Two letters, which arrived at this time and simultaneously1, but accentuated2 the difficulty of all this.
Pine Point Landing, June 10thCLYDE MYDIE:
How is my pheet phing? All whytie? It's just glorious up here. Lots of people already here and more comingevery day. The Casino and golf course over at Pine Point are open and lots of people about. I can hear Stuart andGrant with their launches going up toward Gray's Inlet now. You must hurry and come up, dear. It's too nice forwords. Green roads to gallop3 through, and swimming and dancing at the Casino every afternoon at four. Justback from a wonderful gallop on Dickey and going again after luncheon4 to mail these letters. Bertine says she'llwrite you a letter to-day or tomorrow good for any week-end or any old time, so when Sonda says come, youcome, you hear, else Sonda whip hard. You baddie, good boy.
Is he working hard in the baddie old factory? Sonda wisses he was here wiss her instead. We'd ride and drive andswim and dance. Don't forget your tennis racquet and golf clubs. There's a dandy course on the Casino grounds.
This morning when I was riding a bird flew right up under Dickey's heels. It scared him so that he bolted, andSonda got all switched and scwatched. Isn't Clydie sorry for his Sonda?
She is writing lots of notes to-day. After lunch and the ride to catch the down mail, Sonda and Bertine and Ninagoing to the Casino. Don't you wish you were going to be there? We could dance to "Taudy." Sonda just lovesthat song. But she has to dress now. More to-morrow, baddie boy. And when Bertine writes, answer right away.
See all 'ose dots? Kisses. Big and little ones. All for baddie boy. And wite Sonda every day and she'll write 'oo.
More kisses.
To which Clyde responded eagerly and in kind in the same hour. But almost the same mail, at least the same day,brought the following letter from Roberta.
Biltz, June 10th.
DEAR CLYDE:
I am nearly ready for bed, but I will write you a few lines. I had such a tiresome5 journey coming up that I wasnearly sick. In the first place I didn't want to come much (alone) as you know. I feel too upset and uncertainabout everything, although I try not to feel so now that we have our plan and you are going to come for me asyou said.
(At this point, while nearly sickened by the thought of the wretched country world in which she lived, still,because of Roberta's unfortunate and unavoidable relation to it, he now experienced one of his old time twingesof remorse6 and pity in regard to her. For after all, this was not her fault. She had so little to look forward to-nothingbut her work or a commonplace marriage. For the first time in many days, really, and in the absence ofboth, he was able to think clearly--and to sympathize deeply, if gloomily. For the remainder of the letter read:)But it's very nice here now. The trees are so beautifully green and the flowers in bloom. I can hear the bees in theorchard whenever I go near the south windows. On the way up instead of coming straight home I decided7 to stopat Homer to see my sister and brother-in-law, since I am not so sure now when I shall see them again, if ever, forI am resolved that they shall see me respectable, or never at all any more. You mustn't think I mean anythinghard or mean by this. I am just sad. They have such a cute little home there, Clyde--pretty furniture, a victrola and all, and Agnes is so very happy with Fred. I hope she always will be. I couldn't help thinking of what a dearplace we might have had, if only my dreams had come true. And nearly all the time I was there Fred kept teasingme as to why I don't get married, until I said, "Oh, well, Fred, you mustn't be too sure that I won't one of thesedays. All good things come to him who waits, you know." "Yes, unless you just turn out to be a waiter," was theway he hit me back.
But I was truly glad to see mother again, Clyde. She's so loving and patient and helpful. The sweetest, dearestmother that ever, ever was. And I just hate to hurt her in any way. And Tom and Emily, too. They have hadfriends here every evening since I've been here--and they want me to join in, but I hardly feel well enough nowto do all the things they want me to do--play cards and games--dance.
(At this point Clyde could not help emphasizing in his own mind the shabby home world of which she was a partand which so recently he had seen--that rickety house! those toppling chimneys! Her uncouth8 father. And that incontrast to such a letter as this other from Sondra.)Father and mother and Tom and Emily just seem to hang around and try to do things for me. And I feelremorseful when I think how they would feel if they knew, for, of course, I have to pretend that it is work thatmakes me feel so tired and depressed9 as I am sometimes. Mother keeps saying that I must stay a long time or quitentirely and rest and get well again, but she just don't know of course--poor dear. If she did! I can't tell you howthat makes me feel sometimes, Clyde. Oh, dear!
But there, I mustn't put my sad feelings over on you either. I don't want to, as I told you, if you will only comeand get me as we've agreed. And I won't be like that either, Clyde. I'm not that way all the time now. I've startedto get ready and do all the things it'll take to do in three weeks and that's enough to keep my mind off everythingbut work. But you will come for me, won't you, dear? You won't disappoint me any more and make me sufferthis time like you have so far, for, oh, how long it has been now--ever since I was here before at Christmas time,really. But you were truly nice to me. I promise not to be a burden on you, for I know you don't really care forme any more and so I don't care much what happens now, so long as I get out of this. But I truly promise not tobe a burden on you.
Oh, dear, don't mind this blot11. I just don't seem to be able to control myself these days like I once could.
But as for what I came for. The family think they are clothes for a party down in Lycurgus and that I must behaving a wonderful time. Well, it's better that way than the other. I may have to come as far as Fonda to get somethings, if I don't send Mrs. Anse, the dressmaker, and if so, and if you wanted to see me again before you come,although I don't suppose you do, you could. I'd like to see you and talk to you again if you care to, before westart. It all seems so funny to me, Clyde, having these clothes made and wishing to see you so much and yetknowing that you would rather not do this. And yet I hope you are satisfied now that you have succeeded inmaking me leave Lycurgus and come up here and are having what you call a good time. Are they so very muchbetter than the ones we used to have last summer when we went about to the lakes and everywhere? Butwhatever they are, Clyde, surely you can afford to do this for me without feeling too bad. I know it seems hard toyou now, but you don't want to forget either that if I was like some that I know, I might and would ask more. Butas I told you I'm not like that and never could be. If you don't really want me after you have helped me out like Isaid, you can go.
