, unless a still greater danger was to be faced. Yet, simultaneously41, hisvery recent and yet decidedly compelling indifference42 dictating43, he was almost ready now to assume that thismight be little more than a ruse44 or lovelorn device or bit of strategy intended to retain or reenlist his interest inspite of himself--a thought which he was only in part ready to harbor. Her manner was too dejected anddespairing. And with the first dim realization45 of how disastrous46 such a complication as this might prove to be inhis case, he began to be somewhat more alarmed than irritated. So much so that he exclaimed:
"Yes, but how do you know that there is anything wrong? You can't be sure so soon as all this, can you? Howcan you? You'll probably be all right to-morrow, won't you?" At the same time his voice was beginning tosuggest the uncertainty that he felt.
"Oh, no, I don't think so, Clyde. I wish I did. It's two whole days, and it's never been that way before."Her manner as she said this was so obviously dejected and self-commiserating that at once he was compelled todismiss the thought of intrigue47. At the same time, unwilling48 to face so discouraging a fact so soon, he added:
"Oh, well, that might not mean anything, either. Girls go longer than two days, don't they?"The tone, implying as it did uncertainty and non-sophistication even, which previously49 had not appearedcharacteristic of him, was sufficient to alarm Roberta to the point where she exclaimed: "Oh, no, I don't think so.
Anyhow, it would be terrible, wouldn't it, if something were wrong? What do you suppose I ought to do? Don'tyou know something I can take?"At once Clyde, who had been so brisk and urgent in establishing this relationship and had given Roberta theimpression that he was a sophisticated and masterful youth who knew much more of life than ever she couldhope to know, and to whom all such dangers and difficulties as were implied in the relationship could be leftwith impunity50, was at a loss what to do. Actually, as he himself now realized, he was as sparingly informed inregard to the mysteries of sex and the possible complications attending upon such a situation as any youth of hisyears could well be. True, before coming here he had browsed51 about Kansas City and Chicago with suchworldly-wise mentors52 of the hotel bell-boy world as Ratterer, Higby, Hegglund and others and had listened tomuch of their gossiping and boasting. But their knowledge, for all their boasting, as he now half guessed, musthave related to girls who were as careless and uninformed as themselves. And beyond those again, although hewas by no means so clearly aware of that fact now, lay little more than those rumored53 specifics and preventativesof such quack54 doctors and shady druggists and chemists as dealt with intelligences of the Hegglund and Rattererorder. But even so, where were such things to be obtained in a small city like Lycurgus? Since dropping Dillardhe had no intimates let alone trustworthy friends who could be depended on to help in such a crisis.
The best he could think of for the moment was to visit some local or near-by druggist who might, for a price,provide him with some worth-while prescription55 or information. But for how much? And what were the dangersin connection with such a proceeding56? Did they talk? Did they ask questions? Did they tell any one else aboutsuch inquiries57 or needs? He looked so much like Gilbert Griffiths, who was so well known in Lycurgus that anyone recognizing him as Gilbert might begin to talk of him in that way and so bring about trouble.
And this terrible situation arising now--when in connection with Sondra, things had advanced to the point whereshe was now secretly permitting him to kiss her, and, more pleasing still, exhibiting little evidences of heraffection and good will in the form of presents of ties, a gold pencil, a box of most attractive handkerchiefs, alldelivered to his door in his absence with a little card with her initials, which had caused him to feel sure that hisfuture in connection with her was of greater and greater promise. So much so that even marriage, assuming thather family might not prove too inimical and that her infatuation and diplomacy58 endured, might not be beyond thebounds of possibility. He could not be sure, of course. Her true intentions and affections so far were veiledbehind a tantalizing59 evasiveness which made her all the more desirable. Yet it was these things that had beencausing him to feel that he must now, and speedily, extract himself as gracefully60 and unirritatingly as possiblefrom his intimacy61 with Roberta.
