PART 2 CHAPTER 32

PART 2 CHAPTER

32

O BLIVIOUS TO THE FREEZING TEMPERATURES AS NIGHT FELL, I STUM bled across the snow-

covered ground to the farthest edge of the pen, while blood roared in my ears. I was no longer

worthy¹ as a leader of others. Maybe I’d never been. Fragments of conversations with Bibb

haunted me. Now he would never see his home and family again. He’d never experience the

adventure of California, or the satisfactions of holding Margaret Ellen in their marriage bed. My

thoughtless actions had destroyed all those possibilities.

That lead bullet had been meant for me. Meant to burrow² into my chest. I wished it had. I’d

withstood sickness and battles when so many others hadn’t—to do what? To be responsible for

the death of a shattered man who was straining to save my life for the second time. In combat,

I’d dispatched strangers, but Bibb was my friend and a member of my circle to protect. The

killing³ field was behind us. How could I have been so stupid? I had loved this boy as I had loved

the memory of my younger self, before I had been undone⁴ by so much carnage.

I couldn’t conceive how I’d face the boys in the bunks⁵ again. I knew the consequences of

violating Special Order Number 157 as well as anyone; yet only I taunted⁷ the guard past the

edge of danger. I was convinced that, somehow, I could change the prison circumstances. That I

alone could make a difference, when no one else had. What vanity, what false pride!

I had lost not only John Bibb that day, but these other comrades as well. As their sergeant⁹, I

had held their trust and confidence. Now I’d violated that trust and led those closest to me into

this dangerous stunt¹⁰. That afternoon the fellows ignored me, their eyes purposely fixed¹¹ on the

opposite wall or engaged with one of the others. I couldn’t go back into the division, even if the

last vestige¹² of light had faded and my teeth were clacking. I’d stay in the frigid¹³ yard until I

found my own place of final darkness.

Just as I was overcome by convulsive shivering, Sam Lucas appeared across the yard. I

squinted¹⁴ my eyes to sharpen my focus, not believing what I saw. It was Sam! He’d stepped out

of the shadows of what appeared to me to be a darkened rail station. My heart split asunder¹⁵, and

I sobbed¹⁶ as I hadn’t since William Valentine’s death at Manassas. Next to Sam strode Tayloe,

Zeke Skinner, and all the Augusta boys who had perished. William Valentine was there too,

with his hand resting on Old Suzie’s velvet¹⁷ head. Behind them marched a crowd of soldiers,

Blues¹⁸ and Grays, Blacks and whites, some without an arm or a leg, some without heads, hands,

noses or ears, some barely there at all. And then swaying toward me were mourning women,

thickly veiled in black crepe, their ebony skirts rustling¹⁹ around them. Mothers, sisters,

sweethearts of both races. A horde²⁰ of Blacks in chains—men, women, and children—stepped

quietly behind, followed by the entire New Jerusalem Church choir²¹, swathed in yellow robes,

voices soaring in a requiem²². At the rear, there was Tatternook in his white shirt and black suit. I

saw myself as a young boy, then as a tall, melancholy²³ old man. My fingers and toes were in

agony, but I hardly noticed as the advancing figures drew me to them.

Piercing the fog that shrouded²⁴ my senses, a familiar voice called to me from the barrack door.

I couldn’t respond and wouldn’t have, if capable. Beards’s strong hand was suddenly on my

shoulder, and I was being shaken, then supported between two men who directed my frozen feet

toward the brightness of the barrack door. They propped²⁵ me near the stove, my head fallen

against the bunk⁶, and swaddled me in their blankets. Finally, they rubbed my arms and legs until

warmth began to circulate, and full alertness returned.

“Man, have you gone mad? John wouldn’t have wanted you to pay for his death with yours.

That cur of a guard killed John, not you. It was just damned bad luck.” In spite of what Beards

said, I knew that if I’d quit my taunt⁸ when the guard barked the second warning, John Bibb

would have been traveling home when the war ended. I would have found ways to keep him

alive until then.

As January plodded²⁶ along, I craved²⁷ punishment for John’s death. Repeatedly, I asked myself

why the official review had ignored the identity of the “nuisance” instigator²⁸. Eventually, I

concluded that we were punished if we tried to break rules, but not after the rules were broken.