Please write me, Clyde, a long, cheery letter, even though you don't want to, and tell me all about how you havenot thought of me once since I've been away or missed me at all--you used to, you know, and how you don't wantme to come back and you can't possibly come up before two weeks from Saturday if then.
Oh, dear, I don't mean the horrid12 things I write, but I'm so blue and tired and lonely that I can't help it at times. Ineed some one to talk to--not just any one here, because they don't understand, and I can't tell anybody.
But there, I said I wouldn't be blue or gloomy or cross and yet I haven't done so very well this time, have I? But Ipromise to do better next time--tomorrow or next day, because it relieves me to write to you, Clyde. And won'tyou please write me just a few words to cheer me up while I'm waiting, whether you mean it or not, I need it so.
And you will come, of course. I'll be so happy and grateful and try not to bother you too much in any way.
Your lonelyBERTAnd it was the contrast presented by these two scenes which finally determined13 for him the fact that he wouldnever marry Roberta-- never--nor even go to her at Biltz, or let her come back to him here, if he could avoid that.
For would not his going, or her return, put a period to all the joys that so recently in connection with Sondra hadcome to him here--make it impossible for him to be with Sondra at Twelfth Lake this summer--make itimpossible for him to run away with and marry her? In God's name was there no way? No outlet14 from thishorrible difficulty which now confronted him?
And in a fit of despair, having found the letters in his room on his return from work one warm evening in June,he now threw himself upon his bed and fairly groaned15. The misery16 of this! The horror of his almost insolubleproblem! Was there no way by which she could be persuaded to go away--and stay--remain at home, maybe for awhile longer, while he sent her ten dollars a week, or twelve, even--a full half of all his salary? Or could she goto some neighboring town--Fonda, Gloversville, Schenectady--she was not so far gone but what she could takecare of herself well enough as yet, and rent a room and remain there quietly until the fatal time, when she couldgo to some doctor or nurse? He might help her to find some one like that when the time came, if only she wouldbe willing not to mention his name.
But this business of making him come to Biltz, or meeting her somewhere, and that within two weeks or less. Hewould not, he would not. He would do something desperate if she tried to make him do that--run away--or-maybego up to Twelfth Lake before it should be time for him to go to Biltz, or before she would think it wastime, and then persuade Sondra if he could--but oh, what a wild, wild chance was that--to run away with andmarry him, even if she wasn't quite eighteen--and then--and then--being married, and her family not being able todivorce them, and Roberta not being able to find him, either, but only to complain--well, couldn't he deny it--saythat it was not so--that he had never had any relationship, other than that which any department head might havewith any girl working for him. He had not been introduced to the Gilpins, nor had he gone with Roberta to seethat Dr. Glenn near Gloversville, and she had told him at the time, she had not mentioned his name.
But the nerve of trying to deny it!
The courage it would take.
The courage to try to face Roberta when, as he knew, her steady, accusing, horrified17, innocent, blue eyes wouldbe about as difficult to face as anything in all the world. And could he do that? Had he the courage? And would itall work out satisfactorily if he did? Would Sondra believe him--once she heard?
But just the same in pursuance of this idea, whether finally he executed it or not, even though he went to TwelfthLake, he must write Sondra a letter saying that he was coming. And this he did at once, writing her passionatelyand yearningly18. At the same time he decided not to write Roberta at all. Maybe call her on long distance, sinceshe had recently told him that there was a neighbor near-by who had a telephone, and if for any reason he neededto reach her, he could use that. For writing her in regard to all this, even in the most guarded way, would place inher hands, and at this time, exactly the type of evidence in regard to this relationship which she would most need,and especially when he was so determined not to marry her. The trickery of all this! It was low and shabby, nodoubt. Yet if only Roberta had agreed to be a little reasonable with him, he would never have dreamed ofindulging in any such low and tricky19 plan as this. But, oh, Sondra! Sondra! And the great estate that she haddescribed, lying along the west shore of Twelfth Lake. How beautiful that must be! He could not help it! Hemust act and plan as he was doing! He must!
And forthwith he arose and went to mail the letter to Sondra. And then while out, having purchased an eveningpaper and hoping via the local news of all whom he knew, to divert his mind for the time being, there, upon thefirst page of the Times-union of Albany, was an item which read:
ACCIDENTAL DOUBLE TRAGEDY AT PASS LAKE--UPTURNED CANOE AND FLOATING HATSREVEAL PROBABLE LOSS OF TWO LIVES AT RESORT NEAR PITTSFIELD--UNIDENTIFIED BODYOF GIRL RECOVERED--THAT OF COMPANION STILL MISSINGBecause of his own great interest in canoeing, and indeed in any form of water life, as well as his own particularskill when it came to rowing, swimming, diving, he now read with interest:
Pancoast, Mass., June 7th. . . . What proved to be a fatal boat ride for two, apparently21, was taken here day beforeyesterday by an unidentified man and girl who came presumably from Pittsfield to spend the day at Pass Lake,which is fourteen miles north of this place.
Tuesday morning a man and a girl, who said to Thomas Lucas, who conducts the Casino Lunch and Boat Housethere, that they were from Pittsfield, rented a small row-boat about ten o'clock in the morning and with a basket,presumably containing lunch, departed for the northern end of the lake. At seven o'clock last evening, when theydid not return, Mr. Lucas, in company with his son Jeffrey, made a tour of the lake in his motor boat anddiscovered the row-boat upside down in the shallows near the north shore, but no trace of the occupants.