For that reason, therefore, he now announced, with pretended assurance: "Well, I wouldn't worry about it anymore to-night if I were you. You may be all right yet, you know. You can't be sure. Anyhow, I'll have to have alittle time until I can see what I can do. I think I can get something for you. But I wish you wouldn't get soexcited."At the same time he was far from feeling as secure as he sounded. In fact he was very much shaken. His originaldetermination to have as little to do with her as possible, was now complicated by the fact that he was confrontedby a predicament that spelled real danger to himself, unless by some argument or assertion he could absolvehimself of any responsibility in connection with this--a possibility which, in view of the fact that Roberta stillworked for him, that he had written her some notes, and that any least word from her would precipitate62 an inquiry63 which would prove fatal to him, was sufficient to cause him to feel that he must assist her speedily andwithout a breath of information as to all this leaking out in any direction. At the same time it is only fair to saythat because of all that had been between them, he did not object to assisting her in any way that he could. But inthe event that he could not (it was so that his thoughts raced forward to an entirely64 possible inimical conclusionto all this) well, then--well, then--might it not be possible at least--some fellows, if not himself would--to denythat he had held any such relationship with her and so escape. That possibly might be one way out--if only hewere not as treacherously65 surrounded as he was here.
But the most troublesome thing in connection with all this was the thought that he knew of nothing that wouldreally avail in such a case, other than a doctor. Also that that probably meant money, time, danger--just what didit mean? He would see her in the morning, and if she weren't all right by then he would act.
And Roberta, for the first time forsaken66 in this rather casual and indifferent way, and in such a crisis as this,returned to her room with her thoughts and fears, more stricken and agonized67 than ever before she had been in allher life.
罗伯达不久发现，她对这一切的直觉看法很快得到了具体的证实。如同过去一样，如今克莱德还是照样临时变卦，随便失约，尽管事后总是一迭连声说实在出于无奈，如此等等，不一而足。有时，她虽然埋怨他，或是恳求他，或是索性默不出声，暗自"悲伤"，可是，事实上情况依然不见好转。现在，克莱德已死心塌地迷恋着桑德拉，不管罗伯达作出任何反响，他怎么都不会有所收敛，甚至一点儿也不会感动的。毕竟桑德拉太迷人了。
每天上班时，罗伯达总是整天价跟他在同一个房间里，因此，他不能不直觉地感受到萦绕她脑际的一些那么凄楚。忧郁。绝望的思想情绪。这些思想情绪有时确实也扎痛了他的心，好象就在提出控诉，或是在呼冤叫屈，使他非常难堪，因此，他便禁不住想方设法，好歹也得使她消消气，比如，说他很想见见她呀，只要这天晚上她在家，他就一准来呀，等等。可她呢，尽管精神上有些恍恍惚惚，心里还是那么迷恋着他，委实不好意思不让他来。克莱德到了她那里，只要回想到过去，乃至于这个房间里一切的一切，旧日的情就又迸发出了新的火花星子。
然而，克莱德正痴心妄想，巴望自己能有个更为光辉的未来，却完全不顾此间实际情况，因此深恐现下他跟罗伯达的关系到头来会危及他的前途。万一什么时候桑德拉一发现了他跟罗伯达的事，怎么办?
那就通通完蛋啦!
反过来说，罗伯达要是知道他爱上了桑德拉，因而引起强烈的愤懑，甚至告发他，或是揭露他，那又怎么办呢。自从除夕约会以后，每天一早他到厂里上班，少不了向罗伯达解释一番，说什么格里菲思府上啊，哈里特府上啊，或是别的显赫府邸啊，反正总是有人家邀请他赴宴，因此，他今儿晚上实在没法来同她会面，其实，这个约会原是一两天前他自己讲定的。后来，一连有三次，桑德拉开了车子来叫他，他连一句话也没向罗伯达交代就走了，心想转天找个借口胡弄过去就得了。
不过，看来也许好象不正常，虽然也不能说决无先例，那就是说:
他不能容忍这种同情与厌恶混为一体的事态，后来终于拿定主意，决定不管怎么样，他好歹也得设法斩断这一种关系，哪怕是把罗伯达折磨至死(他干吗要爱她?