And after the war, I learned that the federal authorities couldn’t have cared less about the

welfare of their prisoners. Nothing was enough to make up for what their boys had endured in

the Confederate prison at Andersonville, Georgia. The more we suffered, the better. The

inspectors²⁹ probably knew about Special Order Number 157 before they visited Fort Delaware. I

was a moron³⁰ to think my trifling³¹ plot would dislodge Ahl and Hike or affect Schoef’s hold on

the place.

Every day, my ears echoed my father’s voice when I’d committed some stupidity at home. I

remembered Pa’s anger when I’d risked his horse by riding her to Sam’s house without allowing

her to cool down after his ride to Staunton. And his harsh words when I’d once forgotten to lock

the hen house. A nighttime marauder had eaten them all. The list went on and on, a running

narration³² of worthlessness. Bibb’s death taught me as nothing else had why anger shouldn’t be

allowed to swallow reason. Now it was too late.

Nights were worse than days. Images of Milton’s Hell crowded my dreams, and demons³³

lurked³⁴ at the edges of my bunk to pluck me into their world. I stayed to myself and didn’t enter

into pen games and harmonizing. Failed attempts to draw me into play or our old memorization

contests convinced the others to leave me alone.

In my self-imposed silence, I relived John’s and my times together. I missed the sound of his

deep voice, his thoughtful conversation, and his kind nature. Sometimes I caught a flash of his

crooked³⁵ grin and crinkled blue eyes on the edge of my vision, but when I looked in that

direction, there was nothing.

Finally, in late January, I decided³⁶ to write a letter to John’s family in Charlottesville. He’d

want their minds to be eased with details of his last days. I was obsessed³⁷ with composing just

the right words in my head, trying out one version and then another. Finally, I used my last sheet

of paper, hidden until now under the shelf. I wrote only that John had been fatally wounded by a

prison guard and assured his family that he was a brave man of faith and goodness well prepared

to meet his Maker³⁸. I reported where his body was buried on the river’s New Jersey³⁹ shore. The

mass grave was hundreds of miles and many days from Charlottesville, but maybe his father

could manage a trip after the war ended. I concealed⁴⁰ the details of the shooting. The family

would find no solace⁴¹ in discovering their loss was an accident caused by someone’s idiocy⁴².

When the letter was finished, I tucked it deep in my haversack until prisoner letters to the South

might be allowed. I’d hoped that putting those words on paper would give me some relief, but it

didn’t.

On February 8, just when my spirits could go no lower, Beards burst into the barrack so

excited he could hardly spit out the news. “Prisoner exchanges are going to start up again! By

the end of the month or by early March!” The Confederacy was so desperate for soldiers that it

was granting freedom to any male slave willing to serve in the Confederate army and had vowed⁴³

to trade a Black union soldier for a white Confederate one, man for man. Lincoln then had

agreed to prisoner trades.

“How can you be sure?” I asked, knowing the commander forbade any communicating with

guards. Only they would be privy⁴⁴ to this sort of information.

He grinned, “Let’s just say that somewhere along the line, a guard leaked the news.”

“Probably a fellow from the Maryland unit. Some of them take a little more pity on us

Southerners,” Jim Blue said.

“I’m not saying, but one thing I’ll tell you—no one’s going anywhere unless they swear to

the United States Oath of Allegiance and pledge to quit the rebellion,” Beards said.

“You won’t catch me swearing allegiance to these sons of bitches,” Blue blurted⁴⁵.

“Not even if it’s a chance to be free?” I asked.

“Free? Where? You won’t be going home,” Beards said. “The Yankee boats are standing⁴⁶

ready to take us north, not south. We’re still at war, remember.”

“Do you think your Pennsylvania uncle would be willing to take in three former enemies?”

Blue asked me. “Otherwise, we’d be without shelter and food.”

“No, I don’t expect so. He doesn’t even know me.” I thought for a moment. “If we sign that

oath now, we’d be considered traitors⁴⁷ at home. Probably for the rest of our lives. Our families

and neighbors are still suffering, and we’d have taken the easy way out.”

The other two nodded their heads and then fell into silence. I finally spoke⁴⁸. “I recommend we

stay. This hell can’t go on much longer. Lee’s going to have to surrender soon. The last group of

captives made that clear. We’ve lost every battle for months.”