Thinking at the time that it might be another instance of renters having decamped in order to avoid payment, hereturned the boat to his own dock.
But this morning, doubtful as to whether or not an accident had occurred, he and his assistant, Fred Walsh,together with his son, made a second tour of the north shore and finally came upon the hats of both the girl and the man floating among some rushes near the shore. At once a dredging party was organized, and by threeo'clock to-day the body of the girl, concerning whom nothing is known here, other than that she came here withher companion, was brought up and turned over to the authorities. That of the man has not yet been found. Thewater in the immediate22 vicinity of the accident in some places being over thirty feet deep, it is not certainwhether the trolling and dredging will yield the other body or not. In the case of a similar accident which tookplace here some fifteen years ago, neither body was ever recovered.
To the lining23 of the small jacket which the girl wore was sewed the tag of a Pittsfield dealer24. Also in her shoelining was stamped the name of Jacobs of this same city. But other than these there was no evidence as to heridentity. It is assumed by the authorities here that if she carried a bag of any kind it lies at the bottom of the lake.
The man is recalled as being tall, dark, about thirty-five years of age, and wore a light green suit and straw hatwith a white and blue band. The girl appears to be not more than twenty-five, five feet five inches tall, andweighs 130 pounds. She wore her hair, which was long and dark brown, in braids about her forehead. On her leftmiddle finger is a small gold ring with an amethyst25 setting. The police of Pittsfield and other cities in this vicinityhave been notified, but as yet no word as to her identity has been received.
This item, commonplace enough in the usual grist of summer accidents, interested Clyde only slightly. It seemedodd, of course, that a girl and a man should arrive at a small lake anywhere, and setting forth20 in a small boat inbroad daylight thus lose their lives. Also it was odd that afterwards no one should be able to identify either ofthem. And yet here it was. The man had disappeared for good. He threw the paper down, little concerned at first,and turned to other things--the problem that was confronting him really--how he was to do. But later--andbecause of that, and as he was putting out the light before getting into bed, and still thinking of the complicatedproblem which his own life here presented, he was struck by the thought (what devil's whisper?--what evil hintof an evil spirit?)--supposing that he and Roberta--no, say he and Sondra--(no, Sondra could swim so well, andso could he)--he and Roberta were in a small boat somewhere and it should capsize at the very time, say, of thisdreadful complication which was so harassing26 him? What an escape? What a relief from a gigantic and by nowreally destroying problem! On the other hand--hold--not so fast!--for could a man even think of such a solutionin connection with so difficult a problem as his without committing a crime in his heart, really--a horrible,terrible crime? He must not even think of such a thing. It was wrong--wrong--terribly wrong. And yet,supposing,--by accident, of course--such a thing as this did occur? That would be the end, then, wouldn't it, of allhis troubles in connection with Roberta? No more terror as to her--no more fear and heartache even as to Sondra.
A noiseless, pathless, quarrelless solution of all his present difficulties, and only joy before him forever. Just anaccidental, unpremeditated drowning--and then the glorious future which would be his!
But the mere27 thinking of such a thing in connection with Roberta at this time--(why was it that his mind persistedin identifying her with it?) was terrible, and he must not, he must not, allow such a thought to enter his mind.
Never, never, never! He must not. It was horrible! Terrible! A thought of murder, no less! Murder?!!! Yet sowrought up had he been, and still was, by the letter which Roberta had written him, as contrasted with the onefrom Sondra--so delightful28 and enticing29 was the picture of her life and his as she now described it, that he couldnot for the life of him quite expel that other and seemingly easy and so natural a solution of all his problem--ifonly such an accident could occur to him and Roberta. For after all he was not planning any crime, was he? Washe not merely thinking of an accident that, had it occurred or could it but occur in his case. . . . Ah--but that"COULD IT BUT OCCUR." There was the dark and evil thought about which he must not, HE MUST NOT THINK. He MUST NOT. And yet--and yet, . . . He was an excellent swimmer and could swim ashore30, nodoubt--whatever the distance. Whereas Roberta, as he knew from swimming with her at one beach and anotherthe previous summer, could not swim. And then--and then--well and then, unless he chose to help her, ofcourse. . . .
As he thought, and for the time, sitting in the lamplight of his own room between nine-thirty and ten at night, astrange and disturbing creepiness as to flesh and hair and finger-tips assailed31 him. The wonder and the horror ofsuch a thought! And presented to him by this paper in this way. Wasn't that strange? Besides, up in that lakecountry to which he was now going to Sondra, were many, many lakes about everywhere--were there not?
Scores up there where Sondra was. Or so she had said. And Roberta loved the out-of-doors and the water so-althoughshe could not swim--could not swim--could not swim. And they or at least he was going where lakeswere, or they might, might they not--and if not, why not? since both had talked of some Fourth of July resort intheir planning, their final departure--he and Roberta.
But, no! no! The mere thought of an accident such as that in connection with her, however much he might wishto be rid of her--was sinful, dark and terrible! He must not let his mind run on any such things for even amoment. It was too wrong--too vile--too terrible! Oh, dreadful thought! To think it should have come to him!
And at this time of all times--when she was demanding that he go away with her!
Death!
Murder!
The murder of Roberta!
But to escape her of course--this unreasonable32, unshakable, unchangeable demand of hers! Already he was quitecold, quite damp--with the mere thought of it. And now--when--when--! But he must not think of that! The deathof that unborn child, too!!
But how could any one even think of doing any such thing with calculation--deliberately? And yet--many peoplewere drowned like that--boys and girls--men and women--here and there--everywhere the world over in thesummer time. To be sure, he would not want anything like that to happen to Roberta. And especially at this time.