反正他从来也没有对她说过要娶她)，不然的话，只要她不是毫无怨言地同意放了他的话，那也将危及他在厂里的地位。可是，有的时候，他又深深感到自己是个狡猾。无耻。残酷的人，要知道是他诱骗了这个姑娘，要不然，她怎么也不会惹他麻烦的。由于这后一种想法的存在，尽管有时他怠慢她。诓骗她，或是明明讲定了，故意失约，甚至就干脆不来跟她会面……人类的利比多可真怪啊……昔日炼狱里或天国里对亚当及其后代所制定的律令还是再一次被执行了:
"你必恋慕你丈夫。"(详见《圣经。旧约。创世记》第３章第１６节，系上帝对女人所说的话，全文是:
"你必恋慕你丈夫，你丈夫必管辖你。")关于他们俩的关系，还有一点必须指出:
由于克莱德和罗伯达缺乏经验，他们仅仅懂得，或是仅仅采用了最最简单而又往往无效的避孕方法。大约在二月中旬，说来也怪有意思，正当克莱德因为继续得到桑德拉宠爱，快要下决心，不仅在肉体上而且在所有关系上都要同罗伯达一刀两断;就在这时，她也看清楚了:
尽管他一直还在动摇不定，她自己却照旧迷恋他，因此，象她这样追求他，是完全徒劳的;也许为了维护她的自尊心，如果说不是为了减轻自己心里的痛苦，最好她还是离开这里，去别处另找活路，既可养活自己，还能照旧帮助她的父母，并且尽可能把他忘掉就得了。殊不知真倒霉，这时又出了事。有一天早上，就在她进厂时，让她感到非常惊恐的是，心里怀有一种比过去折磨过她的更要严重。更要可怕的疑惧，并且在脸上也表现了出来。除了她对克莱德得出了这么一个痛苦的结论以外，昨天晚上她又突然陷入一种异常骇人的恐惧之中，因此，刚才她决定要走，如今……至少在目前……恐怕也走不了。因为，他们俩都是太犹豫不决和易于一时感情冲动，再加上她遏制不住自己对他的情爱，如今正当他们俩关系处于最恶化的时刻，她却发现自己怀孕了。
从她屈从于他诱人的魔力以来，她经常掐指算着日子，高兴的是一切总算都很顺顺当当。可是这一次，经过准确无误地算过的时间已过去了四十八个钟头，还是连一点儿表明情况正常的迹象都没有。而在前四天里，克莱德甚至都没有来到过她身边。他在厂里时的态度，也比过去更加疏远，更加冷淡了。
偏巧就在眼前，却出了这件事!
除了他以外，她再也没有别人可以交谈了。可他如今却持疏远。冷淡的态度。
她害怕的是，不管克莱德能不能帮助她，她觉得自己要摆脱如此危险的困境殊非易事。眼前她仿佛看到了她的家。她的母亲。她的一些亲戚，以及所有一切认识她的人……万一她真的遭殃，他们对她又会作何感想呢。罗伯达最害怕的，还有社会舆论和人们风言风语。那是非法姘居的烙印!
私生子的耻辱!
从前，她听一些娘儿们谈起过人生。婚姻。通奸，以及先是屈从于男人。后遭遗弃的一些姑娘的不幸身世，当时她心里老是琢磨，要做一个女人可真难啊。本来一个女人太太平平地一出了嫁，就得到男人的保护和爱情……比方说，象她妹夫加贝尔对她妹妹的爱情，以及毫无疑问，在开头几年里，她父亲对她母亲的爱情……还有克莱德在他狂热地起誓说自己爱她的时候所给予她的爱情。
可是现在呢……现在呢!
不管她对他过去或目前的感情有什么想法，时间可再也不能延宕下去了。
哪怕是他们俩关系发生了变化，他非得帮助她不可，她真不知道该怎么办，该往哪儿走才好。克莱德，当然罗，他会知道的。反正早先他说过，出了纰漏，他包管帮助她。虽说一开头，甚至在第三天到厂里时，她还安慰自己，也许把严重性估计得过高了，说不定是生理上失调，或是出了什么毛病，终究自己会好的，殊不知到了那天下午还不见任何好转的迹象，她心里就开始充满一种不可名状的恐惧。到目前为止，她仅仅剩下的一点儿勇气，也开始动摇。崩溃了。
现在要是他不来帮助她，她就是孤零零一个人。而她最最需要的是忠告和好主意……满怀深情的主意。啊，克莱德!
克莱德!
但愿他再也不对她这么冷淡!
他万万不应该这样!
要想个什么办法，而且万万迟疑不得，就是要快，不然的话，老天哪，一下子就会使人吓坏啊!
午后四五点钟，她马上把工作放下，赶紧到更衣室，用铅笔写了一张便条。
她又是急，又是歇斯底里，写得潦草极了。
克莱德:
今晚我一定要见你，一定。一定要见。你一定要来。我有话跟你说。
请你一下班马上就来，或在什么地方跟我碰头。我并没有发火或生气。不过，今晚我一定要见你，一定要见。请速告我在哪儿碰头。
罗伯达克莱德一看完便条，发觉里头有新的令人惊骇的事情，就马上回过头来望了她一眼，只见她脸色煞白。削瘦，还示意他跟她碰头。他一看她的脸色，心里就明白，她要告诉他的事，肯定是她认为此事极端重要，要不然，她干吗这样紧张激动呢?