“You’re right. Even if there was some way to get south, we’d be forced back into combat,

and I’m not about to risk my life again for a losing cause. This place is dangerous enough,” Blue

said.

We made a decision. Not one of us would abandon the other two. We’d wait until Lee

surrendered.

On February 27, over one thousand men pledged loyalty⁴⁹ to the union and left Fort Delaware

on the steamboat Cassandra headed north. The boat left only twenty-four hours after Ahl made

the announcement from the pen wall. Beards and Jim Blue were as downcast as I’d been for the

preceding two months as they watched the chaotic⁵⁰ leave-taking. Even though their reason told

them staying was the right thing to do.

I still was in the grip of such profound heartsickness that I gave it little notice. There was

strange comfort in being in the sole company of fellows who knew the worst about me; I could

wallow in self-contempt without having to explain myself. Once home with its demands, and

removed from the inactivity of prison life, how would I satisfy the curiosity of keen observers

like Mary, Ma, and Tish? They’d notice immediately that something wasn’t right with me.

1 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

2 burrow   

vt.挖掘(洞穴)；钻进；vi.挖洞；翻寻；n.地洞

参考例句：

• Earthworms burrow deep into the subsoil.蚯蚓深深地钻进底土。
• The dog had chased a rabbit into its burrow.狗把兔子追进了洞穴。

3 killing   

n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财

参考例句：

• Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
• Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。

4 undone   

a.未做完的，未完成的

参考例句：

• He left nothing undone that needed attention.所有需要注意的事他都注意到了。

5 bunks   

n.（车、船等倚壁而设的）铺位( bunk的名词复数 )；空话，废话v.（车、船等倚壁而设的）铺位( bunk的第三人称单数 )；空话，废话

参考例句：

• These bunks can tip up and fold back into the wall. 这些铺位可以翻起来并折叠收入墙内。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• At last they turned into their little bunks in the cart. 最后他们都钻进车内的小卧铺里。 来自辞典例句

6 bunk   

n.(车、船等倚壁而设的)铺位；废话

参考例句：

• He left his bunk and went up on deck again.他离开自己的铺位再次走到甲板上。
• Most economists think his theories are sheer bunk.大多数经济学家认为他的理论纯属胡说。

7 taunted   

嘲讽( taunt的过去式和过去分词 )； 嘲弄； 辱骂； 奚落

参考例句：

• The other kids continually taunted him about his size. 其他孩子不断地耻笑他的个头儿。
• Some of the girls taunted her about her weight. 有些女孩子笑她胖。

8 taunt   

n.辱骂，嘲弄；v.嘲弄

参考例句：

• He became a taunt to his neighbours.他成了邻居们嘲讽的对象。
• Why do the other children taunt him with having red hair?为什么别的小孩子讥笑他有红头发？

9 sergeant   

n.警官，中士

参考例句：

• His elder brother is a sergeant.他哥哥是个警官。
• How many stripes are there on the sleeve of a sergeant?陆军中士的袖子上有多少条纹？

10 stunt   

n.惊人表演，绝技，特技；vt.阻碍...发育，妨碍...生长

参考例句：

• Lack of the right food may stunt growth.缺乏适当的食物会阻碍发育。
• Right up there is where the big stunt is taking place.那边将会有惊人的表演。

11 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

12 vestige   

n.痕迹，遗迹，残余

参考例句：

• Some upright stones in wild places are the vestige of ancient religions.荒原上一些直立的石块是古老宗教的遗迹。
• Every vestige has been swept away.一切痕迹都被一扫而光。

13 frigid   

adj.寒冷的，凛冽的；冷淡的；拘禁的

参考例句：

• The water was too frigid to allow him to remain submerged for long.水冰冷彻骨，他在下面呆不了太长时间。
• She returned his smile with a frigid glance.对他的微笑她报以冷冷的一瞥。

14 squinted   

斜视( squint的过去式和过去分词 )； 眯着眼睛； 瞟； 从小孔或缝隙里看

参考例句：

• Pulling his rifle to his shoulder he squinted along the barrel. 他把枪顶肩，眯起眼睛瞄准。
• I squinted through the keyhole. 我从锁眼窥看。