He was not that kind of a person, whatever else he was. He was not. He was not. He was not. The mere thoughtnow caused a damp perspiration33 to form on his hands and face. He was not that kind of a person. Decent, sanepeople did not think of such things. And so he would not either--from this hour on.
In a tremulous state of dissatisfaction with himself--that any such grisly thought should have dared to obtrudeitself upon him in this way--he got up and lit the lamp--re-read this disconcerting item in as cold and reprobativeway as he could achieve, feeling that in so doing he was putting anything at which it hinted far from him onceand for all. Then, having done so, he dressed and went out of the house for a walk--up Wykeagy Avenue, alongCentral Avenue, out Oak, and then back on Spruce and to Central again--feeling that he was walking away fromthe insinuating34 thought or suggestion that had so troubled him up to now. And after a time, feeling better, freer,more natural, more human, as he so much wished to feel--he returned to his room, once more to sleep, with thefeeling that he had actually succeeded in eliminating completely a most insidious35 and horrible visitation. He must never think of it again! He must never think of it again. He must never, never, never think of it-- never.
And then falling into a nervous, feverish36 doze37 soon thereafter, he found himself dreaming of a savage38 black dogthat was trying to bite him. Having escaped from the fangs39 of the creature by waking in terror, he once more fellasleep. But now he was in some very strange and gloomy place, a wood or a cave or narrow canyon40 betweendeep hills, from which a path, fairly promising41 at first, seemed to lead. But soon the path, as he progressed alongit, became narrower and narrower and darker, and finally disappeared entirely10. And then, turning to see if hecould not get back as he had come, there directly behind him were arrayed an entangled42 mass of snakes that atfirst looked more like a pile of brush. But above it waved the menacing heads of at least a score of reptiles,forked tongues and agate43 eyes. And in front now, as he turned swiftly, a horned and savage animal--huge, itwas--its heavy tread crushing the brush--blocked the path in that direction. And then, horrified and crying out inhopeless desperation, once more he awoke--not to sleep again that night.
这时，克莱德收到两封信，而且是同时收到的，因而使情况更加棘手了。
克莱德，我最亲爱的:
我的小宝贝怎么样?
一切都好吗?
这儿简直是帅极了。已来了好多人，每天还不断有人来。松树岬的夜总会和高尔夫球场都已经开放了，那儿的人可多啦。
这会儿斯图尔特和格兰特正驾着汽艇往格雷湾开去，我还听得见马达的声音哩。
你别磨磨蹭蹭，亲爱的，快一点来吧。这儿太好了，实在没法说的。绿的林荫大道，可以骑着马儿飞奔;每天下午四点，可以到夜总会游游泳，跳跳舞。我刚骑着狄基遛了一圈才回来，惬意极了。午饭后还要骑着马儿把这些信发出去。
伯蒂娜说，她今天或是明天要给你写一封信，随便哪一个周末，或是随便哪一天都行，反正只要桑达说一声来，你就来，你听见了吧，要不然桑达可要狠狠地揍你。你这个淘气的小乖乖。
他是不是还在那个要不得的厂里卖力地干活呀?
桑达希方〔望〕他来这儿，狠〔跟〕她在一块。我们就可以遛马呀，开车呀，游泳呀，跳舞呀……别忘了带上你的网球拍和高尔夫球棍。夜总会那儿还有一个顶呱呱的球场哩。
今儿一早我在遛马时，有一只小鸟打从狄基的四蹄下飞了出来，马儿一惊，就脱了缰狂奔，桑达被细树枝扎得真够呛。克莱弟〔德〕替他可怜的桑达难过吗?
今天，桑达写了好多信。吃过午饭，骑上马去发信，是赶下一班寄出以后，桑达。伯蒂娜和尼娜要到夜总会去。难道你不想也跟我们一块玩去吗?
我们不就可以踩着"陶迪"的曲子一块跳吗。桑达就爱这支歌。不过，这会儿她可得打扮打扮去了。明儿个再给你小淘气写信。伯蒂娜的信一到，马上就回信啊。那么多的点点印痕，都看见了没有?