尽管他心情不安地想起了今天另有约会，要去斯塔克府上赴宴，可是刚才罗伯达求见一事还得先办。不知道究竟是出了什么事啊?
也许是有人死掉了。受伤了……还是她的母亲。父亲。弟弟。妹妹遇到了不幸?
五点半，他动身到约定的地点去，心里在揣摩，真不知道她干吗如此忧心如焚，脸色惨白。可他同时又自言自语道，他跟桑德拉的美梦很可能成为事实，因此，他决不能对罗伯达表示过多同情，给自己徒增麻烦……他必须作出新的姿态，跟她保持一定的距离，让罗伯达心里明白，他对她的关系再也不象过去那样了。他六点钟到达约定的地点，发觉她伤心地背靠树干，伫立在阴处，显得心情沮丧，精神错乱。
"喂，怎么一回事，伯特?
你干吗这样害怕?
出了什么事?
"由于她显然急需帮助，甚至连他那显然熄灭了的爱情之火也重新点燃起来了。
"啊，克莱德，"她终于开口说。"我真不知道该怎么跟你说才好。如果真的证实了的话，那我觉得就太可怕了，"她说话时那种紧张。低沉的语调，显然说明她心中的痛苦和不安。
"喂，怎么一回事，伯特?
干吗不跟我说话?
"他很谨慎地又说了一遍，竭力佯装一副超然自信的神态(不过这一回佯装得不很成功)。"出了什么漏子?
你干吗这样紧张?
你浑身上下在发抖啊。"他一辈子都没有碰到过类似这样的窘境，这时压根儿猜不透罗伯达碰到了什么不幸。同时，由于他最近以来对她态度冷淡，此刻他就显得相当疏远，甚至有点儿尴尬，罗伯达显然出了什么纰漏，但他真不知道该表什么态才好。他这个人对传统或道德方面的刺激毕竟是很敏感的，每当他做了不太体面的事，哪怕要连累他那很大的虚荣心，他照例也会作出一些悔恨表现，至少还有一点儿羞耻之心。再加上此刻他急急乎想去应约赴宴，在此不要再纠缠不清，因此，他的举止谈吐显得极不耐烦。这一切全都逃不过罗伯达的眼睛。
"你自己也记得，克莱德，"她认真而又热切地向他恳求说。正是眼前困境促使她更加大胆，更加苛求。"你说过，出了纰漏，你包管帮助我的。"克莱德这才想起他最近到她房间里去过几次，现在据他看，都是很傻的。
由于他们俩旧情难忘，再加上欲火难抑，又使他虽属偶然，但是显然很不聪明，跟她发生过肉体关系。如今他才马上懂得到底是哪儿出了问题。他还了解到，如果真的证实了的话，那他觉得就是极其严重。令人注目，而且还有危险的一大难题。一切都得怪他，目前这一实际窘境，必须加以解决。而且，为了不让危险扩大，还必须马上解决。但同时，根据他最近对罗伯达极端冷淡的态度，他几乎暗自估摸:
也许这不外乎是一种骗术，或是失恋后的诡计或花招，旨在不顾他本人意愿如何，千方百计非要把他缠住不放，让他重新爱她……只不过上述这种想法，很快就被他推翻了。瞧她神态显得太忧郁。太绝望。他这才模模糊糊地开始意识到，这个麻烦可能对他将是一大灾难，因此，他心中顿时涌起更多的是惊恐，而不是恼怒了。
"是啊，可你怎么知道准出了纰漏呢?
你总不能一下子就肯定，可不是吗?
你究竟根据什么就能肯定呢?
说不定到明天，你就什么事都没了，是吧?
"不过，听他说话的语气就知道连他自己也都说不准。
"哦，不，我可不是这么想，克莱德。我也巴不得一切都顺顺当当。可是整整两天已经过去了，这样的事在过去是从来没有的。"她说话时显然露出心情沮丧和哀怜自己的神态，他不得不把怀疑罗伯达跟他耍花招的想法马上给打消了。可他还是不愿马上接受如此令人沮丧的事实，就找补着说:
"哦，得了吧，也许什么事都没有呢。有的娘儿们还不止晚两天哩，可不是吗?