15 asunder   

adj.分离的，化为碎片

参考例句：

• The curtains had been drawn asunder.窗帘被拉向两边。
• Your conscience,conviction,integrity,and loyalties were torn asunder.你的良心、信念、正直和忠诚都被扯得粉碎了。

16 sobbed   

哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说

参考例句：

• She sobbed out the story of her son's death. 她哭诉着她儿子的死。
• She sobbed out the sad story of her son's death. 她哽咽着诉说她儿子死去的悲惨经过。

17 velvet   

n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的

参考例句：

• This material feels like velvet.这料子摸起来像丝绒。
• The new settlers wore the finest silk and velvet clothing.新来的移民穿着最华丽的丝绸和天鹅绒衣服。

18 blues   

n.抑郁，沮丧；布鲁斯音乐

参考例句：

• She was in the back of a smoky bar singing the blues.她在烟雾弥漫的酒吧深处唱着布鲁斯歌曲。
• He was in the blues on account of his failure in business.他因事业失败而意志消沉。

19 rustling   

n. 瑟瑟声，沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的

参考例句：

• the sound of the trees rustling in the breeze 树木在微风中发出的沙沙声
• the soft rustling of leaves 树叶柔和的沙沙声

20 horde   

n.群众，一大群

参考例句：

• A horde of children ran over the office building.一大群孩子在办公大楼里到处奔跑。
• Two women were quarrelling on the street,surrounded by horde of people.有两个妇人在街上争吵，被一大群人围住了。

21 choir   

n.唱诗班，唱诗班的席位，合唱团，舞蹈团；v.合唱

参考例句：

• The choir sang the words out with great vigor.合唱团以极大的热情唱出了歌词。
• The church choir is singing tonight.今晚教堂歌唱队要唱诗。

22 requiem   

n.安魂曲，安灵曲

参考例句：

• I will sing a requiem for the land walkers.我会给陆地上走的人唱首安魂曲。
• The Requiem is on the list for today's concert.《安魂曲》是这次音乐会的演出曲目之一。

23 melancholy   

n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的

参考例句：

• All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。
• He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过，他感到很郁闷。

24 shrouded   

v.隐瞒( shroud的过去式和过去分词 )；保密

参考例句：

• The hills were shrouded in mist . 这些小山被笼罩在薄雾之中。
• The towers were shrouded in mist. 城楼被蒙上薄雾。 来自《简明英汉词典》

25 propped   

支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He sat propped up in the bed by pillows. 他靠着枕头坐在床上。
• This fence should be propped up. 这栅栏该用东西支一支。

26 plodded   

v.沉重缓慢地走（路）( plod的过去式和过去分词 )；努力从事；沉闷地苦干；缓慢进行（尤指艰难枯燥的工作）

参考例句：

• Our horses plodded down the muddy track. 我们的马沿着泥泞小路蹒跚而行。
• He plodded away all night at his project to get it finished. 他通宵埋头苦干以便做完专题研究。 来自《简明英汉词典》

27 craved   

渴望，热望( crave的过去式 )； 恳求，请求

参考例句：

• She has always craved excitement. 她总渴望刺激。
• A spicy, sharp-tasting radish was exactly what her stomach craved. 她正馋着想吃一个香甜可口的红萝卜呢。

28 instigator   

n.煽动者

参考例句：

• It is not a and differs from instigator in nature. 在刑法理论中，通常将教唆犯作为共犯的一种类型加以探究。 来自互联网
• If we are really the instigator, we are awaiting punishment. 如果我们真的是煽动者，那我们愿意接受惩罚。 来自互联网

29 inspectors   

n.检查员( inspector的名词复数 )；（英国公共汽车或火车上的）查票员；（警察）巡官；检阅官

参考例句：

• They got into the school in the guise of inspectors. 他们假装成视察员进了学校。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Inspectors checked that there was adequate ventilation. 检查员已检查过，通风良好。 来自《简明英汉词典》

30 moron   

n.极蠢之人，低能儿

参考例句：

• I used to think that Gordon was a moron.我曾以为戈登是个白痴。
• He's an absolute moron!他纯粹是个傻子！

31 trifling   

adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的

参考例句：

• They quarreled over a trifling matter.他们为这种微不足道的事情争吵。
• So far Europe has no doubt, gained a real conveniency,though surely a very trifling one.直到现在为止,欧洲无疑地已经获得了实在的便利，不过那确是一种微不足道的便利。