全是吻痕呀。大大小小的都有。全是给小淘气的。
每天给桑达先〔写〕信，她一〔也〕会写来的。
还得吻你几下。
６月１０日于松树岬信一到，克莱德心急如焚地给她回了信，语气跟她的来信相仿。可是，几乎就在同一个邮班，至少是在同一天，却收到了来自罗伯达的一封信，全文如下:
亲爱的克莱德:
现在我就要睡了，不过，我还得写上几行寄给你。这次我一路上累得够呛，现在几乎病倒了。第一，你也知道，我可不愿意(孤零零一个人)回家转。我对一切事都觉得心乱如麻，疑惧不安，虽然我竭力使自己不要这样，因为现在我们一切都已讲定了，你将照你自己所说的，到我身边来。
(他一读到这里，因为想到她家所在的那个惨不忍睹的穷乡僻壤，就觉得恶心要吐，但由于罗伯达跟它结下了这么一种倒霉的。甩也甩不掉的关系，原先他对她感到悔恨和怜悯的心情，这时又油然而生。归根到底，这可不是她的过错呀。瞻望未来，她本来就是没有多大奔头……只不过是干活，或是照例女大当嫁罢了。她们两人都不在这儿，说真的，他才多日来头一次能够思路清晰地思考和深深地……哪怕是忧郁地……同情她。她信上继续写道:
)不过，现在这儿景色美极了。树绿得多美呀，花儿也都在盛开。我一走到朝南窗口，就可以听到果园里蜜蜂的嗡嗡声。回家路上，这次我可不是直接回家，而是半途在霍默停了一下，看看妹妹。妹夫，因为，即使以后还能见到他们，也不知道在何年何月，我可一点儿都说不准。所以，我已下了决心，要末就让我这个正经女人跟他们见见面，要末就让他们从此永远也见不到我。你可不要认为我这么说是有什么要不得的意思。我只是伤心透了。他们在那里有一个小小的。可爱的家，克莱德……漂亮的家具。一架手摇留声机，还有许多其他的东西。艾格尼斯跟弗雷德在一起过着非常幸福的生活。但愿她永远这样幸福。我不禁想到，只要我的梦想实现了，那我们照样也会有一个多么可爱的家啊。我在他们那里作客时，弗雷德差不多老是逗我，问我干吗还不结婚，后来我干脆说:
"哦，得了吧，弗雷德，你可不能那么肯定地认为我最近一定不会出嫁。
善于等待的人，到头来也最幸福，你知不知道。""是啊，那当然罗，只要你变成侍应生就得了，"("Ｗａｉｔｅｒ"一词既指等待者，也可指侍者。侍应生。而克莱德乃是侍应生出身，因此也就一语双关了。)他就是这么回敬了我。
不过，克莱德，我又见到了妈妈，这才真是高兴啊。她是那么慈爱，那么耐心，那么乐于助人。天底下就数我妈最亲。最好。说真的，我怎么也不愿意让她伤心。还有汤姆和艾米莉。我到家以后，每天晚上都有朋友来看他们……他们还要我同他们一块玩儿，可我身体不太好，没法跟他们在一块打纸牌……做各种游戏……跳舞。
(克莱德读到这里，记忆犹新，不禁回想起罗伯达那个寒伧的老家。最近他还亲眼目睹过……那东倒西歪的房子!
还有那些快坍下来的烟囱!
她那样子古怪的父亲。跟桑德拉的信上所说的，恰好是一个鲜明的对照。)爸爸。妈妈。汤姆。艾米莉，好象老是围着我身边转，想尽办法照顾我。
一想到他们要是知道后一定很伤心，我心中就觉得真有说不出的悔恨。当然罗，我只好推托说，因为在厂里干活，有时累得够呛，也就打不起精神来了。妈妈总是唠叨着说，我就得歇上一段日子，要不然干脆辞掉，休息，养好身体，不过，当然罗，她至今还是一点儿都不知道……可怜的亲人。要是她知道了怎么是好!
有时，我心里多么痛苦，说真的，我没法告诉你，克莱德。啊，老天哪!
可是，我不应该让自己心中的伤感也传染给你。我可不愿意这样，就象我说过的，我只要您按照我们讲定的那样，来到我身边，把我接走。而且我也不会象现在这样，克莱德。要知道我不会老是这样的。我已开始做回来的准备，并把该做的衣着做起来，这拢共要花去三个星期时间，专心裁剪缝纫，我也没空再想别的事了。不过，亲爱的，你是会来接我的，可不是?
这一次，您再也不会象过去那样让我失望。伤心了吧。老天哪，说真的，这段时间是多长呀，自从我前次圣诞节回家起，一直到现在。不过，以前您待我也真好。我可以起誓，决不成为你的累赘，因为，我心里也很明白，其实，现在你再也不喜欢我了。
因此，只要我能够渡过这个难关，至于以后怎么样，我也不在乎了。不过，我的确可以起誓，决不成为你的累赘。
啊，亲爱的，恕我直言，请你先别介意。近来我觉得跟过去大不一样，好象就是控制不住自己。
好吧，就谈谈我回家以后的情况吧。家里人以为我要做些衣服，是准备在莱柯格斯出席什么宴会穿的，想必我在那里日子过得真是美不滋儿哩。得了，让他们往好处想，总比往坏处想好。我要是不请女裁缝安斯太太去采买衣料，也许就得自己去方达。如果我去了，只要你乐意在下次来我这儿以前再见我一面，你就不妨同我在方达碰面，尽管我猜得出恐怕你并没有这个意思吧。在我们动身以前，如果你高兴的话，我希望能见你一面，跟你谈谈。我正在缝制这些嫁装，心心念念想着你，但又知道你压根儿不乐意……想到这里，我真觉得挺好笑，克莱德。不过，我想，现在你总应该很满意了吧，反正你终于说服我离开莱柯格斯回老家，而现在你正如你所说的，日子过得一定美美的，要比去年夏天我们在湖上和到处玩儿还痛快得多吧?
然而，不管怎么说，克莱德，当然罗，你答应过就要算数，不必因此对我大发脾气。我知道现在你好象觉得也很难过，不过，你别忘了，我要是也象我所知道的某些人那样，也许就会提出更多的要求来。但是，我跟你说过，我可不是这号人，而且永远也不做这号人。
只要你照我所说的那样，帮助我渡过这个难关，那时候，你如果真的不想跟我待下去，那你尽管走就得了。
克莱德，请你写一封愉快的长信给我，尽管你不乐意写。请你告诉我:
自从我走了以后，你怎么连一次都没有想过我，怎么压根儿不惦念我……您自己明白，过去你可不是这样;再说说，你怎么不希望我回来;还有，即使你在从星期六算起的两星期后能来这儿，你为什么不来呢。
啊，亲爱的，刚才我写了那些要不得的话，可不是我心里真这么想，不过，我很累，很忧郁，很孤寂，有时连自己都按捺不住。我需要跟某一个人谈谈心，并不是跟这儿哪一个人，因为他们不了解我，我不能把自己的事情对什么人都说。
不过，你看，刚才我说过，我决不会忧郁。沮丧，或是恼火，但我这一次还是没有做到，可不是吗?