"他说话时这种语气，显然表明他在这方面一点儿没有把握，甚至表明他没有这方面的知识，只是在过去这些从没有暴露出来罢了。如今，罗伯达听了惊慌万状，不由得嚷了出来:
"哦，不，我可不是这么想。不管怎么说，要是真的出了问题，那不就太可怕了，是不是?
依你看，我该怎么办呢?
你知不知道我能吃些什么药?
"当初克莱德心急如焚，要跟罗伯达发生这样一种关系时，给她留下的印象是:
他是个老练到家的年轻人，生活阅历远比她丰富得多;至于这样一种关系可能包含的所有一切风险和麻烦，只要有他在，包管绝对安全无虞。可现在呢，他一下子茫然不知所措了。其实，正如现在他认识到，对于性的秘密，以及由此可能产生的一些难题，他跟他同龄年轻人一样可谓知之甚少。不错，克莱德来这里以前，确实在堪萨斯城和芝加哥跟着拉特勒。希格比。赫格伦等一拨旅馆里的侍者头儿们开过一点儿眼界，也听过他们胡扯淡，乱吹牛。不过，现在据他暗自估摸，尽管他们吹起牛来无边无际，他们知道的那一套玩意儿，想必是从那些跟他们一样大大咧咧。无知无识的娘儿们那里听来的。他模模糊糊地觉得，他们晓得的东西简直少得可怜，不外乎是跟他们这一档次的人打交道的江湖医生以及令人可疑的杂货铺掌柜。药房老板们瞎说一气的那些什么特效药和避孕秘方。尽管如此，这类东西在莱柯格斯这么一个小城市里，哪儿能寻摸得到呢?
从他跟迪拉德断绝来往以后，他已没有什么亲近的人，更不用说能在患难之中鼎力相助的知心朋友了。
眼前他能想得到的最好办法，就是向本地或附近某地杂货铺老板求助。他们只要赚钱，也许会交给他一个值得一用的药方或是一点儿信息。不过这要卖多少钱呢?
这种疗法，有没有什么危险呢?
人家会不会说了出去呢?
还会不会提出什么问题?
会不会把你求医觅药的事再告诉给别人听呢?
克莱德的模样儿长得活象吉尔伯特。格里菲思，而吉尔伯特又是莱柯格斯大名鼎鼎的人物，要是有人把克莱德误认为吉尔伯特，于是流言蜚语一下子传开去，最终就会引起麻烦。
这一可怕的事态，恰好发生在他跟桑德拉的关系发展到这么一个关键时刻:
她已经私下允许他亲吻她，令人更高兴的是，她还经常送他几条领带。一支金铅笔。一盒极其精美的手绢，借此聊表寸心。这些小小礼品，都是趁他出门不在家时送上门的，还附有她亲笔签名的小卡片。这就使他觉得信心日增，由于他跟她的关系，他的前途将会得到越来越大的保证了。他甚至还觉得，只要她的家庭对他不是太敌视，只要她依然迷恋着他，并继续施展她那圆熟机智的手腕，那末，他同她结成姻亲，未始不是不可能的事。当然罗，对此连他自己也都说不准。她真正的感情和意图，至今仍隐藏在逗人的。不可捉摸的态度之中，因而也就使她显得更加可爱。不过，也正是这一切，使他认为:
眼下必须尽可能漂亮大方，而又不引起对方反感，赶快让自己从他跟罗伯达的亲密关系中解脱出来。
因此，现在他佯装信心十足地说:
"哦，我要是你的话，今天晚上就不会为这事担心。说不定你压根儿就没事，你明白吧。这连你也说不准呀。反正我总得有点儿时间，再看看我还有什么办法。我想我总可以给你寻摸一些东西。只不过希望你别这么紧张。"他嘴上是说得这么稳当，可心底里却并没有那么安定了。实际上，他已是惊恐万状。本来他决心尽量离她远一些，现在就很难办到了，因为他面临着真正危及自己的困境，除非他能找到一种论据或是托词，把他的一切责任通通推卸掉……可是，由于现在罗伯达还在他手下工作，并且他还给她写过几封信，哪怕她只讲一句括，他就会受到查问，这对他来说将是致命的打击。因为有这样的可能性，就足以使他认识到:
他必须马上帮助她，而且，千万不许消息泄漏出去。与此同时，还应该给克莱德说句公道话，反正看在他们两人过去的份上，他并不反对尽自己一切力量去帮助她。可是，万一他实在无力相助(就是这样，他的思路很快得出了一个完全可能有害的结论)，得了，那末就……得了，那末就……至少也许有可能，……如果不是他自己，那不妨由别人出面……否认他跟她有过任何类似这样的关系，于是，他自己也就脱尽干系了。也许这可能是唯一的出路，只要他不是象现在自己这样四面受敌，那就得了。
然而，眼前他感到最苦恼的是:
这事除了向医生求助以外，他简直一点儿都想不出其他切实可行的办法。再说，这也许就得花钱，花时间，冒风险……真不知道还有什么花头呢?