32 narration   

n.讲述，叙述；故事；记叙体

参考例句：

• The richness of his novel comes from his narration of it.他小说的丰富多采得益于他的叙述。
• Narration should become a basic approach to preschool education.叙事应是幼儿教育的基本途径。

33 demons   

n.恶人( demon的名词复数 )；恶魔；精力过人的人；邪念

参考例句：

• demons torturing the sinners in Hell 地狱里折磨罪人的魔鬼
• He is plagued by demons which go back to his traumatic childhood. 他为心魔所困扰，那可追溯至他饱受创伤的童年。 来自《简明英汉词典》

34 lurked   

vi.潜伏，埋伏（lurk的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• The murderers lurked behind the trees. 谋杀者埋伏在树后。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Treachery lurked behind his smooth manners. 他圆滑姿态的后面潜伏着奸计。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

35 crooked   

adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的

参考例句：

• He crooked a finger to tell us to go over to him.他弯了弯手指，示意我们到他那儿去。
• You have to drive slowly on these crooked country roads.在这些弯弯曲曲的乡间小路上你得慢慢开车。

36 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

37 obsessed   

adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的

参考例句：

• He's obsessed by computers. 他迷上了电脑。
• The fear of death obsessed him throughout his old life. 他晚年一直受着死亡恐惧的困扰。

38 maker   

n.制造者，制造商

参考例句：

• He is a trouble maker，You must be distant with him.他是个捣蛋鬼，你不要跟他在一起。
• A cabinet maker must be a master craftsman.家具木工必须是技艺高超的手艺人。

39 jersey   

n.运动衫

参考例句：

• He wears a cotton jersey when he plays football.他穿运动衫踢足球。
• They were dressed alike in blue jersey and knickers.他们穿着一致，都是蓝色的运动衫和灯笼短裤。

40 concealed   

a.隐藏的，隐蔽的

参考例句：

• The paintings were concealed beneath a thick layer of plaster. 那些画被隐藏在厚厚的灰泥层下面。
• I think he had a gun concealed about his person. 我认为他当时身上藏有一支枪。

41 solace   

n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和

参考例句：

• They sought solace in religion from the harshness of their everyday lives.他们日常生活很艰难，就在宗教中寻求安慰。
• His acting career took a nosedive and he turned to drink for solace.演艺事业突然一落千丈，他便借酒浇愁。

42 idiocy   

n.愚蠢

参考例句：

• Stealing a car and then driving it drunk was the ultimate idiocy.偷了车然后醉酒开车真是愚蠢到极点。
• In this war there is an idiocy without bounds.这次战争疯癫得没底。

43 vowed   

起誓，发誓（vow的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• He vowed quite solemnly that he would carry out his promise. 他非常庄严地发誓要实现他的诺言。
• I vowed to do more of the cooking myself. 我发誓自己要多动手做饭。

44 privy   

adj.私用的；隐密的

参考例句：

• Only three people,including a policeman,will be privy to the facts.只会允许3个人，其中包括一名警察，了解这些内情。
• Very few of them were privy to the details of the conspiracy.他们中很少有人知道这一阴谋的详情。

45 blurted   

v.突然说出，脱口而出( blurt的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She blurted it out before I could stop her. 我还没来得及制止，她已脱口而出。
• He blurted out the truth, that he committed the crime. 他不慎说出了真相，说是他犯了那个罪。 来自《简明英汉词典》

46 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

47 traitors   

卖国贼( traitor的名词复数 )； 叛徒； 背叛者； 背信弃义的人

参考例句：

• Traitors are held in infamy. 叛徒为人所不齿。
• Traitors have always been treated with contempt. 叛徒永被人们唾弃。

48 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

49 loyalty   

n.忠诚，忠心

参考例句：

• She told him the truth from a sense of loyalty.她告诉他真相是出于忠诚。
• His loyalty to his friends was never in doubt.他对朋友的一片忠心从来没受到怀疑。

50 chaotic   

adj.混沌的，一片混乱的，一团糟的

参考例句：

• Things have been getting chaotic in the office recently.最近办公室的情况越来越乱了。
• The traffic in the city was chaotic.这城市的交通糟透了。