我保证下次……明天或是大后天……一定改好，因为我给你写了信，心里就轻松得多了，克莱德。请你别生气，写几行给我，给我打打气。我在期待着……我实在太需要了。还有，你当然一定会来的。我将是那么愉快地感激你，并且尽量不再给你增添太多麻烦。
你那孤寂的伯特６月１０日于比尔茨正是这两种情景之间鲜明对照，使克莱德最后下了决心:
他决不跟罗伯达结婚……断断乎不……甚至也决不到比尔茨去看她，也不让她回到莱柯格斯来找他，反正只要他能够避免得了就行了。因为，不论是他去看她，或是她回到莱柯格斯来，不是要把他最近才同桑德拉一块在这儿找到的欢乐全都化成泡影吗?
今年夏天，他就不能跟桑德拉一块在第十二号湖玩儿，也就不可能跟她私奔，跟她结婚了。老天啊，难道就没有别的出路了吗?
难道说他怎么也摆脱不了眼前这种骇人的困境吗?
一个暖洋洋的六月之夜，他下班回来，在房间里读完了这两封信。他在绝望之余，卧倒床上一个劲儿低声叹息。这该有多倒霉呀!
他这个几乎怎么也解决不了的问题，该有多可怕呀!
难道说就不能劝她离开莱柯格斯……住在家里……或是让她在家里再多待一些日子，由他每星期寄给她十块美元，甚至十二块美元……不多不少正好是他薪资的一半?
要不然，她不是可以上一些毗邻小镇……比方说，方达。格洛弗斯维尔。谢内克塔迪……现在她暂时还有力气照料自己，租一个房间，安安静静地待在那里，等待那个性命交关的日子一到，不是就可以去找医生或是护士了吗?
到时候，也许他还可以帮她找个医生，只要她答应不提他的名字。
可是，她竟然要他到比尔茨去，或是到某某地方去跟她见面，而且限在两星期以内，不得延宕。不，他不乐意，他也决不会去的。她要是照旧逼着他这么做，他就只好孤注一掷……干脆逃掉……或是……或是在他应该到比尔茨去以前，或是在她认为那个合适时间以前，说不定他索性到第十二号湖去，然后竭力说服桑德拉(哦，这是多么荒诞不经。多么丧心病狂的冒险啊)……说服她跟他一块出走，跟她结婚，即便她年龄还没有到十八岁……然后……然后……既然结了婚，那她家里也就不能拆散他们了。而罗伯达这时却找不到他，也许只好自个儿发牢骚去了……哦，他就是可以否认嘛……说事实并不是这样……说他跟她从来没有什么关系，除了部门头头对其下属一般女工的关系以外。反正他并没有被她介绍给吉尔平一家人见过面，也没有跟罗伯达一起去见格洛弗斯维尔附近的格伦医生，而且，当时她还跟他说过自己并没有向医生提到过他的名字。
但是，要否认这一切，就得有那么一股冲劲呀!
多少还得有一点儿胆量。
要有那么一点儿胆量，跟罗伯达面对面站在一起。他自己也明白，天底下他最害怕直面对视的，正是她的那一双坚定。沉着。充满谴责。骇怕，而又无辜的蓝眼睛。试问他能受得了吗?
他有这个胆量吗?
即使说他有……一切都会达到预期结果吗?
桑德拉听到会相信他吗?
不过，根据他这个意图，不管最终是不是付诸实现，甚至他索性到第十二号湖去，反正他必须写信给桑德拉，说他就要来了。于是，他随手给她写了信，写得很热火，表示了无限思慕之情。同时，他又决定压根儿不给罗伯达回信。
也许给她挂个长途电话就得了。最近她告诉他，说她的一个邻居装上电话，必要时，他不妨打这个电话找她。现在给她写信谈他们俩这些事情，哪怕写得非常谨小慎微，也无异于把她最需要的有关他们关系的证据交到她手里，尤其在此刻他已决计不跟她结婚了。这一切该有多狡猾!
显然，是太卑鄙下流了。不过，要是罗伯达对待他的态度表示稍微理智些，那他梦里也想不到自己会干类似这样下流狡诈的勾当啊!
可是，啊，桑德拉!
桑德拉啊!
还有，她描写过的好一幢漂亮的别墅，巍然耸立在第十二号湖西岸啊。想来一定是美仑美奂啊!
他实在是万不得已才这样呀!
他务必要象他现在这样行动起来!
务必行动起来!