他打算明天早上来看她，那时她要是还不见好，他就开始行动了。
而罗伯达呢，她生平头一回遭到这样冷遇，而且还是在如此危急的关键时刻，满怀她一辈子从没有过的那种令人心胆欲裂的疑惧思绪，向自己房间走去。
收听单词发音 |
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substantiation
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| n. 实体化, 证实, 证明 | |
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insistence
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| n.坚持；强调；坚决主张 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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modification
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| n.修改，改进，缓和，减轻 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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poignantly
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distrait
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| adj.心不在焉的 | |
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persuasion
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| n.劝说；说服；持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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anomalous
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| adj.反常的；不规则的 | |
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unprecedented
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| adj.无前例的，新奇的 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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severing
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| v.切断，断绝( sever的现在分词 )；断，裂 | |
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undue
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| adj.过分的；不适当的；未到期的 | |
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libido
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| n.本能的冲动 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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temporizing
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| v.敷衍( temporize的现在分词 )；拖延；顺应时势；暂时同意 | |
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incurable
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| adj.不能医治的，不能矫正的，无救的；n.不治的病人，无救的人 | |
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futile
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| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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assailed
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| v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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estranged
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extricated
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| v.使摆脱困难，脱身( extricate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stigma
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| n.耻辱，污名；(花的)柱头 | |
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miseries
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| n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人 | |
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feverishly
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| adv. 兴奋地 | |
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lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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mustered
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| v.集合，召集，集结（尤指部队）( muster的过去式和过去分词 )；（自他人处）搜集某事物；聚集；激发 | |
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scrawl
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| vt.潦草地书写；n.潦草的笔记，涂写 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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poise
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| vt./vi. 平衡，保持平衡；n.泰然自若，自信 | |
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disconsolately
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| adv.悲伤地，愁闷地；哭丧着脸 | |
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despondent
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| adj.失望的，沮丧的，泄气的 | |
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dwindling
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| adj.逐渐减少的v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的现在分词 ) | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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reiterated
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| 反复地说，重申( reiterate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stimuli
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| n.刺激（物） | |
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sporadic
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| adj.偶尔发生的 [反]regular；分散的 | |
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simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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dictating
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| v.大声讲或读( dictate的现在分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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ruse
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| n.诡计，计策；诡计 | |
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realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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disastrous
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| adj.灾难性的，造成灾害的；极坏的，很糟的 | |
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intrigue
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| vt.激起兴趣，迷住；vi.耍阴谋；n.阴谋，密谋 | |
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unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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impunity
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| n.(惩罚、损失、伤害等的)免除 | |
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browsed
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| v.吃草( browse的过去式和过去分词 )；随意翻阅；（在商店里）随便看看；（在计算机上）浏览信息 | |
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mentors
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| n.（无经验之人的）有经验可信赖的顾问( mentor的名词复数 )v.（无经验之人的）有经验可信赖的顾问( mentor的第三人称单数 ) | |
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rumored
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| adj.传说的，谣传的v.传闻( rumor的过去式和过去分词 )；[古]名誉；咕哝；[古]喧嚷 | |
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quack
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| n.庸医；江湖医生；冒充内行的人；骗子 | |
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prescription
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| n.处方，开药；指示，规定 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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diplomacy
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| n.外交；外交手腕，交际手腕 | |
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59
tantalizing
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| adj.逗人的；惹弄人的；撩人的；煽情的v.逗弄，引诱，折磨( tantalize的现在分词 ) | |
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60
gracefully
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| ad.大大方方地；优美地 | |
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61
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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62
precipitate
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| adj.突如其来的；vt.使突然发生；n.沉淀物 | |
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63
inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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64
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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65
treacherously
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| 背信弃义地； 背叛地； 靠不住地； 危险地 | |
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66
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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67
agonized
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| v.使（极度）痛苦，折磨( agonize的过去式和过去分词 )；苦斗；苦苦思索；感到极度痛苦 | |
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