克莱德便站起身来，出去把写给桑德拉的信寄了。他在街上买了一份晚报，希望通过本地报纸上有关他所认识的那些人的消息报道，暂时消愁解闷。他看见奥尔巴尼的《时代联合报》头版上有这样一条新闻报道:
帕斯湖上特大惨剧小划子倾覆两顶帽子漂在湖上匹茨菲尔德附近避暑胜地恐有两人丧生女郎尸体虽被捞起但不知名姓女郎同伴尸体尚在寻找中克莱德对划小划子特别感兴趣，其实所有水上活动，他全都很喜欢，比如划船。游泳。跳水等等，他的技艺儿其精湛，因此，他便津津有味地读将起来:
〔马萨诸塞州潘科斯特六月七日讯〕本城以北十四英里的帕斯湖上，日前发生翻船惨案，船上两人显然已经丧命。此不知名姓的男人和女郎，据说来自匹兹菲尔德，系在湖上作一日游。
星期二晨。有一个男人和一位女郎，对经管夜总会餐厅与游船码头的老板托马斯。卢卡斯说，他们来自匹茨菲尔德。大约上午十点钟，他们租了一只小划子，带了一只提篮(里头大概盛放午餐食品)，径直向湖的北头划去。昨天晚上七点钟仍不见他们返回，卢卡斯偕同其子杰弗里，乘汽艇绕湖一周，发现小划子已在北岸附近浅滩倾覆，但始终未见游客踪影。当时他认为可能游客因为不愿付租船费而弃船逃走，所以便将小划子带回船坞。
但是今天早晨，卢卡斯先生深恐发生惨剧，再次偕同其子及助手弗雷德。
沃尔什绕着北岸巡视，终于发现在岸边灯心草丛里漂浮着该男女游客的两顶帽子。当即派员打捞，至今日下午三时，捞起女尸一具，并已移送地方当局。仅知该女郎系与男伴联袂来此，其他一概不详。男伴尸体至今仍未发现。惨案发生地点四周，水深达三十英尺以上，因此另一具尸体能否捞获，尚难肯定。十五年前，此处亦发生过类似惨剧，尸体始终未能寻获。
该女郎所穿短外套衬里上，缀有匹兹菲尔德某铺号商标。她穿的鞋帮儿上，印有该城雅各布商号标记。除此以外，无任何证据足以说明死者身份。据地方当局推测，该女郎倘若生前随身携有手提包，恐已沉入湖底。
现据目击者回忆，该男游客身材高大，肤色黝黑，大约三十五岁左右，身穿淡绿色套装，头戴系有蓝白两色飘带的草帽。该女郎看来还不满二十五岁，身高五英尺五英寸，体重一百三十磅。深褐色头发，还结成细辫盘在头上。她的左手中指上戴一小枚嵌紫水晶金戒指。匹茨菲尔德及其附近各城市均已接获此事通报，但至今仍然未能查明该女郎的身份。
这条新闻报道，在夏季经常发生的大量事故里头，原是平常得很，克莱德对它并不怎么特别注意。当然罗，一位女郎和一个男人来到小湖边，乘上一条小船，在光天化日之下竟然丧生，听起来好象挺怪。事情发生以后，不论该男或该女竟然无人能确认他们的身份，这同样也很玄乎。可事实确实是这样。那个男人也就此不见踪影了。他随手把报纸一扔，开头并不怎么关注，心里就想别的事情……想到他目前面临的问题，究竟该怎么办才好。可是，过了一会儿……正当他关了灯，上床睡觉时，心里依然还在想着他自己遇到的复杂问题，不知怎的他突然掠过一个闪念(是哪个恶魔在跟他低声耳语啊?
是哪个恶鬼向他提出如此险恶的暗示啊?
):
假定说他跟罗伯达……不，比方说，是他跟桑德拉……(不，桑德拉游泳本来很棒，他也游得很棒)……是他跟罗伯达在哪儿一块乘上一只小船，假定恰好就在这个节骨眼上，正当这可怕的灾难折磨着他的时候翻了船，那会怎么样呢?
这不是解脱的好机会吗?
这个关系重大。简直害死人的问题，不就迎刃而解了吗!
可是……且慢……别这么心急啊!
……一个男子汉倘若想要解决他如此棘手的问题，难道说心里非得想到犯罪……真的是一大骇人听闻的罪行……才能解决了吗?
这类事他断断乎不应该去想呀。这是要不得……要不得……大大地要不得。不过，要是……当然罗，由于意外……果真发生了这类事呢?
那他因为罗伯达而产生的所有一切麻烦，不就一笔勾销了吗?
以后用不着害怕她了……甚至也不会为了桑德拉而心中再感到惧怕和痛苦了。他目前的全部困难就这样悄无声息。不留痕迹。不用争吵全给解决了，那末，在他前头也就永远只有说不尽的欢乐了，只要是意外(而不是预谋)溺水……以后，他也就前程似锦啦!
现在他动不动就把罗伯达跟这类事都想到一块去了……(为什么他脑海里老是要把这件事跟罗伯达连在一起呀?
)但是这种想法太可怕了，他断断乎不应该，断断乎不应该让这么一种想法进入他脑海里。永远不，永远不，永远不!
他千万不能这样呀!
这太恐怖了!
这太吓人呀!
简直就是杀人!
要杀人!
!
!
不过，把罗伯达写给他的信跟桑德拉的来信一对照后，他曾一直是那么激动，迄至此刻也还是激动不已，桑德拉对她自己的……以及他的生活描绘得竟然是那么可爱。那么迷人，因此，他怎么也无法驱除脑子里那种似乎毫不费劲。同时也很自然就把自己的难题给解决了的办法……只要这类的意外事故能落到他和罗伯达头上就好了。这毕竟不是在策划犯罪，对不对?
他只不过是在想假定他能碰上了这类意外事件，或是说这类事只要他真的能碰上就好了……啊，可是，"这件事只要他真的能碰上了，那就好了。"这是多么狠毒。险恶的念头，他可千万不该想的啊。
他可千万不能这么想啊。"他可千万不应该这么想啊。"可是……可是……他毕竟是个游泳高手，当然罗，他自己一定能游上岸来……不管有多远距离。可是罗伯达呢，去年夏天他跟她一块在各处湖边游过，他知道她是不会游泳的。那末……那末……啊，那末，要是他不去搭救她，当然罗……正当晚上九点半到十点之间，他独自坐在房间里就这件事沉思默想时，他觉得好象有一种奇怪的。令人惊恐万状的东西，犹如蚂蚁似的，从自己全身上下，乃至于头发里。手指头上爬过。这么一个念头该有多妙，但又是多么可怕啊!
而且，是这份报纸使他顿时萌生此念，好不奇怪呀?
再说，现在要他去湖泊区同桑德拉会面，那里不是到处都有很多很多湖吗?
在桑德拉家别墅那一带，就有好几十个。至少她是这么说过的。而罗伯达就是最爱郊游和水上划船……尽管她不会游泳……不会游泳……不会游泳。而且他们……至少是他……就要到有湖的地方去了。说不定他们两人……他和罗伯达……会一块去，也许不去，为什么不呢?
他们俩在确定最后动身日期时，不是都谈到他们打算在七月四日(该日为美国宣告独立日。)去某处一游吗?
可是，不行!
不行!
他尽管心里巴不得甩掉她，但只要想到她将大祸临头……就觉得有罪，而且太险恶。太可怕!
不，他，哪怕是一刹那，心里也断断乎不能想到这类事上去。这可太卑鄙……太下流……太可怕了!
啊，多可怕的念头呀!
想一想，他怎么会突然萌生此念!
特别是不早不晚，偏巧在她要求他跟她一块出走的时候!
死!
杀人!
谋害罗伯达!
可是，当然得甩掉她……她这种毫无道理。顽固不化的要求!
只要一想到这件事……克莱德早已浑身发冷，直冒冷汗。而现在……正当……正当……可是他断断乎不能想那件事呀!
再说，还没有生下的孩子也得一块死呀!
!
不过，怎么竟然会有人……而且是故意地……策划这类事呢?
但话又说回来……反正很多人就是那样给淹死的……其中有年轻小伙子和姑娘……有男人和女人……不管是这儿。那儿……入夏以来，全世界到处都有啊。当然罗，他可不愿意罗伯达碰上这一类事。特别是现在这个时候。即使说他不好，他也还不是那号人。他还不是。他还不是。他还不是。只要想到这件事，他脸上。手上就直冒冷汗。毕竟他还不是那号人。规规矩矩。头脑清楚的人，决不会想到这一类事。所以说，他也决不会想到……从现在这个时刻开始。
他极端自怨自艾了一阵……他恨这类邪念怎么会闯入他脑际……他便起身把灯点亮……尽可能冷静地重新审读这条令人发指的新闻报道。他觉得好象这样就可以把它给自己的暗示从此驱除殆尽。他读过以后，穿好衣服，就走出去散散步……他沿威克吉大街和中央大道，一直走到橡树街，然后折回，绕过云杉街，再走到中央大道……走着走着，他觉得好象把迄今一直使他如此烦恼的诱惑或暗示通通抛在脑后了。不一会儿，他感到自我感觉更好一些，更舒心些，更自然些，更近人情些，他真巴不得就这样感觉呀……他便回自己房间再睡觉去了。他心里觉得自己总算真的完全逃脱了最阴险。最可怕的天谴了。此后，他断断乎不能再去想它了!
他断断乎不能再去想它了。他断断乎永远。永远。永远，不能再去想它……永远也不能再去想它了。
随后，他马上做了一个心惊肉跳的短梦，梦见一头凶猛的黑狗要咬他，心里一吓，他就惊醒了，方才从恶狗尖牙中逃生，不一会儿却又呼呼入睡了。不过这一回，他却发现自己置身于极端奇兀阴森之地，不是在密林里，就是在深谷中，要不然在山洞里，或是在高山之间狭窄的峡谷里，开头看起来有一条小路可以通出去。可他越是顺这条小路往前走，就发现越来越窄，越走越窄，同时越走越黑，到后来连小路压根儿都找不到了。那时，他回过头来，想看看他能不能找到原路折回，只见自己身后盘着一大堆蛇，开头他还以为无非是一堆矮树丛呢，但继而一看，那上头少说也有二十来条毒蛇，正昂起吓人的脑袋，状如叉子的长舌和玛瑙色眼睛。猛地他转过身来，可是前面挡住他去路的，却是一头带犄角的猛兽，它躯体硕大无比，踩上一脚，连矮树丛都吱嘎作响。他在绝望之余，吓得拚命喊叫起来，终于又惊醒了……这一夜再也睡不着了。
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simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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accentuated
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| v.重读( accentuate的过去式和过去分词 )；使突出；使恶化；加重音符号于 | |
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gallop
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| v./n.(马或骑马等)飞奔；飞速发展 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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tiresome
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| adj.令人疲劳的，令人厌倦的 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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uncouth
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| adj.无教养的，粗鲁的 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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blot
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| vt.弄脏（用吸墨纸）吸干；n.污点，污渍 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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outlet
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| n.出口/路；销路；批发商店；通风口；发泄 | |
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groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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yearningly
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| 怀念地，思慕地，同情地； 渴 | |
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tricky
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| adj.狡猾的，奸诈的；(工作等)棘手的，微妙的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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lining
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| n.衬里，衬料 | |
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dealer
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| n.商人，贩子 | |
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amethyst
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| n.紫水晶 | |
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harassing
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| v.侵扰，骚扰( harass的现在分词 )；不断攻击（敌人） | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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enticing
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| adj.迷人的；诱人的 | |
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ashore
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| adv.在(向)岸上，上岸 | |
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assailed
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| v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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perspiration
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| n.汗水；出汗 | |
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insinuating
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| adj.曲意巴结的，暗示的v.暗示( insinuate的现在分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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insidious
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| adj.阴险的，隐匿的，暗中为害的，（疾病）不知不觉之间加剧 | |
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feverish
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| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
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doze
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| v.打瞌睡；n.打盹，假寐 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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fangs
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| n.（尤指狗和狼的）长而尖的牙( fang的名词复数 )；（蛇的）毒牙；罐座 | |
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40
canyon
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| n.峡谷，溪谷 | |
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41
promising
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| adj.有希望的，有前途的 | |
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42
entangled
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| adj.卷入的；陷入的；被缠住的；缠在一起的v.使某人（某物/自己）缠绕，纠缠于（某物中），使某人（自己）陷入（困难或复杂的环境中）( entangle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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agate
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| n.玛瑙 | |
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